


Saratone

by orphan_account



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Big Time Bang, Greasers, Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide Attempt, and rimming, lots and lots of whumpage, minor Kendall/Carlos, minor Kendall/Lucy, whumpage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:36:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 120,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Logan Mitchell is expected to be the perfectly wholesome and perfect grandson his grandmother expects of him to be, especially after the woman makes Logan and his mother move closer to her so she could keep an eye on them. Not only does Logan have to worry about his grandmother harping on his back, but he also has to deal with hanging around the homophobic and crass society members, their only target being the 'town tart' Carlos Garcia and Logan's new friend.</p><p>Logan turns to music as his way to escape the problems of his new life in the tiny town, violin taking him to happier times. This musical talent gets noticed by his next door neighbor and leader of the town greaser pack, the Rebels, Kendall Knight. Kendall thinks Logan is nothing but a prim and proper schoolboy that doesn't know how to be bad even if he wants to, Logan determined to show the boy wrong.</p><p>After all, not like Logan wanted to be "perfect" anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was written for the [Big Time Bang](http://bigtimebang.livejournal.com/) at LJ and this is my second Kogan fic that I actually have completed. Many many thanks to my amazing beta (jblostfan16) and my artist (thilia) for putting up with this monster and me freaking the heck out over finishing this. All music and lyrics that are mentioned in this fic are of course not mine and thank you movies like Cry Baby and The Outsiders and all those bad boy flicks that made me really want to just have Kendall Knight in a leather jacket smoking and being a 'stud'.

Logan awoke to Christmas morning with a tired hum and sleep-filled eyes, wrapped up tight in his bedsheets and little toes curled in his socks. He could smell his mother baking some cookies for him and his brother to enjoy, looking over to the other side of the room to find that Isaac was already gone and the sheets were tossed askew. Logan gave a swallow, sitting up and stretching his arms, before he slid out of bed and fixed his bedsheets. He stood on his tiptoes and stretched before he rubbed the few bits of sleep from his eyes and yawned. Mustn’t keep them waiting.

Logan hurried down the steps, the smell of cookies and pastries and preparations of Christmas dinner hitting his nose as soon as he rushed into the cramped living room. The apartment wasn’t very large, but it was good enough for the four of them. Logan’s eyes wandered to see his father sitting in his lounge chair holding a present in his lap. Isaac was sitting down by the tree, eagerly ripping open his presents with his tongue poked out the corner of his mouth in deep concentration. Logan’s father turned, spotting Logan standing there, and smiled. He opened his hand and beckoned Logan to come close, Logan quickly running over to his father and sitting at his feet.

“Merry Christmas,” Logan said to his father, and he smiled.

“Merry Christmas, Logan,” he said, reaching down to ruffle Logan’s hair. Logan laughed and looked over at his brother. Isaac pulled out a Nerf gun, oohing and ahhing at the design as he turned it over in his hands, before he looked at Logan himself with an identical expression.

“Logan didn’t get one too, did he?” Isaac asked and Logan bit his lower lip. He supposed it would get tiring to be a twin, always receiving two of the same exact thing for your birthdays and Christmas and any other holiday you could think of. Isaac grew tired of having everything that Logan had, not having the tact to keep his annoyance to himself. Their father shook his head and patted the box that was in his lap.

“This is Logan’s Christmas present right here,” he replied and Isaac beamed, continuing to open his gifts up while Logan was handed the wrapped up box. He looked up to his father with big brown eyes, curious and amazed. Logan’s father made a little hand motion for Logan to open the gift, before Logan nodded himself and carefully tore the paper off. Logan opened the box wrapped underneath, marveling at the sight inside. A beautiful violin with its bow tucked underneath, strings tuned to perfection and wood polished so well that Logan could see his own reflection when he looked at the body. Logan gingerly took the violin out with its bow, holding the instrument rather awkwardly in his hands before he looked up to his father. The man smiled his crooked smile, his fingers twitching nervously. “I-I thought that maybe y-you’d like it? Y-You always liked it when I play.”

His father was nervous, he always stuttered when he was. Logan nodded his head, gentle smile on his lips as he gently placed the violin underneath his chin. He dragged the bow over the strings, a screeching noise that wasn’t particularly bad, but wasn’t exactly _good_ either emitting from the instrument. His father cringed and Isaac placed his hands over his ears as Logan pulled the bow back and forth with a smile over his face.

“I love it! Thank you!” Logan shouted over his own playing and his father nodded, smile growing brighter as he drummed his fingers over his knees.

“L-Let me show you,” he said and opened his hands out. Logan nodded and stopped playing, handing his violin to his father to put more in tune. He then took the bow expertly in his hands before he pulled it over the strings to create the most beautiful tune. Back and forth his arm and wrist flicked, his fingertips pressing over the strings to change the pitch. Logan only stared up at his father, in awe and admiration and love. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his mother swaying in the kitchen to the music as she prepared the cookie dough and that only made Logan smile more. It built a warmth in his chest that rose to his cheeks, that feeling of pure bliss and knowing that he was happy. He was home.

* * *

 

“Hortense, straighten your tie. You’re going to Kensington, not some grimy little public school.”

Logan frowned, turning in his spot as he fixed his tie like his grandmother had snapped at him to. Logan wasn’t a fan of school uniforms anyways, he hasn’t worn one for most of his life. But, things had to change with his and his mother’s move to Couer d’Couer. Logan bit his lip, missing the city and the old apartment that he walked to school from. He missed running down the stairs and grabbing his lunch off the counter before his mother would quickly kiss his cheek and shoo him off, doing the same to Isaac when the boy followed after Logan.

He missed Isaac.

He missed his father.

Logan looked out the window, not wanting to make conversation with the woman sitting on the leather seat beside him. Ethel Mitchell was a woman to be feared. In her quiet elegance was a sharp tongue and a cutting mind that would make anyone easily squirm underneath her thumb. Logan supposed he was doing good, so long as he stayed quiet and didn’t do anything to make his grandmother start barking commands at him to follow.

He kept his sigh quiet, looking out the window at the passing evergreen trees and vineyards. This was different from the town grew up in, in the closed in busy city where his mother was a simple little receptionist. There was so much space out here, enough room for Logan to run and jump and explore to his liking _if_ a young gentleman was supposed to. The sky was bluer here than the usually gray and filled with smog one in the city; the scenery reminded him of those jigsaw puzzles that always made a beautiful painted picture when put together.

“You’ll like it at Kensington,” Grandmother spoke, her voice refined as she puckered her lips to apply a fresh coat of pink lipstick. “The boys that are in my little youth organization go to Kensington and they are simply darling, Hortense.”

Logan cringed, his grandmother absolutely refused to refer to him by his middle name like he wanted to. He didn’t ask to be named after his great-great-great-grandfather whom he never even _met_ , so all he asked for was to not be called something so embarrassing like ‘Hortense’. “Course, _I_ would have preferred you with one of the girls, they’re such perfect young ladies. But, not like I could help your upbringing, it was already ruined one too many times for me to fix.”

Logan didn’t respond and turned his face more towards the window so Grandmother Mitchell wouldn’t have to see his eyes practically rolling out of his head. The silence filled the vehicle once again and Logan relaxed in it. He watched how the sunlight shone through the tree leaves onto the paved road, little streams of golden light looking like they hung from the branches. It was definitely more beautiful here, Logan wasn’t sure if he’d eventually end up enjoying it here or dreading it. The little black car went over a bridge, a little stream moving over stones and curved around the hillside. Kensington was a little ways on the outskirts of the main city, where everything was perfection and beauty in its natural form. As they approached the school, Logan watched as students walked alongside the sidewalk or were dropped off in front by their own personal chauffeurs. The school was definitely larger than his old one, Logan staring up at it with a rather nervous swallow. He ran his fingers over the case of his violin, slightly calming him even if it was only for a few seconds.

Ethel’s driver stopped near the rose hedges, the steps to the front doors of the school a few feet away. “Now remember, you have an image to uphold as a Mitchell.”

“Yes, Grandmother,” Logan said, lazily pushing a loose strand of hair out of his face. Logan placed his cheek on his chin, Ethel rambling on and on how as a Mitchell, Logan should do this and do that. Be this and be that. Be _perfect_ because obviously, if Logan and his mother were going to be in the same town as Ethel, they have to look good in order for _her_ to look good. Logan wished that Isaac was here at least, knowing that his twin would have made a funny face while Ethel droned on and on. Isaac would have surely detested this place, Logan just knew it.

His eyes wandered over to the foot of the stairs, slightly widening at the sight. They stuck out like a sore thumb, a group of teenagers not dressed in the standard Kensington uniform, but in leather jackets and ripped up jeans, leaning up against motorbikes and smoking their cigarettes. Surely they don’t go to Kensington, this wouldn’t be proper student behavior if they did. But one of the greaser boys had in his arms a Latino boy that _was_ dressed in Kensington uniform, albeit a bit ruffled up and tousled. He was pressed against the bike and was being kissed hungrily by the brunet greaser that had a firm hold on his hip, Logan only staring in shock. He wasn’t expecting to see _that_ in a such a conservative town like this, not finding himself able to tear his eyes away.

“Ugh, how _disgusting_ ,” Ethel said and Logan turned to her, seeing the woman was watching the PDA as well. Ethel wasn’t fond of young couples acting so sexual in public in the first place, but the fact that it was two _boys_ kissing made it all the more worse. She leaned back in her seat and folded her hands over each other, looking at Logan with a dark glare in her eye. “You stay away from that boy and those delinquents, do you understand me, Hortense?”

“Yes, Grandmother.”

“They’re nothing but disgusting and abhorrent scums of society and you don’t want to ruin our good name by hanging around the likes of _them_.”

“I understand, Grandmother,” Logan said through clenched teeth, hastily grabbing his messenger bag and his violin. He didn’t wait for the chauffeur to open his door for him, getting out of the car and closing the door shut behind him. Logan began to quickly walk, hearing Ethel shouting at him to hurry to class and make sure to be prim and proper and _perfect_. There was no way to measure how much Logan absolutely hated dealing with his grandmother and trying to swallow down all of her ideologies she constantly shoved down he and his mother’s throats. Logan passed by the greasers, the Latino boy moaning and breathing hard as he suckled on the greaser boy’s lips, his legs spread on the bike which allowed for the greaser to grind both of their pelvises together. Logan’s cheeks flushed red hot at the sight, biting his lower lip as the Latino boy tangled his fingers into the brunet’s hair to grab, trying to deepen the kiss anyway he could.

Logan’s eyes moved to the other greasers that were standing around just smoking cigarettes and talking. Two girls and another brunet boy were idly chatting away and laughing at the students that were trying their hardest to ignore their presence, and there was a tall and blond greaser leaning up against his own motorcycle.

Looking right at Logan himself.

Though Logan couldn’t tell for sure if it was him he was staring at, it had to have been since there was no one else standing on the steps dumbly staring out at the greaser pack. He had a cigarette between his plush lips, not yet lit. Logan watched as he sucked it in and pushed it out just a bit, playing with it with his tongue and making a chill crawl up Logan’s spine and settle at the base of his neck. The greaser boy finally pulled out his lighter and gave a few flicks, holding the flame to his cigarette to light. He stuffed the lighter back down in his pocket, smiling around his cigarette as he gave a few little puffs in Logan’s direction.

“Logan!” he heard Ethel scream and Logan jumped, looking over at his grandmother angrily jabbing her gloved finger towards the front doors. Logan nodded, hurriedly rushing through the entrance in order to leave his grandmother and that blond greaser behind.

The halls of Kensington were immaculate, marble floors and large paintings of the headmasters adorning the wooden walls that Logan passed by. He breathed in richness and purity, watching as students ascended upwards on the spiral staircase leading to the second floor of the school. The large windows were streaming in so much sunlight, Logan feeling like he was walking through a palace instead of a school. Knowing that he couldn’t wander around the halls for long, Logan dug out his schedule from the front pocket of his bag. He glanced around for the room number, looking at the name plates listed above him by each door that had students filing into the classrooms. Logan bit his lower lip, it was going to be difficult making new friends. Maybe it would have been different if he was transferring as a freshman, with other students that were new to high school and in search of friends to tackle the new experience with. But Logan was a junior, transferring into school three weeks after it started. When everyone already had their friends and their cliques and wouldn’t approach Logan unless they needed to.

Logan made a right, hoping he wasn’t getting more lost in the school as he wandered the halls and watched group after small group of students pass him by in the hallways. He looked around, eyes darting back and forth between the number plates on the wall and his class schedule, wishing that there was some sort of _map_ at least for him to look at and figure out where he was. Logan’s eyes were too busy flickering around that he didn’t even notice where he was walking, until he bumped into someone much larger than he was and _definitely_ stronger. Logan stepped back, looking up apologetically at a brunet boy looking down at him.

“S-Sorry,” Logan stuttered out and the boy smiled, hazel eyes nice.

“It’s okay. Are you lost or something?” he asked and Logan awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

“A little. Is it obvious?”

“A little,” the boy admitted and chuckled, holding out his hand to take Logan’s schedule. He looked it over while Logan looked over the boy himself. He was taller than Logan and had a lot of muscle underneath the Kensington blazer and dress shirt. In the hand that wasn’t holding Logan’s schedule was a violin, Logan automatically feeling more at ease as he gripped his own nice and tight. “You’re going to my class, actually. And you have my second period too,” the boy said with a smile and handed the paper back over to Logan. “You just want to walk with me?”

“S-Sure, I’d appreciate that,” Logan said with a nervous smile, the boy adjusting the strap of his backpack before he turned on the heels of his shiny black loafers. The boy began to walk and Logan quickly followed behind him, trying to keep in step with the boy’s long strides. He looked down at Logan, quirking an eyebrow at him curiously.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. Which is hard to believe because this town is _way_ too small to not know everyone.”

“Uh, I actually just moved here. With my mom.”

“Really? Then my name is James,” the brunet, James, introduced. He stuck his hand out for Logan to shake as they rounded the corner, Logan grabbing it firm and tight. James’ hand was big and warm, Logan wondering just how hands like these were able to gently hold a violin in order to play it.

“My name is Logan. Logan Mitchell.” James’ eyes widened in interest and Logan bit his lower lip. “What?”

“You’re related to Lady Mitchell?”

“Do you mean my grandmother?” Logan asked rather confused and James gave a shrug.

“Ethel Mitchell, the director of the Young Gentleman and Woman’s Club.”

Logan gave a subtle eyeroll. “Yes, I’m her grandson.”

James rubbed his chin, the two boys making a right and walked down the center of the hall. “You don’t act like you’re her grandson,” James commented and Logan looked at the boy.

“How am I supposed to act?” Logan asked and James shrugged, little smile on his face.

“I don’t know. She’s usually so. . .” James waved his hand in the air, like he was trying to pick a word out of nowhere and Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Pompous?”

“Not the word I was going to use, but I suppose.”

“I’m not offended. She is pompous,” Logan murmured, James stopping by a door. He opened it for Logan to walk in first, Logan giving the boy a kind smile before he stepped inside. The walls were a dark forest green with wooden accents in the corners and walls. It didn’t look like the standard English classroom, though Logan supposed that everything here is anything _but_ standard. There were already a few seats taken, Logan moving in the second row and James took the desk next to him. “I’m guessing that you’re one of the members in the club.”

“Have been since I was ten.”

“Ten? Wouldn’t you want to do something else with your life other learn how to be properly groomed or what fork you should eat with when you’re ten years old?” Logan asked, rather astonished and James shrugged.

“My mom likes well groomed children. So does my dad. And I don’t know, I kind of grew up with a bunch of kids and we all were inducted into the club at a really early age. . .what about you? You didn’t have etiquette training?” James asked and Logan shook his head, putting his violin on his desk, gently patting the case.

“This was all the training that I had when I was younger,” Logan said rather proudly, looking at the closed case with a fond sigh. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see James nodding his head and smiling himself, leaning closer to admire the leather of the case and the polished silver latches.

“Violin player, huh?”

“Have been since I was four.”

“I’m just now getting into it,” James replied, giving his case on the floor a little kick with his foot. “I’m better at piano anyways.” James turned to Logan and gave the boy a flirty little wink. “Girls like piano players. Good with their hands and everything.”

Logan gave James a little smile, hoping that it wasn’t nervous. For all he knew, James could be just as homophobic as his grandmother. He _has_ been around her longer than even Logan has. James slouched in his spot and twiddled his thumbs, looking bored at the clock while Logan gathered his papers and his pencils together. “Why’d you move out here?” James asked, looking back to Logan. “There’s really _nothing_ here to marvel at. You know, unless you’re old and you’re coming out here for the scenery.”

Logan sighed, pushing a pencil back and forth on the desk. “My grandmother just thought it would be better for me and my mom to be close by her. So she made us move out here,” Logan mumbled.

“What about your dad?” Logan closed his eyes, cringing at the thought of his father and Isaac. His heart began to ache and he raised a shaky hand to his face and his eyes.

“He’s not here anymore,” Logan said, his voice coming out shakier and harsher than he wanted it to. He didn’t want to explain, he didn’t even want to talk about it so soon, the part in Logan’s mind constantly saying that none of the events back in their old city happened. That Logan’s father and Isaac were still here when in actuality, they were gone. He didn’t hear James say anything else, figuring that the boy was going to leave it at that and Logan was grateful. He took in a few deep breaths before he removed his palm and watched the professor walk in with a stack of papers. He cleared his throat with a feeble ‘eh _hmm_ ’ and clapped his chubby hands together.

“Let’s begin with class, shall we?”

* * *

 

­Logan soaked up information like a sponge, quickly jotting down notes from the professor’s lecture into his notebook. Logan was always the book nerd of the family anyways, preferring his books and his studies over the loud toys and brawling sports that Isaac liked. It felt different; instead of Logan looking over to see his twin brother either struggling to keep up with taking notes, or deciding ‘fuck it’ and just slouchng in his spot with his books closed, James was there taking notes with a bored expression, large hazel eyes always flitting over to the clock.

When the bell rang and the professor dismissed them with a ‘shoo shoo’ motion of his hand, Logan gathered his notes and his books and pencils, tucking them away in his bookbag before he grabbed his violin case.

“We have the next period together?” Logan asked and James nodded his head, grabbing his violin case and the two boys walked out of the classroom.

“We have Music. Shouldn’t be anything that’s hard for you though, since you said you’ve been playing since you were four,” James replied and Logan gave a little laugh as they rounded the corner.

“Do you play piano in Music at least?”

“We have a piano, but I don’t get to play it as often as I would like,” James said with a sigh and began to slow to a stop. Logan looked up at the boy, before he followed James’ trail of vision. Against the wall near the door was the Latino boy Logan saw earlier. But instead of kissing up on the tall and brunet greaser boy, he was kissing a tall and lean auburn haired boy. The smaller boy was pinned up with his back against the wall and the other boy’s body pressing into him as they kissed, hungry and without any bit of decency Logan would expect in such a prestigious place such as Kensington.

The smaller boy’s caramel skin hands traveled up to tug onto curly auburn locks, hitching his leg up to wrap around the taller boy’s waist as he moaned into the taller boy’s mouth. Logan coughed, blush on his cheeks as he turned attention back to James, who was staring at the two with a sour expression. They both walked inside the classroom the couple was making out beside, Logan keeping his head down and trying not to listen to the breathy moans and pathetic whimpers that came from them. Logan looked up at James and his expression, slightly scared and worried.

“That. . .that doesn’t disgust you, does it?” Logan asked quietly and James looked over at Logan, eyebrow quirking upwards confused.

“What?”

“Those two boys outside the classroom. Do you. . .do you think that’s disgusting and immoral and stuff. Like my grandmother?” Logan asked and James shook his head, a small blush spreading on his cheek.

“No I. . .well, it’s love, right? How can you be disgusted with love?” James asked and Logan stopped, turning to face the boy directly.

“Well how come you had that expression on your face?” Logan asked and James rubbed the back of his neck, looking over his shoulder at the sound of laughter light and jovial floating inside the classroom. Logan turned to see the Latino boy pulling his auburn haired boyfriend inside. Logan didn’t even notice that they were holding instruments themselves; the auburn haired boy had a case that appeared to hold maybe a clarinet or some sort of woodwind, while the Latino boy had a case too small to be a violin like Logan, but too big to be a viola.

Logan kept his head turned, watching out of his peripherals as the boy turned. “Go to class, I don’t want you late.”

“Aw, ‘Los,” the auburn boy purred and pouted, slipping his hands onto the smaller boy’s waist. “Los” giggled, leaning up to kiss him again with a wet pop.

“Go,” he said quietly and the auburn boy kissed him again, more firm and strong as he pushed “Los” against the side of the wall. Logan felt his cheeks heat, did they _not_ see him and James? “Los” laughed into the kiss before he gave the boy a playful shove, the auburn boy giving a sad pout before he got the picture. He turned on his heel, walking out of the classroom as “Los” gave a little flirty smile and turned.

The boy’s eyes brightened and he ran over to James, throwing his arms around him in a big hug. James’ sour expression faded and turned into something warmer and happier, holding the boy tight to his body and further confusing the hell out of Logan. First the greaser boy, then the auburn haired kid, _now_ James? “Los” pulled back and bounced on the heels of his shoes. “We have Music the same period again!” he chirped happily and James smiled, letting his hands linger on the boy’s waist longer than they should have. The boy turned, now noticing Logan and his eyes twinkled something suggestive and made Logan’s heart give a jump in his chest.

The boy pulled away from James, his arms crossed and head titled in interest. “Who’s your friend?” he asked, a rasp in his voice and lips plump from being kissed. James stepped forward, gesturing kindly to Logan.

“This is Logan Mitchell. I met him in English and he’s new around here,” James started out and then gestured to the boy. “Logan, this is Carlos Garcia. He’s been my best friend since fifth grade.”

Logan stuck his hand out for Carlos to shake, but Carlos still kept his arms crossed and only eyed Logan’s hand. Awkwardly, Logan placed his hand back to his side as Carlos bit the inside of his cheek. “So you’re related to Ethel?”

“Yes. . .she’s my, uh, my grandmother,” Logan explained and Carlos stepped closer to him. He could smell the lingering traces of smoke on his clothes, a purplish bruise on his neck that was slightly hidden by the fixed collar of his uniform that Logan quickly averted his gaze from.

“What’d she say about me?” Carlos asked and Logan swallowed, not sure of what he could say that wouldn’t sound offensive.

“I. . .well. . .not much?”

“Then I’ll tell you before she or anyone else gives you a definition of me,” Carlos stated and stepped closer to Logan, Logan feeling his heart beating way too fast and like something was crawling from his chest and into his throat, making it harder to breathe. Carlos reached over and took the bottom of Logan’s tie in between his fingers, threading the fabric through the digits as he hummed. “I’m not the devil incarnate because I like to have sex. I’m not a burden on my father because I hang out with the Rebels.” Carlos stepped even closer, hips to hips and Logan was absolutely _trembling_. Carlos’ eyes were so big and brown, so deep and alluring that Logan even wanted to kiss him and see just what taste lingered on his tongue. “And if I’m a whore, slut, tramp, or any other name that I haven’t heard already a billion times just because I sleep around, then fine.”

Logan licked his suddenly dry lips as Carlos’ eyes flickered down to them. “Are we going to be friends?” Carlos asked lightly, tone easy and sweet. His fingers crept up Logan’s tie and moved to touch at the base of Logan’s neck, Logan twitching at the boy’s warm touch and soft fingertips. He looked over at James, the brunet watching the two of them with a slightly bitter expression before Carlos gently tilted his head back to look him in the eye. “Well?” Carlos asked and Logan swallowed.

“Of course. . .friends.”

Carlos smiled and gave a breath that almost sounded like relief, moving away from Logan and sitting down in an empty chair. He gave a pat to the seat next to him, eyes looking at James expectantly and James moved to take the chair and sit down. Logan blinked, slowly trying to figure out just what the hell happened as he approached the two boys and sat down in the seat next to James. Carlos placed his instrument on his lap and unbuckled the case, opening to reveal that it wasn’t a violin or even a viola, but a small ukulele that looked like it was made of spruce wood. Carlos looked past James at Logan, down at the violin case that sat at his feet. “What instrument do you play?” Carlos asked and Logan swallowed, taking his violin into his lap.

“I play violin. I’ve been playing it since I was four.”

“Are you any good?” Carlos asked and Logan gave a small snort.

“I’m not just good, I’m _great_.”

“Confidence, how attractive,” Carlos cooed and Logan gave a nervous little laugh that squeaked in his throat. Carlos then turned to James, the boy getting out his violin as well to tune the strings. “And now _you’re_ starting to play violin? Did Ethel say you should ‘broaden your horizons like a perfect gentleman should’?” Carlos asked and imitated a stuffy voice that was so like Logan’s grandmother that Logan couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. Carlos caught sight of this, his smile growing warmer and friendlier as James gave a cough.

“No, I just thought I could do something else besides playing piano.”

“But I love it when you play piano.”

“I love it when you sing, but you don’t pursue that either.”

Carlos gave an eyeroll, playfully giving James’ shoulder a push. “Don’t be silly, I’m not _that_ great of a singer.”

“But you are.” Carlos smiled and rested his head on James’ shoulder, giving a little laugh.

“Sometimes I think you’re just saying these things because I’ll punch you if you don’t,” Carlos teased and James quirked an eyebrow, crooking a silly smile on his face.

“How small you are compared to me, I’m pretty sure I can take it,” James said and Carlos leaned up, punching James in the arm. James gave a flinch and a fake pained expression, Carlos laughing and playfully punching the boy in the arm again as James groaned and moaned in ‘agony’. Logan watched from his spot, feeling awkward and longing for that sort of closeness with someone. He didn’t even have that with Isaac, Logan kept to himself and Isaac did his own thing. He gripped and ungripped his hands, tearing his eyes away as he took his violin in his hands and began to tune the strings.

Students were slowly filing in and taking their seats, Carlos stopping when he’s gotten one too many confused looks or annoyed expressions sent his way. He stuck his tongue out at James, to which James stuck his tongue out right back and both smiled big and bright. James turned to look over at Logan, Logan’s eyes locking with his and looking rather intrigued by the interaction. James’s cheeks began to flare a peachy pink before he gave a little cough and continued to tune his violin. Logan leaned back in his chair, adjusting his violin in his grasp as he pulled the bow over the strings a few times, testing the sound and the richness of the tune to his ears. He closed his eyes and smiled to himself, a sweet melody floating into his ears the more he played and trilled his fingers over the violin’s neck. Logan began to hear the tune of a ukulele playing, rather happy and joyful compared to Logan’s elegant tune. Logan opened his eyes to see Carlos playing, slouching in his spot with his wrist flicking up and down over the strings of the ukulele.

“Not bad,” Carlos said and Logan stopped playing, using his bow to gesture over to the instrument in Carlos’ hands.

“You’re not bad yourself.”

“Thanks,” Carlos said with a smile and then gave a little pout. “Course, Kensington doesn’t think ukulele is a ‘cultured’ enough instrument to devote studies to, so I have to do singing as well.”

“Are you good at singing?”

“He’s wonderful,” James interrupted, not even having to look up from his tuners. Carlos gave a little scoff.

“I’m not all that great, he’s just buttering me up.”

“But you _are_ good. And you could be the best vocalist in this entire school if you really wanted to.”

Carlos gave James a gentle and sweet push. James smiled at him, before placing his violin in his lap and all three boys turned attention towards the front where the professor was walking inside. Logan swallowed, a twinge of excitement burning hard in his chest and a smile was slowly drifting onto his lips. If there was anything that could make Logan forget about all the annoyances of his life, could make Logan forget about Ethel and her rules or forget about what happened with his father and Isaac, it was music. And as Logan raised his violin up to his chin the same time that James did with his own to begin the warm up exercise and scales, Logan closed his eyes and allowed his mind to wander back to that one Christmas morning and his father playing the violin while he sat at his feet. It relaxed Logan and allowed his fingers to move more fluidly and his flicks of the wrist to be more elegant. The violin’s note and harmony always managed to take Logan back to that Christmas morning and made him feel like he was home.

Even though now he was far away from it. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you joining us for lunch?” James asked Carlos, almost stepping on the boy’s heels as he followed closely behind. Logan was only trying to keep up the pace, his bag weighing him down from all of the homework and books he had to carry. Apparently, lockers were far too dignified for a school like Kensington, along with having a class set of books in classrooms. Carlos tilted his head from side to side with a little hum, looking over his shoulder at Logan.

“You have a buddy there, don’t you? Besides, you know I don’t hang around _your_ crowd,” Carlos said, a little tone of bitterness on his tongue that was masked with a teasing pitch. Logan saw James’ cheeks flush red in embarrassment before he scratched the back of his neck.

“They’re. . .Carlos, maybe-”

“They’re not going to like me and they’re never going to like me so instead of dealing with their ridicule, I think I’ll just have lunch with. . .” Carlos placed a fingertip to his lips as he paused in his tracks, looking around from side to side and surveying the main hall before he gestured over to a boy with black hair slicked back leaning against one of the white pillars texting. “Him.”

“Do you know him?” Logan asked and Carlos gave Logan a little smile, scrunching his nose up.

“No. But he’s going to know me,” Carlos said and walked to James. The Latino boy stood on his tiptoes and gave a platonic kiss to James’ cheek, rocking back on his heels as he looked up at the brunet. “You’re free to eat lunch with me, you know.”

“I think I’ll pass, I don’t really want to see you sucking face over lunch,” James said and Carlos stuck his tongue out.

“Cheeky one, isn’t he?” Carlos said to Logan and Logan gave a little smile. He waved goodbye before he turned on his heel, approaching the boy leaning against the pillar with a sexy little sway in his hips. Logan looked over to James, the boy watching Carlos with a solemn expression and his grip on the violin case’s handle tight.

“So. . .when are you going to tell him that you have a thing for him?” Logan asked and James’ eyes widened, turning to face Logan with a shocked and embarrassed expression.

“I-I don’t have a thing for him,” James stuttered out and Logan raised an eyebrow. James began to walk down the hall towards the cafeteria extremely quick, Logan practically having to run in order to keep up with James’ long strides.

“Is that so? Because I don’t know friends that look at each other the way that you look at Carlos.”

“I _don’t_ have a crush on Carlos. We’re just friends,” James snapped, gripping the handle even tighter.

“. . .What do you think about Carlos and these guys he sleeps around with?”

“He’s not a slut.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it,” James hissed, making Logan shudder.

“Then I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off that way.”

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know. Just. . .everyone in this town calls Carlos those names and he acts like it doesn’t bother him but it _must_. I mean, everyone only thinks of him as some slutty tramp that managed to get into a fancy school like he’s nothing more than that. No one knows about how talented he is or how sweet and funny he is and. . .and I don’t know. I just didn’t want you to be that kind of person to talk bad about him.”

“I wouldn’t, Carlos seems really nice. . .how long have you two been friends?” Logan asked as the two of them rounded the corner and made their way to the lunch hall. James shrugged, perfectly plucked eyebrows scrunched down in thought as he tried to think with all the noise and chatter around them in the hall.

“Maybe since we were in fifth grade. We’ve been really close.”

“How did you two meet? In class?” Logan asked as they stepped through the doors to the lunch hall. It was large and immaculate, with white circle tables for all the students to sit around covering the checkerboard tile floor

“I guess you could say that. . .my table is over there,” James said and pointed out a table by the large windows looking out to the courtyard and the fields. There were already a group of boys seated at the table, laughing to themselves and slapping each other on the back. And as Logan slowly approached them, they _all_ were rather handsome. One of the boys, a brunet with amazing blue eyes, paused halfway through his conversation with the strong-armed blond boy sitting next to him to take in Logan’s figure. Soon, all eyes were on Logan and darting curiously between him and James. James placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder and gave him a little shake from side to side.

“Guys, this is Logan. He’s new here,” James introduced and the blue eyed brunet stood up first. He extended his hand out to Logan and Logan took it into his own, relishing in the softness of the boy’s skin and noted the slightly calloused fingertips, like they’ve seen a lot of work bending and pulling at the strings of an instrument.

“Beau Tolbert, nice to meet you,” the boy introduced and then gestured over to each boy that was sitting at the table. He pointed to the blond boy first, “That’s Tad.” He pointed to a boy with olive shaded skin, “That’s George.” He pointed to a redhaired boy. “And that’s Tyler.”

“You know, you look a lot like someone I know,” Tyler commented and Logan nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“If that ‘someone you know’ is Ethel Mitchell, then yeah. I’m her grandson,” Logan explained and all of the boys at the table grew wide eyes and dropped their jaws. Tad leaned on his fist, pushing a chair over that was between him and Beau.

“Sit down, Logan. So we can ‘chit-chat’,” Tad replied and Logan slowly nodded, swallowing down a scared lump in his throat as he stepped over and sat down between the two boys. Beau was watching his every move, scooting closer to Logan and placed his chin on his hand.

“You don’t seem as ‘formal’ as the Lady is,” Beau replied and Tad leaned in close to, James taking a seat next to Tyler and looking between the two boys with a rather blank expression.

“Yeah, she never mentioned to us about having a grandson,” Tad said and Logan glanced around at all of the boys.

“Are you _all_ members of the club?” Logan asked and the boys nodded their heads. Well, Ethel wasn’t lying when she said they were all handsome. “I guess I should get to know you all then, no doubt my grandmother is going to induct me into the club as soon as possible.”

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing,” George murmured, taking a sip of his soda and Logan shrugged, looking down at his hands in his lap.

“My grandmother is a real. . .perfectionist. And she’s all about making herself look good so now I guess that since me and my mother moved out here, she’s going to make sure that we’re prim and proper and _perfect_ Mitchells,” Logan said with a sigh and Tad leaned back in his chair.

“You already look well put together. Plus, you play an instrument so you must have talent to brag about. What else is there that needs to be perfected?” Tad asked and then gave a snort. “You know, unless you’re a fag.”

The slur pierced Logan’s heart, almost choking on his own breath as Tad laughed loudly and nudged George’s shoulder. “Then again, if you _were_ a fag, I’d doubt the Lady would even acknowledge you. I know _I_ wouldn’t.” Logan’s eyes darted over to James, wide and absolutely not believing what he was hearing. James was looking at Tad, his face still expressionless before his eyes moved to look over at Logan and turned almost apologetic. Tad leaned back in his chair, smirking to himself as he gave a little hum. “You’ll fit along just fine in the club, Logan. You’ll be a much better addition unlike _some_ people.”

“Speak of the devil,” Tyler said and pointed a finger, all of the boys’ eyes darting to look across the lunch hall. Carlos was sitting with the boy he pointed out in the hallway, his legs hook around the boy’s lap while the boy ran his hand up and down Carlos’ thighs. Carlos was smiling and laughing, pulling the boy down to whisper something in his ear that would always leave him with blushing cheeks and a big grin. Tad gave a disgusted scoff at the sight, turning to face Logan with a dark glint in his baby blue eyes.

“Look, if the Lady didn’t tell you yet, don’t hang around Garcia.”

“She told me. . .but I don’t know, I had a class with him and James-”

“The only reason why _James_ is friends with him is because he wants to fuck him, don’t you?” George blurted and nudged James in the arm. James shoved George, an angry blush on his face as the boy laughed loudly and Tad only rolled his eyes.

“James isn’t a fag. Besides, what person would want to fuck trash like _Carlos_ anyways? He’s probably oozing with STDs or some shit like that,” Tad said, Logan’s head spinning at hearing such vulgar comments from supposed ‘darling gentlemen’. Tad then turned to look at James with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t know why you’re still hanging out with him. You’re making yourself look bad, you know.”

“He’s my best friend and he’s not making me look bad by hanging around him. Shut up, Tad,” James hissed and Tad rolled his eyes, grabbing his soda to take a sip himself.

“Touchy touchy,” he mumbled behind the rim of the glass and turned towards Logan. “Carlos is a member of the club too. But he barely shows up to Sunday brunch meetings. The Lady is only taking him in cause everyone feels sorry for his dad.”

“What happened to Carlos’ dad?” Logan asked and James crossed his arms.

“It’s nothing. Nothing happened,” James said sternly and Tyler gave a chuckle.

“His whore of a wife killed herself a couple of years ago,” Tyler explained and Logan felt his heart drop in his chest. He glanced back over to Carlos, the boy kissing Carlos’ neck gently as Carlos stirred the straw around in his drink. To think that he lost his mother and these boys were talking so _horrible_ about her made Logan absolutely sick to his stomach.

“Yeah. You’d think he’d be a little bit more respectful but, guess being a tramp runs in the family,” Tad said with a scowl. “He’s disgusting, sleeping around with everyone and _anyone_ that walks past him. It’s already bad enough that he hangs out with the Rebels instead of _trying_ to better himself for society and his father’s sake, but he’s also slutting around and bringing shame to Kensington students for his behavior. He doesn’t _deserve_ to wear that uniform.” The steely gaze in Tad’s eyes flickered over to Logan’s rather nervous and worried face. “Stay away from that little tramp if you know what’s good for you.”

Logan shuddered, giving a dry swallow as he slowly shook his head ‘yes’. The bell rang and Logan glanced up, his stomach growling at the same time and realized he didn’t even grab a lunch tray to get some food. Tad swished the ice around in his cup before he tossed it in the trash behind him, grabbing his bags and getting up out of his seat with Tyler and the rest of the boys. “We’ll see you around then, Logan. Welcome to Kensington,” Tad said with a smile and Logan feebly smiled back, turning to face James.

“Uh, you have my next class, right?” Logan asked and James shook his head.

“I have Biology. I think your schedule said you had Chemistry.”

“Chemistry? My next class is by the chem labs,” Beau piped up and placed a gentle hand on Logan’s shoulder, making the boy jump in his spot and shiver at the warm touch. “I could walk you over there if you’d like.”

“U-Uh, sure,” Logan stuttered out, taking his schedule out of his backpack pocket and held it firm in his hand. He glanced over to where Carlos was sitting, finding that the boy and his little flirt of the hour was already gone. Beau squeezed his shoulder again and Logan glanced up to meet the boy’s kind gaze.

“Come on, don’t want you to be late.”

* * *

 

The hallways were busy with students and teachers trying to make it to their next class or to catch up and chat before having to depart, Beau maneuvering Logan through the crowd in the direction of the labs. The boy kept his hand on Logan’s shoulder, arm wrapped loosely around Logan’s small frame and every so often, Logan would glance up to see the boy’s face. There was a warm smile, nothing dark behind it like Tad’s or the others.

Beau’s eyes flickered down and Logan quickly turned away with a blush, hearing Beau chuckle. “So you’re a junior?”

“Y-Yeah. I turned sixteen last month.”

“Happy late birthday then,” Beau congratulated and Logan gave a feeble smile, thinking about Isaac and how he wished he could have said thanks for him. “Tad and I are seniors so if you ever need to know where something is, just ask one of us.”

“I don’t know if I’ll go to Tad for help,” Logan murmured under his breath and Beau gave another little laugh.

“He’s intimidating, I know. But he’s really cool if you just don’t get under his skin.”

“And being gay or sleeping around gets under his skin?”

“It’s just how he was raised. A lot of people in this town have that kind of mentality so you might as well get used to it now.” There was something hidden in those words, a hint of sadness and longing that Logan couldn’t exactly understand why. “Enough about something negative, let’s look at something positive. . .did you leave a girlfriend back home, Logan? Or are you going to start anew and I’ll have to worry about you getting all the cute girls around here?”

Logan blushed, a worried thud hitting his heart. There was no doubt that Tad was absolutely homophobic, Logan only guessing that the other boys aside from James thought the same exact way. Sure, Logan didn’t have _anyone_ he left behind in the city, but if he even gave the slightest inkling that he wasn’t intending about getting any cute girls around here to Beau, who knows how he might react? Shove him away in disgust, ridicule him and talk about him behind his back? Or maybe Beau wouldn’t do anything and keep his distance. Or maybe Beau might ‘beat the gay’ out of him. He was taking too long to respond, Beau looking down at him with a raised eyebrow and Logan gave a dry swallow.

“Yeah. I uh, I have a girlfriend back home and we’re still really close,” Logan lied and Beau gave a slow nod, a flickering shade of sadness in those blue eyes.

“Oh, well that’s really sweet. She expect you to stay tied down to her forever or something?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is she cute?” Beau questioned and Logan felt himself sweating under Beau’s intense gaze, wishing that they’d be at the labs already and Beau would leave him _alone_. Logan glanced up, seeing Carlos approaching with the boy on his arm. Carlos’ eyes flickered over to Logan and then Beau, his eyes slightly twinkling with mischief before he turned to the boy. Carlos leaned up on his tip toes and gave the boy a sultry and slow kiss, Beau stopping in his tracks to watch in discomfort while Logan was only thankful the senior’s attention wasn’t on him anymore.

The boy gave Carlos’ ass a good squeeze before Carlos pulled away and wiped his lips, blowing a kiss to the boy that waved goodbye and turned on his heel to quickly head to class. “I need to go,” Beau muttered and squeezed Logan’s shoulder tight. “I’ll see you later, Logan.”

“Uh sure,” Logan said, Beau letting go of Logan’s shoulder and letting his fingertips gently drag over Logan’s back as he moved away. Logan turned and watched the boy depart, clinging tight to his schedule in one hand and his violin case in the other. He took in a deep breath to keep his heart from beating too fast, before he turned back and Carlos was only a few inches away from him. Logan jumped back in surprise, Carlos raising an eyebrow as he gestured to the classroom they were standing by.

“Is this your class?” Carlos asked and Logan glanced at the room number before he looked down at his schedule.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Logan murmured, double checking and looking between the paper and the room number. Carlos hummed.

“You could be my lab partner then,” Carlos suggested and Logan nodded his head, the two boys walking inside and took a seat at one of the back tables. People were already watching Logan the moment he sat down next to Carlos, probably wondering if he was one of Carlos’ newest flings. Logan heard his stomach growl again and he groaned, holding his lower torso tight by his arms. “I got some chips from lunch, you want some?”

“We can’t eat in class.”

“Class hasn’t started _yet_. So if you don’t want to starve for another hour,” Carlos started, tossing a bag of potato chips in Logan’s direction and Logan quickly fumbled to catch it. “Eat up.”

Logan gave a gentle smile, opening the bag to cram as many chips into his mouth as he could. “Thanks,” he mumbled in mouthfuls and Carlos leaned his chin on the palms of his hand.

“So you sat with Beau and his friends?” Carlos asked lightly and Logan almost choked on a potato chip, looking over to Carlos nervously. “Do you think I’m a slut now?”

“No, why would I?”

“Because I’m sure they would have told you I am. A slut, harlot, tramp, faggot, whatever their word of the month may be for me,” Carlos said, tone steady and calm. Logan turned over a chip in his hand, licking his lips and tasting the salt on his lips and tongue.

“No. . .what they said was awful, but I’m not going to be influenced by their thoughts. James likes you and you’re a nice person, so that’s all I really need to be concerned about,” Logan said and Carlos blinked, almost like he wasn’t expecting for Logan to have even said that. But he still smiled, gently nudging Logan as he gave a little laugh.

“We’re going to be the best of friends, I just know it.”

Logan smiled. “I hope we will be.”

* * *

 

The greasers were out in the front of the school again, smoking their cigarettes and leaning up against their motorcycles. Only, the blond greaser wasn’t there with them, Logan not sure if the slight twitch in his chest came from disappointment or wonder. Carlos rushed past him, giving a wave goodbye as he turned back around and ran straight into the arms of the brunet greaser he was kissing this morning. Logan raised an eyebrow, the two quickly giving a quick peck to each other’s lips before Carlos climbed on the back of the motorcycle and got his things settled.

“That’s his boyfriend,” Logan heard someone say and he turned, seeing James standing behind him and looking at Carlos with a solemn expression. “At least, I think they’re dating now. It’s an ‘on and off’ thing.”

“Does it bother you?”

“I’m not jealous,” James said quickly and Logan smiled to himself, rocking on the back of his heels.

“Do you like him?”

“I don’t like any of them,” James said, looking over to Logan with a stern expression. “They’re a bad influence on Carlos and they’re dragging his name into the mud even more. He just doesn’t understand and I don’t want him getting hurt or getting involved in the bad things that they do. The whole lot of them hang around criminals and drug dealers.”

“Then why doesn’t Carlos’ father do anything? Isn’t he an officer?”

“He is. . .but that doesn’t mean Carlos _tells_ him about anything.” James pursed his lips. “Besides, I don’t think his dad really cares anymore to keep him safe.”

Logan looked at the boy with a tilt of his head, before he heard a car honking its horn and he turned. Ethel and the chauffeur were waiting at the foot of the stairs, the woman waving at Logan from her window and he sighed.

“I need to go,” Logan mumbled and James looked down at the car as well, giving a kind wave to Ethel and the woman blew him a showy kiss.

“See you tomorrow then?”

“Sure,” Logan said with a smile, waving goodbye as he hurried down the steps and opened the car door. He slipped inside onto the car seat, closing the door shut and buckling his seatbelt as the car started off. Ethel cleared her throat with a loud ‘eh _hmm_ ’, Logan biting the inside of his cheek as he looked over at the woman. “Good afternoon, grandmother.”

“Good afternoon,” she greeted, the car making its way off of the school property and down the paved road towards the suburbs. She adjusted the gloves on her hands before she opened her purse, her lips clenched tight in a prim and proper manner. “I see you have gotten acquainted with James. He is quite a lovely boy. But I hope you know that he isn’t queer and his mother and father have raised him to be a good and wholesome gentleman.”

“I wasn’t intending to turn him gay,” Logan said bitterly and Ethel pulled out her lipstick, covering her mouth with the pink cosmetic and puckered her lips.

“Did you meet the other boys?” Ethel asked, as if she didn’t even hear Logan’s annoyed tone and he sighed, leaning back into the cushion of his seat.

“Yeah, I met some of the boys at lunch. . .Beau’s nice,” Logan said and Ethel gave a scoff.

“That boy just doesn’t understand,” she said with a sigh and Logan turned towards the woman confused. She placed her lipstick back in her purse. “He’s queer, unfortunately.”

Logan’s eyes widened the same time a blush spread on his cheeks. Beau was gay? Did Tad or the other boys know about this? Ethel gave another sigh. “His parents try and try but that boy needs more than just the weekly visit to the doctor to help cure him.”

“Cure? He isn’t sick if he _is_ gay.”

“It’s that kind of thinking of yours bred by your parent’s negligence that needs to change,” Ethel said sharply and adjusted her gloves. “Homosexuality is a _sin_ , Hortense. You should be _ashamed_ of yourself for even _looking_ at another male in that perverted nature. Beau understands it, but he is being tempted constantly and needs help. And I expect you _not_ to tempt him either; at least _someone_ wants to change.”

Logan kept his lips tightly sealed for the rest of the drive.

* * *

Bellville Dr. was a quiet and picturesque street. All of the houses were arranged in perfect little rows and all looked alike, an unsettling feeling that always bubbled in Logan’s stomach at how uniform this town really was. As soon as the car had rolled to a stop, he gave his grandmother a quick goodbye and got out of the car without even giving her another glance. As he walked up the pathway, he could already smell something sweet entering his nose just past the door. He fished the keys to the front door out of the pocket of his slacks, opening the door and letting the aroma of freshly baked goods hit him in the face, hearing his mother humming a tune from the kitchen. Logan’s mother was a very kind and very sweet woman. She was just a bit. . .odd. At least, that was the nice way of explaining her behavior. As Logan set his violin case down on the glass table, he gave a glance over at the couple of boxes that still needed to be unpacked, but were stacked up in the corner. Part of him believed those were the photo albums that had pictures of him and Isaac, buried underneath as many books and junk that his mother couldn’t bear to throw away just yet.

“Mom?!” Logan called out and heard the ding of the oven.

“Inside the kitchen, dearie!” she sang out and Logan smiled warmly. He walked inside the kitchen, the counter covered with pies and cakes and cookies that looked like they belonged in a bakery. Matter of fact, it _did_ look like Logan just happened to walk into a bakery, not even seeing any kitchen appliances underneath all of the sweets and delicacies. His mother was pulling out a pie, rhubarb from the smell of it, and she grinned at him. She was dressed in a flowing, pink 50s dress with little white polka dots and a frilly white apron tied around her narrow waist. A perfect screencapture of a pleasant 50s housewife, strained smile and eyes ready to crack.

“What’s all this?” Logan asked, acting like he didn’t know, and she gave a little giggle.

“Well, I just wanted to make some friends with the neighbors so I figured there’s no way better to get to someone’s heart than through their stomachs, don’t you believe so, dearie?”

“Of course, Mother.”

She nodded her head, brown curls bouncing with the tilt as she placed the pie onto the counter along with the other ones. “Mother, I don’t think that our neighbors could eat all of this.”

“Oh of course they can. Who can say no to pie? Or cookies? Or cakes, crepes, and cinnamon buns?”

Logan figured it was best not to even argue, he already knew where the conversation would go if he did. So, he sighed and took a chocolate chip cookie to eat. “Are you going to deliver these yourself? You know. . .actually _meet_ the neighbors this time?”

Logan’s mother almost dropped the pie into the box she was packing, eyes wide with fear and her chest rising up and down rapidly. Logan instantly went to her and wrapped arms around her narrow shoulders, rubbing her back and coaxing her back down to a calm state. She took a few breaths before she shook her head.

“N-No, dearie. I, I have a lot of unpacking to do – yes, lots of unpacking. Actually, I was hoping that maybe _you_ could deliver them for me? And if they ask, just tell them that I’m unpacking and I’ll be glad to meet them some other time. Or bake them something if they enjoy the treats. And that it’s absolutely no charge – it’ll be nice for you to meet the neighbors, wouldn’t it?”

“Of course, Mother.”

“Yes, yes, of course. Let them know that this is just a ‘pleasant greeting from the Mitchells on the corner, your new neighbors’. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Yes.” She gave a nod and closed her eyes. With a shake of her head, she finished packing the small box of pies, cookies and a few mini rolls. “Take these next door. I know someone’s home, since there’s a motorcycle in the driveway. Speak kindly, don’t mumble and don’t forget to smile. You do have a very gorgeous smile, Logan, do you know that?”

“Yes, Mother,” Logan said and she pinched his cheeks. She kissed the tip of his nose, leaving a red lipstick mark that Logan shyly rubbed away before she handed him the box.

“Off you go! Go on!” she shooed, gently nudging her son out of the kitchen. Logan walked out, turning to look over at his mother placing her face in her hands and allowing herself this little moment to grieve and try to collect her scattered thoughts like always, before he exited the house. Logan walked next door, the house very similar to his own except the yard was terribly unkempt. The grass was dying and there were dirt patches and gopher hills. He shook his head, before he glanced over at the motorcycle parked in the driveway. It was jet black, an old Harley Davidson that looked like it would have a hefty sum on it. He wondered what kind of neighbors _were_ next door, so far the only person he’s seen on the street was an elderly couple that sat on their porch in the mornings to watch time roll by together.

Logan knocked on the door, tapping his foot idly and heart beating in nerves. Just say hello, introduce yourself, hand over the goodies and then go back home to deliver the next batch. It was something absolutely simple, yet Logan couldn’t help but feel his mind growing frazzled on what to do.

“Yeah?!” a voice shouted out from behind the door and Logan jumped.

“Uh, hello?!”

“What do you want?”

Logan looked down at the box of treats. “Uh, I’m Logan Mitchell, you’re next door neighbor?” Logan introduced, waiting for whoever was behind the door to at least _open_ it. There was a bit of a pause, before Logan heard the sound of a _couple_ of locks coming off the door.

And once the door opened, he was met with a tall and lean blond boy.

He was definitely older than Logan was, possibly nineteen or twenty compared to Logan’s sweet and wholesome sixteen. His blond hair was ruffled and dirty, but dripping wet as well. His skin was a pinkish tint, slightly wet too. Logan watched a water drop roll down the shirtless and skinny torso, over lightly defined abs and into a happy trail leading down to unbuttoned jeans. Logan couldn’t see a waistband of underwear, refusing to believe that the boy just came out of the shower and threw on a pair of jeans with no underwear _just_ to open the door. And Logan was sure he looked like a complete idiot since the boy opened the door and neither of them exchanged any words; it seemed like the boy was drinking in Logan’s figure like Logan was drowning in his.

“Look, I don’t want to subscribe to any religion, we already have enough vacuum cleaners, blenders, or any other shitty household appliance that can pop into that little head of yours. None of us read magazines, the motorcycle isn’t for sale, my mom is at work, I’m the man of the house and I don’t care for anything that you’re selling-” the boy tilted Logan’s head up, Logan’s cheeks flushing with absolute embarrassment as he was forced to meet the boy’s bottle-green eyes instead of staring at another water drop rolling past the brim of the boy’s unbuttoned jeans. “Is that it?”

Logan opened and closed his mouth, shaking his head and timidly raising the box of pies.

“I-I’m your new neighbor, n-next door?”

The boy looked to his left at Logan’s house before back at Logan and raised a full eyebrow. “New neighbor, huh?”

“Y-Yeah. Logan Mitchell, nice to meet you.”

“Baking pies for the neighbors is kinda 50s-ish, don’t you think?” he asked with a crooked smile and Logan bit his lower lip.

“Well, _I_ didn’t bake them. My mother did, it’s her way of introducing us to the neighborhood.”

“Why didn’t she bring it over so I could meet her myself?” the boy asked and Logan sighed.

“It’s a long story.”

“Shy?”

“Guess you could say that.”

“She’s not going to make any friends if she’s going to be huddled inside that house,” he replied and then stuck his hand out. “I’m Kendall, by the way.”

“Kendall. . .”

“Knight.”

“Kendall Knight. Okay. Well it’s really nice to meet you,” Logan said in a rush, handing over the box and turned on his heel. A hand grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back, Logan feeling his breath being yanked out of him as Kendall spun him back around to face him with a teasing look in his eyes.

“Not so fast. If this stuff tastes like crap, you can take it back,” Kendall said and pulled Logan inside his home before Logan could protest. Kendall kicked the door shut, Logan looking around fearfully and trying to keep his breathing at ease. It didn’t look like a bad place, the inside was cleaner and kept up than the outside, save for a few dolls thrown around the floor. “Don’t mind the mess, my little sister just likes to live in a free flowing environment,” Kendall said, kicking a few Barbies out of the way of his path. Logan nodded slowly, jutting a thumb behind him.

“I, uh, I have to go back and deliver the rest of the stuff-”

“They can wait, it’s not _that_ important if Mr. Bitters gets fatter faster,” Kendall said with a roll of his eyes and walked into the kitchen, jeans hanging so dangerously low on his hips with each movement. Logan followed him inside, seeing some pink plastic cups and plates sprawled out on the counter.

“Is your little sister here?”

“Yeah. Katie!” Kendall shouted and Logan blushed. There were a few thuds upstairs, before someone was running down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was a little girl with long flowing hair tied up into a ponytail, perhaps around three or four years old. She ran into Kendall’s arms, who hoisted her upwards into the air with a laugh. Logan felt a tinge of awkwardness standing there watching, and a bit of loneliness at the memories of what once used to be. Katie just now realized that it wasn’t just her and her big brother in the kitchen, pointing a finger at Logan. “Who’s that?”

“Don’t point,” Kendall scolded and she immediately lowered her little finger. “This is our new neighbor, Logan. Logan, this is my baby sister Katie.”

“Logie~” she cooed with a smile and Logan blushed.

“Well, Log _an_ , actually. Nice to meet you, Katie,” Logan said and then she pointed at the box on the counter.

“What’s in there?”

“Dessert. Logie brought some over for us to enjoy,” Kendall said and now Logan could feel his cheeks growing hotter. Looks like he won’t be called by his real name in the Knight household. Kendall sat Katie down on a stool before he opened the box, both of their eyes widening at how much Logan’s mother had stuffed it with. Kendall took out the pie, then seven cookies, then three mini apple pies, four cupcakes with homemade buttercream frosting _and_ three cinnamon rolls slathered with a melting glaze. Katie’s jaw dropped and her eyes brightened, while Kendall gestured to the entire spread. “Your mother baked all of _this?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“For _everyone_ on the street?”

“Yeah. . .”

Kendall stared at Logan, like he was trying to see if Logan was somehow lying. It would have been insane for a woman to bake _this_ much, but Logan’s mother _definitely_ wasn’t insane.

Just odd.

And very sweet.

Katie was already grabbing at the cookies, taking a bite out of one and hummed in delight. “It’s delicious!” she chirped and Kendall took a cinnamon roll. He bit into the hot bread, Logan watching entranced as his tongue licked upwards to get the glaze that melted off the sides and onto his fingers. Kendall hummed in agreement, looking over at Logan as he licked a bit of glaze resting on the corner of his mouth.

“Your mom run a business or something?”

“No, she just wanted to do something nice as a way of saying hello. And she’ll be happy to bake any of you guys something if you ask, free of charge,” Logan said and Kendall raised his eyebrow again.

“Does your mother work at all?”

“She used to. . .she just likes being a ‘stay at home’ mom now. Someone else is supporting us with income though, it’s not like she _needs_ to work.”

“Good for you,” Kendall said, not sounding like he cared at all. Logan pursed his lips, rubbing his arm as Kendall and Katie continued to eat.

“Well. . .I’ll be going then. Glad you enjoy the treats,” Logan said with a shrug, slowly walking out of the kitchen and figuring he’d let himself out. As Logan walked down the hallway to the door, he passed by a photo hanging on the wall that he didn’t notice before hand. Logan paused to look at it, seeing Kendall and Katie as children. He figured the red-haired woman smiling and holding them close was their mother, but the man beside them had his face cut out of the photo. His arm was around the woman, a hand atop Kendall’s head. Before Logan could even wonder who the man was in the photo, a hand came into his vision and quickly snatched the picture off the wall.

Logan turned, seeing Kendall holding the photo behind his back and glaring at Logan darkly.

“I don’t like people sneaking around my house.”

“I wasn’t sneaking-”

“Door’s that way,” Kendall said sharply, pointing at the door ahead of them. Logan looked at the door himself, before back at Kendall and swallowing down his nerves. He turned on his heel, walking towards the door and knowing that Kendall was following him to make _sure_ Logan doesn’t get distracted by anything else. As Logan opened the door, he felt his lips moving before he could give a second thought about them.

“Thanks for the _warm_ welcome, neighbor,” Logan said with a sarcastic drawl and heard Kendall give a scoff behind him.

“Yeah, welcome to Belville Dr.,” Kendall said with just as much sarcasm and slammed the door shut behind him. Logan turned around, glaring at the wood as if Kendall was still there before he turned around and continued back the path to his home. He opened the door, spotting a couple more boxes stacked high filled with goodies and treats. His mother rushed in, eyes wide with nerves and jitters.

“Did they like it? Are they kind? How many children do they have? The wife doesn’t look younger than me, does she? Is she older? Are they wealthy? They did like the pies, did they? They weren’t too tart or too sweet or too sour-”

“They were perfect, Mother. They’re. . .well, I’m not sure how kind they are. I met the son, the mother was out and the father. . .don’t know where he is. They don’t look any wealthier than us and the mother is maybe around your age. And they _loved_ the treats, Mother.”

She took in a deep breath, pleased. She then wiped her hands on her apron before adjusting her curls. “Well, off you go. Deliver these down the street and don’t forget to smile!”

* * *

 

Logan met his neighbors, managing to only stay on the porch than be coerced inside like with Kendall. Mrs. Magicowski was an elderly woman who didn’t speak much with her mouth, but her eyes displayed her emotions perfectly when Logan gave her the box of treats. Miss Staccao was a very young woman with a very large bust, Logan finding his eyes glued to her chest as she laughed and her breasts bounced with each little breath and movement. There were the Shakuskys and the Bishops that seemed to be two households combined into one, regardless of living in two houses across the street from each other.

And Mr. Bitters had to have been the worst. Reginald Bitters was a stout and sloppy man that looked upon Logan with an eyeroll and sneer when Logan introduced himself.

“I know who you are, I saw you moving in last week. Everything settled?” he asked, hint of not caring and more of being just nosy.

“No, we have a few things to unpack but otherwise, that’s it,” Logan said and Bitters hummed.

“Did you deliver a box of this stuff to the Knights yet?” Bitters asked and Logan looked over his shoulder at the house behind him. “You met the son?”

“Kendall? Yeah, I met him.”

“He’s a menace, you know. I’m surprised his mother didn’t throw him out of the house yet. Always coming home in the early hours of the morning, revving that loud motorcycle or that old Impala. With girls and boys doing who knows what. They must be doing drugs in that house, right underneath that poor woman’s nose-”

“I must be off now, my mother is probably wondering what’s taking me so long,” Logan said quickly, slowly beginning to back away. Bitters frowned and gave a hum, patting the top of the box of treats.

“Just beware of him. He’s not a good influence.”

Logan only nodded his head and turned to quickly walk back across the street. Now, Logan noticed there was a car parked alongside the motorcycle, figuring that the mother must be home. He wondered about knocking on the door and meeting her, but shook his head at the thought. He moved to his home, opening the door and stepped inside to the sounds of music playing over the new speakers his father had purchased a long time ago. Logan’s mother was sitting in one of the chairs with a book open on her lap, not moving and all attention on the pages.

“I’m done,” Logan gently called out and heard his mother hum and flipped a page.

“How are the neighbors?”

Logan shrugged. “Most of them are okay. I’m just a little wary about Mr. Bitters. . .and the Knights.”

“They didn’t do anything to you, did they?” she asked, flipping another page and Logan stepped closer to her.

“I think I just need to get used to them, that’s all. Nothing to worry about. . .” Logan asked. He took a deep inhale, the scent of turkey and potatoes and gravy coming into his nose nice and hot. He hummed, giving a lick of his lips at the thought of dinner. But before he could ask if dinner was almost ready, he caught a glimpse of one of the pages in the book his mother was looking at. It was one of the photo albums, the entire page covered in pictures of Logan and Isaac and their father. Her hands were clutched tight, Logan spotting a few little spots on the page where a tear fell.

“I think I’ll go and finish unpacking. Maybe practice a bit of violin,” Logan said quietly, stepping back and grabbed his case. She didn’t make a noise, too deep in her thoughts, and Logan walked quickly up the stairs. The house was cooler upstairs, the boxes all stacked up by the top of the staircase to be thrown away. Logan passed the empty bedroom that was supposed to be Isaac’s, but figured now it might become a second guest bedroom or a study. Or maybe it would be left bare and the door always closed, so as to not reopen any more wounds. He moved to the bedroom that was next to it, flicking on his light and took in the sights.

The walls were a lime green with white trimming, his bed big and arranged nice and neat. Logan settled his violin case on the bed before he moved over to the large white window in his bedroom. He opened it, sitting down on the little bench built underneath it and looked out. To his surprised, he had an absolutely _clear_ view inside of a bedroom in the Knight’s home. He didn’t know if it was Kendall’s or Katie’s or even the mother, the lights were shut off and the curtains were pulled closed. He sighed at the thought of the boy, figuring that in all due time, everything would have passed and he wouldn’t have to deal with any of his neighbors on the street.

With that, Logan moved to grab his violin and sat back down on the bench. He tucked the instrument underneath his chin, giving the strings a little tune before he slowly pulled the bow over the strings to create a lullaby trill. Logan closed his eyes, slowly swaying to the musical notes with ease and calmness. He sustained the A, fingerplucked the F# and D minor, paused for the rest and continued to play with the same lazy tune. Logan soaked in the music, pleased and desiring only to be wrapped up in the musical tones and sweet sweet songs.

When Logan stopped, he heard applause. His head whirled around in confusion, before he looked behind him and out the window. Across in the Knight home, the once closed window was now opened and the curtains were pulled back. And there, sitting on his own bench underneath the windowsill, was Kendall. He was still shirtless, but this time had a cigarette hanging from his plush lips. Logan’s eyes widened, remembering the way the boy smoked, the same way the blond greaser he saw at his school. His next door neighbor was a greaser (a _handsome_ greaser at that), wait until Ethel found out about this.

“Not bad,” Kendall mumbled around the stick of tobacco and Logan blushed.

“Uh. . .thanks.”

“I guess you belong in Kensington then.”

Logan gave a shrug and Kendall chuckled. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew a smoke ring, the hollow of his cheeks making Logan squirm. “You know a boy named Carlos?”

Now Logan’s heart began to beat extremely fast, wondering if Kendall was just one of the many “boyfriends” that Carlos had went through. He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a slow nod. Kendall hummed and tilted his head to the side. “Funny, I wouldn’t have figured you to know each other.”

“Why’s that?” Logan asked and Kendall shrugged.

“Cause he’s a slut. And you look like a prude,” Kendall said simply and Logan frowned hard.

“For one thing, he’s not a slut. And another thing, _I’m_ not a prude,” Logan hissed and Kendall smiled.

“You got a crush on him or something?”

“N-No! He’s _just_ a friend.”

“ _Just_ a friend, huh? He’s _just_ friends with my best friend too, you know. Fucks him practically every day and every night.”

“That brunet boy?” Logan asked and Kendall took in a slow drag of his cigarette, blowing smoke out from his nose and Logan didn’t want to admit how really really _really_ hot the blond boy looked doing that.

“Bingo, Kitten.”

“ _Kitten?_ ” Logan asked with wide eyes and blushing cheeks. Kendall noticed, gesturing to Logan’s violin with his cigarette.

“On account of violin strings being made with cat guts?”

“That’s just a myth.”

“I still like the name Kitten,” Kendall said and puffed on his cigarette. “How old are you?”

Logan blushed, looking down at his hands in slight nervousness. “I’m. . .I’m sixteen.”

Kendall scoffed, mumbling ‘shit’ under his breath before he turned back to face Logan. “Well, so much for you coming to that party. Figured Carlos might have blabbed about it to you already.”

“A party?”

“At the warehouse on the outskirts of town. Though, I doubt it would be your. . .’taste’.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

“Cause it’s for grown ups, Kitten. Wouldn’t want your dainty little body being around such perverts,” Kendall said in a mocking voice. Logan frowned, balling his hands into fists.

“I’m not a girl, I can take care of myself,” he hissed and Kendall laughed. He stood up, Logan watching as his unbuttoned jeans were hanging off his hips and _definitely_ no underwear on. Kendall laughed, stubbing out the remains of his cigarette.

“Sure you can, Kitten. You should get downstairs so you can have some of Mommy’s dinner.”

“How’d you-”

“She has the kitchen window open, I can smell the food from up here,” Kendall replied, glancing down and Logan swallowed. The blond looked back up at him and gave a wink. “See you around, Kitten. Ask your Mommy to make me some more of those cinnamon rolls.” Before Logan could snap at the boy that his mother wasn’t his _slave_ , Kendall closed his window and switched off the light. In the dark, Logan could see Kendall pull his pants down and leave himself bare nude. Logan blushed, hastily trying to turn away and close his own window before he pulled his curtains shut. He took a breath, nervous and embarrassed.

His thoughts were taken away when his mother called out from downstairs. And Logan resolved that he would not think about Kendall at all. At least, until he was done with dinner and had a well night’s sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Straighten out your tie, you look like a slob,” Ethel snapped at Logan the next day on the ride to school, Logan begrudgingly doing what the woman said in order to get her to be quiet. The only thing different today was that his mother was accompanying them, Ethel intending on taking her daughter out for some more dresses to wear for Sunday tea as well as to socialize with a couple of Ethel’s friends. Logan felt dread for his mother; she wasn’t much of a strong willed person to begin with, bending over backwards to please everyone and going positively insane if she couldn’t. She sat between Logan and Ethel, bouncing her knee up and down as she chewed on her lower lip. “I hope you’ll have a song prepared for Sunday tea, Hortense. You’re going to be performing for the other society members and I for one want you to be at your _top_ level.”

“Yes, Grandmother.”

“Laura, stop biting your nails. A _lady_ doesn’t bite her nails,” Ethel snapped and Logan’s mother quickly pulled her hand away from her mouth.

“Yes, Mother.”

Ethel sighed. “Honestly, Hortense needs at least _one_ model of parent responsibility in his life, try to be that for him. Gracious, look at your dress, it’s _all_ wrinkled!” Laura quickly adjusted her dress and smoothed out the wrinkles, the material a flowery cream and pink. Grandmother Mitchell gave a sigh, “I’m honestly surprised you two managed to get _this_ far along, luckily you’ll be living closer to me so I’ll be able to offer my much needed guidance. Hortense needs to be able to grow into a mature young gentleman, he isn’t going to learn from that disaster of a father.”

Logan balled his hands into a tight fist at the slandering of his father, biting down so hard on his teeth he could feel his jaw beginning to hurt. Laura kept quiet, looking down sadly, possibly thinking about him. Not that Ethel was paying attention, the woman was too busy looking in her compact mirror and applying her bright pink lipstick. Up ahead, Logan could see the car approaching Kensington and he gave a subtle sigh of relief. He grabbed his violin case and pulled it into his lap as the driver turned into the driveway, parking the car alongside the rose bushes. “I will be back to pick you up, Hortense. Make sure you’re here on time,” Ethel said and Logan nodded, giving a soft kiss to his mother’s cheek. That made her smile, Laura hugging Logan tight and whispering a soft ‘I love you’ in his ear before he smiled at her. Quickly, Logan got out of the car and adjusted his bag strap, hurrying up the steps and into the double doors.

As Logan made his way down the hall in search of his classroom once again, he was also keeping a look out for James to walk with him. He was positive James was the only person that he interacted with at school he wasn’t extremely intimidated by. Carlos _was_ a nice person, but the boy’s sexual maturity and promiscuity slightly made Logan feel uncomfortable. Not to mention how Carlos was free to show who he was, proud and open while Logan had to keep himself refined and closeted. He longed for that sort of freedom that Carlos had, even though it came with horrid consequences in the form of the town mocking him, but Carlos still held his head up high without a single care in the world. Maybe that was what Logan wanted, to just not be so concerned about everyone. To have the freedom to throw caution to the wind and leave all of his cares behind.

He rounded the corner, expecting to bump into James soon, but only spotted Carlos up ahead. He was walking alongside a tall and broad shouldered blond, figuring he must be a jock since he had his bag slung over his shoulder. Carlos’ fingers were interlocked with the boy’s nice and tight, squeezing it with each step. Logan slowly walked behind them, watching their tight hands and how the boy fell in step with Carlos rather than the other way around, how the boy was smiling at Carlos compared to Carlos only looking straightforward like the boy really wasn’t even there. Logan cleared his throat and both boys turned around, Carlos’ eyes brightening at the sight of Logan and a smile came over his face.

“Hey Logan!” he chirped and Logan gave a wave to Carlos and then to the blond boy who only gave him a nod. “Are you heading to class?”

“Uh yeah, but I might be a little bit lost still.”

“I can walk you over there, I know where your class is,” Carlos said and Logan’s eyes flickered over to the blond boy.

“Um, it’s okay, you’re with someone.”

“He understands,” Carlos said and turned to face the boy, “Don’t you, baby?”

“Y-Yeah,” he stuttered out, Carlos giving a little smile and leaned up on his tip toes to give a little peck on the boy’s lips that just wasn’t enough. Carlos pulled away, gently pushing the boy away. “Go to class.”

“. . .Okay,” he said quietly, adjusting the hold on his bag before he continued down the hall by himself. Logan watched the boy and partly wondered if _any_ of the boys truly felt something for Carlos, feeling rather bad for them if they did. He was shaken out of his thoughts when Carlos hooked an arm around his, walking him to his first period class.

“So, how is my new friend doing this morning?”

“Uh, okay I guess.”

“How about things at home? You got all of your things unpacked and organized like a ‘gentleman’?” Carlos asked with that pompous accent once again, Logan chuckling to himself before he nodded.

“Yeah, me and my mom got some things put up. Still got a few more boxes to open and pack away, I spent most of yesterday evening just going around and meeting the neighbors.” Logan’s mind immediately flashed back to Kendall, the blond’s hypnotic green eyes and wet skin, the way how the smoke floated from his plush lips. A flush came over his skin, swallowing hard and the motion made Carlos tilt his head to the side in intrigue.

“Something wrong?” Carlos asked and Logan rubbed the back of his neck.

“Uh, nothing. . .hey, is there going to be some big party happening at some warehouse?” Logan asked and Carlos quirked an eyebrow.

“How do you know about that?” Carlos asked curiously.

“Uh, a boy told me about it. My next door neighbor. . .I was just curious if you knew about it.”

“A boy?. . .What kind of boy?”

“Kendall?” Carlos’ eyes instantly brightened at the name, a delicious smirk coming to his lips and Logan gave a nervous swallow. “Uh, are you two. . .well _have_ you two-”

“Fucked?” Carlos asked and Logan nodded, albeit an embarrassed flush on his cheeks at the choice of the word. Carlos gave a little laugh. “No, we haven’t. He prefers other delinquents to fuck rather than someone that’s supposed to be prim and proper.” Carlos then smiled more. “But, I consider myself part delinquent anyways. I don’t belong here and everyone knows it. . .do _you_ have a thing for him, Logan?”

Logan’s eyes widened, shaking his head furiously as he gripped his violin case tight in his fist. “N-No! Of course not! I wouldn’t even _consider_ being with someone like him!”

“Because he’s a boy or because he’s a greaser?” Carlos asked, and Logan knew he didn’t necessarily have to put up the pretense with Carlos about being straight. He _could_ let it slip to the boy that he was into males as well, it wasn’t like Carlos would turn him away or reject him or worse. But there was still a bit of a flickering fear in Logan’s heart, that he couldn’t be himself in this new town. That there still needs to be a part of him hidden and closeted from people that wouldn’t understand and would be quick to tear him apart. So, he pursed his lips tight and mumbled ‘Both’.

Carlos hummed. “Kendall’s a grump, and he’s a lot more vulgar than Dak is, but I think that little charm of his just makes him more fun to tease. Did he mention me when you both talked?”

“He. . .didn’t have anything kind to say about you.”

“The usual then. He doesn’t like me trying to squeeze my way into his little gang with Dak since my dad is a cop, so he gets a little bit angry about me hanging around them. I think it’s cute.”

“Dak’s your boyfriend, right?” Logan asked, both of them pausing by Logan’s first class. Carlos tilted his head from side to side, like he was trying to decide whether or not that was true, before he gave a shrug.

“Sort of.”

“Don’t you ever. . .feel _bad_ for playing with guys like this?” Logan asked and Carlos paused, looking over at the brunet with a confused expression.

“What do you mean?” Carlos asked and Logan rubbed the back of his neck.

“Like. . .what if a guy _really_ falls in love with you? And you just toss him away like that-”

“Love and relationships are _so_ 1950s, Logan. In case you haven’t noticed, sex is in and I just like to get a lot of it. Besides, Dak isn’t exclusive to me either. We just keep going back to each other because the sex is good.”

“Wouldn’t you _want_ a relationship though? Like. . .someone to do romantic things with. Cuddling, going on dinner dates, someone kissing you warm and slow. I mean. . .sex might be great but you can only do it so much before you get tired of the same thing.”

Carlos looked down at the ground, threading his fingers together and bit his lower lip. “I don’t know. . .I-” Carlos paused, the warning bell ringing and he gave a little squeak. “If I’m late for History one more time, the teacher is going to blow a gasket. I got to go, I’ll talk to you more about the party later!” Carlos said hurriedly and waved goodbye before he dashed down the hall to his class. Logan gave a small sigh before he walked into his own class and took his seat. A few moments later, James came rushing in and quickly took his seat next to Logan, giving an exhausted smile.

“Morning,” James greeted and Logan smiled.

“Morning.”

“So you made it to class alright today?”

“Well, Carlos kind of walked me over here so I don’t deserve all the praise,” Logan said with a little laugh and James nodded his head, small blush coming onto his face at the thought of the boy.

“He didn’t stick around and wait for me?”

“He had to go to his class. But you’ll see him again in Music, right? Or that party, are you going to it?”

“Party?. . .A party with the Rebels?” James asked, his tone slightly darker and more upset. Logan paused, drumming his fingers over the surface of the desk before he gave a small nod.

“I guess? Is there a problem?”

James opened his mouth to make a comment, but the professor entered the room and any chatter that was occurring immediately silenced. James pursed his lips tight, balling his hands into fists. “After class,” he murmured and turned to face attention towards the chalkboard. Logan bit his lip, turning attention to the professor as well, mind buzzing as to what evoked the sudden change in James’ attitude.

* * *

 

The bell rang and Logan gathered his things up as usual, James right beside him and grabbing his violin case. “Don’t go to that party,” James said sternly and Logan glanced up at him, zipping up his shoulder bag before he slung it over his shoulder and grabbed his violin.

“Why can’t I? I’m mature if that’s what you’re thinking,” Logan said, thinking back on Kendall’s words and the blond’s teasing grin. James shook his head. “It isn’t that,” he murmured, “but those ‘parties’ Carlos talks about are nothing but trouble and you don’t need to get yourself involved in stuff like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Rebels always know when a rave or something happens, usually at some abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town,” James explained and gave a small shiver, like he was disgusted at the mere _idea_. Logan gave a nervous biting over his lower lip, wondering if Kendall saying there were perverts at that party was just an exaggeration to scare him or something real. James turned to look at Logan as they rounded the corner, walking down the hall a little bit slower than the rest of the students. “Drug dealers go to that party to exchange illegal substances, perverts and creeps have massive orgies at that party. It’s everything your grandmother is horrified about, sex and drugs and alcohol. You don’t need to get in trouble with her if you get caught and you don’t need to put yourself in danger to get raped or overdose on drugs or get so wasted you can’t even walk.”

A part of Logan wanted to snap at James that just because he was Ethel’s grandson, it didn’t mean that he was completely naïve. It wasn’t like Logan was stupid enough to put himself in harm’s way, and he was way better than giving into peer pressure. He gave a small ‘hmph’, continuing to walk alongside James and trying to forget that the boy even made that little comment. Though, it sat in his mind for a little bit, rather afraid for even _thinking_ about going to a party like that.

“Then if it’s so ‘dangerous’, why does Carlos go?” Logan asked and James sighed.

“Carlos doesn’t understand. He thinks that those Rebels are fun and I’m nothing but a stick in the mud, but I want him _safe_. It’s not like they _really_ care about him, they just humor him because they think he’s nothing but a preppy boy trying to go bad,” James explained with a frustrated tone and paused in his spot, Logan stopping to look as well. Carlos was standing by the door to the music room, his ukulele case in his hands as he smiled at up into the face of the blond boy from this morning. Logan felt strangely relieved that Carlos was lingering on this boy longer, and from the slightly clingy look in the blond boy’s smile so was he. Logan looked up at James, his face expressionless.

“You really care about him,” Logan commented and James looked down at him, small blush coming to his face.

“He’s my friend, of course I care about him.”

“But you want to be more, don’t you? I can see it in your eyes when you look at him. How they brighten when you’re together and how they dim when you see him with someone else,” Logan said gently and James ran a hand through his hair, his eyebrows flustering and his eyes flickering down to the ground rather embarrassed.

“Don’t look into it, it’s nothing.”

“Are you so sure?”

“Yes, it’s nothing. . .besides, me and him wouldn’t work anyways. My parents are already pissed at me for being the friend of the town slut, they’ll kill me if I actually get _involved_ with him. And Carlos. . .Carlos just doesn’t see me like that so there’s no point. . .just keep your mouth shut about me and him, Logan. You’re wasting your breath,” James muttered, and continued to walk towards the classroom. He passed by Carlos and the boy without making an attempt to tear Carlos’ attention away, the Latino already in a liplock with the tall blond. Logan gave a sorry sigh for the boy, watching as Carlos pulled away and gently pushed the blond away once again. His face held a mixture of teasing and also something else, like something was missing and Carlos was trying to not let it show.

“Go to class,” he said with a playful smile and the boy nodded his head, leaning down to kiss Carlos’ lips again but Carlos stopped him. “Go,” he said, a little bit more firmly than before and the boy paused.

“O-Okay,” he stuttered out and Carlos smiled, giving a pat to his broad chest before he walked inside the music class himself. The blond jock stood there, like he didn’t really understand what happened himself, before he rubbed his face and turned with his head faced down.

A face of pure heartbreak.

* * *

 

Tad laughed through his mouthful of food, swallowing it down and continued to tell the story of how he and some girl named Mercedes totally got it on in her father’s pool house. Logan only listened quietly and disinterested, pushing his food around on his tray with his fork. James had the same expression, though his eyes would often glance around to look for someone, most likely Carlos since the boy has yet to make his appearance in the cafeteria.

There was another burst of laughter around the table and Logan shook his head from his thoughts, glancing around at the obnoxious faces and mouths open with half chewed food in them. He wrinkled his nose, a little bit disgusted at the improper table manners, but kept his lips tightly pursed. Logan looked over to the empty seat where James was sitting by, quirking an eyebrow in slight confusion as he looked at all of the faces and tried to remember just who it was that should be filling that empty spot.

“. . .Where’s Beau?” Logan asked and Tad paused in telling the ‘dirty bits’ of his story to raise an eyebrow himself.

“He’s at the doctors. He always does this once a month thing where he goes to the doctors for the weekend. I think it’s some sort of ritzy spa or something, like a rest and relaxation place,” Tad said with a shrug, not like he really cared to answer that question anyways. Logan nodded, slight worry in his chest at the thought of Beau being sent to a doctor. He barely knew the boy, and the senior still intimidated the hell out of him for some odd reason, but that didn’t mean Logan was fine hearing about how Beau’s parents were ashamed of him for being gay and trying to ‘fix’ him. Logan looked at Tad, the blond continuing his dirty story with the other boys listening with such intrigue, feeling even more worried for Beau. None of these boys even have the faintest clue he was gay, wondering what would Tad do if he found out Beau was gay, or if James was gay, or if Logan was gay. He gripped his fork tight in his fist, trying to calm his nerves and think about something else.

“Hey look who’s walking in the doors,” Tyler whispered and all the boys stopped, turning their heads to watch as Carlos entered the cafeteria with his sack lunch in his hands. The boy was accompanied by no one, keeping his head held high and his nose turned upwards as he walked past their table, Logan hearing the others snickering. “Looks like he dropped his latest fuck too late.”

“He’ll get a new one by the end of lunch, don’t worry,” Steve said with a smirk and Tad nodded, glaring hard at Carlos’ back like he was wishing death upon the boy.

“He’s absolutely disgusting to even look at or breathe the same air. You know he’s going to get wasted at that party and not show up for Sunday tea and brunch, _like usual_.”

“You know about the party?” Logan asked rather surprised and Tad nodded his head.

“Of course I do. I get Facebook invites to them all the time but of course, I have better things to do than participate in some drugged orgy like some filthy slut,” Tad hissed and Logan bit the inside of his cheek.   
“Or socialize with the likes of scummy criminals and rapists and drug dealers. Honestly, I’m surprised Carlos didn’t wind up dead in some gutter by now. Course, it’d be doing this entire town well if that queer tramp is gone.”

“Shut up,” James said through gritted teeth and the boy’s eyes shot over to James’ face, his expression dark and furious. Tad frowned, balling his hand into a fist.

“It’s the truth and you know it. Not like _your_ parents like him either. You should stop hanging around him, James. Last thing we need is him turning your into some fudgepacker-“

“ _Shut. Up._ ” James hissed and Tad leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms with a glare and Logan swallowed.

“Can we not fight? Just calm down,” Logan said warily and Tad scoffed.

“He always gets like this whenever we talk about the slut, Logan.”

“It’s cause he’s my friend, okay? Despite who he sleeps with and what he does, he’s been my best friend and I’m getting sick of it.”

“And what are you going to do if we don’t stop?” Tad asked and leaned forward with a mocking grin on his face. “You can’t hit me, the Lady is going to find out and she’s going to have you placed on suspension. Your parents are going to get mad at you and they’re all going to blame Carlos for provoking _such_ bad behavior,” Tad said with a sweet tone and James looked down at the his fingers uncurling from a tight fist. “. . .Just like I thought,” Tad muttered and leaned back in his chair, taking a swig from his drink. James closed his hands and placed them in his lap, biting on his lower lip and keeping his gaze averted from the other’s eyes.

When Tad told a funny joke about his story, something that Logan barely heard because his eyes were drifting from James’ expressionless face and Carlos’ back seated far far away from hearing any conversation they could have, he could only muster up a half-hearted laugh that sounded far too weak and far less masculine than he would have wanted it to be.

* * *

 

Ethel was going to be at the school in a matter of minutes, Logan holding the strap of his bag tight to his chest while he clutched the handle of his violin case tight in his fist. He watched as car after car rolled by, students running off with each other to go and hang out while Logan only rocked from side to side. He hasn’t made many friends outside of the boys in the society and James and Carlos, slightly wishing he wasn’t wishing for his homophobic and arrogant grandmother to come and pick him up just to drag him back to his home. He wished that he’d have someone hook an arm around his and pull him along to go see a movie or go to the mall to shop or eat or even people watch. Logan wished he could have some sort of fun, or at least wished he could enjoy himself with something other than his violin music.

A hand slapped on his back and Logan jumped in surprise, letting out a yelp that was met with a joyful laugh. He looked over his shoulder, Carlos moving to gently nudge him in the side with a beaming grin. “Have you thought about the party? I think I might have an outfit you could wear that would look _great_ on you,” Carlos said and Logan rubbed the back of his neck.

“W-Well. . .I-” Logan stopped, hearing the sound of a motorcycle engine roar out amongst all of the teenage chatter and the car horns beeping for attention. Logan watched as three motorcycles rolled up in front of the steps and the small courtyard, two boys on their own bike and a boy and a girl. Carlos wrapped an arm around Logan’s, hugging the boy tight to his side.

“Oh, come on! You need to meet them if you’re going to party with them!” Carlos said excitedly and pulled Logan along, the brunet feeling himself growing sicker by the mere thought of it. Carlos was pulling him to the first motorcycle, the boy taking off his helmet and revealing that familiar face Carlos was kissing on the first day of school. Up close, Logan could see he _was_ really good looking, a small piercing in his left ear and his eyes twinkled a mischievous shade of green hazel. Carlos pulled away from Logan and gestured to the boy. “Logan, this is my ‘boyfriend’ Dak. Dak, this is Logan,” Carlos introduced and Logan held out his hand for the greaser to shake, Dak only looking him up and down with a raised eyebrow.

“Why are you showing me this pansy for?” Dak asked and Logan stiffened, awkwardly placing his hand back to the side. Carlos frowned, hitting Dak in the chest and the greaser jumped. “Well what was that for?!”

“Cause you’re an _idiot_. He’s my friend,” Carlos snapped and Dak scoffed, pulling Carlos into his body by his hips.

“Is he like that other prude friend of yours? The one that doesn’t like it when I grab you like this?” Dak asked, his hands moving to grope Carlos from behind nice and rough. Logan’s eyes widened and he turned his head away, a blush coming to his cheeks. Carlos scoffed, pulling himself from Dak’s grasp and took Logan’s hand to pull him to the next boy on his bike. He was bigger than Dak with a similar build like James, with baby blue eyes that looked upon Logan with slight disinterest. “This is Jett, he’s the ‘clean’ kind of greaser.”

“A scrubber,” a voice commented and Logan looked over, feeling his heart speed up at the sight of Kendall leaning up against his bike with a cigarette in between his lips. His arm was wrapped around the shoulders of a smaller girl, her black and red hair done up in a messy bun and her eyes were looking over Logan with the same disinterested expression. Jett turned to Kendall and snarled.

“Just because I don’t smoke like a chimney or roll around in some oil slick doesn’t make me a ‘scrubber’,” Jett snapped and Kendall smiled around his cigarette, puffing his cigarette and blew a smoke ring. Kendall then winked at Logan, the boy turning away nervously with a blush.

“Did Carlos tell you about the party, Kitten?”

“Kitten?” Carlos asked with slight intrigue, looking over to Logan with a mischievous smile as Dak tried to pull the boy back into his hold. Logan gave a nervous cough, shaking off Carlos’ twinkling eyes and turned to look at Kendall. The blond’s hand moved up and down the girl’s arm, Logan feeling a slight twinge of annoyance at the gesture more than the little nickname.

“He told me. . .but. . .I don’t think I’ll be able to go,” Logan said quietly and Carlos pulled away from Dak yet again, his eyes rather confused.

“Why? How come you can’t come?”

“Well. . .I have to help my mom with unpacking still and. . .I don’t want to leave her alone by herself. She doesn’t really have any new friends in this town yet and, I don’t know, I don’t want her in the house by herself.” His voice faded off as he continued to talk, sounding nothing like mumbling as he tried to rack his brain for a better excuse. All of them were staring at them, their eyes clearly not convinced and Carlos looking the most disappointed.

“Oh. . .well. . .it’s alright if you don’t go. I’m sure there’s going to be other parties you could come to,” Carlos said half-heartedly, Dak yanking him back into his grasp to kiss along his jawline. Carlos groaned. “Ugh, you’re so disgustingly clingy!”

“I thought you liked it when I kiss your chin!”

“Can’t you see I’m trying to talk?!” Carlos snapped, clearly the problem of Logan going to the party forgotten in his mind as he began to argue with the brunet greaser. Logan bit his lower lip, looking over his shoulder just in case Ethel and the chauffeur were coming for him, but turned back at the sound of a scoff.

“If he’s going to pussy out about going to a party that isn’t ‘prim and proper’, I doubt he’ll go to another one of our parties,” Kendall said, flicking his cigarette butt at Logan’s feet and Logan jumped back. His eyes shot up to meet the greaser’s bottle green ones, anger and frustration welling inside his chest.

“That’s not the reason I’m not coming.”

“Of course it is,” Kendall said and released his hold on the girl to walk forward, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his dirty jeans. He smelled of cigarette smoke and of axel grease, the stench should have been absolutely pungent to Logan and disgust him. But he only found himself drifting closer, smelling underneath the grunge the after shave Kendall wore and the shampoo that still managed to cling to his skin. “You’re too _good_ for a party, that’s what it is. No different from all the other snot nosed brats that go to this school,” Kendall said sharply and Logan frowned.

“Well maybe I don’t want to hang around drug dealers and _rapists_ ,” Logan said just as quick and spiting, Kendall raising an eyebrow the same moment Carlos reappeared by Logan’s side with the same expression.

“Who said that there’s drug dealers and rapists at a _party_?” Carlos asked and then began to frown. “Did James or Tad say anything? Because they’re both wrong, neither of them have even _been_ to a party and are only going off of the crazy conspiracies Ethel and the rest of the town is spewing out.”

“W-Well the rumors must have been based off of _something_.”

“Yeah, based off of the crazy beliefs that we’re all little Satanists,” the girl commented and Kendall gave her a crooked smile that Logan was starting to get irritated by. She walked over to the three boys with her arms crossed and popped her gum. “I don’t think he could handle our kinds of parties even if there _were_ drug dealers and rapists attending. Looks too soft.”

“I’m not a child,” Logan snapped and Kendall chuckled.

“You’re so cute when you get angry, Kitten,” Kendall commented and Logan opened his mouth to give a rebuttal and proclaim he absolutely was _not_ cute, before he heard a horn angrily blaring loud. Logan turned around, seeing Ethel and the chauffeur waiting for him, Ethel leaning out the window and angrily waving her hand in an attempt for Logan to hurry over and away from the Rebels. Kendall snorted, “You know her?”

“She’s my grandmother,” Logan explained and Kendall hummed.

“So you _are_ nothing but a little vanilla boy scout,” Kendall said mockingly and Logan turned. There was a challenging look in the bottle green eyes, teasing Logan sexually and playfully and made his heart jump around in his chest.

“I’m _not_ a boy scout because I have manners and just want to respect my mother.”

“Well Granny Mitchell is a prude. And it looks like it runs in the family.”

“I’m _not a prude!_ ”

“Prove it then, Kitten,” Kendall said and stepped closer. Logan swallowed, feeling Kendall’s hand slide onto his hip and pull him roughly into the greaser’s body. Logan gasped, inhaling the scent of smoke and oil and musk, his hips flushed against Kendall’s as the blond leaned down and placed his warm lips to the shell of Logan’s ear. “Come to the party Saturday. And don’t even ask for permission, I want you to sneak out,” he purred, grazing his teeth along Logan’s ear and his hot breath moved over his skin. Logan shuddered, eyes fluttering closed as Kendall squeezed his hip tighter and he could feel the greaser’s hips shift up against his own as he pulled back nice and slow.

Ethel’s horn blared louder and Logan’s eyes popped open, quickly jumping away from Kendall and grabbed a better hold of his things. His head turned and darted back and forth between the Rebels and Ethel’s car before he remembered that if he doesn’t go to the car now, Ethel _will_ come out and drag Logan to the car herself. He quickly stumbled away from the crowd without saying a goodbye, his head still foggy with cigarette smoke mixed in with Kendall’s scent. He fumbled with the car door, finally managing to get it open and slipped inside with a dazed and confused expression.

“ _What_ did you think you were doing hanging around those disgusting delinquents, Hortense?” Ethel asked with a dark glare, snapping her fingers and the chauffeur quickly sped off of the school property. “I told you to _not_ approach those little heathens. You _always_ disobey, you’re not better than your brother and look where he is now!”

“I didn’t approach them, they came to me,” Logan lied and Ethel scoffed.

“Then you should have had the common sense to turn them away and ignore them. Instead, you let one of them _grab you_ like you were his. . .his _whore!_ ”

“I’m sorry, Grandmother. It won’t happen again,” Logan said blandly, hopefully believing that would shut the woman up for good. Instead, Ethel only seemed to become more infuriated, turning to huff and puff as she drummed her gloved fingers over her thighs.

“‘It won’t happen again’, what _lies_. It’s clear that you’re on the path to becoming a delinquent just like them. You only need to interact with them once, and soon you’ll start growing curious and exposing yourself to sex or drugs or something even more scandalous and immoral. You need to understand Hortense that I am trying to take care of you and make sure your brilliant mind doesn’t go to waste. They could have had a bright future ahead of them, but evil got into their hearts and now their only concern is sex and horrid activities. If your parents weren’t so _ignorant_ in yours and Isaac’s upbringing, I’m sure you two would have turned out so much better.”

Logan balled his hands into fists. “They’re not ignorant,” he growled and Ethel turned to look at Logan, a frown curling her pink lips.

“What did you say?”

“. . .I said they’re not ignorant. I love Mom and I still love Dad. They’re my parents and they raised me and Isaac right.”

“Obviously they didn’t, since you’re a homosexual. If they raised you _right_ , you would be prim and proper and enjoy the company of a beautiful young lady than the disgusting and sinful life of a homosexual.”

“You mean because they _accepted_ me for who I am?”

“You’re not a queer, Hortense. You’re confused beyond my fixing, but I can help you contain your urges. For one thing, on Sunday I’ll introduce you to the nice young ladies that are perfect for marriage.”

“I’m only sixteen, I don’t want to get married.”

“Another queer remark,” she said rather disgusted and Logan gritted his teeth. “I bet if your spineless, pathetic excuse of a father had proposed to your mother, you’d see how nice marriage is. Course, that would have required for Laura to have kept her legs closed and not wound up pregnant at seventeen either.”

“He loved her, we _all_ knew he loved her.”

“If he loved her so much, then why did he abandon you both after what he done to Isaac?”

“ _He didn’t do anything!_ ” Logan yelled. “It’s not his fault that Isaac is gone! My parents are good people and they raised me right. They raised me to love and be kind and be happy, I didn’t need any of your snooty and pretentious manners just to make _you_ feel high and mighty. They loved each other and even when he’s gone, I know they _still_ love each other. And you’re going to have to get used to me loving a man because I’m not changing for you, for those girls or _anyone!_ ”

_SLAP!_

Logan blinked, the sting on his cheek from Ethel hitting him beginning to burn. Ethel stared at Logan, disgusted and furious. “How _dare_ you raise your voice to me?! _I_ am your grandmother and _I_ am the authority figure here. You will _respect_ me, Hortense!”

Logan turned away from her, rubbing his cheek as he looked out the window. “Absolutely appalling. I’ll have to tell Laura so she’ll punish you.”

“She won’t.”

“She will, I’ll _make_ her.”

* * *

 

Logan sat on the windowsill bench, his knees pulled up to his chest as he listened to his mother play records that his father had bought a long time ago. She always liked to surround herself in the orchestra music and the violin solos whenever she did any household chore, Logan thinking it was a way for her to cope with the loss of his father. Since Simon always played music while she cooked or clean, in a way it still felt like he was here, playing his violin while Logan and his mother listened with joy. He tugged his legs tighter, biting his lip as he thought about his father and his brother, how much he missed them.

He hated to think that Ethel might be right about something, but Logan always figured that if Laura didn’t get pregnant with him and Isaac at such a young age, would his parents be together and happier? Not that Logan wished he disappeared, but he wished he came around at a later time when both of his parents were more mature and actually had help to raise a child. If abortion was a part of Ethel’s ethics, Logan knew the woman would have wanted Laura to get one. Anger burned in his chest, thinking about how Ethel had dragged him into the house screaming and yelling before she shoved Logan into his mother the moment she rushed into the room.

_“He snapped at me! I thought you raised this child to be respectful to his elders but apparently, you **failed** in that as well! Honestly, Laura, I’m surprised he didn’t turn this entire house into a jungle and destroyed everything!”_

_“Mother I-”_

_“I demand that Hortense be grounded for his terrible behavior. For the **entire** weekend.”_

_“Good, I don’t want to go to Sunday tea anyways,” Logan said bitterly and Ethel frowned._

_“You **both** will go to Sunday tea and you **will** like it, Hortense. You’re going to spend your Saturday in your room practicing your instrument and I will check in on you to make sure that you are doing so.” She turned to give her daughter an irritated look. “I doubt I can trust you to be competent enough to discipline your son.”_

_“. . .Yes, Mother,” Laura said quietly and Ethel hummed, turning her nose at her relatives as she turned away towards the door._

_“Goodbye then. I expect to find a gentleman here on Sunday instead of some disgusting hoodlum that doesn’t know how to control his outbursts.”_

Logan sighed and turned onto his side, looking out the window to see the light come on in Kendall’s bedroom across the way. Logan’s heart jumped in his chest, seeing the blond pull back the curtains shirtless like before, his eyes catching Logan’s and a smile coming to his plush lips. Logan sat up and opened his window as well, the slowly growing cold air hitting his face as he leaned out.

“What did Granny Mitchell say when you got into the car?” Kendall asked with a teasing grin and Logan rolled his eyes.

“That I’m grounded for talking to you ‘delinquents’. And it’s for the entire weekend too, so I don’t know how I’ll be able to go to that party now,” Logan said and Kendall smirked.

“Nothing’s changed. You’re still sneaking out.”

“W-What?”

Kendall climbed on his windowsill bench, reaching to get a cigarette and a lighter. “Yeah. Gives even _more_ of a reason to sneak out, doesn’t it? You’re not going to listen to the bitch, so you sneak out.”

Logan’s cheeks flared in embarrassment. “She’s not. . .she isn’t-”

“Go on and say it,” Kendall said with a smile, blowing a steam of smoke from his lips as he exhaled and turned to face Logan. “No one’s listening except you and me.”

“. . .She’s a bitch but she’s still my grandmother,” Logan muttered. “I can’t sneak out, I don’t want my mother worried about me or getting in trouble with my grandmother about it either. She can’t stand up for herself.”

“And neither can you,” Kendall replied and Logan shot him a look.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“Then sneak out and be a big boy, Kitten,” Kendall said and Logan pulled his legs tight to his chest.

“I don’t see the point of doing so. It’s not like I’m trying to please you or anything.”

“Oh trust me, Kitten. There’s other ways you can please me than sneaking out,” Kendall purred and Logan turned away with a blushing face.

“You’re absolutely vulgar.”

“Which is why you wouldn’t fit in at that party anyways.”

“So is it true then? Perverts and rapists and drug dealers show up to that party?” Logan asked and Kendall blew two smoke rings, the hollow of his cheeks contrasting with the white moonlight glow and the dim light of his bedside lamp.

“Of course not. We drink, we dance, we bullshit. No criminal activity is going on there and if there _were_ , we wouldn’t show up. We don’t like hanging around thugs.”

“But you’re greasers.”

“Doesn’t make us criminals like your Granny thinks we are,” Kendall said defensively and Logan slowly nodded. “If you’re not going to go for me, go for yourself. You could let loose for once in your life.”

“Letting loose isn’t my sort of thing to begin with. I was always the more cautious one in the family.”

“Was there anyone _less_ cautious?” Kendall asked with a laugh and Logan gave a nod, stretching out on the bench as he looked upwards at the starry sky.

“My brother was. Isaac was always the one that went to parties and socialized. He was always the popular one at our school and everyone knew him and loved him. . .I was always alone and took a night of studying or playing violin over going to a party or to the movies,” Logan explained with a small smile coming to his lips at the thought of his twin. “His favorite thing to do was go to the school dances and he’d always have a date while I stood by the walls and watched. . .I don’t know, I just never was that person to throw caution to the wind. It was always Isaac’s thing so I never tried to do it myself.”

“. . .Well where’s is your brother? Does he go to Kensington too?” Kendall asked and Logan closed his eyes, a bitter taste forming in his mouth as a cold chill moved over his skin.

“He. . .He died a couple of months ago. Before we moved here,” Logan admitted and looked towards the blond. Kendall was looking at him, eyes holding a trace of surprise mixed with pity, the cigarette burning between his lips.

“. . .I’m so sorry,” Kendall muttered but Logan shook his head, giving a laugh that sounded ready to break.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

“But if I lost Katie, I would feel miserable. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be. . .I need to go, I’m sure dinner is going to be ready soon,” Logan said, moving onto his knees and grabbed the handles attached to the window. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Kitten.”

“Stop calling me that,” Logan blurted, like Kendall would listen if he had protested. Kendall laughed, flicking the burnt cigarette butt out his window towards the ground before he winked at Logan and pulled his window closed shut. Logan did the same, locking his window and pulled the curtains closed. He sat there, feeling his chest was extremely heavy as he thought about Isaac and that horrible accident that took his brother away. The fabric of the curtains bunched in his grasp, thinking about how alone he was now that Isaac or his father weren’t here. Even though he and his brother drifted apart the older they had gotten, he was still someone to talk to and someone that could understand the stresses of high school and making friends and annoying teachers. He was _someone_ to talk to, someone to make Logan feel like he wasn’t alone and now he was gone. He had no friends, barely starting to become friends with James and Carlos. Even then, there was still so much more to know about the two boys, years of friendship compared to his only two days of knowing them.

Maybe the party would be a good idea. It’s been so long since Logan actually went to a party to dance and have fun and meet people. He could use the socialization, because he was sure he’d hate to spend time with the society members on Sunday morning and see how homophobic and rude they were like Tad and his group of friends.

Logan heard the music stop downstairs and he paused, waiting for another sound. His mother giving out a cry or the dropping of a glass, the woman always reacting differently to realizing that the music was only a record player and not her lover.

“. . .Logan! Dinner is ready!” she shouted and Logan swallowed, rising to his feet and hurried down the steps. She was standing in the arch of the kitchen, watching the record spin round and round as the needle hovered over it barely. Logan walked past it and paused, looking between the record and his mother’s grim face. Slowly, Logan reached out and lifted the middle, placing it to the outer edge of the record and the music slowly started up again. Logan looked at her, a small and sorry smile coming to his lips as she clutched onto the frame of the arc.

“Do you miss him?” she asked quietly. “Do you miss him as much as I do?. . .Miss them both?”

“Always,” Logan said and walked over to her. She placed her hands to her face, Logan letting her breathe and take it all in, before she looked back at her son.

“He’ll come back. . .regardless of what Mother said, I know my Simon. He’ll come back,” she said and Logan nodded.

“Of course. . .let’s enjoy your cooking, Mother. I’m starved.”


	4. Chapter 4

Friday was no more interesting than the rest of the days. It was the same ole same ole, Carlos clinging onto the arm of a new boy while James pined from afar. And lunch was the same, Tad making his snide comments about Carlos or the Rebels and expecting a laugh from everyone at the table while Logan only ate in silence. The party was going to be tomorrow and Logan was still having his doubts about sneaking out of the house to go. He wasn’t that sheltered in, it wasn’t like he _needed_ to go. There would be other parties, like Carlos had said. Parties that would be more appropriate for Logan to go to and surely wouldn’t have Ethel breathing down his neck about it.

But Logan didn’t want to be with people like Tad or Ethel or the rest of the society members, conversing about how homosexuality is abhorrent and the likes of Carlos or the Rebels being the only topic. He wanted to dance, he wanted to smoke and drink and ‘bullshit’ like Kendall had said. He wanted to not be so tensed up and confined, he wanted to have _fun_.

His mind was filled with thoughts about the party and what was the right thing to do, throughout his classes and lectures until the final bell rang and he slowly walked out towards the front doors. So deeply wrapped up in his own thoughts, Logan didn’t notice where he was walking until he accidentally bumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Logan apologized, looking up and meeting Beau’s blue eyes kindly looking down at him. Logan blushed red, looking quickly down at his feet. “I-I didn’t know you were here, you weren’t here at lunch.”

“I came late. . .long visit at the doctors,” Beau said with a weak smile and Logan looked up at the boy. The tone sounded sad and sounded very shameful, Logan feeling pity for the boy.

“Why were you at the doctors for so long?”

“W-Well, it wasn’t just the doctors. It was my grandparents too, they like me to stay with them for a while. It’s nothing really, Logan. Are you heading out now? Want me to walk with you?” Beau rattled, desperate to change the subject. Logan nodded his head, Beau offering his arm for Logan to take. Logan gave a little smile.

“You’re really nice, Beau,” Logan commented and Beau smiled back, a blush on his cheeks.

“So are you.”

“. . .You don’t need to change yourself for them,” Logan said and Beau raised an eyebrow, the boys walking slower as all the other students passed them by.

“What do you mean?”

“. . .I mean your sexuality. If you’re gay, it’s perfectly fine-”

“W-Who told you?!” Beau stuttered out, eyes wide with fear as he pulled Logan off to the side of the hallway, looking down at the brunet with frightened and angry eyes. Beau’s grasp on his shoulders was tight, Logan squirming in discomfort.

“M-My grandmother.”

“Did you tell? Did you tell Tad or the others?” Beau questioned and Logan shook his head ‘no’. Beau slowly eased his grip on Logan, still holding the boy as he let out a small sigh of relief. “Please, please just keep it quiet. I can’t have anyone else finding out about this. . .this problem.”

“It’s not a problem, Beau. It’s who you are-”

“Well it’s a problem to my parents and it’s a problem they intend on fixing. And unless I want to live out on the streets and be disowned, I need to cooperate,” Beau murmured and finally released his hold on Logan to run a hand through his hair. “Just please understand, Logan. No one can know about this. Especially the guys, they’ll hate me for being gay and they’re all I have.”

“How could you be friends with the likes of them after hearing all of the horrible things they say about Carlos?” Logan said and then paused, before he frowned. “You’re a hypocrite, Beau. All those horrible things you said about Carlos for being gay when you’re a homosexual yourself-”

“First of all, I’m not being a hypocrite. I’m _nothing_ like Carlos. Carlos sleeps around with everything and anyone, do you know how _hard_ it is that when people think about homosexuality, they use _Carlos_ as the prime example? I don’t fuck anything with legs, I have better control of myself but it doesn’t matter because being gay is being a slut like Carlos or a delinquent like those greasers,” Beau said sharply and Logan pursed his lips tight. Beau looked down at the ground, eyes softer. “And I’m friends with the guys because I’ve been with most of them all my life. . .hell, Tad was even my first crush. Being in the closet is _so_ much easier to deal with. Everyone sees Beau, the perfect and proper boy that all the girls want and all the guys want to be. And if I say I’m gay, things change. I become Beau, the harlot. Or Beau, the _other_ queer slut. Or Beau, just another one of those kids going straight to hell like those Rebels. I’ll lose everyone, I’ll be alone and I don’t want that. . .”

Logan stepped forward, gently reaching out to take Beau’s hand. “Who says that you’re alone?” he asked quietly and Beau looked at the boy, eyes confused. Logan tilted his head to the side with a small smile. “It’s okay, Beau. I’m not going to judge you for being who you are. . .I’ll be your friend.”

The senior was silent, looking down at Logan’s hand giving his own a kind squeeze. “. . .You can trust me, Beau. . .I’ll tell you something to prove it.”

“Tell me what?” Beau asked and Logan squeezed his hand tighter, fighting off the little bit of nerves that bubbled in his chest as he took in a deep breath.

“I. . .I lied about having a girlfriend. I’m not dating anyone and even if I were, it wouldn’t have been a girl. . .my grandmother doesn’t want me to come out as a homosexual. At least, she doesn’t want me to embarrass her if I did,” Logan said with an annoyed tone, looking back up to Beau for a reaction. The senior boy was looking down at him surprised, a mixture of acceptance and understanding swimming in those blue eyes of his. . .along with a flickering gleam of interest. Logan then stepped closer, squeezing Beau’s hand tighter. “So you’re not going to be alone, Beau. I’ll be your friend and I’ll understand. . .you don’t have to come out if you’re not ready, but just know that I’ll be here for you.”

Beau gave a smile, moving his hand so he could put an arm around Logan’s shoulders and hug the boy tight to his side. Beau smelled so rich and clean, he was strong and broad and made a shiver go up Logan’s body at his hold.

“Thank you. . .thank you so much,” Beau murmured and Logan only smiled up at him, Beau escorting the boy down the hall and out the front doors to Ethel’s awaiting car. The Rebels weren’t there, but neither was Carlos, so Logan had only assumed they must have departed already. Logan supposed it was for the better, he didn’t want to cross Ethel again and get an even worse punishment. Logan pulled away from Beau’s grasp and turned to the boy.

“I suppose I’ll see you again on Sunday?” Logan asked and Beau nodded his head, giving a friendly wave goodbye and Logan did the same. He turned at the sound of the car horn honking loud behind him, Logan giving an annoyed eyeroll before he hurried down the steps and opened the car door. He slid inside and shut the door behind him, the car starting to move out of the lot as Ethel watched Logan with a perfectly plucked eyebrow raised.

“And what do you think you were doing with Beau?” she asked suspiciously and Logan frowned.

“I wasn’t asking him to give into sin and to go to hell I like was if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Watch that mouth.”

“Yes Grandmother, I apologize,” Logan said blandly and she folded her hands over each other.

“Watch that attitude as well, Hortense.”

“Yes, Grandmother.”

* * *

 

Logan pulled the bow over the strings, eyes closed and only trying to focus on the music coming from his instrument instead of getting annoyed with hearing his grandmother’s rant downstairs. He occasionally paused whenever there was a silence, in hopes that she had decided to leave, but unfortunately he heard her voice starting up again every time.

“He’s going to walk all over you, Laura. You need to start putting your foot down now and grow a spine,” Ethel said sharply and Logan gritted his teeth, the bow tight in his fist. He glanced over at his cell phone, the light flickering green and he placed the instrument down to grab the little device. Flipping the cell phone open, Logan glanced down at the screen and at Carlos’ number accompanied with a text message. He had given Carlos his number just in case he could use a ride to the party, his heart beating in slight anxiety.

**9:45pm**

**R u ready? - Carlos**

“He’ll be dead before Christmas,” Ethel commented and Logan looked towards the doorway, gripping his phone tight. “He’s growing just as unruly as Isaac was and it’s all your fault. Had you been more responsible, Isaac would still be here. But you can fix this with Logan if you would for _once_ start acting like a mother and not some scared little child-”

“L-Logan is a good boy.”

“Don’t stutter, it reminds me of that idiot that got you pregnant. . . _stop biting your nails, Laura_. Gracious, it’s like I’m surrounded by _idiots_.”

Logan’s phone buzzed again in his hand and he glanced down.

**9:50pm**

**I’m outside ur house – Carlos**

Logan’s eyes widened, moving to his window to peer out. Kendall’s window was shut and the curtains were pulled back, the blond must have already left. But he could see a car parked out in front of his curb, the short figure of Carlos leaning up against it and looking down at his phone. Logan bit his lower lip, if Ethel saw Carlos waiting outside no doubt he’ll get into trouble.

**9:51pm**

**Hold on, I’m coming – Logan**

Logan tossed his phone onto his bed, moving quickly to his closet to pull out a button up and a leather jacket, some grey jeans and his white sneakers. He didn’t know exactly how to dress for this kind of party, Logan wasn’t a party person. It wasn’t going to be formal, would he be too overdressed? He glanced out his door, knowing he didn’t have any time to waste with Ethel still lingering around here. It was going to be so risqué, but Logan still shed his sweats and pulled on the clothing regardless. He slipped on his leather jacket and quickly stuffed his feet in the sneakers, moving to the vanity to smooth out any last minute wrinkles before he grabbed his phone.

He paused, biting his lower lip before he turned to his bed and grabbed the sweats that he was wearing before he stuffed them under the sheets. He fluffed them out and up a bit, adding one of his pillows to give more mass before he stepped back and admired the work. From behind, it looks like Logan was sleeping in his bed, which was just in case Ethel decided to check on Logan before she left. For extra measure, Logan turned on his radio to the classical station, something that was always able to lull him to sleep when he was a child.

Logan took in a deep breath, creeping out of his bedroom before he moved down the steps with light feet. He peered around, his mother and Ethel weren’t in the living room but in the kitchen. And Logan only gave a subtle and quick glance inside, seeing that Ethel was sipping from her teacup while his mother was up on her feet to tend to anything his grandmother needed. It made him furious, and the slight bubble of guilt in Logan’s chest started to make him think twice about sneaking out. He hated leaving his mother alone with Ethel, he never liked it when either of his parents had to deal with the woman cause they both weren’t the strongest of people when talking with her alone. He shook his head, no, he was already dressed and he was almost there. He was going to go through with this, Laura would be fine.

Logan swallowed and turned, tiptoeing down the hall towards the back door that led out to the garden. He opened it and closed it quietly, before he broke out into a run and ran around the side of the house towards the front and towards Carlos’ car. The Latino boy glanced up, Logan seeing how bright his eyes had gotten and how big his smile grew.

“I _knew_ you’d come! Jett owes me money,” Carlos said triumphantly and Logan gestured around.

“How did you know where I lived?”

“You said you were Kendall’s neighbor, right?” Carlos said and jutted a thumb back at Kendall’s house, one of the lights on downstairs. “He already left, we need to get over there too,” Carlos said and Logan nodded his head, opening the car door and climbing in the passenger seat as Carlos moved around to the driver’s seat. Carlos started the ignition, Rolling Stones blaring as the radio and the lights came on. He shifted the transmission and turned, peeling away from the curb and sped off down the street with Logan clutching onto the sides of his seat. Carlos turned to look at Logan, tilting his head from side to side.

“Your outfit is _okay_ , not exactly a Rebel kind of style though,” he replied and Logan looked Carlos up and down. Carlos was wearing a graphic tee and a dark leather jacket, dirty blue jeans with holes in the knees. Logan gave a nervous cough and Carlos smiled. “Don’t worry, it’s not going to be a problem when we get there,” he said and reached down into the little holder, pulling out a box of cigarettes. “Want a smoke?”

“No thanks,” Logan said, Carlos shrugging and taking a cigarette out with his teeth. “I didn’t know you smoke.”

“On occasion. Dak thinks it’s sexy,” Carlos mumbled around the cigarette, lighting it before he gave a slow drag and puffed.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go ahead.”

“How long have you and Dak been together?” Logan asked and Carlos hummed, furrowing his eyebrows hard like even he wasn’t sure when he first came across the boy.

“I think. . .maybe two years. I met him when I was a freshman and I’m a junior now so we’ve been together for almost three years,” Carlos said and Logan slowly nodded.

“Does he love you?” Carlos laughed. “. . .Do you love him?” Carlos only laughed more. Logan fidgeted in his spot, gripping his hands tight in the material of his shirt. “Well, you both been together for such a long time-”

“It’s just sex, Logan. He might threaten Tad to leave me alone if I ask him to and the free rides around town is a nice thing, but that’s all we have going between us.”

“You’re not worried then? About falling in love with each other?”

Carlos shook his head no. “He’s not going to fall in love with me, I’m sure of it. . .what about you, Logan? Have you ever been in love with someone?”

Logan shook his head no this time. “I’ve had crushes. . .but most of the time it was just me trying to work my way through my sexuality. I never told any of them how I really felt,” he said quietly and Carlos turned left, heading up towards the darker part of the city and Logan gulped.

“Well when you find it with someone, tell me about it,” Carlos said with a smile and puffed out a smoke ring.

“Wouldn’t you want to be in love?”

“It doesn’t exist for people like me.”

“It might. . .maybe you should look somewhere else for it,” Logan suggested, thinking about James and how the brunet boy would be so furious that he and Carlos were still going to this party. Carlos’ eyes looked over at Logan curiously, pulling the cigarette from his mouth to blow a stream of smoke and hold between his fingers.

“Do you have a crush on me or something, Logan?” Carlos asked with a smile and Logan’s eyes widened, quickly shaking his head no. Carlos gave a small frown. “So are you saying you wouldn’t fuck me?”

“N-No! Of course not! What would James think if I done something like that?!”

“Do you have a crush on James?”

“No, Carlos.”

“You’d be wasting your time if you did. James is as straight as a ruler,” Carlos teased and Logan hummed. So Carlos didn’t pick up on James’ feelings for him like Logan had.

“Have you ever. . .you know, thought about you and James?”

Carlos looked over at Logan surprised. “No, of course not. He’s my best friend.”

“But that means that he knows you better than anyone. And you tell each other things and you’re probably closer to him than you are with Dak so-”

“He’s just my best friend, Logan. It wouldn’t work out.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And _you_ don’t know that it will either,” Carlos said sharply and stopped outside a large building, the garage doors of the warehouse covered in graffiti and band flyers. Carlos turned the ignition off and flicked his cigarette out the window, looking over to Logan and breathing out his last stream of smoke. It fogged from his mouth in a French inhale, his lips full and kissable and made Logan squirm. Carlos closed his eyes and closed his mouth, breathing it in before he sighed the rest of the smoke out. “Come on, let’s go.”

Carlos climbed out and Logan followed after him, looking around and hugging his jacket closed. The crickets were chirping in the grass they stepped over, Carlos walking towards one of the side doors to the warehouse instead of using the garage entrances. He knocked on the door in a special rhythm, looking over to Logan with a raised eyebrow. “ _Relax_ ,” Carlos said and rubbed Logan’s shoulder, Logan giving a nervous swallow before the door opened before them and was met with a smiling man on the other side.

“You guys here for the party?” he asked before he glanced over at Carlos, his smile growing bigger. “’Los! Haven’t seen you in a while!” he said and pulled Carlos into his body for a tight hug, almost lifting the boy up off the ground. Carlos hugged him back, laughing brightly and Logan started to slowly feel at ease. The man placed Carlos down, gesturing over to Logan. “You brought a guest?”

“Yeah, he’s new here,” Carlos explained and the man nodded his head, inviting the both of them to walk inside. Logan was met with the smell of incense burning, peering through the smoke to see people lingering around the walls or sitting on some of the worn out couches or the floors. They were all talking and laughing, the music low and playing out a soft groove. In the far corner, Logan saw Kendall sitting on the couch, his heart skipping a beat when he saw that the red and black haired girl was sitting on Kendall’s lap and sipping from a plastic red cup.

The man slapped his hand on Logan’s back and shook Logan from his thoughts, quickly looking over at his beaming smile. “I’ll tell you the rules since you’re new. Rule One, we all ask and it’s perfectly okay to say no so don’t feel like you’re being pressured. If someone _doesn’t_ ask, you scream.”

“W-Why would I need to scream?”

“Well you usually don’t. We all know everyone here and everyone here is pretty cool,” he said with a wink. “And rule two, make sure you wrap it.”

“Wrap _what_?”

“He’s cute,” the man said to Carlos and Carlos gave a little laugh, Logan looking to his friend for _some_ sort of clarification. Carlos wrapped his arm around his, gesturing with a nod of his head towards Kendall and the girl.

“Let’s say hi,” Carlos said and began to pull on Logan’s arm, not really giving the boy an option to back out of it. They crossed the floor, stepping through the small little pairs of people on the floor, some greeting Carlos with a smile and a friendly pat on Carlos’ leg while others smiled up at Logan dazed and sweet. Logan smiled back down at them, not sure what entirely was going on and he was absolutely confused at what kind of party this was supposed to be. This wasn’t _anything_ like James and Tad had made it seem to be, matter of fact, if Isaac was here he’d probably get bored. Everything was quiet and intimate, the lights were even slightly dimmed and not flashing like some sort of wild rave.

The girl glanced up from her cup she was sipping from, giving Carlos a smile before she raised her eye at Logan.

“So you didn’t chicken out,” she commented and Logan held his head high, flickering over to look at Kendall’s disinterested expression.

“No. And I don’t see what the big deal about this party was anyways.”

“Just wait for it, Kitten,” Kendall said, the girl shifting a bit on Kendall’s lap to get out a cigarette to slip between her red lips. She raised her cup to Logan.

“Want some?” she asked around the stick of tobacco and Logan wrinkled his nose. She shrugged, handing the cup to Kendall as she raised off of him. She lit her cigarette and without another word, walked off down a hallway leading somewhere Logan had no idea to. Carlos rocked on his heels, eyes brimming with excitement.

“I’m going too,” he said and Logan’s eyes widened, quickly reaching out to clutch to Carlos’ arm.

“Don’t leave me alone,” Logan whispered low and Carlos smiled, pulling himself free.

“I want to find Dak. Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine and Kendall’s right here. He’ll take good care of you,” Carlos said with a grin and Kendall scoffed from his spot on the couch.

“I’m not going to babysit him.”

“Then be a pal and make him feel comfortable,” Carlos said with a sweet but icy tone, smiling at Kendall before he leaned over and gave a peck to Logan’s cheek. “Just relax and have fun. If you _really_ need me, just find me,” Carlos said, rubbing Logan’s shoulder for extra measure before he turned and went the same direction that Lucy did. Logan swallowed, rubbing his arm and wishing he had a drink now. He looked around, a few people had disappeared off down the hallways and through random doors, others still lingering around and socializing. He then glanced down at Kendall, drinking from his cup and clearly not going to start to initiate conversation with Logan first.

Logan huffed and sat down next to Kendall with his arms crossed, bobbing his foot up and down irritated. “You shouldn’t be here,” Kendall said and Logan rolled his eyes.

“Because I can’t handle sitting around and listening to music?”

“The party hasn’t started yet.”

“And what will happen when the party does start? Because I can handle it.”

Kendall snorted. “I highly doubt it,” he murmured behind the rim of his cup and swallowed down its contents. Logan turned to glance around, watching as another pair of people got up and left the room they all were in and furrowed his brows.

“Where is everyone going?” he asked and looked towards Kendall. “Is the party here?”

“How’d you get out of your place?” Kendall asked, dodging the question and Logan frowned.

“I snuck out the back.”

“Such a naughty little kitten,” Kendall said with a smile and looked towards the brunet with a mischievous grin. “I’m slightly impressed.”

“I wasn’t trying to impress you.”

“I think you have a need to please and be well liked. I doubt you could function knowing that someone could give less of a shit about you.”

“Don’t talk like you know me,” Logan muttered and Kendall chuckled.

“I love it when you get all feisty like that. It kind of turns me on,” he said and Logan blushed.

“Are you drunk?”

“Course not, Kitten. Though,” Kendall leaned forward, Logan smelling smoke, whiskey and peppermint lingering on Kendall’s breath. It mixed with Kendall’s scent, the musk and the alluring smell that was just _Kendall_ as the boy drew close til the light scruff on his chin brushed against Logan’s smooth skin. “I wouldn’t turn down a quick fuck if you asked.”

Logan shoved Kendall away, absolutely disgusted. “You are drunk.”

“I said I’m not, Kitten,” Kendall said, slouching in his spot as he tossed the empty cup to the side. “Guitar Dude doesn’t have any of the strong liquor to get me wasted anyways.”

“You’re not even old enough to drink.”

Kendall raised his hands, imitating a shocked expression that Logan had to bite his tongue down hard to keep from laughing. “Oh no! Whatever shall I do if the cops found out?!” He laughed and breathed out a sigh. “Should have took one of Lucy’s smokes when she was here.”

“Is that her name?” Logan asked and Kendall nodded, Logan now having a name to put with the face he wasn’t sure if he detested or felt neutral about. “Are you two. . .dating?”

“Dating? Of course not, she’s just my wingman. Besides, she prefers the girls a little bit more.” Logan didn’t know why he felt relieved at that bit of information, taking it with a nod and tried to not think so hard about it.

“Do you prefer the boys then?” Logan asked and Kendall shrugged.

“Like ‘em both. I don’t really care. . .what about you, Logan?” Kendall asked and turned to face the boy with a dirty glint in his eyes. “What gets you up? Girls? Or maybe you’re like that little friend of Carlos that gets off on boys in secret.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “Are you talking about James?”

“Is that his name? You know I don’t care for your snot-nosed kind,” Kendall said and Logan frowned.

“His name is James. . .and how did you know?”

“Thought it was obvious whenever he and Carlos are walking out and he was practically fucking Carlos with his eyes. Carlos is too damn oblivious to it though, poor thing probably wanks himself to tears thinking about it,” Kendall said with another laugh and Logan turned away, drumming his fingers over his knees. “. . .Come on, I’m only joking.”

“I don’t understand your humor.”

“Doubt you would. Pretty sure the only jokes you tell at that society club is some shitty knock knock joke you’d find off of a Cracker Jack box. But you didn’t answer my question,” Kendall said and leaned closer. “What gets you up?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Don’t be a tease.”

“I’m not.”

“You are,” Kendall said and rested his chin on the top cushions of the couch. “I bet you were a real big tease in your old town. Playing that innocent and ‘higher than thou’ attitude to get all the guys hot,” Kendall said in his low rasp and Logan turned his nose.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Logan said and Kendall smiled.

“Bet you sucked a lot of cock with that smart little mouth of yours.”

“I refuse to continue in this conversation,” Logan said, fully turning his body away from Kendall with a heated flush on his skin. He heard Kendall laugh beside him, Logan beginning to bob his leg up and down again, just wishing that he didn’t have to cling onto someone for the rest of the night. Maybe he should start looking for Carlos, or maybe Logan _could_ try to socialize with some of the other party guests. It wasn’t like they were crude and crass like Kendall was. Logan looked around the room for someone to approach that wouldn’t intimidate him right off the bat, when his eyes widened at a particular individual coming out of one of the hallways.

Stark _naked_ , with only a towel wrapped around his waist

The boy walked through the room like it was no problem at all, and everyone else was acting like it was perfectly normal for someone naked to be walking through. Logan tried to keep his eyes only on his freckled face and torso, trying not to go past the slim hips to wonder what was underneath that towel. He approached another guy who was still clothed and tapped his shoulder, leaning on his toes to whisper in his ear before the other guy nodded and both gave a little kiss on the cheek. Then, he began to strip and Logan squirmed in his spot.

“What’s going on?” Logan squeaked, seeing _others_ beginning to take off their clothes, some only shedding one article of clothing or leaving at least their underwear on while others were starting to go topless.

“I thought you were done talking to me,” Kendall drawled and Logan watched as the freckled boy and now his shirtless companion began to walk over towards _him_. He tried to avert his eyes, heart beating frantically and his hands began to sweat profusely, hoping that they would go somewhere else.

“Uh, hi?” he heard a voice from above, Logan looking up and eyes locking on where the freckled boy’s member was hidden by the thin towel. Logan swallowed, forcing his eyes upward to look at his face and the other boy, both of them jutting their thumbs out down one of the halls. “You’re new here, right? We were wondering if maybe you want to join us?”

“J-Join you in _what?_ ” Logan asked and both looked at each other before back at Logan. The freckled boy shrugged.

“I don’t know. What do you feel like doing? I’m fine with just kissing and rubbing,” he said and Logan’s eyes widened.

“Is. . .Is this an _orgy_?” Logan asked shocked and they tilted their heads to the side in confusion the same time Kendall choked out a laugh.

“You didn’t know?”

“No! And no I do _not_ want to do that!” Logan shouted, the two boys stepping back.

“Alright, alright. Didn’t mean to get your feathers all ruffled,” the shirtless one said and looked over at Kendall. “What about you, Knight?”

“Nah, think I’ll have a girl first,” Kendall replied and slowly got up, Logan quickly shooting his hand out to grab Kendall’s.

“You’re not leaving me here alone!” Logan snapped and Kendall yanked his hand away.

“I’m not your babysitter. Look, just say no and sit there like prude.”

“I’m not a- Kendall wait!” Logan plead, the greaser stuffing his hands into his pockets as he walked across the room and down the hallway. Logan pulled his legs up to his knees, hearing the music getting a little bit louder as everyone began to court and ask, disappearing off down the hallways and sometimes reappearing from them with sex flushed skin and smiles on their faces. He tried to keep his breathing down and quiet, he wasn’t panicking. He could handle this, he was mature. He was – oh goodness, those two people are stripping right in front of him. Logan shouldn’t be watching this, he shouldn’t _be here_. Sex was something Logan always got squeamish about, he didn’t even _touch_ himself. It was just so. . .filthy if it wasn’t with someone you loved, at least that was how Logan felt. And here these people were, acting as though sex was something as casual as breathing.

They didn’t stop at stripping, they were kissing down each other’s bodies, the boy hooking his teeth at the clasp of the girl’s bra. She tossed her head back, tangled tresses flying back as she let out a moan and her bra slipped down her shoulders to expose her breasts. Logan looked away, feeling embarrassed but not sure for who. The boy was licking a wet stripe between them, massaging them in his hands as she gripped her fingers in his locks. Logan shouldn’t be watching something so intimate, even though _they_ didn’t think that. He wanted to go home, he wanted to leave _now_.

Logan got up from his spot and hastily ran down one of the hallways he guessed Carlos had gone through. They were all so big and wide, lone lightbulbs slightly illuminating Logan’s way. There were many unmarked doors, Logan not sure if they were occupied or if Carlos was in one of them. Hesitantly, he opened one of the doors and peeked inside to see a guy getting fucked into a lumpy mattress on the ground. Logan gasped, capturing their attention and Logan embarrassingly tried to close the door shut and sputter out an apology. He slammed it shut and backed against the wall, swallowing down a lump and his eyes flickered about nervously. Should he try to call Carlos? What good would that do him though? Not like Logan would be able to hear the ringing in one of these rooms with the music starting to play so loud.

A girl walked past him, her hair up in a bun and wrapped up tight in a blanket. She paused and gave Logan a little smile. “Do you want to join me for some cuddling?” she asked lightly and Logan swallowed.

“N-No thank you,” Logan stuttered out and she shrugged.

“Find me if you’re still interested,” she said and moved to open the door next to Logan. He barely had a peek inside, about six people inside all naked and all kissing, before she shut the door closed behind her. Logan swallowed, how could Carlos have left _this_ out? Now it was sounding like those parties Tad and James described, Logan only thankful that no one had been forceful with him. He needed to find Carlos fast, it wasn’t like he could find his way back home on his own. He continued down the hall, checking doors and finding them either occupied (to which he tried to quickly apologize and avert his eyes) or absolutely empty, before he moved down to the next hallway.

Logan opened one door and found a _large_ group of people, the room stinking of sweat and sex and incense. Moans and keening whines mixed with each other and sounded like an alluring symphony, something harmonic about the way their voices pitched and squeaked and skipped from a thrust or a touch or a kiss. Logan’s eyes drifted over the flailing limbs and sweating bodies, at the people sitting against the wall and just _talking_ or the people touching themselves as they watched the action before them.

“Hey, wanna join?” a guy asked, Logan looking down at him and his partner currently tangled in each other’s arms and legs and Logan jumped back.

“N-No!”

“. . .Okay?”

Logan huffed, he was being _stupid_. How could he have _not_ known this was going to be an orgy? How could he have been so naïve was a better question. “Uh, do you know where a boy named Carlos is?”

“’Los? Oh yeah, he’s over the- _ah~_ ” the boy breathed, feeling his partner gently nip along his chest and pull at his nipple between his teeth. “H-He’s over there _nggh_ ,” he moaned, leaning down and capturing his partner’s lips. Logan looked around, feeling his face heating with so much embarrassment the longer he tried to find Carlos in the crowd of naked bodies, but finally spotted him. He was underneath Dak, both nude and Carlos’ eyes were fluttering in pleasure, his legs thrown over Dak’s pale shoulders as the greaser fucked into him.

Logan stepped back and closed the door shut. So much for hoping that Carlos could take him home.

He held himself, not sure of what to do. He didn’t even know what section of Couer d’Couer they were even _in_ , he couldn’t find his way home from here on foot. He couldn’t call his mother either, unless he wanted to get in trouble and prove Ethel right that he was being ‘strayed down the wrong path’. He bit his lip, slowly walking down the hall. Perhaps, he could find an empty room and just hide in it until the party starts to unwind. That would work, Logan would be fine as long as he didn’t have to deal with this awkwardness that was consuming him.

He hurried down the hall after turning down yet another proposition, this one from three guys wanting someone to videotape their little sexcapade. Logan turned right down a hall and paused in front of a door, listening close for any noises. Hearing none, Logan breathed a sigh of relief and quickly moved inside of it, locking the door shut so that no one would try to use the room either. He turned, expecting to see no one inside the room with him. Instead, his eyes widened at the sight of Kendall bare naked and inside a very naked Lucy, her legs wrapped around Kendall’s skinny waist and both of them looking at Logan with blank expressions.

“O-Oh my god,” Logan stuttered out and Lucy pushed her hair out of her face.

“Something wrong?” she asked and Logan stumbled back into the door, trying to take the lock off but finding it hard for him to not look away. The room was barely lit, more light coming from the moon streaming through the window than the flickering lightbulb above them.

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean, I-”

“It’s okay, we’re not bothered or anything,” Kendall said and Logan swallowed.

“I-I thought you said she was more into girls.”

“Well it’s not like I’d turn down a fuck,” Kendall said with a shrug and Lucy nodded her head, gesturing to her and Kendall.

“You’re free to watch, we really don’t care.”

“N-No, I can’t. I shouldn’t. It isn’t right, I need to go,” Logan stuttered out, desperately trying to open the door and Kendall gave a cocky grin.

“Squeamish about seeing a girl naked, Kitten?” Kendall asked and turned to Lucy, slowly rocking his hips back and into her. She gave a little moan that shot through Logan’s spine, like he could almost _feel_ Kendall’s hips and Kendall moving inside of him. Could feel the quake in Lucy’s legs as Kendall moved into her, the quiver in her hips and the way her breath shuddered out from her lips. “He’s a queer, you know. Closeted,” he told Lucy and Logan blushed.

“I’m not!”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying!” Logan lied again and Kendall looked over at Logan, eyebrow raised and smile on his lips.

“I bet you never even fucked a girl.”

“That where you’re wrong,” Logan’s mouth said before his brain could snap at him to shut up and stop. Kendall quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh really?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Then don’t let me stop you,” Kendall said, pulling back and slipped out of Lucy. Logan’s eyes watched the bob of Kendall’s dick, wrapped up in a condom and arching outwards. He gestured to Lucy with a smile. “Go on, I like a show.”

Logan blinked, squirming farther into the door. “I-I won’t. Absolutely not! I don’t even-”

“I got a condom right here,” Kendall said, moving to pick up a wrapped condom tossed in their clothes. He threw it at Logan, Logan dodging the item like it was hazardous and turned to stare at Kendall wide eyed and shocked. “Come on, Kitten. It shouldn’t be that hard. I bet you’re the _best_ lay a girl could have,” he said in a mocking and disparaging tone. Logan frowned. “I’m not going to play this stupid game, Kendall.”

“Who said I was playing a game?”

“I’m not doing this, I just want to go home,” Logan said, angry at hearing the own pathetic whimper in his voice. Kendall cocked his head to the side.

“I thought you could handle this kind of party?” Kendall asked and Lucy gave an annoyed groan.

“Not to interrupt your little lover’s spat, but I’m getting drier than the girls in Granny Mitchell’s society,” Lucy said in a drawl and Kendall looked over to Logan. Logan swallowed, turning his head away and only fiddled with the doorknob once more. He heard Kendall scoff.

“Knew you were a prude.”

“I’m not!” Logan shouted and Kendall only chuckled, pushing Lucy’s legs apart to settle his head in between them. Her thighs brush against his cheeks and her back arched, eliciting a gasp and making Logan stop fiddling about with the door to watch. Logan only had a view from the side, watching how Kendall’s fingertips gripped Lucy by the softness of her thighs to hold her open, watching how the moonlight ghosted over her naked body and illuminated each curve and muscle twitch. Logan felt himself twitch inside of his pants as Kendall licked into her, Logan feeling his hand move away from the door handle to the front of his pants and over an erection. He blinked, gripping his hand tight around his cock and fuck, he was getting hard.

Lucy tangled her fingers in Kendall’s hair, Logan sure he could hear the wet clicking of Kendall’s tongue against her clit before he sucked against her inner thighs. Kendall was breathing hard and wet, Logan finding it hard to breathe himself and found himself taking a step closer. With each step, Logan watched the clench and flex of Kendall’s back muscles, Lucy panting quiet whimpers that were too low for Logan to understand. Though, he could hear her mumble a ‘yes’ and ‘Kendall’, sounding like Kendall was some sort of god to be worshipped and like his name was heaven. He didn’t like hearing Kendall’s name come from her lips, he didn’t like how she was the one quaking under Kendall’s touch and apparently, the talent of Kendall’s tongue.

Logan was standing over them now, Lucy only fluttering her eyes at Logan once before she closed them shut and allowed herself to become lost in Kendall’s touch. His hands moved to hold her by her hips, occupied by her taste and not even noticing Logan’s presence at all. He ran his tongue up and down the sodden core, relishing the taste on his tongue before he raised up with slick and wet lips. His eyes glanced up at Logan, meeting his eyes and Kendall ran a tongue over his lower lip.

“Want a taste?” he asked and Logan swallowed, shaking his head ‘no’. Kendall hummed, dipping his head back down to kiss and suck on the pale skin, rubbing his thumb over her clit and earning a weak whimper and Lucy rolling her hips upwards in a wordless beg for more. Logan wanted to know how it would have felt if Kendall touched Logan that way, feeling his cock still so painfully hard in his pants. Wondering how Kendall would rub his thumb over his leaking head to feel in the slit and catch every single bead of precome that dripped. Kendall’s thumb dragged downwards, slipping two fingers into the warm heat and made Logan shiver as he flicked his wrist and scissored Lucy rough. She keened, Kendall kissing around her knee and bit down on her skin to leave a little red and purplish bruise as she tried to fuck herself back on them. Logan had a hand on the front of his pants again before he even could comprehend what he was doing, rubbing himself and moving his wrist at the same rate Kendall was moving his own.

Kendall growled into Lucy’s skin, moving his fingers rough inside of her and Logan watched her _writhe_ , coming physically undone as she screamed upwards. And in a second, Logan blinked and swore that he was watching himself. Watching his own naked body writhing and crying out for Kendall to make him come, Kendall licking his thighs and fucking him with those long fingers just as rough. A whimper fell from his mouth, coming out louder than he would have liked, but they didn’t hear him. Kendall was licking into her again, curving his tongue and trying to go deeper and deeper while she was trying to rock her hips and fuck herself on his mouth, spewing out curse words and colorful language that even Logan had never heard of.

Kendall moaned into her, Lucy shaking under his hold until she tensed and her toes curled, her mouth falling open with broken moans and gasps shuddering out that Logan wished would be coming from his own. Purely blissed and released, a state Logan wished he was experiencing instead of this pent up sexual frustration and feeling like he was about to explode. Lucy breathed in and ran a hand up her forehead and through her hair as Kendall leaned up and licked his lips with a smile.

“Not bad, Knight,” Lucy panted, closing her legs and sat on her knees. She wiped Kendall’s bottom lip with her thumb, smiling kindly at him before she stood up and grabbed her underwear to pull on. Kendall licked his lower lip, raising an eyebrow.

“What, we’re not going to finish?” he asked and gestured to his still hard member. Lucy then gestured to Logan.

“You got him. You said he was queer. Besides, looks like he has a little problem of his own,” Lucy commented and Logan quickly moved his hands behind his back, wishing he didn’t since now his confined erection was for their eyes to see. Kendall tilted his head in slight interest, Lucy tossing the blond a pack of cigarettes. “I’m off,” she replied, grabbing her clothes and tucked them under her arm. She walked with a sway in her hips, unlocking the door before she threw a wink over her shoulder at Logan. Logan swallowed, watching the girl leave and wishing that he would have went with her. But where would he go? Carlos was probably still ‘busy’, so he was still stuck here without a ride home.

Logan sat down on the carpeted ground, crossing his legs and keeping his eyes off of Kendall’s nude form until he heard the sound of a lighter and saw out of the corner of his eye a little flickering flame. He turned, Kendall lighting a cigarette in between his lips before he put the lighter away and pulled the cigarette out to give a puff.

“Looks like it’s just you and me, Kitten.”


	5. Chapter 5

Logan wasn’t very much sure how long he’d been sitting here in the quiet with Kendall. It could have only been a few minutes, it could have already been half an hour or more. The blond wasn’t going to make conversation with him, lying down and lazily smoking up the box of cigarettes, listening to the music with a content look on his face. It was starting to grow suffocating inside the space, smoke filling Logan’s nose and making him sick. He rose to his feet and moved to the window, pulling back the broken blinds to open it and let in the cold night air. He took in a fresh breath, looking up at the moon bright and big above him. It was like the moon he’d see when he still lived in the city, the city lights around them too bright to see the stars clearly. It made Logan feel nostalgic of home, and wished that he could be back home with Simon and Isaac and Laura all happy before Isaac’s death. Logan wondered if Isaac was amongst the stars now, watching Logan from above like the moon was. Logan wondered if his father was somewhere looking at the same moon and wondering about him and his mother like Logan thought about him.

He turned to look over his shoulder, Kendall still naked on the ground near him. The blond’s length had softened, pulling off the condom to toss in a corner of the dirty room. He looked at Logan with lazy bottle green eyes, Logan pulling his lower lip in between his teeth in slight nerves.

“You ever fucked a girl, Kitten?” Kendall asked and Logan turned away.

“You asked me that already.”

“Yeah, but how you choked when I asked you to join in proves otherwise. You ever kissed a girl?” Kendall asked and Logan crossed his arms.

“It’s none of your business,” he muttered and Kendall moved to get onto his feet. Logan froze in his spot, watching as Kendall took step after step closer to him, cigarette still burning between his soft lips. Logan shuddered, watching the gleam of the moonlight move over Kendall’s chest and bare shoulders, the faint muscle tone outlined as Kendall leaned forward and placed both of his hands on each side of Logan.

“You’re such a tease.”

“Just because you get ‘hot’ over me saying no doesn’t mean I’m a tease,” Logan said and Kendall leaned in close, Logan’s mind freezing and not knowing how to react in time. Not knowing how to stop Kendall from placing his lips onto his, warm and soft and Logan could feel the smoke slipping from Kendall’s lips, exhaling into his mouth. Instead of a gasp or a protest or _something_ to get Kendall away, Logan sighed and felt the smoke build from Kendall’s mouth and slip upwards into his nose. The taste of Kendall’s lips had a lingering of Lucy still on them, brandy and smoke. It was strange, it was nothing how Logan expected a kiss should taste. But it was so erotic and made Logan’s stomach tighten and toes curl into his shoes, his tongue pressing out and against Kendall’s lower lip to taste him fully.

Kendall pulled back, and that was when Logan’s sanity caught up to him. He coughed and hacked, turning towards the open window to try and breathe in fresh air before he turned with his hand covering his mouth. Kendall smiled, blowing a smoke ring with the hollow of his cheeks. “You liked that,” he said more than asked and Logan blushed.

“That was disgusting, don’t _ever_ kiss me.”

Kendall raised his hands, cocking his head as he smiled.

“How far have you ever gone with a girl?” he asked and Logan pursed his lips tight. “You ever. . .took her into your room and felt her up? Over the bra? Or maybe in her panties?” Kendall asked and Logan crossed his arms, wishing the boy would just stop. Kendall stepped forward. “Or maybe you had her in your car, in your lap. Nothing on and just feel her rocking against you _begging_ to fuck her-”

“I’m not a disgusting pig like you are,” Logan snapped and Kendall smiled.

“Course not, Kitten. You’re just a _virgin_. A _prude_.”

“I’m not! I don’t need to. . . _fuck_ anything that walks like you do!”

Kendall beamed even brighter. “Oh I _love_ it when you curse, Kitten. But I hate it when you lie to me. No better than the liars in that little society.”

“You listen here, I’m _nothing_ like them.”

“You’re a prude, Kitten. Course. . .you could have fucked someone. But that would mean you’re a slut, wouldn’t it?”

“No!”

“Yeah, I could see it now. Little Logan Mitchell batting his eyes and acting like he’s _so_ much more above fucking some street rat or pretty rich girl, but uses sex to get what he wants,” Kendall said mockingly and Logan frowned.

“I don’t _use_ anything.”

“That’s why you’re a tease.”

“I’m not a tease!” Logan shouted frustrated and Kendall shrugged.

“So admit it, have you ever fucked a girl?”

“Why do you _care_?”

“I’m curious. Come on, it’s not that hard to answer. . .I’ll take you home if you do,” Kendall said and Logan looked up at him. “I’ll get my clothes on and take you home right now, I’ll even sneak you back inside your place so your mom doesn’t notice. . .just answer the question, Kitten.”

Logan turned away, crossing his arms and biting his lower lip. He could still taste smoke on his tongue, could still taste Lucy on his lips and frustration just bubbled up inside his chest. He didn’t want to say _anything_ to the boy, it wasn’t his place to know. It wasn’t _anyone’s_ place to know business that was so intimate as that. Only people who should know were Logan and his partner when he finally got one. Logan kept his head down and turned away, hearing Kendall sigh. “You’re no fun,” Kendall grumbled and flopped down on the mattress.

“Then you can leave me. I’m perfectly fine being alone.”

“How come you didn’t stay at your place if you’re _perfectly fine_ being alone?”

“I didn’t want to stay with Ethel still there,” Logan said and Kendall turned onto his side.

“Do you feel like you’re a bad boy coming around here, Kitten? Hanging around with the tramps of society?”

“I’m not here to feel good about myself. I just. . .I just wanted to get away for the night.”

“. . .Come here,” Kendall said and Logan found himself moving to sit on his knees by the lumpy mattress. The grooves and springs were all awkward and sticking out at different angles, Logan not sure how Lucy would have found this thing comfortable to lie down on. “I’m going to be honest with you. I’m not sure if I trust you or if I like you. You’re still a scrubber like those society members and you’re a straight descendent from that old bat. I already have to deal with Carlos coming around here slutting it up with Dak, I don’t want any more of his little friends attaching themselves to my crowd.”

Logan frowned. “What’s the problem if I _did_ wanted to hang out with you?”

“Well there’s the fact that you’re prim and proper and _we_ aren’t. Your kind doesn’t mix well with mine and I don’t want Granny Mitchell coming around here with a crucifix and a mob for corrupting her perfect little grandson.”

Logan scoffed. “Like she really cares about me. She only cares about herself, she doesn’t even treat my mother like she’s a grown woman. She belittles her, treats her and me like we’re nothing but ignorant children. She wouldn’t blame you, she’d just blame me and my mother. She already does because I’m gay.”

Kendall smiled. “So you _are_ a queer.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Fine, yes I am. Whatever, just shut up.”

Kendall chuckled, scooting closer and let his long fingers pinch at the fabric of Logan’s dress shirt. “You never touched a girl, huh? You touched a boy?”

“I. . .No.”

“. . .You ever wanted to _be_ touched?” Kendall asked, looking up at Logan through his eyelashes. He moved his hand from the fabric of Logan’s shirt to Logan’s knee, feeling upwards and around his inner thigh. Logan shuddered, watching the thin and nimble fingers gently trace little designs up and down, feeling and squeezing lightly. “When was the last time a boy touched you? Really rough, grabbing you and pulling you up against him just so you could feel how hard you got him? How thick he is and how _bad_ he wants to fuck you?”

Logan’s response was a whimper, feeling himself getting hard again as Kendall tickled his fingers upwards and so dangerously close to his groin. “You ever had your legs spread like a girl? So the guy could just rub himself against you, trying to get the both of you off but he just can’t go fast enough?” Kendall asked, his voice a light whisper as he pressed his lips into the nape of Logan’s neck. He didn’t realize how hot he was becoming and the cooling touch of Kendall’s tongue on his skin made him gasp. Kendall clicked his tongue once, twice, before he kissed Logan’s skin and dragged his upper teeth over it. “You ever been bent over before, hands and knees with your face to the ground and your ass nice and high in the air? And the guy is just fucking into you, nice and hard til you’re gaping open and still wanting more?”

Kendall’s hands moved, gripping Logan’s legs and pulled them apart nice and wide. Logan squeaked, grabbing onto the edge of the mattress as Kendall looked down at him, Logan’s ankles held in his tight grasp. “You want to escape for the night? I’ll take you wherever you’d like.” Kendall pulled Logan’s sock down just a bit to kiss at his ankle and Logan bit his lower lip. “Course, I’ll stop if you want. . .do you want me to stop?”

“. . .If you’re doing this just to be funny-”

“No, I’m doing this because I’m at an orgy and I still haven’t had a decent shag,” Kendall said bluntly and leaned forward, Logan giving out another loud squeak when Kendall’s pelvis slid across his own. “You like how that feels, Kitten? Bet it’d feel even better when you get yours out too,” he purred, Logan looking down. Kendall was getting hard, red head rubbing against the material of Logan’s pants and drawing little misshapen designs with the little beads of precome that fell from the slit. Logan moaned, something that should have disgusted him but only making him want _more_ of it. Kendall smiled over him and dragged his hands to hold Logan down by his hips.

He pressed his thumbs into the side of Logan’s stomach, unbuttoning Logan’s pants and pulled them down his thighs. Logan gulped, balling his hands tight in fear.

“I-I don’t want to-”

“I’m not going to fuck you,” Kendall said, leaning down to kiss along the crest of Logan’s hipbones. He was so skinny and pale, small underneath Kendall’s big hands. He licked a broad stripe over the waistband of Logan’s briefs, looking back up to the brunet’s worried yes. “At least, not yet.”

“W-What do you-”

“Just relax, Kitten. Do you want me to stop?” Kendall asked again and Logan sucked in a breath, his hands still balled tight and stomach clenched. Kendall held Logan by the soft flesh of his thigh, paler than Lucy’s and not as soft, kissing up it and bit down hard. He dragged his mouth upwards to Logan’s calf, his eyes locking with Logan’s as he grazed his teeth and mouthed at Logan’s skin. “You ever been licked out? To the point where you’re just dripping between your legs and down your thighs?” Kendall asked into Logan’s skin and Logan shuddered out a breath just thinking about it. Kendall smiled and kissed Logan’s calf. “Get on your tummy, Kitten,” he said sweetly, throwing Logan off, but the brunet did as he was told.

He felt so vulnerable, his face down in the mattress that smelled of dust and sweat and cum. He raised his face upwards, propping himself on his elbows and looked over his shoulder. Kendall kissed in between his shoulder blades and down his spine, his big hands grabbing at Logan’s ass and squeezed his cheeks in his hands. Logan watched with fluttering eyes as Kendall’s fingers wrapped around the brim of his underwear, pulling it down and left Logan completely exposed. Humiliation surfaced to Logan’s skin, wanting to take it all back and pull back on his pants and underwear, before he would forget Carlos and break out into a run just to go back home. This was new to him, this was foreign and this was _scary_. Not so the fact that Kendall was touching him and kissing him and licking at all the little napes and fleshy spots of his body just how he liked, but because Logan didn’t know what was going to come next. He didn’t know sex like Isaac did, or Carlos or Kendall did either. He could only grip the mattress in anticipation, feeling Kendall kiss down the small of his back.

“Tell me if this feels weird and you want me to stop,” Kendall said, taking the supple mounds and spreading Logan nice and wide, his hole on perfect display. Logan clamped his lips tight, trembling in Kendall’s hold as he felt the tip of Kendall’s tongue press against his entrance. Kendall makes a moan that sounds so raw, like Logan was the best thing Kendall ever tasted, better than Lucy and better than any past fucks before. It makes Logan only tremble more, Kendall staying that way before he flattened his tongue and licked a broad stripe up the crease of his ass before he dragged it back down and circled it around the rim. His fingers dug into Logan’s cheeks roughly, running his tongue slowly around Logan’s rim and back up the crease, holding Logan open as he went down and flicked his tongue over Logan’s balls.

Logan gave a little squirm, whimpering out something that sounded like Kendall’s name, but Logan wasn’t even sure himself. Kendall hummed, licking another stripe over Logan’s entrance. “You okay, Kitten?”

“U-Uh-huh,” Logan whimpered, burying his face into his hands as Kendall bit where Logan’s thigh met with his behind.

“Yeah? Feels good?”

Logan only muffled something into his hands, something shameful he didn’t want Kendall to hear: ‘ _Yes_ ’.

Kendall grabbed Logan’s cheeks and spread him open again, holding him tight as he pressed the tip of his tongue at his entrance once more. He continued to press and push forward the tip of his tongue inside of Logan, hearing Logan beginning to muffle and cry and pant into his hands in a desperate attempt to keep quiet. He was torn between feeling shame and feeling pleasure. He didn’t _want_ to like this, he shouldn’t be doing something like this no matter how annoyed he was with Ethel. Sex was something that should be with Logan’s true love, his partner and the person he was going to be with for life. Instead, here he was with his legs spread and thighs quivering, a boy that may or may not like him slowly fucking him with his tongue and Logan loving every single second of it.

Kendall was moaning behind him, his tongue licking into him and Logan knows he’s clenching tight around it every time it surges forward. The room was becoming too hot, even with the window open and cold night air blowing inside. Kendall’s hot breath and tongue moved against him, making that same clickclickclick noise wet and sloppy before he panted hard and moaned at Logan’s taste.

Logan was whimpering into his hands, Kendall’s name stumbling from his lips clumsy and inexperienced. Sometimes he would feel Kendall mouth Logan’s own name into Logan’s skin, growling into his sopping entrance how fucking _hard_ Logan was going to come just from Kendall rimming him. Logan’s thighs were wet and shaky, his cock sandwiched between his stomach and the dirty mattress beneath him was leaking and occasionally rubbing its sensitive head against the material when Logan would lean up and move with Kendall’s tongue.

Logan was able to make his keening moans about Kendall be heard when he felt Kendall gently trace a finger down his sac and back up, circling around Logan’s constricting entrance as he blew a cool stream of air over it. He clenched the edge of the mattress tight and buried his face into the material, not caring about the smell of it no longer and breathed in all of the filth the same time he exhaled a cry of Kendall’s name. Something warm and sticky spilled out over his stomach and his clothes, seeping onto his sweaty skin as Kendall panted against him and sealed his lips around Logan’s fluttering entrance before he pulled back and spat on it. Logan panted, feeling Kendall run two fingers over his hole and pressed wet pads against it.

Kendall dragged his hand up Logan’s spine, Logan squirming when he felt something hot and thick slip between his cheeks and up the crease the same time Kendall breathed out a moan.

“W-What are you doing?”

“Just rubbing against you, Kitten. I’m not going to fuck you,” Kendall murmured in a low rasp, smearing his precome over Logan’s skin. Logan turned his face to the side, watching Kendall’s face as he moved against him. He wasn’t like Logan, pale and pure in the moonlight. Kendall’s skin was a raw peachy red and sweaty, his mouth fallen open to pant and breathe out hard. And if Logan looked far enough, he could see the angry red tip of Kendall’s cock sliding against him, completely wet with it and Logan only buried his forehead down into the mattress, listening to Kendall’s wet pants and all the noises he was making to remember this moment for later nights when Logan was alone.

Kendall took his length in his hand, dragging the tip across Logan’s entrance slowly and shuddered out a moan the same time Logan tried to stifle his own. He pressed the head of his cock against it, Logan’s fingers gripping the edge of the mattress tight in nerves before Kendall pulled back and dragged it down again. His hips slid and moved and rocked, erratic and stuttering before he stopped and let out a filthy swear of profanities and Logan’s name fell from his mouth dirty and hot. Logan clenched the mattress when something sticky hit the backside of his legs, Kendall’s hands finding themselves on the side of Logan’s head as he continued to rock and ride and rub against him, the orgasm working its way out down his body and curling at his bare toes til Kendall was only breathing ragged above him and Logan was dripping between his legs.

Kendall was hovering over his body for a few more seconds, his breathing slowly coming down to normal, before he rolled off to the side and breathed content. Logan rolled onto his side and winced at the feeling, looking down at the mess he made on his front and the bottom of his shirt was sopping wet with his own semen. He felt filthy, absolutely _filthy_ and used. Logan didn’t understand how he could have allowed this to happen, it wasn’t like him at all. Self-consciousness came over him, quickly reaching to pull back up his underwear.

He sat there in silence, not sure of what to do next, before Kendall stirred beside him and sat on his knees.

“Come on,” he heard Kendall murmured, watching the blond stand and move to grab his clothes.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you home. You want to go home, Kitten?”

Logan looked down at the mattress, the stain seeping into the fabric. “Logan,” Kendall said and Logan looked up. His name didn’t come out in that teasing tone, or a tone that sounded like Kendall would spit on the likes of him. It was concerned and warm, something Logan wouldn’t have ever expected to come from the lips of a greaser. “You want me to take you home, Kitten?”

“. . .Yes, please,” Logan said quietly, taking his pants and pulled them on as well. The stickiness was starting to dry over Logan’s legs as he stood up, feeling it trickle downwards and he scrunched his nose in slight disgust. He watched Kendall pull on his own clothing lazy and slow, relishing in the afterglow of their little tryst in the moonlight. “Would anyone notice you left?”

“Don’t really care,” Kendall muttered as he buttoned his jeans. “Carlos usually doesn’t leave these parties until two or something.”

“But tomorrow’s Sunday tea, isn’t he a part of the society too?”

Kendall snorted. “You expect him to show? He’ll be too shitfaced and hungover to even play a ukulele or hold a little teacup,” Kendall stated and pulled on his boots, stomping out the dirt that settled in the grooves of his heel. “Let’s go,” he replied, Logan nodding his head and following Kendall out the door. It was quieter now, the music not as loud and thumping as it was before Logan hid inside. But there were still moans and pleasured whimpers that echoed through the halls as they walked down them, sounding like haunting melodies and a siren’s song beckoning Logan to just linger with them for a little bit longer.

He wrapped arms around himself as both of them stepped out into the night air, cool breeze moving over his skin and cooled himself down. Logan followed the tall blond close, over to where the old roadster was parked by a fire hydrant. Kendall dug into his pockets and fished out the keys, unlocking the door for Logan to climb inside. It was a smaller fit than Carlos’ slightly more expensive car, and it was cluttered with auto items and CD cases. He squirmed, trying to get adjusted in the uncomfortable seat and the semen crusting along his inner thighs as he buckled himself inside.

Kendall climbed inside and started the engine, Logan looking over at the blond. “Don’t you wear a seatbelt?”

“Don’t be such a Boy Scout,” Kendall said annoyed and Logan frowned. Well that sweet concern didn’t last long, the brunet turning away with a huff and crossed his arms. Kendall rolled his eyes, tugging the seatbelt on and clicked it shut, before he pulled away from the curb and turned down the street towards the city. “You listen to Rolling Stones?” Kendall asked and picked up a CD for Logan to see.

“I never listened to them.”

“ _Never_ listened to the Rolling Stones? Christ, how could you even call yourself a musician?” Kendall asked and Logan scoffed. “How about Queen?”

“Nope.”

“The Beatles?”

“Afraid not.”

“Led Zeppelin? The Doors?”

“Nope and nope.”

“Kitten, I worry for you,” Kendall said and Logan hid his smile. “Does Granny Mitchell think rock and roll is the devil’s music?”

“It doesn’t have to do with her. My father always played classical music when I was younger, just to appreciate the talent and finesse.”

“And who’s to say that there isn’t talent and finesse in rock and roll? Just because they aren’t dressed in some stuffy shirt with powdered wigs and sipping on tea doesn’t mean the music isn’t bad,” Kendall said and slipped the CD inside the player, drumming his fingers over the steering wheel to the opening drums. Logan reached down and picked up a random CD case, flipping it over to read the track listing.

“‘Sympathy for the Devil’? Grandmother would want to have me exorcised if she heard me listening to this,” Logan said with a shake of his head and Kendall smiled bright. He reached up and turned the knob of the music high, the music beginning to blare and the piano chords thudded in Logan’s bones.

“Then call the priest cause we’re going to hell anyways!” Kendall shouted out, honking his horn loud as he turned wild onto the next street. Logan put a hand to his mouth to stifle his laugh, the blond looking over at him with a grin. “See? Not so hard to loosen up.”

“Well, I was raised on manners. Not my fault I like to stick with them.”

“You were raised to be a prude. Hell, if you were a girl I’m sure Granny Mitchell would have sent you off to a nunnery just so some filthy young man couldn’t tempt you into sin.” Kendall began to smile. “You’d look good in a Catholic school girl uniform.”

“You’re so perverted.”

“You love it though, I know you do. Those little cookie cutter country boys aren’t anything compared to me. How many of them could fix a car or a motorcycle with their own bare hands? Bet none of them could even change a tire without calling for Daddy to pay someone to do it for them. And I _know_ I fuck better than all of them.”

“And you have more horrid language than they do.”

“What, do you call it ‘making love’?” Kendall asked with a fake flutter of his eyes and in a dazed voice. “You probably like it so vanilla, huh? Missionary with the lights off?”

“I. . .I don’t know, it’s sweet that way,” Logan said quietly and Kendall scoffed.

“You’d be such a boring lay, Kitten.”

“Good thing I don’t have any intention on sleeping with you,” Logan said curtly, thinking about Kendall’s tongue between his legs, the rubbing of Kendall’s cock, the breathy promise that Kendall wasn’t going to fuck him _yet_. He shuddered, legs crossing at the thought and swallowed hard. “I. . .I don’t want you telling Carlos about what we did. None of your friends either.”

“I don’t talk about who I do at orgies anyways, not like I’m going to brag. We didn’t even do much, it wasn’t that much of a fucking spectacle to even bother mentioning.”

“. . .Whatever,” Logan murmured, pretending he didn’t hear the hurt pitch in his voice that risen in his throat. It meant nothing, what he and Kendall did had no sole purpose other than to get their rocks off. It shouldn’t have surprised Logan, it shouldn’t have bothered Logan as much as it did now. He slumped in his seat, Kendall getting a cigarette out with his teeth.

“Want a smoke?”

“You shouldn’t be smoking, it’s bad for you.”

“Don’t be such a pansy,” Kendall mumbled around it with a drawl of his tongue. “It makes me feel good.”

“And you feel bad sometimes?”

“Not everything can be sunshine and lollipops like in your world, Kitten.”

“My world isn’t perfect,” Logan said with a huff and Kendall chuckled, blowing smoke through his nostrils as he lit his cigarette.

“You’re the poster child of perfection, Kitten. Rich school, cute face, wholesome values, and you reek of virginity. Nice and pure,” Kendall said, blowing a stream of smoke from his lips as they turned down their street and parked right in front of his house. “You think you’ll get in all right without your mom noticing?”

Logan glanced up to her bedroom window, the lights off and the curtain pulled back. “I’m sure she’s asleep, she has to be ready for Sunday tea tomorrow like I do.”

“You’re actually going to go? Why not skip?”

“I can’t and you know that.”

“Boy Scout,” Kendall teased and blew a smoke ring towards Logan. He fanned it away with a frown, unbuckling his seatbelt as Kendall relaxed in his seat still smoking away.

“Aren’t you going to go inside? It’s cold out here.”

“Are we going to fuck if I come inside with you?”

Logan blushed. “I meant go to your own home! Absolutely not!”

“I already eaten you out, why not return the favor?” Kendall said with a wink and Logan huffed, getting out of the car and slammed it shut behind him. He turned with his nose in the air, walking around the car and stepped onto the sidewalk before he paused at Kendall calling out his little pet name. He turned, mesmerized by the orange glow that illuminated Kendall’s face in the dark. His eyes were shiny, the smoke billowed from his lips and his nose and snaked over his features. He looked positively sinful, Logan feeling like the smell of the cigarette was drawing him back in, the want to taste Kendall’s tongue on his own crawling up his spine. “Goodnight, Kitten.”

“. . .Goodnight, Kendall,” Logan said quietly, shaking his head and quickly turned away before he did something he would regret. Running back to the car to fall in the boy’s arms and inhale every single scent and swallow every breath of Kendall he could, Logan fighting the want and only running faster through his backyard to the back porch. He fished out one of the keys from the planter and unlocked the door, quietly stepping inside and locked the door back shut. Logan walked through the dark house and up the steps, creeping down the hallway and past his mother’s bedroom door.

He peered inside, the woman clinging a set of pillows tight to her bodice, her long brown hair falling into her face as she snuggled into what should have been Logan’s father. Logan gave a soft sigh before he continued to his bedroom and began to peel off all of his clothing to wash later. When he pulled his underwear off, he hissed at the disgusting feeling drying on his legs, quickly moving to his bathroom across the hall to wet a towel and begin to wipe himself off. Once he felt he was clean, he tossed the towel into the hamper and lazily dragged his feet back into his bedroom to crawl underneath the covers and hold his pillows tight to his body.

He allowed his mind to wander and his eyes to drift shut, dreaming about the sound of guitars and beating drums as fast as his heart, and clouds of smoke falling from lips he wished he didn’t want to kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Logan wasn’t very much sure how long he’d been sitting here in the quiet with Kendall. It could have only been a few minutes, it could have already been half an hour or more. The blond wasn’t going to make conversation with him, lying down and lazily smoking up the box of cigarettes, listening to the music with a content look on his face. It was starting to grow suffocating inside the space, smoke filling Logan’s nose and making him sick. He rose to his feet and moved to the window, pulling back the broken blinds to open it and let in the cold night air. He took in a fresh breath, looking up at the moon bright and big above him. It was like the moon he’d see when he still lived in the city, the city lights around them too bright to see the stars clearly. It made Logan feel nostalgic of home, and wished that he could be back home with Simon and Isaac and Laura all happy before Isaac’s death. Logan wondered if Isaac was amongst the stars now, watching Logan from above like the moon was. Logan wondered if his father was somewhere looking at the same moon and wondering about him and his mother like Logan thought about him.

He turned to look over his shoulder, Kendall still naked on the ground near him. The blond’s length had softened, pulling off the condom to toss in a corner of the dirty room. He looked at Logan with lazy bottle green eyes, Logan pulling his lower lip in between his teeth in slight nerves.

“You ever fucked a girl, Kitten?” Kendall asked and Logan turned away.

“You asked me that already.”

“Yeah, but how you choked when I asked you to join in proves otherwise. You ever kissed a girl?” Kendall asked and Logan crossed his arms.

“It’s none of your business,” he muttered and Kendall moved to get onto his feet. Logan froze in his spot, watching as Kendall took step after step closer to him, cigarette still burning between his soft lips. Logan shuddered, watching the gleam of the moonlight move over Kendall’s chest and bare shoulders, the faint muscle tone outlined as Kendall leaned forward and placed both of his hands on each side of Logan.

“You’re such a tease.”

“Just because you get ‘hot’ over me saying no doesn’t mean I’m a tease,” Logan said and Kendall leaned in close, Logan’s mind freezing and not knowing how to react in time. Not knowing how to stop Kendall from placing his lips onto his, warm and soft and Logan could feel the smoke slipping from Kendall’s lips, exhaling into his mouth. Instead of a gasp or a protest or _something_ to get Kendall away, Logan sighed and felt the smoke build from Kendall’s mouth and slip upwards into his nose. The taste of Kendall’s lips had a lingering of Lucy still on them, brandy and smoke. It was strange, it was nothing how Logan expected a kiss should taste. But it was so erotic and made Logan’s stomach tighten and toes curl into his shoes, his tongue pressing out and against Kendall’s lower lip to taste him fully.

Kendall pulled back, and that was when Logan’s sanity caught up to him. He coughed and hacked, turning towards the open window to try and breathe in fresh air before he turned with his hand covering his mouth. Kendall smiled, blowing a smoke ring with the hollow of his cheeks. “You liked that,” he said more than asked and Logan blushed.

“That was disgusting, don’t _ever_ kiss me.”

Kendall raised his hands, cocking his head as he smiled.

“How far have you ever gone with a girl?” he asked and Logan pursed his lips tight. “You ever. . .took her into your room and felt her up? Over the bra? Or maybe in her panties?” Kendall asked and Logan crossed his arms, wishing the boy would just stop. Kendall stepped forward. “Or maybe you had her in your car, in your lap. Nothing on and just feel her rocking against you _begging_ to fuck her-”

“I’m not a disgusting pig like you are,” Logan snapped and Kendall smiled.

“Course not, Kitten. You’re just a _virgin_. A _prude_.”

“I’m not! I don’t need to. . . _fuck_ anything that walks like you do!”

Kendall beamed even brighter. “Oh I _love_ it when you curse, Kitten. But I hate it when you lie to me. No better than the liars in that little society.”

“You listen here, I’m _nothing_ like them.”

“You’re a prude, Kitten. Course. . .you could have fucked someone. But that would mean you’re a slut, wouldn’t it?”

“No!”

“Yeah, I could see it now. Little Logan Mitchell batting his eyes and acting like he’s _so_ much more above fucking some street rat or pretty rich girl, but uses sex to get what he wants,” Kendall said mockingly and Logan frowned.

“I don’t _use_ anything.”

“That’s why you’re a tease.”

“I’m not a tease!” Logan shouted frustrated and Kendall shrugged.

“So admit it, have you ever fucked a girl?”

“Why do you _care_?”

“I’m curious. Come on, it’s not that hard to answer. . .I’ll take you home if you do,” Kendall said and Logan looked up at him. “I’ll get my clothes on and take you home right now, I’ll even sneak you back inside your place so your mom doesn’t notice. . .just answer the question, Kitten.”

Logan turned away, crossing his arms and biting his lower lip. He could still taste smoke on his tongue, could still taste Lucy on his lips and frustration just bubbled up inside his chest. He didn’t want to say _anything_ to the boy, it wasn’t his place to know. It wasn’t _anyone’s_ place to know business that was so intimate as that. Only people who should know were Logan and his partner when he finally got one. Logan kept his head down and turned away, hearing Kendall sigh. “You’re no fun,” Kendall grumbled and flopped down on the mattress.

“Then you can leave me. I’m perfectly fine being alone.”

“How come you didn’t stay at your place if you’re _perfectly fine_ being alone?”

“I didn’t want to stay with Ethel still there,” Logan said and Kendall turned onto his side.

“Do you feel like you’re a bad boy coming around here, Kitten? Hanging around with the tramps of society?”

“I’m not here to feel good about myself. I just. . .I just wanted to get away for the night.”

“. . .Come here,” Kendall said and Logan found himself moving to sit on his knees by the lumpy mattress. The grooves and springs were all awkward and sticking out at different angles, Logan not sure how Lucy would have found this thing comfortable to lie down on. “I’m going to be honest with you. I’m not sure if I trust you or if I like you. You’re still a scrubber like those society members and you’re a straight descendent from that old bat. I already have to deal with Carlos coming around here slutting it up with Dak, I don’t want any more of his little friends attaching themselves to my crowd.”

Logan frowned. “What’s the problem if I _did_ wanted to hang out with you?”

“Well there’s the fact that you’re prim and proper and _we_ aren’t. Your kind doesn’t mix well with mine and I don’t want Granny Mitchell coming around here with a crucifix and a mob for corrupting her perfect little grandson.”

Logan scoffed. “Like she really cares about me. She only cares about herself, she doesn’t even treat my mother like she’s a grown woman. She belittles her, treats her and me like we’re nothing but ignorant children. She wouldn’t blame you, she’d just blame me and my mother. She already does because I’m gay.”

Kendall smiled. “So you _are_ a queer.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Fine, yes I am. Whatever, just shut up.”

Kendall chuckled, scooting closer and let his long fingers pinch at the fabric of Logan’s dress shirt. “You never touched a girl, huh? You touched a boy?”

“I. . .No.”

“. . .You ever wanted to _be_ touched?” Kendall asked, looking up at Logan through his eyelashes. He moved his hand from the fabric of Logan’s shirt to Logan’s knee, feeling upwards and around his inner thigh. Logan shuddered, watching the thin and nimble fingers gently trace little designs up and down, feeling and squeezing lightly. “When was the last time a boy touched you? Really rough, grabbing you and pulling you up against him just so you could feel how hard you got him? How thick he is and how _bad_ he wants to fuck you?”

Logan’s response was a whimper, feeling himself getting hard again as Kendall tickled his fingers upwards and so dangerously close to his groin. “You ever had your legs spread like a girl? So the guy could just rub himself against you, trying to get the both of you off but he just can’t go fast enough?” Kendall asked, his voice a light whisper as he pressed his lips into the nape of Logan’s neck. He didn’t realize how hot he was becoming and the cooling touch of Kendall’s tongue on his skin made him gasp. Kendall clicked his tongue once, twice, before he kissed Logan’s skin and dragged his upper teeth over it. “You ever been bent over before, hands and knees with your face to the ground and your ass nice and high in the air? And the guy is just fucking into you, nice and hard til you’re gaping open and still wanting more?”

Kendall’s hands moved, gripping Logan’s legs and pulled them apart nice and wide. Logan squeaked, grabbing onto the edge of the mattress as Kendall looked down at him, Logan’s ankles held in his tight grasp. “You want to escape for the night? I’ll take you wherever you’d like.” Kendall pulled Logan’s sock down just a bit to kiss at his ankle and Logan bit his lower lip. “Course, I’ll stop if you want. . .do you want me to stop?”

“. . .If you’re doing this just to be funny-”

“No, I’m doing this because I’m at an orgy and I still haven’t had a decent shag,” Kendall said bluntly and leaned forward, Logan giving out another loud squeak when Kendall’s pelvis slid across his own. “You like how that feels, Kitten? Bet it’d feel even better when you get yours out too,” he purred, Logan looking down. Kendall was getting hard, red head rubbing against the material of Logan’s pants and drawing little misshapen designs with the little beads of precome that fell from the slit. Logan moaned, something that should have disgusted him but only making him want _more_ of it. Kendall smiled over him and dragged his hands to hold Logan down by his hips.

He pressed his thumbs into the side of Logan’s stomach, unbuttoning Logan’s pants and pulled them down his thighs. Logan gulped, balling his hands tight in fear.

“I-I don’t want to-”

“I’m not going to fuck you,” Kendall said, leaning down to kiss along the crest of Logan’s hipbones. He was so skinny and pale, small underneath Kendall’s big hands. He licked a broad stripe over the waistband of Logan’s briefs, looking back up to the brunet’s worried yes. “At least, not yet.”

“W-What do you-”

“Just relax, Kitten. Do you want me to stop?” Kendall asked again and Logan sucked in a breath, his hands still balled tight and stomach clenched. Kendall held Logan by the soft flesh of his thigh, paler than Lucy’s and not as soft, kissing up it and bit down hard. He dragged his mouth upwards to Logan’s calf, his eyes locking with Logan’s as he grazed his teeth and mouthed at Logan’s skin. “You ever been licked out? To the point where you’re just dripping between your legs and down your thighs?” Kendall asked into Logan’s skin and Logan shuddered out a breath just thinking about it. Kendall smiled and kissed Logan’s calf. “Get on your tummy, Kitten,” he said sweetly, throwing Logan off, but the brunet did as he was told.

He felt so vulnerable, his face down in the mattress that smelled of dust and sweat and cum. He raised his face upwards, propping himself on his elbows and looked over his shoulder. Kendall kissed in between his shoulder blades and down his spine, his big hands grabbing at Logan’s ass and squeezed his cheeks in his hands. Logan watched with fluttering eyes as Kendall’s fingers wrapped around the brim of his underwear, pulling it down and left Logan completely exposed. Humiliation surfaced to Logan’s skin, wanting to take it all back and pull back on his pants and underwear, before he would forget Carlos and break out into a run just to go back home. This was new to him, this was foreign and this was _scary_. Not so the fact that Kendall was touching him and kissing him and licking at all the little napes and fleshy spots of his body just how he liked, but because Logan didn’t know what was going to come next. He didn’t know sex like Isaac did, or Carlos or Kendall did either. He could only grip the mattress in anticipation, feeling Kendall kiss down the small of his back.

“Tell me if this feels weird and you want me to stop,” Kendall said, taking the supple mounds and spreading Logan nice and wide, his hole on perfect display. Logan clamped his lips tight, trembling in Kendall’s hold as he felt the tip of Kendall’s tongue press against his entrance. Kendall makes a moan that sounds so raw, like Logan was the best thing Kendall ever tasted, better than Lucy and better than any past fucks before. It makes Logan only tremble more, Kendall staying that way before he flattened his tongue and licked a broad stripe up the crease of his ass before he dragged it back down and circled it around the rim. His fingers dug into Logan’s cheeks roughly, running his tongue slowly around Logan’s rim and back up the crease, holding Logan open as he went down and flicked his tongue over Logan’s balls.

Logan gave a little squirm, whimpering out something that sounded like Kendall’s name, but Logan wasn’t even sure himself. Kendall hummed, licking another stripe over Logan’s entrance. “You okay, Kitten?”

“U-Uh-huh,” Logan whimpered, burying his face into his hands as Kendall bit where Logan’s thigh met with his behind.

“Yeah? Feels good?”

Logan only muffled something into his hands, something shameful he didn’t want Kendall to hear: ‘ _Yes_ ’.

Kendall grabbed Logan’s cheeks and spread him open again, holding him tight as he pressed the tip of his tongue at his entrance once more. He continued to press and push forward the tip of his tongue inside of Logan, hearing Logan beginning to muffle and cry and pant into his hands in a desperate attempt to keep quiet. He was torn between feeling shame and feeling pleasure. He didn’t _want_ to like this, he shouldn’t be doing something like this no matter how annoyed he was with Ethel. Sex was something that should be with Logan’s true love, his partner and the person he was going to be with for life. Instead, here he was with his legs spread and thighs quivering, a boy that may or may not like him slowly fucking him with his tongue and Logan loving every single second of it.

Kendall was moaning behind him, his tongue licking into him and Logan knows he’s clenching tight around it every time it surges forward. The room was becoming too hot, even with the window open and cold night air blowing inside. Kendall’s hot breath and tongue moved against him, making that same clickclickclick noise wet and sloppy before he panted hard and moaned at Logan’s taste.

Logan was whimpering into his hands, Kendall’s name stumbling from his lips clumsy and inexperienced. Sometimes he would feel Kendall mouth Logan’s own name into Logan’s skin, growling into his sopping entrance how fucking _hard_ Logan was going to come just from Kendall rimming him. Logan’s thighs were wet and shaky, his cock sandwiched between his stomach and the dirty mattress beneath him was leaking and occasionally rubbing its sensitive head against the material when Logan would lean up and move with Kendall’s tongue.

Logan was able to make his keening moans about Kendall be heard when he felt Kendall gently trace a finger down his sac and back up, circling around Logan’s constricting entrance as he blew a cool stream of air over it. He clenched the edge of the mattress tight and buried his face into the material, not caring about the smell of it no longer and breathed in all of the filth the same time he exhaled a cry of Kendall’s name. Something warm and sticky spilled out over his stomach and his clothes, seeping onto his sweaty skin as Kendall panted against him and sealed his lips around Logan’s fluttering entrance before he pulled back and spat on it. Logan panted, feeling Kendall run two fingers over his hole and pressed wet pads against it.

Kendall dragged his hand up Logan’s spine, Logan squirming when he felt something hot and thick slip between his cheeks and up the crease the same time Kendall breathed out a moan.

“W-What are you doing?”

“Just rubbing against you, Kitten. I’m not going to fuck you,” Kendall murmured in a low rasp, smearing his precome over Logan’s skin. Logan turned his face to the side, watching Kendall’s face as he moved against him. He wasn’t like Logan, pale and pure in the moonlight. Kendall’s skin was a raw peachy red and sweaty, his mouth fallen open to pant and breathe out hard. And if Logan looked far enough, he could see the angry red tip of Kendall’s cock sliding against him, completely wet with it and Logan only buried his forehead down into the mattress, listening to Kendall’s wet pants and all the noises he was making to remember this moment for later nights when Logan was alone.

Kendall took his length in his hand, dragging the tip across Logan’s entrance slowly and shuddered out a moan the same time Logan tried to stifle his own. He pressed the head of his cock against it, Logan’s fingers gripping the edge of the mattress tight in nerves before Kendall pulled back and dragged it down again. His hips slid and moved and rocked, erratic and stuttering before he stopped and let out a filthy swear of profanities and Logan’s name fell from his mouth dirty and hot. Logan clenched the mattress when something sticky hit the backside of his legs, Kendall’s hands finding themselves on the side of Logan’s head as he continued to rock and ride and rub against him, the orgasm working its way out down his body and curling at his bare toes til Kendall was only breathing ragged above him and Logan was dripping between his legs.

Kendall was hovering over his body for a few more seconds, his breathing slowly coming down to normal, before he rolled off to the side and breathed content. Logan rolled onto his side and winced at the feeling, looking down at the mess he made on his front and the bottom of his shirt was sopping wet with his own semen. He felt filthy, absolutely _filthy_ and used. Logan didn’t understand how he could have allowed this to happen, it wasn’t like him at all. Self-consciousness came over him, quickly reaching to pull back up his underwear.

He sat there in silence, not sure of what to do next, before Kendall stirred beside him and sat on his knees.

“Come on,” he heard Kendall murmured, watching the blond stand and move to grab his clothes.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you home. You want to go home, Kitten?”

Logan looked down at the mattress, the stain seeping into the fabric. “Logan,” Kendall said and Logan looked up. His name didn’t come out in that teasing tone, or a tone that sounded like Kendall would spit on the likes of him. It was concerned and warm, something Logan wouldn’t have ever expected to come from the lips of a greaser. “You want me to take you home, Kitten?”

“. . .Yes, please,” Logan said quietly, taking his pants and pulled them on as well. The stickiness was starting to dry over Logan’s legs as he stood up, feeling it trickle downwards and he scrunched his nose in slight disgust. He watched Kendall pull on his own clothing lazy and slow, relishing in the afterglow of their little tryst in the moonlight. “Would anyone notice you left?”

“Don’t really care,” Kendall muttered as he buttoned his jeans. “Carlos usually doesn’t leave these parties until two or something.”

“But tomorrow’s Sunday tea, isn’t he a part of the society too?”

Kendall snorted. “You expect him to show? He’ll be too shitfaced and hungover to even play a ukulele or hold a little teacup,” Kendall stated and pulled on his boots, stomping out the dirt that settled in the grooves of his heel. “Let’s go,” he replied, Logan nodding his head and following Kendall out the door. It was quieter now, the music not as loud and thumping as it was before Logan hid inside. But there were still moans and pleasured whimpers that echoed through the halls as they walked down them, sounding like haunting melodies and a siren’s song beckoning Logan to just linger with them for a little bit longer.

He wrapped arms around himself as both of them stepped out into the night air, cool breeze moving over his skin and cooled himself down. Logan followed the tall blond close, over to where the old roadster was parked by a fire hydrant. Kendall dug into his pockets and fished out the keys, unlocking the door for Logan to climb inside. It was a smaller fit than Carlos’ slightly more expensive car, and it was cluttered with auto items and CD cases. He squirmed, trying to get adjusted in the uncomfortable seat and the semen crusting along his inner thighs as he buckled himself inside.

Kendall climbed inside and started the engine, Logan looking over at the blond. “Don’t you wear a seatbelt?”

“Don’t be such a Boy Scout,” Kendall said annoyed and Logan frowned. Well that sweet concern didn’t last long, the brunet turning away with a huff and crossed his arms. Kendall rolled his eyes, tugging the seatbelt on and clicked it shut, before he pulled away from the curb and turned down the street towards the city. “You listen to Rolling Stones?” Kendall asked and picked up a CD for Logan to see.

“I never listened to them.”

“ _Never_ listened to the Rolling Stones? Christ, how could you even call yourself a musician?” Kendall asked and Logan scoffed. “How about Queen?”

“Nope.”

“The Beatles?”

“Afraid not.”

“Led Zeppelin? The Doors?”

“Nope and nope.”

“Kitten, I worry for you,” Kendall said and Logan hid his smile. “Does Granny Mitchell think rock and roll is the devil’s music?”

“It doesn’t have to do with her. My father always played classical music when I was younger, just to appreciate the talent and finesse.”

“And who’s to say that there isn’t talent and finesse in rock and roll? Just because they aren’t dressed in some stuffy shirt with powdered wigs and sipping on tea doesn’t mean the music isn’t bad,” Kendall said and slipped the CD inside the player, drumming his fingers over the steering wheel to the opening drums. Logan reached down and picked up a random CD case, flipping it over to read the track listing.

“‘Sympathy for the Devil’? Grandmother would want to have me exorcised if she heard me listening to this,” Logan said with a shake of his head and Kendall smiled bright. He reached up and turned the knob of the music high, the music beginning to blare and the piano chords thudded in Logan’s bones.

“Then call the priest cause we’re going to hell anyways!” Kendall shouted out, honking his horn loud as he turned wild onto the next street. Logan put a hand to his mouth to stifle his laugh, the blond looking over at him with a grin. “See? Not so hard to loosen up.”

“Well, I was raised on manners. Not my fault I like to stick with them.”

“You were raised to be a prude. Hell, if you were a girl I’m sure Granny Mitchell would have sent you off to a nunnery just so some filthy young man couldn’t tempt you into sin.” Kendall began to smile. “You’d look good in a Catholic school girl uniform.”

“You’re so perverted.”

“You love it though, I know you do. Those little cookie cutter country boys aren’t anything compared to me. How many of them could fix a car or a motorcycle with their own bare hands? Bet none of them could even change a tire without calling for Daddy to pay someone to do it for them. And I _know_ I fuck better than all of them.”

“And you have more horrid language than they do.”

“What, do you call it ‘making love’?” Kendall asked with a fake flutter of his eyes and in a dazed voice. “You probably like it so vanilla, huh? Missionary with the lights off?”

“I. . .I don’t know, it’s sweet that way,” Logan said quietly and Kendall scoffed.

“You’d be such a boring lay, Kitten.”

“Good thing I don’t have any intention on sleeping with you,” Logan said curtly, thinking about Kendall’s tongue between his legs, the rubbing of Kendall’s cock, the breathy promise that Kendall wasn’t going to fuck him _yet_. He shuddered, legs crossing at the thought and swallowed hard. “I. . .I don’t want you telling Carlos about what we did. None of your friends either.”

“I don’t talk about who I do at orgies anyways, not like I’m going to brag. We didn’t even do much, it wasn’t that much of a fucking spectacle to even bother mentioning.”

“. . .Whatever,” Logan murmured, pretending he didn’t hear the hurt pitch in his voice that risen in his throat. It meant nothing, what he and Kendall did had no sole purpose other than to get their rocks off. It shouldn’t have surprised Logan, it shouldn’t have bothered Logan as much as it did now. He slumped in his seat, Kendall getting a cigarette out with his teeth.

“Want a smoke?”

“You shouldn’t be smoking, it’s bad for you.”

“Don’t be such a pansy,” Kendall mumbled around it with a drawl of his tongue. “It makes me feel good.”

“And you feel bad sometimes?”

“Not everything can be sunshine and lollipops like in your world, Kitten.”

“My world isn’t perfect,” Logan said with a huff and Kendall chuckled, blowing smoke through his nostrils as he lit his cigarette.

“You’re the poster child of perfection, Kitten. Rich school, cute face, wholesome values, and you reek of virginity. Nice and pure,” Kendall said, blowing a stream of smoke from his lips as they turned down their street and parked right in front of his house. “You think you’ll get in all right without your mom noticing?”

Logan glanced up to her bedroom window, the lights off and the curtain pulled back. “I’m sure she’s asleep, she has to be ready for Sunday tea tomorrow like I do.”

“You’re actually going to go? Why not skip?”

“I can’t and you know that.”

“Boy Scout,” Kendall teased and blew a smoke ring towards Logan. He fanned it away with a frown, unbuckling his seatbelt as Kendall relaxed in his seat still smoking away.

“Aren’t you going to go inside? It’s cold out here.”

“Are we going to fuck if I come inside with you?”

Logan blushed. “I meant go to your own home! Absolutely not!”

“I already eaten you out, why not return the favor?” Kendall said with a wink and Logan huffed, getting out of the car and slammed it shut behind him. He turned with his nose in the air, walking around the car and stepped onto the sidewalk before he paused at Kendall calling out his little pet name. He turned, mesmerized by the orange glow that illuminated Kendall’s face in the dark. His eyes were shiny, the smoke billowed from his lips and his nose and snaked over his features. He looked positively sinful, Logan feeling like the smell of the cigarette was drawing him back in, the want to taste Kendall’s tongue on his own crawling up his spine. “Goodnight, Kitten.”

“. . .Goodnight, Kendall,” Logan said quietly, shaking his head and quickly turned away before he did something he would regret. Running back to the car to fall in the boy’s arms and inhale every single scent and swallow every breath of Kendall he could, Logan fighting the want and only running faster through his backyard to the back porch. He fished out one of the keys from the planter and unlocked the door, quietly stepping inside and locked the door back shut. Logan walked through the dark house and up the steps, creeping down the hallway and past his mother’s bedroom door.

He peered inside, the woman clinging a set of pillows tight to her bodice, her long brown hair falling into her face as she snuggled into what should have been Logan’s father. Logan gave a soft sigh before he continued to his bedroom and began to peel off all of his clothing to wash later. When he pulled his underwear off, he hissed at the disgusting feeling drying on his legs, quickly moving to his bathroom across the hall to wet a towel and begin to wipe himself off. Once he felt he was clean, he tossed the towel into the hamper and lazily dragged his feet back into his bedroom to crawl underneath the covers and hold his pillows tight to his body.

He allowed his mind to wander and his eyes to drift shut, dreaming about the sound of guitars and beating drums as fast as his heart, and clouds of smoke falling from lips he wished he didn’t want to kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

Sunday’s morning drive was positively dreadful, Logan’s eyes constantly drifting closed on the way to the country club from exhaustion. He could barely breathe in the stuffy suit and tie Ethel forced him into, his pale fingers going up every so often to slightly loosen his white tie. He should have found a way to escape this, he was far too exhausted to be leaving so early in the morning to sit around and play violin.

Logan looked over at his mother, Laura’s face caked in powder and bright pink blush and lips coral pink. She looked like a perfectly painted doll, smooth face and if pushed far enough, ready to crack. Ethel was sitting next to her, adjusting her feathered lavender hat while the chauffeur made the corner around the road. Ethel turned to look at her daughter, before she swatted Laura’s hand away from nervously biting at her painted nails.

“Stop that disgusting habit! Don’t you _dare_ bite your nails when we are around the other ladies!” Ethel hissed and Logan’s mother nervously pulled her lower lip in between her teeth and gripped tight at the front of her floral dress.

“Yes Mother,” she said quietly and Ethel scoffed, going back to fix her hat. Logan kept his sigh quiet, looking out the window at the passing evergreen trees and vineyards. This was different from the town grew up in, in the closed in busy city where his mother was a simple little receptionist. There was so much space out here, enough room for Logan to run and jump and explore to his liking _if_ a young gentleman was supposed to. The sky was bluer here than the usually gray and filled with smog one in the city; the scenery reminded him of those jigsaw puzzles that always made a beautiful painted picture when put together.

He watched how the sunlight shone through the tree leaves onto the paved road, little streams of golden light looking like they hung from the branches. It was definitely more beautiful here in this part of the town, Logan wasn’t sure if he’ll eventually end up enjoying it here or dreading it. The little black car went over a bridge, a little stream moving over stones and curved around the hillside. Logan drummed his fingers over the leather material of the door, feeling the car slowing to a stop in front of a large white building with garden roses growing in perfect little bushels around the white pillars.

There was a sign engraved in oak and spruce, painted pure white and a dark evergreen. _Coeur d’Coeur Country Club and Golf Course_ , simply oozed out snobbery and elegance. Logan slightly wrinkled his nose, watching as Grandmother’s chauffeur quickly opened the door for him and his mother to exit. The first breath of fresh air he had in a while, not realizing how stuffy the car was getting with Grandmother’s over-spritzed and suffocating perfume. It was nice, it was clean and crisp, and it had a cool breeze that ghosted over Logan’s dimples and through his hair.

“Sir?” he heard the chauffeur call and Logan turned, seeing the man holding out his violin case. Logan nodded, gingerly taking the instrument into his hold and stepped around the car to marvel at the country club. His grandmother was blabbering something to his mother about the history of the club, how fortuned she was to have her young gentlemen and women’s club meet here every Sunday afternoon for a spot of tea and music and other things that Logan wasn’t sure if he cared for or not. With a tilt of the head, he bit the inside of his cheek.

He was sure that Isaac would dread this place. Absolutely abhor it.

“Well come along then! Gawking at it isn’t going to do you any good!” Grandmother snapped and Logan sighed, adjusting his hold on his violin case. He took his mother’s arm in his own, Grandmother taking the lead and pushed open the large double doors. The inside of the hall smelled of lavender and honeysuckle, immaculate paintings that lined the cream and coral pink walls. There was only the sounds of his mother and grandmother’s heels clacking loudly against the marble floor, Logan having to hold his mother up from the woman awkwardly wobbling in her shoes.

She gave him a sorry look and he only smiled kindly at her, holding her tight as they made a right and tried to keep up with Grandmother’s quick pace. Not long, Logan could hear people talking and girls laughing shrill and high-pitched as they moved near a coral white door. Grandmother Mitchell paused, stopping to adjust her curls and the bright pink hat, before she glanced over her shoulder at Laura and Logan.

“Straighten your dress for God’s sake, Laura. Hortense, straighten your posture,” Grandmother snapped and Logan’s mother hastily tried to fix the wrinkles while Logan stood up straight with a small sigh. Grandmother turned, adjusting her shoulders back and held her head up high, before she opened the doors with a proud and wide gesture. The people inside the banquet hall all paused with eyes on the Mitchells, Logan trying to scope out the scene of young teens and a few older women sitting by themselves. He swallowed down a nervous gulp as his grandmother gestured over to them with a dainty hand. “Allow me to introduce to you all my daughter, Laura Mitchell, and my grandson, Hortense.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tad give a snicker and Logan fought to keep his frown down. He felt Ethel’s hand move around his back, stepping between him and Laura to begin directing Logan over towards Tad’s table and the familiar faces. Logan could feel her nails digging into his shoulder blade, though he wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or what. He looked around from Tad’s cocky expression to Beau’s sweet and kind one looking up at him in wonder as Ethel gestured to Logan once more. “I’m sure you have grown acquainted with each other during school?”

“Of course, Lady Mitchell,” Tad said politely and pulled out a chair for Logan to sit in. Logan only raised a suspicious eyebrow at the blond, before he slowly took his seat in between Tad and Beau. She clasped her hands together, looking around at the table with delighted eyes.

“Excellent! I’m sure you all will get along fetchingly! Perhaps you could all discuss performing together in the showcase?”

“It sounds like a splendid idea, Lady Mitchell,” Tyler chimed in ever so sweetly and she nodded before giving a look to Logan that was masked with sweetness. Her eyes were warning him to not screw anything up when she had her back turned, Logan only averting her gaze to focus on the perfectly polished silver laid out in front of him. The woman turned on her shiny heel, moving Laura over to the table of distinguished and rather judging elderly women. Logan wished he could be by his mother’s side at least, wishing he could be by someone he was comfortable with instead of boys he was trying to walk a thin line with.

Tad leaned forward, giving a little nudge to Logan. “James is probably out looking for the whore, huh boys?” he asked and the rest of them snickered, Logan looking around to find that James indeed was gone. Carlos was also absent, Logan figuring the boy must have skipped out like he should have. “He’s always gone,” Tad mentioned to Logan. “Whenever there’s one of those orgies, he takes the next day off. Probably trying to check if he caught something.”

“I heard he keeps going at it into the next day. Who _knows_ how many people he’s had in 48 hours? Probably hundreds,” Tyler said and Logan balled his hands into tight fists, not wanting to hear any of this but not finding the words to speak his mind. He turned though at the sound of the door opening, James walking inside the room with his own violin tucked under his arm. He first approached Ethel and the table of women, giving a polite bow and most likely explaining his tardiness. Ethel only smiled at him behind her teacup before she politely shooed him away to the boy’s table.

James approached them, his eyes flickering over to Logan slightly worried before he took a seat next to Beau and Tad began to grin even more. “You couldn’t find him, huh?”

“He wasn’t at his house,” James murmured and Tad snorted.

“Oh, I get it. He doesn’t _want_ to be found.”

“Dude, you just need to drop it. He’s a lost cause, he’s going to slut it up with everyone and he can’t be saved,” Tyler said with a shrug and James shot him a look.

“He’s my _friend_.”

“Then you should find another one. He obviously found his own crowd he wants to hang around,” Tad said with a disgusted sneer and James looked down, his fists on the table and trying to keep his cool. He must have been so worried about Carlos, Logan not sure where Carlos could have even ended up when the party was over. Whether he went with Dak or gone home by himself, if he was even concerned that Logan hadn’t left the party with him. He didn’t receive a text or a call from the boy this morning, only hoping that he was alright.

He heard someone clear their throat behind him and Logan turned, seeing Ethel standing up and giving a little clap. “Well, now that James has joined us, I believe we should start with our first performance-”

“Shouldn’t we wait if Carlos comes?” Logan asked aloud, Ethel’s face turning a blotchy red at the Latino’s name while everyone around him either shook their heads or murmured a laugh. She clenched her teeth tight, eyes annoyed and irritated.

“No. We’re not going to wait for someone who _chooses_ to disrespect the society’s rule of tardiness. Now then, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, it’s time for our first performance. My grandson Hortense is an _excellent_ violin player. He’s been playing ever since he was a little tot so you might consider him a prodigy. Course, it’s understandable that he inherited it from me, I _was_ the Mayfield Violinist Champion for eight years when I was a young girl.” Logan had to roll his eyes in annoyance at the woman’s bragging. His _father_ was the one Logan got his skills from since it was his _father_ that taught him. But it was very much like Ethel to always make it so every conversation somehow involved her.

Ethel then made a gesture towards Logan with a dainty hand. “Now then, without further ado, Hortense shall play us a lovely song. Go on, Hortense,” she said through a clenched smile and Logan sighed. He got up and grabbed his violin case, carrying the instrument with him as he walked past the tables of giggling girls and mature women. He bit his lower lip in slight nerves as walked up the steps to the stage like a man would walk up the steps to the gallows. He clenched the violin case tight in his fist, turning around and plopping down on a black stool. He tuned the strings, gave each of them a testing pluck right before he took his bow in his hands. Logan’s eyes flickered out to the audience, the crowd watching him closely. His mother was in the back near Grandmother and the other women, biting her lower lip if she couldn’t bite her nails. She gave Logan a feeble wave and Logan smiled at her, before he closed his eyes and drew out the first long note.

With a slow and light hand, Logan pulled the bow over the strings to create a beautiful trill, like a warble of a dove as he started into the classical piece. He kept his eyes closed, allowing his mind to focus hard on the technique. Left finger goes up here, bend and pull the bow this way, memorizing each note and smiling with each perfect sound. Absolute perfection in every single flex of the finger, just how he was trained. It came with ease, like it was absolutely nothing at all as pale fingers danced up and down the neck of the violin. Back and forth the bow went, Logan’s eyes slightly flickering open to watch the bow slide upwards and down into a finishing note.

He was greeted with quiet applause as he stood up to his feet and took a quick bow. Laura was clapping loudly and smiling ever so proud, it always reminded Logan of the face she made when Logan was done with those recitals when he was a child. It made Logan’s heart give a little jump in his chest at the thought, remembering that his father and Isaac would have been sitting right next to her and applauding too. He swallowed, forcing the thought of happy old memories back in his mind as he put away his violin back into its case.

Beau was beaming bright and clapping loud as Logan drew near the table of boys. Most of them looked so disinterested and bored, giving lazy claps before moving on to gorging themselves on the little finger sandwiches and fruit pieces. James was giving him a warm smile, Logan taking his seat again and letting out a sigh of relief that it was all over.

“You were _really_ good,” Beau gushed and Logan gave the boy a small smile.

“Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.”

“I have to hear you play again sometime soon, you’re absolutely remarkable,” Beau said and out of the corner of his eye, Logan could see Tad giving his eyes a roll in annoyance and making gagging faces. He gave a small scowl that went unnoticed, before he took his cup of tea to sip.

“Now then, how about we have Mercedes come and sing for us? Mercedes, dearie, entertain us with a pretty song,” Ethel cooed and a girl rose from her seat with corkscrew blonde hair and a boastful jump in her step as she moved to the stage. Tad slouched in his seat, the guys continuing to mumble under their breath obscene things in between mouthfuls of food. Logan only looked around the room, rather bored with this whole entire ordeal. Beau had resumed conversation with the rest of the boys at the table, sometimes giving little glances to Logan expecting the brunet to jump in any time and start talking. But Logan kept his mouth shut, only fiddling with his hands in his lap. James was doing the same, keeping his eyes casted downwards and his mind only on Carlos.

He hoped the boy was alright. For James’ sake.

Logan gave a sigh as he glanced up at the stage where the blonde girl was dancing and singing a clean and bubblegum poppy song. She twirled and skipped along and her dress fluttered out like a blossoming flower. Logan couldn’t find himself to be truly interested, only wondering when they could go home already. He slowly rose to his feet, Beau pausing in his conversation to look over at Logan in slight confusion. “I’m going to the bathroom if my Grandmother wonders where I am,” Logan explained and Beau nodded his head, giving Logan a little wink that the brunet responded with a blush to his cheeks. He turned around with a little cough, briskly walking out of the dining hall and down the main hallway. He stuck his hands in his pocket, breathing in the air freshener and the sanitized floors. Everything here was so clean and sterile and perfection, compared to the smell of smoke and liquor and sex that acquainted Logan’s nose last night. His mind grew hazy at the thought of Kendall’s scent, his tongue and his hands, his leaking cock rubbing against Logan quick and wet and desperate to get off.

He shuddered and placed a hand to the front of his pants. The last thing he needed was to get a boner thinking about Kendall. He shouldn’t be wandering around any longer, especially since he didn’t want Ethel to come out searching for him and discovering this little predicament. Logan glanced over his shoulder, debating on whether or not he should, before he heard the sound of a motorcycle engine beings shut off. Logan paused and glanced out the little windows of the main entrance. His eyes widened when he saw that it was indeed a motorcycle that had just parked directly in front of the steps, Kendall taking his helmet off and breathing in the country air.

His heart skipped a beat, opening the door and hurrying down the steps to the boy. Kendall took notice of him and raised an eyebrow at Logan, sticking his helmet onto the handlebar of his motorcycle.

“So you really came?”

“I had to. Ethel would have had a fit if I didn’t.”

Kendall scoffed. “Always the obedient child, aren’t you Kitten?”

Logan frowned. “What are you doing here anyways?” he asked and Kendall smiled.

“Testy, aren’t you? I’m just hear to give a note to James from Carlos.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “Is he alright?”

“Course he is. He’s at Dak’s place with a sore ass and absolutely hungover. But he’s just peachy. . .why, was that guy worried about him?”

“He went to go get him for Sunday tea.”

Kendall snorted. “What a stiff. Can’t believe he wants to bang Carlos. Course, he wouldn’t be the only one.”

Logan paused. “You’re not. . .talking about yourself, are you?”

Kendall looked over at Logan, taking a cigarette out of his jacket pocket. “No. He’s cute and everything, and he must be a really great fuck for everyone to be dropping their pants for him, but I just got a certain taste.”

“Like delinquents?”

Kendall lit his cigarette, smiling around the tip. “If you want to sit on my dick, I’ll make an exception.”

Logan scoffed. “I wouldn’t dream of doing something as vulgar.”

“Are you like them?” Kendall asked, his head giving a nod towards the glassy windows that looked into the dining hall. Logan stuck his hands in his pockets and gave a shake of his head.

“Of course not. And I don’t want to be like them either.”

Kendall hummed, sucking in the smoke and hollowing his cheeks, before he puffed out a smoke ring and exhaled through his nostrils. It made Logan squirm in his spot, it made him want to feel the hot burn of Kendall’s mouth on his own and breathe in the smoke to fill his lungs.

“You want to ditch this place then? There’s room on my bike for one more person,” Kendall suggested and Logan glanced down at the bike. It would be something for Ethel to find out that Logan disappeared from Sunday tea, with no trace of him leaving except for the faint trail of motorcycle tracks. Feeling free for once, riding with Kendall and holding to the blond tight, not caring where they went or how long they were going to be gone. Just throwing caution to the wind and letting whatever happens happen. He closed his eyes to think, before he shook his head.

“I can’t.”

Kendall rolled his eyes and Logan only tried to not get irritated. “Suits yourself,” he murmured and took out the little note from Carlos. He handed it to Logan, the brunet boy tucking it away in his coat pocket. Kendall then pulled the half smoked cigarette from his lips and handed it to Logan. The boy stood there confused, before he timidly took it in between his fingers. Kendall smiled. “You’ll need it more than I do. Don’t die of boredom, Kitten.”

Logan looked down at the burning cigarette, feeling the radiating heat between his fingers. He swallowed and placed the filter end to his lips, sucking in and feeling the smoke enter his lungs. His eyes widened and began to water, pulling the cigarette from his mouth to cough and wheeze and gag while Kendall began to laugh. Logan looked up at the boy, wishing he could scowl and yell for him to stop laughing if he wasn’t still choking on smoke. Kendall took the cigarette and placed it back in his mouth.

“God, you are too cute, Kitten,” Kendall said, reaching out and ruffling Logan’s hair. Logan swatted his hand away, glaring as hard as he could while Kendall smiled. “I’m out of here. Being around all this cleanliness and stuffiness is giving me hives. See you when you get back home,” Kendall said, grabbing his helmet to place back on. Logan blushed and nodded his head, watching Kendall flick the cigarette to the ground and stomp out the ashes. He climbed onto his bike and started the engine up, giving a quick wave to Logan before he put the kickstand up and revved out of the pathway back onto the road. Logan stood there for a moment, recapturing his breathing as best as he could, before he sighed and turned back around to walk up the steps and into the building.

His mouth felt warm and his tongue tasted bitter, walking inside the dining hall and seeing James was on stage playing the piano for everyone’s enjoyment. The boy was talented and amazing, Logan never experienced James playing piano and was only used to hearing the boy play violin. He took his seat, Beau taking note of his return and smiled at him.

“You were gone long.”

“I got some water too from the fountains. Did you miss me or something?”

Beau blushed and turned his head away, rather embarrassed. Logan only gave the boy a little smile, before he turned his attention back to James who was finishing up his piece. “Um, Logan?”

“Yeah?”

“You want to hang out sometime? Like, after school or something so we can get to know each other better?” Beau asked in a low whisper, like he was afraid the other boys might hear him. Logan blinked, searching the worried blue eyes for something to explain his sudden change in behavior. Logan glanced up as James took a bow, feeling in his coat pocket for the note.

“Sure, I don’t mind.”

Beau began to smile again, bigger than before. “Really? O-Okay,” he said and Logan smiled just as big, watching as James walked down the steps and to the table to take his seat next to Logan.

“You’re really good, Carlos wasn’t kidding when he said you play piano beautifully,” Logan whispered to the boy as Ethel began to blab about the next performer. James gave a sigh. “Yeah, I play piano nice. . .it’s nothing compared to how beautiful Carlos sings. . .I want to leave, I need to go find Carlos-”

“He’s alright,” Logan said and James looked over at the boy, confused as to how he knew that. Logan reached down into his pocket and took out the note, slipping it under the table for James to take. James opened it, reading its contents with worried and wide eyes, before they calmed and he let out a sigh of relief. He folded the note closed and tucked it into his pocket, looking over to Logan.

“How did you get this?”

“Kendall came by to drop it off and-”

“Kendall? You _know_ him?”

Logan pursed his lips. “Uh. . .yeah. . .he’s my neighbor. Just neighbors, that’s all.”

“He must have known you too. . .known you well enough to trust you with delivering the note to me,” James said suspiciously and Logan averted his eyes. “. . .Please, Logan. Don’t get mixed up with the likes of them, they’re nothing but trouble.”

“I’m not a baby, James. I can take care of myself,” Logan snapped out, harsher than he intended. James looked hurt, turning away with a scoff to play with the silver on the dinner table while Logan turned away to watch the next girl sing a song with the deadest of expressions on his face.

* * *

 

Logan shed his clothes and got into his pajamas, absolutely exhausted for the day. Ethel was going on and on about how Logan needed to continue to practice violin because he was going to showcase his talents every single Sunday and he only grew annoyed. He got even more angrier when Ethel started to put the pressure on his mother to start dolling herself up to go in search for a husband, that it looked absolutely pitiful for a young mother to not be married already, and absolutely worse to see a woman have a child out of wedlock. He only kept his bitter and spiteful comments to himself, looking out the window and only wishing he would have hopped on Kendall’s motorcycle when he was given the chance.

He glanced out the window and into the greaser’s room, the lights on and window open, but no sight of the blond. Figuring he wasn’t going to be able to talk to him tonight, he switched off the lights in his own bedroom and walked towards the bed to get a well-deserved night’s sleep. He glanced into Kendall’s bedroom one more time, eyes widening when he saw Kendall and someone else stumble into his bedroom kissing and trying to rip each other’s clothes off. From the small stature and long black hair, Logan knew it was a girl. How Kendall managed to sneak her in past his mother and little sister was beyond Logan’s comprehension, but he watched as article after article of clothing fell from her body til she was only standing in her underwear with Kendall kissing down her breasts.

Logan felt his mouth go dry, watching the girl pull Kendall’s shirt off and drag her pale hands up his skinny arms. He put his hands on her hips, throwing her onto the bed and climbed over her to bite down her chest and over her stomach, pushing her legs apart so he could situate himself between them. Logan swallows, seeing the girl’s back arch in pleasure, Kendall’s fingers wrapped around the lacy brim of her panties. He shouldn’t be watching this, he should be going to bed. Logan turned away and tried to force the images out of his head, but his brain was thumping too much and his heart was beating too fast. Not to mention he was starting to get painfully hard in his pajama bottoms.

He peeked out the window again, seeing that Kendall had gotten her underwear off and was now slowly licking into her, trying to hold her down as she writhed and squirmed and keened. She wasn’t like Lucy, lying pleasant in Kendall’s touch. She moved and acted wild, inexperienced and putting on a show while Kendall only did his best to move with her and continue to suck and bite. Logan shivered, like he could almost feel Kendall holding his legs open like that, feeling the blond’s tongue going down to lick him open til he was quaking and wet. He dragged his palm over the bump in his pants, hissing out a moan when he rubbed against his erection.

He looked out the window and opened it, trying not to draw any attention to himself but Kendall and his date were far too into it. Kendall rose up and licked his lips, the girl squirming around on the bed to eagerly work on Kendall’s jeans. She pulled them down and his underwear til the material bunched around his thin legs, his cock springing out and smacking against her lips. She gave a laugh and said something that Logan couldn’t quite hear from this distance, before she pumped Kendall a few times and wrapped her lips around the head. Kendall placed his hand into her hair, lazily musing it up while he lied there, the girl bobbing her head up and down and up and down. Logan continued to rub himself through the material of his pants, feeling his mouth watering at the thought of him on his knees and Kendall tangling his fingers in his hair with that same lazy twirl. Looking up at the blond with lidded eyes, heavy cock down his throat and Kendall smiling down at him with his lips around a burning cigarette.

To that, Logan moaned and slipped his hand past the brim of his pants. He never touched himself, never felt the need to. Though he fantasized about boys in his old school, they were always so innocent. Just kissing or just holding hands, being considered boyfriends and having someone to hold and cuddle. It was never like this, something filthy and hot, wishing that he was the girl licking up and sucking Kendall off. Never something so _vulgar_ and absolutely not proper at all. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, choking out Kendall’s name in a breathy whisper as he tried to flick his wrist faster.

Kendall pushed the girl off of him and reached over to grab something Logan couldn’t see. His hand came back holding a condom and a little bottle of lube, the girl saying something again that Logan couldn’t see but her face was clearly offended. Kendall ignored her, unwrapping the condom to slide it on and Logan had to moan at the sight. He pulled his pants and underwear off, spreading his legs as he tried to get more comfortable on the windowsill bench. Kendall poured a good amount of lube in his hand, stroking it over his dick while the girl watched with hungry eyes. Once he stopped, he lied back down on the bed and the girl climbed over him, sliding herself down as she threw her head back with an exaggerated moan. Logan whimpered, bringing his other hand to his mouth to suck on two fingers while his right hand kept jerking and rubbing over his dick, trying to match the rhythm of the girl riding Kendall with the most pleased look on her face.

He pulled his fingers from his mouth, strand of saliva connecting to his wet lips before he trailed them down and circled two digits around his hole. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, trying to keep quiet as he pressed both fingers in at the same time. He hissed and he grunted, feeling raw and a mixture of pain and pleasure. Kendall was holding the girl by her hips, rocking her up and down and pumping his hips up into her. Logan moaned Kendall’s name again, slightly louder than before and he bit his lower lip, wishing he could stop. He was panting and breathing harder and harder, feeling himself leaking over his working fist and trying to fuck back on his fingers. Kendall moved the girl onto her hands and knees before he started thrusting again, grabbing the girl by her hair and yanking her head up.

Logan closed his eyes, his hand still stroking fast and wet sounds floated into his ear. He gasped, wriggling in a third finger and imagined Kendall was behind him. Taking him however he liked, from behind with Logan’s face down in the pillows or with his back up against Kendall’s slick chest. Or Logan on top of him, riding Kendall and hearing every single bed spring squeak and Kendall’s moans mixing with his own. He was chanting Kendall’s name out, weak and sobbing it like Kendall could even hear him. He bet he was moaning louder than the girl, not even caring anymore if his mother could hear him and wonder about her supposedly innocent little boy.

His toes curled, thinking about Kendall touching and kissing him all over til his hand gripped around the base of his cock, feeling his balls draw in tight. He writhed and his eyes popped open, Kendall’s name coming out hoarse and needy and raw as he came. His lower half shook and quaked, stomach clenching tight as the orgasm rocked through his body. His palm grew sticky and wet with his semen, slouching against the wall as he tried to slow down his breathing. His eyes were fluttering, slowly pulling his fingers out of him and his arm going limp. He glanced out the window to see what Kendall and his date were doing, only to find that the girl was lying on his bed tuckered out and Kendall was at the window smoking a cigarette.

With his eyes directly trained on Logan.

Logan realized he was still half naked, his hand covered in cum and his face absolutely sweaty and red. He froze, Kendall not moving and only staring at him before he smiled around his cigarette and winked. That was enough for Logan to move and he quickly fell off the windowsill bench. He closed the curtains and left him alone in the dark, heart beating frantically. He pulled on his discarded underwear and went to the bathroom to wash his hands, face filled with embarrassment at being so perverted. Though, it wasn’t like Kendall’s smile had anything mocking behind it. It was as if he was satisfied.

Like he wanted Logan to watch in the first place.


	8. Chapter 8

Logan was greeted with a big hug from Carlos the next morning at school, the boy leaning more of his weight on Logan than necessary and still slightly hung over from the party.

“How are you doing?” Carlos purred, his sunglasses slightly pushed askew as he pulled back.

“Fine. . .are you okay?”

Carlos put fingers to the side of his temple and gave a sigh.

“As okay as I’ll ever be. I can’t skip school too, so I just have to pull through the day,” Carlos said and sighed. “Music is going to be a killer, loud noises are still giving me a headache.”

“You can call your dad and see if he can pick you up early.”

Carlos scoffed. “My dad’s too busy trying to uphold the law. He doesn’t have time to take care of his ‘bad seed’,” Carlos replied and the two boys turned around the corner, Carlos giving the side of his face a rub. “Where did you go after the party anyways? I got worried when you weren’t coming with me to my car.”

“I left early.”

“How’d you get home?”

“. . .Kendall took me home,” Logan admitted. That was all Carlos had to really know, he didn’t need to find out that Kendall only took Logan home because Logan let the blond boy rim him til he climaxed and then rubbed against Logan like some filthy tramp. Carlos cocked his head to the side in intrigue.

“He took you home _voluntarily_? What did you do to him?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s the first time I heard Kendall be nice to someone that wasn’t in his greaser pack. . .he must like you,” Carlos said with a little smile and Logan scoffed.

“He doesn’t like me. I’m too ‘posh’ and ‘proper’ for the likes of him. And I wouldn’t want to be with him either, he’s a brute and vulgar and absolutely foul,” Logan said and Carlos laughed.

“Please, Kendall’s so extremely attractive I doubt you could keep your eyes away from him if you saw him shirtless or naked.” Logan blushed, remembering Kendall’s skinny arms and the ripple of muscle that was in his stomach when he rutted his dick upwards, the small curve of his ass and the clench of his shoulder blades. Carlos began to smile more. “Besides, he’s _forbidden_ fruit. Not only is he a boy, but he’s everything you’re not supposed to like. He’s filthy and foul, crude and perverted. Everything that Granny Mitchell hates and you _want_ , don’t you?”

“I-I don’t!”

“He’s a devil in skin tight leather, the kind of guy you’d want to break you out of your ‘wholesome’ streak.”

Logan turned away with a blush and Carlos laughed. “I’m only playing with you, no need to get so flustered! Hey, there’s going to be another party this weekend, would you want to come again and maybe stick around for the whole time?”

“Well I-”

“ _Excuse me_?”

Both of the boys turned, seeing James approaching them with frustrated eyes. Carlos pursed his lips tight while Logan immediately looked at the ground, refusing to meet James’ angry gaze. “Another party? You _took_ him?”

“He wanted to go, I didn’t force him or anything,” Carlos said simply and James turned to Logan.

“You could have gotten hurt! Or raped or worse!”

“There’s a _rule_ at the parties and everyone follows them, James. He wasn’t in _any_ danger.”

“How do you know that? Were you with him the entire time? Or were you off having your own little _fun_?” James spat and Carlos frowned.

“You sound just like them,” he muttered with a glare and James bit the inside of his cheek. “I’m going to class. Try to get that stick out of your ass before Music,” Carlos said off-handedly and continued to walk down the hallway, James spinning around and looking like he wanted to shout something back at Carlos but bit his tongue. He turned to look at Logan, the smaller brunet boy not knowing what to say to get that sour look off of James’ face.

“Just don’t go with him to those parties.”

“. . .It actually wasn’t that bad-”

“ _Don’t go to those parties with him_ ,” James hissed and Logan bit his lower lip, now understanding that sharp tone and raised his hands.

“I’ll back off if you want, I’m sorry,” Logan apologized and James ran a hand through his hair before he gave a sigh and exhaled.

“He’s just a little bit miffed. . .I’ll apologize when I see him in Music. . .come on, let’s go to class,” he murmured and walked into the classroom without even waiting for Logan to follow behind.

* * *

 

The smell of cakes and cookies and pies hit Logan’s face when he walked inside the house, sighing to himself as he placed his bag down by the couch. He glanced at the little picture on the table, of all of them together posing for a Christmas photo. He saw Isaac’s little clenched smile from having to wear something so cheesy like matching ugly sweaters with Logan, he saw his mother and his father cuddled up close behind the two boys smiling at the camera and looking so happy. Logan gave a soft smile, wishing they would have a family picture like that for this Christmas, but knows it won’t be the same.

He walked into the kitchen, looking at all of the baked goods that lined the counter and at his mother sitting at the small wooden table, cakes and cookies before her while she was nervously finishing off a whole pie by herself.

“Mother?” Logan called out and she jumped a bit, like she didn’t even notice Logan come in. She wiped the cherry syrup from the corner of her mouth and swallowed down the bite before she looked up at Logan.

“I didn’t hear you come in, dearie. How was school?”

“Are you feeling okay?” Logan asked quietly and his mother nodded, unconvincing smile on her face as she took a sugar cookie and began to nibble around the edges.

“I’m feeling fine, perfectly fine. Just felt like baking that’s all. Mother says a good wife knows how to cook so I thought I should practice baking some more, since that’s apparently all I have going for me. Mother said I’m too plain and too quiet and I don’t dress like a lady enough and I’m not working and need to find a husband and-“ She was beginning to tremble, the cookie in her hand already halfway gone from nibbles turning into gigantic bites. Logan quickly moved to sit by her side and held her hand, the woman forcing down a swallow.

“You don’t need to listen to her.”

“Logan, she’s your grandmother and my mother. And like it or not, we are family and she’s the only family we have to help right now.”

“She’s not helping you, she’s making you feel _miserable_. Look at all of this!” Logan exclaimed and gestured to the pastries all around. “You only bake when you’re nervous and now you’re trying to eat away your feelings. Mom, you need to do what makes yourself happy.” He leaned back in the chair. “If you’re not ready to get a job, then I’ll get one and help support us.”

“I-I want to work, Logan. But Mother said a lady doesn’t-”

“If you want to work, then work. I’m sure there’s a bakery in town that would love your talent. And if you’re not ready to move on from Dad. . .then don’t.”

“I don’t want to move on,” she said a little louder, her left hand clenching the bottom of her blouse and Logan took her other hand into his own. She bit her lip. “Simon. . .Simon’s going to come back to me, I know he is. I know my Simon, I know he loves the both of us and wouldn’t leave forever. Mother and the society ladies. . .they think it’s foolish and stupid of me to want to wait for him. But I just _can’t_ give up hope,” she said and rubbed her eyes, reaching out to take a lemon bar to begin eating. Logan rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, wishing he could help his mother but not knowing a way to. Laura was _always_ wishing to please Ethel and earn her love, while Ethel just continued to judge and criticize absolutely everything her daughter did. It didn’t matter that his mother still managed to graduate high school even when she had gotten pregnant with him and Isaac, or that his parents gave him a modest upbringing. She was imperfect in Ethel’s eyes and nothing could change that.

He wished they could just leave, she wasn’t feeling anymore better here than in the city.

Logan rose to his seat. “I’m taking some of this to the Knight’s home, you can’t eat all of this.”

She only nodded her head, taking another pie to place in front of her. Logan sighed and went to grab two boxes, packing them as full as he possibly could. He just hoped Kendall would take all of this food, the blond was already a little bit skeptical from _one_ box. Plus, it wasn’t like he asked for more either. Nevertheless, Logan walked out of his house with two boxes full and heavy of sweets, walking next door and gave the doorbell a ring.

He waited outside, looking at the car parked outside and remembering how small it felt to sit inside it with Kendall. The worn out leather upholstery and the CDs all strewn over the floor.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Logan,” the boy answered Kendall’s voice, listening to all of the locks come off before he opened the door nice and wide. He was shirtless again, his pants unbuckled and unzipped slightly. Logan’s mouth watered, thinking about the girl that he saw in Kendall’s bedroom that one night. How he wanted his own lips wrapped around Kendall’s cock and to swallow it down with ease like she did.

“Come to eat the eye candy, Kitten?” Kendall asked and Logan blushed, shaking his head out of his fantasy to focus attention on Kendall’s face. Logan held up the two boxes of treats and Kendall raised an eyebrow.

“She made more treats and I just wanted to bring some more over. Free of course.”

“My mom’s trying to wean Katie off of sweets,” Kendall said and Logan glanced down.

“I don’t know what else to do with them, I don’t want my mother to eat them. She’s only making herself sicker,” Logan said worriedly and Kendall hummed.

“Come inside, I don’t want nosy people watching,” Kendall said and wrapped an arm around Logan’s shoulders. Logan stifled the little noise in his throat as Kendall walked Logan inside his house and closed the door with his foot. The two boys walked down the hallway and into the kitchen, Logan seeing Katie’s drawings and her crayons over the island counter’s surface. Kendall grunted, taking her pictures and the crayons. “She never cleans up after herself, it’s not like we got a maid around here.”

He stuck the drawing on the fridge using magnets, tossing the crayons into one of the drawers before he took the boxes of sweets to put them down. “I’ll see if my mom could take them to work, she usually comes around to grab her lunch before she head back to the hospital.”

“Your mom’s a nurse?”

“Yeah. It’s been something she wanted to do her whole life. She kinda had to put that dream on hold when she had me and Katie, but after my dad walked out on us, she decided to pursue it again.”

“. . .Is that why he was cut out of that picture I saw?”

Kendall nodded, opening one of the boxes to take out a brownie while Logan watched. “. . .Do you miss him?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I hate the bastard for what he did to my mom, but at the same time I just wish things were back to normal. I don’t like it when my mom is never home, and Katie misses seeing her around. She was too young when my dad left, so she barely remembers him. But it doesn’t make her feel any bad. She’s always asking me how come all the kids get to have a daddy and we don’t. . .I just want things to have stayed the way they were. Me coming home to a nagging mom and a dad bringing in the money. . .one of those cookie cutter families like you got.”

Logan folded his hands over each other. “My dad is gone too. And my brother is dead. I don’t have a perfect family either.”

“But you’re better off, aren’t you? You got your whole life ahead of you. You’re going to go to some rich and fancy college far away from here, you’re going to find yourself a nice and cozy house in the suburbs, marry yourself a girl who can only cook and clean and smile like the Stepfords. You pop out a couple of snot nosed brats, spoil them rotten, watch them grow up and leave you alone to die an old man.”

“I wouldn’t want that at all.”

“Better than me.”

“You wouldn’t want that for yourself? You wouldn’t want to go to school and maybe make your life better for yourself?” Logan asked and Kendall shrugged.

“I want to own my own auto shop one day. I’m good with my hands.”

“What about family?”

“Not looking to get tied down and not looking to take care of some kids,” Kendall said with a scoff and Logan looked down at his hands.

“I want to get married and have a baby. . .when I’m older though and have everything settled.”

Kendall just scoffed.

Logan frowned and looked away, the two boys silent for a moment until Kendall hummed. “What did you mean about your mom getting sicker, what’s wrong with her?”

Logan rubbed the back of his neck. “My grandmother is really pressuring her into getting married with some rich businessman or something. Become one of those little housewives she always imagined her to be. And my mom doesn’t want that, she wants to be happy and work and she still loves my dad. But she’s extremely fragile to my grandmother and barely has any backbone, she’s getting sick and stress eating and I’m just really worried for her.”

Kendall rose from his spot, Logan watching as the boy walked around the counter and pulled open a drawer, pulling out a small little bottle. He handed it to Logan, the brunet taking it with a confused expression on his face. “What’s this?” he asked and Kendall sat back down across from him.

“Something to help her get better. Just put a few drops of that into her food and she’ll be feeling like a million bucks eventually.”

Logan blinked, then looked at the small little bottle more closely. “Are. . .is this. . . _drugs_?”

“It’s just something to put her in a good mood. Everyone takes mood enhancers if they’re feeling depressed.”

“No! I’m not going to drug my mother!” Logan shouted and Kendall shrugged.

“Just a suggestion. Look, you don’t have to do it, I’m not forcing you to do it either. Just. . .I don’t know, I don’t want to see you go down the same path I did.”

“. . .What do you mean?”

“Like with your mom and wishing that things were back to the way they were. I hated seeing my mom when she was miserable after my dad left us. She was always moping around here, not talking to me or Katie, I didn’t even know her. It took her years to get out of that emotional hole and she started nursing, and that made her happy again and she’s back to smiling and talking and laughing. It’s nothing permanent, Logan. Just something to help her keep her mood up while you both think of a way to get out of here and make life better for yourselves. And it’s not addictive either, so long as you use it in moderation.”

Logan looked down at the little bottle in his hand, turning it between his fingers before he looked back into Kendall’s eyes. They were completely sincere, no sign of a joke or a cruel set up. Logan saw trust in Kendall’s eyes, the blond asking him to just listen for once. He closed the bottle tight in his palm before he gave a small nod.

“I just want her to feel better. . .I just wish everything went back to normal.”

Kendall leaned in close. “Normal is boring, Kitten. You’ve got to want something exciting in your life.”

Logan looked close at the flicker in Kendall’s eyes, warmth and mischief that danced in the orbs as he smiled.

“Normality is stability, you know. I don’t want to throw my life into an uproar because I suddenly want to have some fun,” Logan said and Kendall chuckled.

“I bet you’re ready for some fun. Especially with those curious eyes of yours.”

Logan swallowed hard, a blush heating over his face as he looked away. He felt the shame rise to his head, worry about what Kendall might say for catching Logan peeping on him and that girl like some pervert. Instead, Kendall rose to his feet again. “Come on, I’ll walk you to the door,” Kendall replied and Logan paused, before he nodded and slipped the bottle into his pocket. The two walked out of the kitchen, Logan trying to keep his eyes away from the muscles moving in Kendall’s torso. The arm flexes and the stomach clenching, Logan feeling himself shake at the sight. Kendall opened the door and Logan stepped outside, turning around to meet Kendall’s eyes.

“Let me know if she gets better, okay?” Kendall asked and Logan nodded his head.

“. . .Thank you.”

Kendall paused, before he shrugged and looked away. “It’s nothing. Just remember to only give a drop and not too much at the same time,” Kendall said and Logan nodded his head again, giving a little wave goodbye that Kendall reciprocated. He closed the door, before Logan gave the bottle in his pocket a small pat. He sighed, feeling nervous and feeling worried, walking to his house with heavy feet.

* * *

 

Laura had stopped baking and eating, but she was on the couch looking through the photo albums again with a sorrowed and hurting expression on her face. She didn’t notice Logan walk in again, the brunet boy not wanting to draw any attention to himself anyways as he moved to the kitchen and went to the nearest pie. It was half eaten and still hot, Logan taking out the small bottle and unscrewing it to get the dropper out. He sucked up a bit of the yellow liquid, before he held it over the pie’s crust. Could he go through with this? _Should_ he go through with this? He didn’t want to hurt his mother or anything, he just wanted her happy.

But maybe this could be a good way to start, it shouldn’t be that bad, right? He needed to take care of her if no one else was going to. He wasn’t going to lose his mother like he lost everyone else.

So with that, Logan let two drops fall into the pie and waited til it settled before he cut a slice and grabbed a fork.

Logan walked into the living room and took a seat next to his mother, placing the pie into her lap and she glanced down at it.

“Logan, what’s this?”

“Pie goes good with pictures,” Logan said and took the photo album from her, looking at the pictures himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his mother cut off a piece and placed it into her mouth, guilt forcing its way down into his chest as he continued to flip through the pages in the album. “There’s some really nice ones,” Logan commented and his mother nodded.

“There’s so many of you when you were little,” Laura replied and pointed her pinky tip at the corner of one photo. Logan and Isaac must have been around three, the boys bundled up in helmets and elbow pads to ride their bikes and smiling eagerly at the camera. “I wished I could have taken more pictures when you two were older. . .it makes me hard to remember him as a young man than my little baby boy.”

“Isaac never liked taking pictures anyways.”

“I miss him. . .I miss them both.”

Logan placed a hand on her knee and squeezed it. “Don’t think about it too hard, you’ll only make yourself sick.”

“. . .Do you think we could have stopped it from ever happening?” Laura asked and Logan paused. “If. . .If I would have just calmed the both of them down or told Simon to not go after him. . .do you think they would still be here and everything would have been alright? What if it was my fault that I didn’t just _did_ something-”

“Don’t say that, it was _never_ your fault. . .it was an accident. It was a horrible accident and there wasn’t any way of us preventing it from happening. We can’t think about things we can’t control. . .we just have to keep moving forward, Mother. . .take as much time as you need to grieve, but please don’t let me lose you either.”

She sniffled and took another bite of pie to stiffen a cry. “I’ll try, Logan. . .I’ll try.”

He kissed her cheek, closing the book shut and placed it on the table before he got up from his spot on the couch. “I’m going to go and practice, okay?”

“Could you play your violin in here? I’m getting tired of hearing that same record playing over and over again,” Laura said quietly and Logan nodded his head, turning on his heel and began to walk upstairs to fetch his violin. He moved down the hallway before he paused and went to the bathroom first, taking the bottle of mood enhancers and slipped it into one of the little drawers hidden underneath tissues and towels.

He nodded to himself, sucking in a deep breath, and only prayed that this would work.


	9. Chapter 9

Beau asked Logan if he wanted to go and hang out after school today, granted in a low whisper so the other boys couldn’t hear what they were talking about over their loud laughs and daily slander. Logan saw the shy look in Beau’s eyes and he smiled, nodding his head and saying ‘of course’, earning the biggest smile from Beau he’s seen so far. Other than that, the day went by pretty slow. He supposed Carlos and James had started talking to each other again, the boys exchanging playful banter and hits during Music class, while James still pined from his spot in the lunchroom as Carlos sat with his newest boy of the week. It was a senior boy, with short cut hair and grew a lecherous grin whenever Carlos whispered something in his ear.

James didn’t want to make any comment to Logan about the matter though, keeping his eyes averted from the boy for the rest of lunch.

He tried not to daunt on it too much, the final bell ringing and Logan gathered up his things, exiting his last class and began to walk down the hallway towards the front doors. A part of his heart began to beat with anticipation of seeing the Rebels and Kendall waiting outside for Carlos before they took their leave, seeing Kendall’s face with the glow of his cigarette on his pale skin.

He exited the front door, not hearing the sound of motorcycle bikes coming up the driveway or silently revving while sitting around idle. He didn’t see any of the Rebels at all, figuring they either didn’t bother to show up today or they must have already got Carlos and bolted. But he _did_ see Ethel’s car waiting for him, sucking in a breath as he walked down the steps to the car. He paused in front of the door, Ethel rolling down the window with an annoyed expression. “Well? What are you doing standing out there lazing about?”

“I’m going somewhere to hang out. With Beau.”

The woman frowned hard. “And just what do you intend on doing with that boy?” she asked curtly and Logan frowned.

“Nothing vulgar if that’s what you’re thinking,” he said sharply and she turned her nose upwards, folding her hands over each other as she pursed her lips tight.

“You both should be ashamed of yourselves. Not even _trying_ to fix your homosexuality-”

“Why fix something that isn’t even broken?”

“Hortense, don’t get smart with me-”

“Grandmother, we’re just going to the mall. There’s going to be plenty of people around and I assure you, we’re not going to be vulgar and act out on our disgusting ‘impulses’,” Logan grumbled and Ethel turned with a sigh.

“. . .I suppose your right. . .better spending time with a respectable gentleman like Beau instead of those horrid delinquents like Carlos or those Rebels. Even if he _is_ a homosexual,” Ethel said with another sigh and Logan bit his tongue. She was already giving him permission to go, he didn’t need to say something that would make her drag him inside the car and speed off. Ethel sat straight in her chair, humming to herself as she got out her coral pink lipstick. “Have Beau get you home before it gets too dark. You need to practice your violin for Sunday.”

“Yes Grandmother,” Logan said and gave a small bow. “Thank you, Grandmother.”

“Of course, of course. Now shoo,” she said with an annoyed wave of her hand and Logan nodded, waving goodbye as Ethel snapped her fingers and the car sped off out of the driveway. Logan scowled, rolling his eyes as he tugged his bag and case to the front doors of the school to wait for Beau. A couple of minutes later of watching people get into their cars and drive off, or continue to walk down the pathway towards the small set of suburbs nearby, Beau came out of the doors and smiled over at Logan.

“Are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Logan said with a shrug and Beau bit his lower lip.

“You _want_ to come and hang out with me, right? Cause I mean, I don’t want to _force_ you into anything you don’t want to do. I mean, it’s alright if you don’t want to be my friend or-”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Logan laughed and gave the senior boy a playful nudge. “Don’t be silly! Of _course_ I want to go and hang out with you. And I _definitely_ want to be your friend,” Logan said with a smile and Beau gave a little breath of ease, smiling as he nodded and placed an arm around Logan. Logan smiled, cheeks warm and rosy red, the two boys walking over towards the parking lot and to Beau’s car. It was a small silver Ford, slick and hi tech compared to that beaten down old car that always sat in Kendall’s driveway. And when Beau opened the door for Logan to sit down in the passenger seat, he saw how clean the interior was. Slick black leather upholstery, black flooring with no CDs or trash that littered it. He swallowed, sliding into the cool seat and buckled up as Beau moved to the driver’s side and got in. He smiled at Logan big and warm, starting the engine up. “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

The mall wasn’t anything like the one that Logan used to go to in the city. It was much smaller, with not that many name brand stores and consisted more of little prim and proper shops that sold doilies and knick-knacks that Ethel would go crazy for. But Beau was sure that he would make this a good day for Logan, taking the boy over to his favorite little spot to eat. It was reminiscent of a 50s diner, with checkerboard flooring and little quarter cent jukeboxes at every booth. Logan smiled bright, sliding onto the red leather bench while Beau sat across from him, bobbing his knee up and down excitedly.

“Pretty cool place, huh? They make the _best_ burgers.”

“Would my grandmother approve of such a place?” Logan asked with a wry smile. “Gentlemen should be eating some of the finer foods in life, don’t you think?” Logan said and Beau waved his hand with a grin.

“We’re not going to be gentlemen now, we’re just going to be Beau and Logan.”

“Sounds good to me,” Logan said and took the menu, looking over the contents for something that seemed appetizing to him. The menu was rather pricey, Logan wasn’t sure if his usual lunch money change was going to be able to pay for much. He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to deduce just what it was he could buy that would tie him over til at least he came home for dinner. Fries might be enough if he tried to savor it, but at the same time that mushroom and swiss burger looked _really_ good. And it’s been so long since Logan had a milkshake, with a creamy whipped topping and a giant red cherry sitting at the top. The last time he’d gotten one of those was when his father took him and Isaac out to celebrate their good grades on their fourth grade spelling test.

His expression must have been obvious, since Beau piped up, “I’ll pay for everything, order whatever you like.”

Logan looked up at Beau with wide eyes. “N-No, you don’t have to do something like that-”

“I want to, Logan.”

“But how am I supposed to repay you?”

“Don’t even _think_ about repaying me. The bill’s on me, order what you like,” Beau said and looked down at the menu. “The chocolate and vanilla swirl shake is _really_ creamy and delicious. You want that one?”

Logan clenched the edge of his menu. “I don’t feel right taking money from you. Just because you _have_ it doesn’t mean you should waste it on me,” Logan said and Beau smiled.

“Fine then, I know of a way you can repay me for lunch.”

“How?”

“Just. . .keep me company and being a good friend will be more than enough,” Beau said, his smile growing a little bit weaker and Logan gave a small nod.

“Of course.”

* * *

 

It turned out, over burgers, fries and milkshakes, Beau wasn’t really like those society boys after all. There was of course the fact that the boy was gay, but he didn’t act like some broad and arrogant pig like Tad and the other boys were. He scrunched his nose when he laughed at his own little cheesy jokes that Logan couldn’t help but laugh too, he always talked with his hands with big and bright eyes compared to the usual mumble he always made whenever he sat with the society boys at lunch. And Beau liked to touch, at least, he always liked to reach out and touch Logan. His hand would move over and brush against Logan’s knuckles, or he’d give Logan a little playful bump. Logan partially believed Beau wasn’t thinking too much about it, or that most of the caresses over his fingers were accidental. But how Beau’s eyes twinkled every time he did so made Logan think otherwise.

They left the restaurant around three, Logan not ready to leave and go home just to practice. And if anything, he figured that Ethel was home and waiting for him to make _sure_ he came home before it was dark. He cringed at the thought of his mother having to wait on her hand and foot for so long, only hoping that those mood enhancers were doing their job and giving her the boost she needed. She smiled a lot more at least, and there was a lightness in her voice again that she always had whenever Logan’s father would smile at her or serenade her with violin music. He’d have to thank Kendall the next time he saw him.

Beau gave Logan a playful little bump as he pointed over at the music store, violins in the window on display. “You want to go inside and look? They’ll let you play a violin if you want,” Beau offered and Logan shook his head.

“I kind of want to forget about violin right now. Do you want to go in and play?”

Beau gave a little laugh. “I can’t play _any_ instrument. Never learned how to. My mom and my dad wanted me to focus more on important things, like math and science and stuff.”

“And music isn’t important?” Logan asked with an eyebrow raised and Beau gave a shrug.

“Not to them at least. . .they always thought music was one of those beatnik and lazy careers. Like no one will get money off of being musicians.”

“Well sometimes it’s not about the money, it’s about whether or not you love to play and you’re happy.”

“That’s not how my parents think,” Beau said, his voice growing low. “It’s always ‘be successful’, ‘be perfect’, ‘you have two older brothers who are perfect, so you need to be even _more_ perfect’. . .I hate it.” He paused and turned to Logan. “They hate that I’m queer, that something must have went wrong with me. They look at me like _I’m_ the family screwup. . .if they knew I would have wanted to do something like art or music or something, they’d only hate me more.”

“They can’t hate you, Beau.”

“Well I know they _can’t_ hate me, it wouldn’t look good for them. They’re forced to tolerate me, at least til I’m out of the house and out of their lives where they don’t have to give a shit about what I do.”

“Do you want to do art and music?”

“No. I _do_ like math and science. . .but I also like boys.” Beau turned to look over at Logan. “And I still want my parents to love me. . .or at least, to not be ashamed of me.”

“You don’t know, maybe things will change and they’ll accept you.”

Beau smiled. “Wishful thinking,” he said and Logan gave him a playful bump this time around. The boy laughed, casually throwing an arm around Logan’s shoulders and rubbed his thumb into Logan’s arm. “Want to get a smoothie?”

“I’m already so full and I don’t want you to spend more money on me, Beau.”

“Well then, how about we share a smoothie. That way you don’t have to drink the whole thing and I’m buying something for the _both_ of us,” Beau suggested and Logan gave a small shrug.

“I suppose that will be okay,” Logan said and Beau grinned. He squeezed Logan to the side of his body.

“I’ll be right back!” he chirped and ran off towards the food court, Logan shaking his head and giving a little smile. He paused when he heard someone give a scoffing noise, turning around to see Kendall walking out of the music store with hands stuffed in his pockets and aviator shades perched on his nose. Logan felt his heart skip a beat, blush appearing on his face as the blond drew in closer.

“You’re on a date, Kitten?”

“It’s not a date, we’re just hanging out,” Logan corrected and Kendall smiled.

“‘Not a date’? Does he know that?”

“Of course he does, we’re just friends, Kendall.”

Kendall turned to look in the direction Beau ran off to. “He doesn’t want to be ‘just friends’. Looks like you’re irresistible to everyone, Kitten.”

Logan blushed. “Don’t say stupid things like that.”

“It’s not stupid. I’m pretty sure you already know I wouldn’t turn you down if you offered to sit on my dick. Course, now you have the option of sitting on a _rich boy’s_ dick. I bet he’d be gentle with you, call you darling and sweetie and muffin when he fucks you.”

“You’re so vulgar.”

“And I know you like it,” Kendall said with a smile and stepped forward. Logan bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling himself, looking away as Kendall drew in closer. “Tell me, Logan. What do I got to do to get you to go on a date with me?”

“You want to take _me_ on a date? Isn’t that out of your tastes?” Logan asked with a raised eyebrow and Kendall shrugged.

“Maybe. I’m not talking about taking you to some fancy schmancy parlor or something. And I sure as hell won’t get into some monkey suit for you either,” Kendall said and Logan crossed his arms.

“What kind of date would you take me on?”

Kendall shrugged. “Maybe go to the bar and have a couple of drinks.”

“I’m underage.”

“No one would care,” Kendall said and gave a lazy hum. “Then we could go and maybe get a couple of smokes at the shop, before we drive off someplace nice and quiet.” Kendall’s hands found their way onto Logan’s hips, his fingers moving down and behind to grab Logan’s ass nice and firm. “And I get to pull down your pants, lick you open until you’re nice and wet for me, and just see how tight you’d feel on me.”

Logan could feel Kendall’s slowly growing erection pressing into the side of his hipbone, Kendall grinding them both together and Logan stifled a gasp with his mouth. They were in _public_ , people could be watching them or wondering what it was they were doing. Kendall chuckled low, slowly pushing Logan back til he was against the window of the music display. “Come on, moan. I know you want to do it,” Kendall purred, shifting and rocking his hips against Logan and Logan pressed his hand down harder on his mouth, biting the inside of his palm. He was panting into his skin, the friction of it all making Logan tremble and shake in his spot. “This turns you on, doesn’t it? Me rubbing against you in public, anyone could look over and see us like this. See you underneath me, trying to keep from moaning out like a cheap little tart,” Kendall ducked his head, letting out a moan himself and yeah, Logan knew this was turning him on too. He wanted to wrap his legs around Kendall’s thin hips, he wanted to grab fistfuls of the blond’s hair, and kiss him rough with tongue and teeth til Logan tasted blood and cigarette smoke.

“You know what I want to do to you, Kitten?” Kendall asked, rutting his hips up against Logan’s harder and faster. His eyes were gleaming with lust and mischief, dark and only making Logan moan louder into his hand. “I know what you saw that one night, with me and that girl,” Kendall growled in Logan’s ear and Logan whimpered. “Saw you getting off to me fucking her. Guess what? Soon as she went home, I got off to you touching yourself. A little prim and perfect boy touching himself, wanting to be banged just as hard.”

No, Logan wanted it _harder_. He wanted to leave marks in Kendall’s back when he clawed at it, he wanted to feel the bed shift underneath him as Kendall thrusted forward with each heavy push. He wanted Kendall moaning his name into his skin, like Logan wanted to breathe Kendall’s name and essence like his very life depended on it. Kendall’s mouth found its way onto the side of Logan’s cheek, so dangerously close to Logan’s mouth and he could feel Kendall’s stubble ghost against his face as Kendall breathed hard into his skin. “I want to drag you into one of the bathroom stalls here, force you down on your knees, and make you swallow _every single inch_ -”

“Get off of him!” someone shouted, Kendall being yanked away and Logan finally let out a startled noise, a mixture of confusion and pleasure. Beau shoved Kendall back and away, a smoothie in one of his hands. He was glaring hard at the blond, Kendall brushing off the manhandling and adjusted his jacket. “If you want something to fuck, go and find Carlos!”

“Not my type,” Kendall said and Beau scoffed.

“Then I’m sure there’s a stray mutt running around. But maybe even _that’s_ too good for you.”

Kendall placed a hand to his chest. “Oh I’m _so_ hurt,” Kendall said and scoffed. “Whatever, I’m out of here,” Kendall said and glanced over at Logan. He gave a wink, before he teased his tongue out suggestively and made Logan’s face grow red. Kendall stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked away, while Beau turned to face Logan with a worried look in his eyes.

“He didn’t touch you anywhere inappropriate, did he? Or molested you or-”

“I’m fine, Beau. I’m fine.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to take so long. There was a line and if I would have known _he_ would be hanging around here-”

“Beau, it’s okay-”

“His kind makes me so _sick_ ,” Beau hissed out, gripping the smoothie tight. “They’re nothing but a bunch of trash. Scum like them don’t even deserve to walk around the street.”

Logan frowned. “I wouldn’t go _that_ far.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well. . .we don’t know them, so who are we to judge them?” Logan said and Beau scoffed.

“What’s there to know about them, Logan? They do drugs, they have unprotected sex, they drink and vandalize and are a menace to society. I wouldn’t want to know them and they don’t want to know me either. Our town would be better off without them. They’re nothing but filth and hopeless trash, a bunch of goons and sluts.”

Logan pulled away from Beau, staring at the boy with furrowed eyebrows. “First of all, you don’t _know_ them. Everyone thinks they’re nothing but thugs because my grandmother put that idea in everyone’s head. But they’re not _that_ bad. They’re responsible about sex, they don’t do drugs except for smoking, and yeah they may drink but they don’t destroy stuff. They respect people that respect them, so maybe if you want them to stop being the scum of the earth, you should _stop treating them_ like that.”

Beau stepped away from Logan, looking the boy up and down with a scrunched up nose. “How do you know?. . .Have you went to one of those orgies?”

Logan blushed and looked away, Beau making a disgusted noise. “So it’s true then. The moment you sleep with a Rebel, you become just as much of a tramp as they are.”

“Excuse me, I didn’t _sleep_ with any of them.”

“Really? Cause how that guy was grinding on you like you were his own personal whore, I would have said otherwise.”

“I can’t believe you!” Logan shouted and Beau gripped the smoothie tight.

“Well do you know how this makes me feel?! I thought you were going to be a good friend, now you’re turning into another slut like Carlos is.”

“Carlos _isn’t_ a slut.”

“Did you fuck him too?!”

“I didn’t fuck anybody!” Logan screamed, pursing his lips tight when people were looking over his way. Beau scoffed, shoving the smoothie in Logan’s chest.

“I’m out of here,” Beau grumbled, turning on his heel and began to walk out towards the exit. Logan blinked, before he took the smoothie and tossed it in the trashcan. Logan followed the boy outside, hands balled tight into fists.

“Where are you going?! I thought you were different and you wouldn’t be so pigheaded about me being around greasers! So what if I went to one of those parties, I didn’t do anything there!” Logan shouted and Beau looked over his shoulder, reaching inside the car and grabbing Logan’s violin and bookbag. He tossed them both at the boy, Logan making a mad scramble to catch the violin before it hit the ground. Logan stood onto his feet, cradling his instrument in his arms as he watched Beau get inside his car and start up the engine, peeling out of his parking spot and leaving Logan in a cloud of exhaust.

Logan coughed, fanning away the smoke before he gave a huff. So much for being friends with _any_ of the society members. Logan grabbed his bookbag and hitched it over his shoulder, figuring he should go and see just how far this mall was from his house and if he needed to catch a bus, when he heard a motor revving behind him. He turned, seeing Kendall roll up on his motorcycle smiling.

“Going my way, Kitten?”

“Are you going home?”

“Nah, I have a few places I want to go first. But I could take you home afterwards,” Kendall suggested and Logan bit his lower lip. Kendall glanced behind him. “You could strap your stuff down right on the end of the seat, it’ll hold. And you could wear my helmet if you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared,” Logan said defensively and Kendall chuckled.

“Then what’s taking you so long to hop on?. . .Let’s have a nice little date, Rebel style.”

Logan’s eyes glanced over Kendall’s figure, watching the way how Kendall’s long fingers gripped to the handles nice and tight, before he revved the motor again and more smoke came from the tailpipe. Logan shook his head, quickly walking to the side of the bike and began to strap down his bag and his case. He made sure everything was nice and tight, before he gave a small gulp and swung his leg over the seat of the motorbike. He scooted as close as he could into Kendall’s back, wrapping his arms around Kendall’s slim torso. He felt warm and lean in Logan’s grasp, his fingers clinging tight to the leather of Kendall’s jacket. Logan pressed his cheek against his back, breathing in Kendall’s familiar musk and it calmed him down.

“Comfy, Kitten?”

Logan only hummed, Kendall moving the kickstand out of the way and revved the motor before he pushed off with his foot and turned down into the road. Logan clung to Kendall tight, burying his face deeper in Kendall’s leather jacket out of fear. He could hear the wind whistling in his ears and feel it moving over his face and through his hair. And when he barely opened his eyes, he could see Kendall driving past Beau’s car, the senior watching them with furious eyes.

He closed them shut again and snuggled into Kendall’s back, deciding that for now, he should just enjoy the ride.


	10. Chapter 10

Kendall didn’t talk to Logan while he drove his motorcycle around, through the speeding cars and darting back and forth between lanes. Logan only kept his eyes tightly closed, not wanting to see how fast they were moving compared to the cars, and he only clung to Kendall tighter whenever the blond had to make a turn or when he shifted over to the left lane to go even faster. It felt like they were driving for hours, Logan not even sure just where it was that Kendall was taking him in the first place. Logan only hummed a tune of violin music his father always used to hum when he was doing chores around the house.

Logan could feel them slowing down, Kendall moving off to the right until they finally came to a complete stop and Logan heard the motor turning off. “We’re here, Kitten,” Kendall announced and Logan finally lifted his face from Kendall’s back to breathe in fresh air. He glanced around his surroundings, dirty brick buildings and old weathered lampposts lining the streets. It looked like it could be somewhere near the warehouse where the party took place, but not so far out of town. He looked up to his right, seeing that they had parked in front of a smoke shop and Kendall was getting off of his bike.

“What about my things?” Logan asked and Kendall glanced over at them.

“You can bring them in if you want. People know my bike around here, they wouldn’t steal something off of it,” Kendall said, helping Logan off of the motorcycle. Logan memorized the way Kendall’s hand felt holding his own, how his other hand slid across and around his waist to hold him steady.

“How could you be so trusting of people around here?”

“Look, I don’t know about you, but around here we’re like family. It’s true that I hate how small this town is, but we get along just fine. It’s just you snoots that irk the hell out of us. As long as no one is starting shit around here, we’re not going to do anything. And besides, it’s not going to take long to get my cigarettes, Kitten. . .unless you want to just hang around outside in an unfamiliar neighborhood?”

Logan shook his head and Kendall stroked his thumb against Logan’s hipbone. “Didn’t think so. Come on,” Kendall murmured and took Logan inside. The door made a little jingle when they stepped inside, the walls covered with psychedelic posters and pinup girls posing with cigarettes in their lingerie. There were various pipes and bongs all crafted out of crystal on display, Logan’s eyes moving around and watching everything closely as Kendall went to the front desk.

“Guitar Dude,” Kendall greeted with a small fist bump to a guy with long and slick brown hair that almost covered his eyes. The guy grinned, pushing his hair out of his face to get a good look at Logan.

“Who’s he?” he asked, tone distant and Kendall wrapped an arm around Logan’s shoulder.

“He’s with me. Just a friend that I’m showing around.”

“A ‘friend’, huh?” Guitar Dude asked with a smile and leaned in close. “I thought socs weren’t your type.”

“They’re not,” Kendall said flatly and the guy chuckled.

“What’s your name?”

“Logan Mitchell,” Logan introduced and Guitar Dude’s eyes widened, looking up at Kendall with surprise.

“Mitchell like _Granny_ Mitchell?”

“I’m her grandson.”

“How’d the hell did you get Granny Mitchell’s grandson all the way out here?” Guitar Dude asked Kendall and the blond glanced down at Logan, rubbing his thumb over his shoulder.

“He’s a curious little kitten, that’s why.”

“How curious? Curious like Carlos?” Guitar Dude asked with a raised eyebrow and Logan blushed hard.

“I-I haven’t done anything with him.”

“Not yet he hasn’t,” Kendall said dirtily and Logan nudged him hard in the side. Kendall laughed, pulling away from Logan to lean over the desk. “Get me some Marlboro 100s, menthol and reds.”

“Coming right up,” Guitar Dude said, reaching underneath the desk to pull out two packs of cigarettes and pushed them over to Kendall. He then turned to Logan, eyebrow quirked. “What about you, Kitty?”

“Logan,” Kendall corrected and Logan glanced over at the boy, not sure why _now_ it was important that Logan be called by his first name. Guitar Dude looked over at Kendall before he smiled and raised his hands.

“Right, _Logan_. What kind do you want?”

“O-Oh, I don’t smoke.”

“Want to start?” Guitar Dude asked and Logan bit his lip. “Here, I’ll give you one of mine-”

“I-It’s really quite alright,” Logan stuttered out, Guitar Dude holding out a cigarette for him to take.

“It’s a light one, not too much tar or nicotine. Good to start you off with,” Guitar Dude offered and Logan looked over at Kendall. The blond raised an eyebrow. “What are you looking at me for? If you want it, then take it.”

Logan turned back, reaching out and taking the cigarette in between his thumb and pointer finger and placed it in between his lips. He looked at them both, pushing the stick of tobacco back and forth with his tongue, not sure what to really do with it. Kendall reached into his pocket and pulled out his lighter, flicking it a couple of times before a small flame turned on. He lowered the flame down to the cigarette, his eyes meeting Logan’s. They glowed in the flame, Logan almost forgetting that there was a cigarette in his mouth that Kendall was lighting since it was starting to slip from his lips.

“Take in a little bit of smoke, Kitten. Don’t breathe it all at once,” Kendall instructed, Logan beginning to feel the smoke fill his mouth. Logan sucked in just a bit, Kendall and Guitar Dude watching intently. Kendall gave his eyes a small roll, reaching out to hold the cigarette that was starting to fall from Logan’s mouth again. “Now just hold the smoke in your mouth for a bit, enjoy the flavor,” Kendall said and Logan nodded his head. The smoke was slightly beginning to burn his throat and make tears burn at the corners of his eyes. “I’m going to pull the cigarette out, and when I do I want you to take a deep breath and exhale.”

Logan nodded his head again, Kendall slowly pulling the cigarette from his lips. Logan swallowed down the smoke, feeling it burn in his lungs and tasted the flavor. Light and warm, nothing heavy and gritty like the smoke that came from Kendall’s mouth when he kissed him last. He breathed it out, watching the smoke exit his mouth and bellow in front of his face while Kendall and Guitar Dude nodded in approval.

“And _that’s_ how you smoke a cigarette,” Kendall said, sticking the cigarette into his mouth himself. He dug into his pocket, pulling out a couple of twenties to slip onto the desk before he hummed.

“Get a pack of Marlboro Lights too. And a lighter,” Kendall said and Logan glanced up at him.

“Kendall, I _really_ can’t-”

“Relax, I’m not trying to turn you into an addict or anything. And you don’t have to smoke up the entire box in one go either. Just if you want to take a drag, you’ll have some. Or you could just always have them on you so I can take a drag myself,” Kendall said with a wink and Logan hummed.

“That’s implying that I’ll always be around you, doesn’t it?”

“I think you’re stuck to me, Kitten,” Kendall replied, taking the soft pack of cigarettes and a lime green lighter to hand to Logan. “Just don’t let Granny Mitchell catch you with them.”

Logan nodded and slipped the contents into his pocket as Kendall took his own cigarettes. “See you some other time, Guitar Dude.”

“No problem man! And hey, hope I see you again Logan!”

Logan waved goodbye, smile on his face as Kendall guided him out of the door and to the motorbike.

“He’s nice.”

“Lot of people around here are,” Kendall said, both of them getting back onto the bike and Logan assuming position by wrapping his arms firmly around Kendall’s torso. Kendall paused for a bit, Logan swearing he could see the boy smiling and he leaned forward.

“What’s so funny?” he asked and Kendall hummed before shaking his head.

“Nothing, nothing.”

“You were smiling. What was it?”

“Just. . .nothing, Kitten. Come on, we need to get to my second stop before the sun goes down,” Kendall said and started up the motor, pulling back onto the street and hurriedly began to speed off to wherever his next destination may be.

* * *

 

Logan had his eyes open for most of the ride this time around, looking around at all the different buildings and the billboards that looked like they came out of the 50s but no one wanted to pull them down just yet. Everything had an aged appearance, compared to the sleek and cleanliness of the part of Coeur d’Couer he lived in. It had a bit of a sentimental value to it, the old dime stores and the peeled paint fire hydrants. The worn out brick buildings with posters in the windows talking about a show at a coffee shop two months ago.

Logan’s fingertips held onto Kendall’s jacket tight, seeing the smoke fly over his shoulder from the cigarette Kendall was still smoking. He had to blush at the thought they shared a cigarette again, involuntarily kissing him. But Logan yearned to just feel Kendall’s lips on his own again, knowing he shouldn’t want it as badly as he did. He looked up, the sky orange and blue and purple as the sun was slowly beginning to set. Ethel was going to be wondering where he was by now, and no doubt she’ll call Beau to see what is taking so long.

Logan sighed aloud, the two boys coming to a stop at a light.

“What’s wrong?” Kendall asked and Logan hugged him tighter.

“Nothing. Just thinking about how I’m going to explain how late I’ll be coming home,” Logan mumbled slightly, his cheek pressing into Kendall’s back.

“Who cares, right? You wanted to go out and stay out with me.”

“My grandmother would _kill_ me if she finds out that I’ve been out with you all this time.”

“She should kill me too then. We could spend our time haunting her together when we’re ghosts,” Kendall said cheekily and Logan gave a little laugh. “Did you laugh?”

“Huh?”

“I never heard you laugh before. . .come to think of it, I don’t even remember seeing you smile,” Kendall said and Logan turned his head, cheeks red. “. . .It’s cute when you laugh, you know. I kind of like it.”

Logan subconsciously squeezed Kendall tighter in response. The light switched green and Kendall made a left, going down the street where it was slightly empty save for a couple of cars parked around a record store. Kendall pulled up against the curb, putting out the kickstand and turning off the motor before he looked over his shoulder. “Second stop. Want to get me some music,” he said and got off of the bike, helping Logan off again. His arm was around Logan’s shoulders, heat radiating from his person and Logan easily moved more into Kendall’s body.

They both walked into the store, music thudding in Logan’s ears that was unfamiliar as he gazed upon rows and rows of forest green shelves stacked high with CDs and records. Kendall led Logan down one of the rows, gesturing to the music albums that were alphabetized and the vinyl records. “Get all of my music here, greatest collection of rock and roll, blues, heavy metal-”

“No classical music, I presume?” Logan asked and Kendall shrugged.

“Haven’t found any. . .come here, Kitten,” Kendall said, pulling Logan over to the side of the wall where there were some people listening to the CDs playing on the machines through some headphones. Some gave familiar smiles to Kendall, others were looking at Logan cross and eying him like a hawk. He rubbed his arm, feeling rather uncomfortable under their gaze as Kendall directed him to a listening station. He took the large black headphones and stuck them on Logan’s head, drumming his fingers over the machine as he looked over the selection.

“ _You_ look like you could be a real big Queen fan. I’m putting on Sheer Heart Attack for you.”

“O-Okay?” Logan said confused as Kendall pressed track two and Logan heard something snapping in his ear, followed by a male’s voice singing light and smooth. Piano chords, then drums, then vocals came and mixed in together, the song flowing through Logan’s ear. “ _Caviar and cigarettes. Well versed in etiquette. Extraordinarily nice~_ ” the voice purred and Logan looked up at Kendall as the chorus began to play, the blond watching for some sort of reaction.

“It’s not bad!” Logan shouted and Kendall smiled, tapping his ear and Logan blushed. He pulled his headphones back. “I’m talking really loud, aren’t I?”

“Just listen to whatever you like. I’ll be right back, okay?” Kendall said and Logan gave a slow nod, other people around them whispering and sneaking glances their way. Kendall ruffled Logan’s hair playfully before he turned and walked away with hands in the pockets of his jacket. Logan turned back to the machine, fingers pressing the buttons for another selection before he landed on one song by Queen.

“. . .‘You Take My Breath Away’. . .” Logan read, finger lightly tapping against the button as he thought. Shrugging, he pressed the button and listened as the machine switched tracks, going immediately to silence. Logan waited, before he heard the soft sound of a coo from the singer. The vocals echoed, melodic and inviting in Logan’s ears as they sang before a piano solo began to play. It was soft, it was quiet and it was filled with so much romance and emotion. “ _Look into my eyes and you’ll see I’m the only one. You captured my love, stolen my heart, changed my life._ ”

Logan felt his heart shudder at the music, at the vocals and the alluring tenor. He wrapped arms around himself, looking down at the vinyl album’s cover. He glanced back up to see if Kendall had returned, spotting the blond a further ways down picking up CDs and searching through them. “ _I could give up all my life for just one kiss. I would surely die if you dismiss me from your love. . .you take my breath away~_ ” Logan felt his heart jump in his chest at the thought of Kendall’s kiss, turning away to place a hand over his heart and breathe in deeply.

He glanced over to see Kendall, to find that Kendall was talking to someone. Not just any someone, but that girl he had in his bedroom that one night, Logan’s eyes widening in shock. The girl was smiling and giggling, cuddling up next to his side while Kendall looked at her. Then Logan’s heart jumped and turned in his chest when he saw Kendall gesture for the two of them to move somewhere else, wondering if he knew that Logan could be able to see them. Logan took off his headphones, putting them back on the stand and quickly followed them.

He ducked behind a couple of the shelves, tailing not too close to be seen as Kendall and the girl stopped in between two rows. “So is he your boyfriend?” the girl asked and Logan swallowed. Were they talking about him? He saw Kendall give a small shrug and the girl raised an eyebrow. “How do you not know? Did you two have sex yet?”

“Nah, I’m waiting for the right time.”

“Since when did _you_ wait?”

“With him I am. I mean, if he _wants_ to fuck me, I’m not going to stop him or anything.”

“I thought proper kids-”

“I _know_ , they’re not my type. And they _aren’t_. . .I don’t know, he’s okay. He’s still too prim and all about perfection to get with me though. And I’m not looking for some clingy little boyfriend like Dak has with Carlos,” Kendall said sharply and Logan gripped the edge of the shelf hard, words cutting deep. The girl cocked her head to the side, a small smile coming to her lips.

“You’re just paying a lot of attention to someone who’s supposed to be just a one-time fling, don’t you think?”

“And you’re obsessing over the fact that I’m not fucking you anymore.”

“You didn’t like it?” she asked with a little childish tone, moving to Kendall and running her fingertips over the front of his pants. “You didn’t like how I sucked you like a good little girl?” she asked with a pout, rubbing Kendall through his jeans and Logan gritted his teeth. Kendall glanced around for anyone watching them and Logan ducked back just a bit, hearing the girl beginning to giggle again. “What if I went down on you right now? Sucking you off when someone could just walk by and see us?” she asked, already sinking down to her knees. Kendall rolled her eyes.

“Christ, get off of me,” he snapped and pushed her away. “I just want to get my music and leave, I don’t need you stalking around me. The sex wasn’t even _that_ good.”

“You were _moaning_ my name,” the girl said defensively and Kendall made an irritated expression.

“Yeah, and you were screaming my name like some fucked out hyena,” Kendall criticized and made a loud and obnoxious shriek that must have been his impersonation of the girl. She gasped and swatted at Kendall’s shoulder.

“I did _not_ sound like that!”

“You did. I like a moaner and a talker, but not a shrieker. And _you_ sound ridiculous when you take it from behind.”

“You’re a _pig_!”

“Welcome to the club!” Kendall exclaimed and the girl turned with a huff, storming off and away while Kendall scowled.

“. . .Kitten, come here,” Kendall ordered and Logan jumped in his spot, before he slowly made his way from behind the shelf and moved to Kendall. “How long have you been standing there?”

“. . .A couple of minutes, I guess.”

“Are you ready to leave?” he murmured, picking up a CD and Logan rubbed his arm.

“I guess.”

“Did you found a CD you like? I’ll buy it for you.”

“Kendall, you don’t have to-”

“Fine then, I’ll just make you a CD myself. One way or another, I’m going to enlighten you in the finer parts of music,” Kendall said with an upturned nose and smiled down at Logan, who gently smiled back. Kendall threw an arm around Logan’s shoulders and walked the boy down the rows towards the front desk. Logan kept glancing up over at Kendall, watching the boy for a reaction himself. What did Kendall intend on doing with him if he wasn’t going to keep him around as a boyfriend? Course, Logan wasn’t sure if he would have wanted Kendall for a boyfriend either. Ethel would kill him if he came around with Kendall on his arm, send him away to become a monk or something.

. . .But strangely, Logan rather liked the danger of being around Kendall. As Carlos put it, he _was_ forbidden fruit. With a smoky flavor. Kendall paid for his CDs while Logan snuck glances at the music machines where he listened to that song, wishing he could have bought the CD for himself so he could have heard the rest. But decided that he’ll come back to this store and be able to buy it for himself, though not knowing about another time when he’ll be able to make his way out to this part of town.

When they walked out, the sun was almost fully set and Logan gave a nervous gulp. Logan should have been home _now_ , Ethel is probably having a fit right now. “Where else do you need to go?” Logan asked and Kendall glanced over his shoulder, crooking an eyebrow upwards.

“I was thinking maybe we could hang out at this little spot of mine,” Kendall said and Logan swallowed, looking up at the sky.

“It’s getting late.”

“Well the spot isn’t really much when there’s daylight out. It’s really nice at night. . .why, do you have somewhere you need to be?”

“I have to be home by nightfall. My grandmother didn’t want me out too late.”

“Come on~ don’t tell me you’re going to turn down seeing my secret hiding spot. None of the others even know about it,” Kendall said and Logan raised an eyebrow himself.

“It’s a _secret_ hiding spot?”

“Yeah. Found it one summer and I always go there like every week at least to get away,” Kendall said and Logan looked down at his hands, twiddling them and moving them behind his back.

“. . .And you want to show me?”

“. . .Well yeah, why not? If you don’t want to go, I’ll take you home. Not a big deal to me.”

How hard it seemed that Kendall was fighting for Logan to _stay_ said otherwise. Logan didn’t really want to go back home, he just didn’t want to deal with Ethel’s griping and complaining and conspiracies about Logan becoming a delinquent. He just wanted to put that part of his life off for just a little bit longer, the thought of knowing that he was going to be going someplace _secret_ to Kendall meant that it was just going to be the two of them alone. Intimate and quiet, his heart beginning to race. He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair, gesturing to the bike.

“W-Well, as long as we don’t stay out _too_ late, she shouldn’t get mad right?” Logan asked moreso to himself than Kendall, like he was trying to convince himself that this was the right thing to do. Kendall grinned, getting onto the bike and Logan followed right behind him. He wrapped his arms around Kendall’s torso, this third time making it feel like he was home. His heart couldn’t stop beating, squeezing the blond tighter as he started the motor and pulled out into the street. Logan buried his face into Kendall’s back and breathed in his scent like it was all he ever known and all he ever craved.

Kendall was driving themselves further out towards the outskirts of town, the roads getting darker with no street lights to light the way. Logan clenched Kendall tighter and heard the blond mumble something that he couldn’t hear with how the wind was blowing so loud in his ears. Kendall made a left off the road and began to drive through the dirt up a path that was marked with a ‘DO NOT ENTER’ sign. Logan’s head whirled around to see it, before he turned and looked back at Kendall.

“Should we be here?!” Logan shouted over the motor, Kendall driving between two bushes that hid a narrow pathway up the hill.

“Don’t worry! Just wait, Kitten, you’ll love it!” Kendall shouted back and hooked a sharp turn around a tall tree. Kendall maneuvered and twisted around the trees and bushes and gigantic rocks, Logan afraid that they might crash into something or drive into a ditch. It was pitch black and they only had the light of Kendall’s motorcycle guiding their way. And even that wasn’t shining as brightly as it could, only dimly lighting a path for them to follow. Kendall turned around one more tree and Logan was able to see some sort of glow up ahead as Kendall made his way out of the little thicket of woods. They were approaching a small cliff, Kendall stopping and turning off the motor before he placed the kickstand down.

Logan glanced around, night air beginning to ghost over his cheek and create goosebumps over the back of his hands. Kendall helped him off and gestured to their surroundings with a big grin.

“What do you think?” he asked and Logan walked a little bit more near the edge of the cliff to look. The glow that he saw was from the town’s lights all shining at once, making it appear like one gigantic glowing beacon of light. It sparkled and the surrounding mountains just seemed to add to the beautiful sight. He looked upwards, realizing how the night sky seemed so _full_ and vast out here compared to the sky when he looked at it from his bedroom window. The stars weren’t blinded by the city lights, so they shined even brighter and more beautiful from this lookout point. Simply _breathtaking_ , Logan figured the sky would have even looked more amazing when the sun was setting too.

He turned, seeing Kendall walk over with two bottles of what appeared to be beer and Logan pointed at them.

“Where’d you get those?”

“I keep a stash of them here. It’s slightly cold, the ice already melted,” Kendall said and Logan took the bottle in his hand, reading the label and realizing that yep, this is beer.

“I can’t drink. And neither can you.”

“Are we really going to do this now, Logan?” Kendall asked with a sigh, sitting down onto the ground and got out a Swiss army knife from the pocket of his ripped jeans. He used the bottle cap opener and popped off the cap, taking a quick swig and Logan’s eyes widened.

“And you’re driving us home!” Logan exclaimed.

“If you think that _one_ bottle of beer is going to get me shitfaced, you’re in for a surprise,” Kendall mumbled behind the mouth of the bottle before he took another drink. “Come on, sit down and drink.”

Logan turned the bottle around in his hands as he sat down, chewing on his lip as he glanced back over at Kendall. The blond only gave a little glance towards him as he drank, swallowing down another gulp. “Though, I could just drink yours and get just a _little_ bit tipsy-”

“Just open it,” Logan said with a huff and Kendall smiled, putting his bottle down as he fished out the army knife again. He popped open Logan’s bottle and Logan raised it to his nose to smell it. It was strong, the brunet boy pulling it back as he stared at the mouth of the bottle. “Must I _really_ drink this?”

“Don’t have to. But let’s be honest, you’ll probably _never_ have a beer in your lifetime. Too uncivilized for you, you’d probably just drink all that expensive wine and champagne that costs an arm and a leg, right?” Kendall asked and Logan swished around the bottle’s contents. Slowly, Logan raised the bottle to his lips and tilted the bottle back, tongue tasting the bitter and coarse taste of alcohol. Logan pulled the bottle back, forcing himself to swallow and coughed after he did.

“It’s _disgusting_.”

“It’s an acquired taste,” Kendall corrected and Logan rolled his eyes, looking down at the cigarettes in his pocket and then at the bottle of beer in his hands. He took another sip, smaller than his first taste, and sighed behind the mouth of the glass.

“I didn’t think I’d do something like this.”

“What do you mean?” Kendall asked and Logan glanced down at the bottle.

“Staying out late, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes with a boy,” Logan explained and then gave a small little laugh. “I wouldn’t have ever _dreamed_ of doing something like this,” he murmured, and took another swig. “This doesn’t taste bad actually.”

“Don’t start getting drunk on me, Logan.”

“’M not. It’s only one bottle,” Logan mumbled, taking an even longer gulp. Kendall just shook his head, the two sitting there and drinking while watching the way some streetlights flickered on and off, or listened to the sounds of cars honking their horns far off in the distance. Kendall finished his beer and tossed the bottle off the edge of the cliff, Logan hearing the glass shatter as it hit a rock before Kendall stretched out his legs and gave a small hum.

“How come you never told anyone about this place?” Logan asked, his mind feeling rather fuzzy. He glanced over at Kendall, the blond taking a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and pulled out one with his teeth.

“Just want my own special place by myself to think.”

“You don’t seem like a boy to think about a lot of things,” Logan said and Kendall looked over at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just. . .you don’t act like you have problems. Or if you _do_ have problems, you don’t care about them. I want to be like that. I don’t want to care about anything.”

“You got to care about something, otherwise you’d just do stupid shit.”

“Maybe that’s what I want to do. Just do something without having to worry about the problems that come with it. Do whatever I want.”

“You’re drunk, Kitten.”

“Am not.”

Logan tossed his bottle over the edge too, listening for the crash of glass before he turned over and lied on his side. Kendall lit his cigarette, Logan feeling like he could taste the smoke on his tongue again. The blond inhaled the smoke, flame burning and emitting a yellow glow before he pulled it from his lips and exhaled from his nose. “How’d you learn to smoke?”

“Saw my dad doing it a lot when I was a kid.”

“. . .Whatever happened to your dad?” Logan asked and Kendall took another drag, glancing away while Logan continued to stare at him for an answer. “. . .My dad, he was a good guy. He honestly was. My grandmother didn’t like him and she still doesn’t, she thinks he’s too weak and to her, two ‘spineless people’ shouldn’t raise a child. It wasn’t their fault though, they were both really young when they had me and Isaac, but they still loved us anyway they could,” Logan began to ramble and Kendall pulled the cigarette from his mouth, puffing a smoke ring. “Isaac would have liked you. He should be the one smoking and drinking with you instead of me.”

“Your brother, right?”

“Yeah. . .he died in a car crash.”

“Kitten, you don’t need to tell me if-”

“He got in a fight with my dad,” Logan continued anyways, not finding the need _to_ stop talking. Maybe he was slightly tipsy, but he didn’t want to stop talking. It felt like he’s been holding it in for too long of a time, he’s been dying to talk to someone about how he felt since his mother didn’t want to even acknowledge it. Kendall didn’t appear he was going to raise any more objections, focusing attention on Logan as the brunet boy reached out and traced his fingertips over the back of Kendall’s left hand resting on the dirt.

“I don’t even remember what it was that they were arguing about, neither does my mom. But Isaac took one of the cars and just left, and my dad went after him in another car. . .I guess they were both driving really fast, and it was late at night too so it wasn’t like they could see well. But Isaac lost control of the car when he was making a turn and he just. . .crashed. Right into another car head on, and he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt so he went through the windshield. T-They pronounced him dead at the scene. A-And my dad, h-he didn’t mean it-”

“Kitten. . .” Kendall started and Logan wiped at his eyes, giving a shaky laugh.

“I guess I am drunk,” Logan laughed and sniffled. “He didn’t mean for any of this to happen, honestly. But he just. . .h-he just ran away. And he never came back, he only just sent a letter to my mom telling him how sorry he was that he did this. B-But it wasn’t his fault and he just _left us_.”

Kendall stubbed out his cigarette, and before Logan knew it he was being pulled up and into Kendall’s arms. Kendall was warm and Logan just fitted so _perfectly_ in his hold, his head tucked underneath Kendall’s chin and his legs getting tangled in Kendall’s long and skinny ones.

“He’s an asshole, don’t think about him.”

“N-No, he’s not. You don’t understand, my dad was a good guy and he just doesn’t want to face us and think about what happened to Isaac. He still loves my mother and I-I know he does,” Logan said and looked up at Kendall. The blond was looking down at him skeptically, reaching up to push a tear away with his thumb and continued to rub over Logan’s cheekbone.

“And if he doesn’t?”

“He will.”

“But life doesn’t always work out that way,” Kendall said stern. “My dad. . .I thought my dad would come home eventually after he ran out on us. Like, I always thought it would be one of those things where you just got to get away and ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ or some bullshit like that. I was stupid and I was always waiting up wondering ‘Where’s Daddy? Where’s Daddy?’, when he was _never_ going to come back.” He pulled his lower lip in between his teeth to stifle an irritated noise before he held Logan tighter.

“And one time I was out getting food for the house and I was around sixteen or something, and I finally saw him. All these years and he was still in this fucking town, but he _never_ came back to us. Instead he decided to start all over again. He had himself a younger wife, one of those bleach blond girls with plastic boobs. And she popped out two little cutesy blond boys for him too, he made himself a new family and _forgot us_. I could have went up to him and said something, or fight him or yell at him or something. But I didn’t. I just stood there and just. . .I don’t know, watched what _could_ have been. . .I still don’t know why he left us. Why weren’t we good enough?”

Logan held Kendall and the blond huffed, Logan glancing up to see Kendall wipe away a frustrated tear. “Look at what you’ve done, got me crying about him and I haven’t even thought about him in years.”

“My father isn’t like your father. I know he loves us still.”

“. . .I hope he does.”

Logan snuggled more into Kendall and sighed into his chest. “What time is it?”

“Does it matter?”

Logan chuckled. “Actually, no.”

Kendall smiled. “Good, cause stargazing is actually quite nice up here,” he said and lied both of them down, turned upwards towards the stars. Logan looked at the boy with a smile, before he turned to look at the stars and constellations, not quite able to pick out one just yet. And maybe Kendall didn’t find one either, since he was just only looking up at the stars and rubbing his thumb over Logan’s shoulder in little sentimental circles. Logan turned his head a bit more on Kendall’s chest, his left arm splayed over the blond’s stomach as he rested his ear near Kendall’s heart. It was beating hard and had a rhythmic step to it, relaxing Logan in a way that listening to violin music when he couldn’t sleep did. He hummed, closing his eyes just a bit to listen to Kendall’s heart, feeling Kendall rub his shoulder slowly.

“Have you ever brought anyone else up here?” Logan asked.

“No. I was going to bring someone before, but I decided against it.”

“That girl in the record store?” Logan asked lightly and Kendall made a grunt noise, Logan not sure if that meant to be a yes or a no. “. . .Is she a Rebel too? Like Lucy?”

“No, she’s just some chick I met at a party. She blew me, took her to my place, we fucked and that was it. . .course, you already knew that,” Kendall said and Logan ducked his face into Kendall’s chest to hide his blush and embarrassed expression.

“Was. . .was she good?”

“Oh _now_ you want to know about sex with girls?”

“Shut up,” Logan huffed.

“Are you jealous, Kitten?”

“ _N-No!_ What is there to be jealous of?!”

“Cause she sucked me off,” Kendall murmured and closed his eyes. “She had a really nice mouth, wet and warm. And when she grabbed my dick, she had on all these rings that were cold but her hand was _so warm_ and it felt _so good_.” Kendall shifted his hips a bit and Logan glanced down, seeing Kendall’s other hand slightly beginning to rub himself through his jeans. “She always scraped her teeth over the head when she was going down, and she also had a piercing right at the tip of her tongue that she ran against my slit and the underside. . .she may have been a lousy lay, but she gave head _real_ good.”

Logan huffed, so maybe he _was_ jealous. He remembered the feeling he had when he watched Kendall and Lucy together, that jealousy bubbling in his chest and that desire of wishing he was the one that was getting touched and caressed and licked in all the right spots. Kendall was still rubbing through his jeans, his eyes closed and tongue teasing out to wet his lips. Logan glanced down at the bulge, licking his lips himself before Kendall shifted underneath him. “I doubt you know what it feels like.”

“Getting a blowjob?”

“Or giving one.”

“. . .Have _you_ ever given one?” Logan asked skeptically and Kendall snorted.

“Course I have. Sometimes you just got that urge,” Kendall purred and looked down at Logan. “Getting down on your knees, stroking them and sucking them when you’re trying to get off yourself. . .I bet you had that fantasy.”

Logan blushed, feeling Kendall move his hand and slowly slip it in between Logan’s legs to cup him. The brunet jumped at the touch. “K-Kendall!” Logan stuttered out and Kendall only dragged the palm of his hand back up Logan’s groin nice and slow. Logan clenched his teeth, breathing through his nose as he felt Kendall kiss the side of his temple. Logan quickly swatted the blond’s hand away, moving off of the greaser to cross his legs in embarrassment.

“What’s with you?” Kendall asked and Logan glanced over his shoulder at him.

“I don’t feel comfortable doing something like this if we’re not in a relationship. I-It just isn’t right.”

“It isn’t right, or you’re just scared?”

“I’m _not_ scared,” Logan said sharply and Kendall raised an eyebrow.

“I think you are scared.”

“Scared of _what_?”

“Sex.”

“Well I’m not,” Logan huffed and Kendall stood to his feet, walking over to Logan. The brunet boy looked up at him, his eyes level with Kendall’s crotch and he could see the outline of a boner through his jeans.

“Does this scare you?” Kendall asked and Logan’s eyes flickered down at the boy’s erection, feeling his mouth beginning to water in slight anticipation.

“No,” he murmured and Kendall’s fingers went down to undo the button and zipper on his jeans. He popped them open, Logan seeing the waistband of his briefs and the happy trail that led down into them, Kendall’s cock nice and hard and about to _burst_ through the material. Logan crossed his legs uncomfortably, feeling himself twitching in his pants just thinking about it. He _shouldn’t_ be thinking about this, he _really_ shouldn’t. His mouth shouldn’t be getting wetter at the thought of sucking Kendall, of seeing just how the boy tasted on his tongue or how heavy he felt in his mouth. Or thinking about watching Kendall come undone through lidded eyes, the blond becoming a hot and sobbing mess because Logan knew just how to lick him and tease him in all the right places.

“What about now?” Kendall asked, his voice lower now. It was raspier, sultrier and more enticing.

“No,” Logan said, voice barely higher than a whisper and Kendall slipped his thumbs in the elastic band of his underwear. He pulled both his pants and underwear down til they were around his thighs. Kendall’s cock bobbed out and the tip smacked against Logan’s lips, not even realizing just how _close_ he was. He flinched back just a bit and Kendall made a disapproving noise.

“No, Kitten,” Kendall said, his voice firm and his hand went to take Logan by his hair and pull him forward til Logan’s lower lip brushed against the tip of Kendall’s cock once again. A drop of pre-come beaded and fell on his lip, Logan barely getting a taste and feeling himself grow week in the knees. “What do you think now?” he asked, smearing his head over Logan’s slightly parted lips, not yet forcing Logan down or thrusting into his mouth. Logan’s heart was quivering, tasting Kendall as he licked his lips and his tongue sometimes darted out to feel into Kendall’s leaking slit. He only sighed against Kendall, words not coming to his mind other than how he _really_ wanted to see how Kendall fit in his mouth.

Kendall ran his hand from the back of Logan’s skull to hold the boy by the back of his neck, rubbing his thumb into the nape of Logan’s neck as Logan stared up at him. “What do you want to do, Logan?” he asked low and quiet, his eyes already holding the answer and Logan was sure his held the same. Logan let his lips slowly part open more, taking in just the head and flattened his tongue against it to taste Kendall fully. He sighed at his taste, feeling Kendall push in just a little bit more and felt his lips being stretched open wider.

Kendall threw his head back as he let out a moan, Logan feeling the boy going down his throat and only hoped he didn’t gag. “So _wet_ ,” he hissed through his teeth and Logan’s nostrils flared, pulling back to try and take a breath before he went back down. He trailed his tongue on the underside of Kendall’s dick, licking against a vein as he breathed through his nose. One of his hands went to hold one of Kendall’s thighs, finding that he was beginning to tremble slightly under his touch. Kendall’s hands went back up to Logan’s hair, fingers curling tight as Logan sucked and hollowed his cheeks.

Part of Logan wanted to ask if he was doing this right, since he wasn’t even sure how this was supposed to _work_. He wasn’t so informed on sex to know what worked and what felt good for guys and what drove them crazy. Though, he did remember one night when he caught Isaac watching a porno on the late night channels when he thought that everyone was asleep and he could get away with it. Some kids were talking about sex, about how it felt when you stuck “it” in a girl’s “thing” as Isaac had put it to Logan. And the woman on the television easily flicked her wrist up and down and up and down, thumbing the head before she swallowed his length down with ease, compared to Logan who only was licking and sucking Kendall as far down as he could (which wasn’t much).

Logan raised his other hand shakily up to hold Kendall at the base of his dick, trying to force himself down farther to take more of Kendall in. He began to gag when the tip of his cock hit the back of Logan’s throat, pulling back to give a cough with a strand of saliva connecting his wet lips to the tip of his dick. Logan moved his hand up and down Kendall’s shaft, slick with his spit and rubbed in the slit, Kendall giving a weak little whimper and dug his nails into Logan’s scalp harder. “ _Fuuuck_ ,” Kendall moaned, Logan’s eyes flickering up to watch the boy’s facial reaction. Kendall’s face was red, his eyes fluttering hard and his mouth was held open in a silent moan that might shudder out into a pant as Logan stroked him. He moved his hand down a little bit from stroking Kendall, rolling Kendall’s balls in his palm and the blond gritted through his teeth.

He got the right reaction, Logan supposed, before he licked and kissed down Kendall’s shaft and rubbed at the perineum, and nipped lightly at Kendall’s sac before he dragged his tongue back up to tease in Kendall’s slit. The corners of his mouth were being stretched wide and painfully raw, only hoping it wouldn’t show just what he has been doing when he had to eventually face Ethel and his mother. He was holding Kendall tight by his thighs, digging his nails into the growing red and fleshy skin. He paused to just feel the weight of Kendall in his mouth, pulsing hot over his tongue and making his jaw ache.

Kendall began to pump his hips into Logan’s mouth, pushing not too far but just enough to make Kendall give a whimper and Logan moan around him. A couple more licks and sucks, til he could feel Kendall pump his hips faster and faster. He looked up at the blond through half lidded eyes, meeting emerald ones that were dark with lust and Logan guessed were only reserved for the bedroom. His hand that wasn’t working Kendall over was moving in between his legs, breathing a whimper when he touched himself and Kendall moaned from the sight.

He didn’t announce when he was going to come, but Kendall’s body suddenly went tense and his thighs tightened. His hand that was in Logan’s hair clenched rough and he shouts out the same time he comes hot and bitter in Logan’s mouth. Logan’s eyes widened with surprise, the taste of pure Kendall sliding warm down his throat. He pulled back and off, some catching onto Logan’s lips and the side of his cheek as Kendall shook and his knees buckled. Kendall hissed out ‘Fuck’ before he wrapped long and thin fingers around his softening length, milking out the last few drops before he pushed sweating bangs out of his forehead. “On my bike, Kitten,” Kendall panted and Logan got to his feet, moving to Kendall’s bike to stand by it.

Kendall made a turning motion with his finger and Logan swallowed, turning around and leaned against the bike. He felt Kendall’s hands on his hips, the blond slowly rutting and rubbing up against him as he kissed down the side of Logan’s throat. Logan’s eyes fluttered, moaning as Kendall’s hands moved to his front to cup him and rub him through the material of his jeans. He felt Kendall undo his pants and pull down the zipper, pulling down his pants and underwear til they were around his ankles, leaving him exposed. He shivered at the cool air ghosting over his heated skin, Kendall’s thumbs massaging into his supple mounds of flesh as he slid down Logan’s back til he breathed hot and licked a stripe down the crease of Logan’s behind.

Logan shuddered, feeling Kendall spread his cheeks before he licked up the inner part of his thigh, all pale flesh and shaking in anticipation, before he was licking into Logan and tasting the brunet boy with a hot moan. Logan grabbed one of the handlebars of the bike to brace him, Kendall pushing his right leg up so it was half slung over the bike seat. Kendall’s tongue moved down, giving a few swipes across Logan’s balls before he moved back up and sealed his lips around Logan’s fluttering rim.

Logan couldn’t moan or stifle a whimper through a filthy mattress this time; when Kendall’s tongue pushed into the tight heat, Logan keened loud. Kendall must have liked that reaction, since he pushed even further inside and shook his head ragged. Logan whimpered, his cock hard and pushing up against the leather seat of Kendall’s bike. Kendall’s finger rubbed little circles into the back of Logan’s thighs, pulling back to bite at his legs and suckle on his skin. He licked up again, pressing a thumb against the sodden entrance and sunk his finger inside.

Logan jumped in his spot, beginning to crawl away but Kendall’s hand clamped down tight on his thigh. “No,” he said again, stern and strong and Logan only clung tighter to the bike. Kendall waited for a moment, before he leaned forward and breathed around his thumb, pressing the tip of his tongue around the digit and licked around Logan’s hole. Logan pulled his lower lip in between his teeth, ducking his head down low as Kendall licked him and fucked him with his tongue, slow and hot with a slim finger sometimes working its way into his tight heat. He pulled his finger out and dug his fingernails into Logan’s skin harder than before as his tongue flicked out against Logan faster and faster to keep up with Logan’s whines.

He felt his hips stuttering, pressing down and trying to fuck himself on the blond’s tongue. He glanced down, pre-come leaking onto the seat and god, this entire act was so _obscene_. He was starting to get tired from his leg being held up over the bike, his entire body shaking and he was panting so hard, feeling like he was going to burst. He gave a squeak when he felt Kendall give a little bite on his cheek, soothing the mark with a kiss. “Touch yourself for me,” he heard Kendall say low and rough. “I want you to come with my tongue inside of you.”

Logan wanted to come just from hearing _that_. He gives a shaky whimper, feeling Kendall run a finger around the rim of his hole, pressing down to feel how wet it was and sinking his fingertip inside once more. He shuddered, snaking a hand between his legs and finally wrapped a hand around his neglected cock. He hissed at the touch, stroking himself up and down before he thumbed at his leaking slit, Kendall going back to licking him and working him with his tongue. Logan moaned Kendall’s name in a voice he barely could even recognize as himself, Kendall shaking his head from side to side as he gripped his ass. He bit his tongue, wanting to sob. He could feel he was going to come soon, Kendall clicking against him wet and quick and his strokes were starting to get sloppier with each pull and tug of his cock. He didn’t want to, he wanted to hold back the orgasm as long as he could, he didn’t want to _stop_.

“Come on, Kitten. I want you to scream when you come, make as much noise as you want,” Kendall growled into the back of his thigh, kissing his skin before he licked around the quivering rim. “I know you want to come, I want to feel how even tighter you’re going to get around my tongue when you do it. And you’ll get to think about how the next time I have you like this, instead of me fucking you with my tongue, it’s going to be my dick inside you. You want that, don’t you? You _want_ me to fuck you and fill you up and you’re going to be such a little _slut_ for it-”

Logan cuts him off with a sob and a moan, all shame leaving him for one second as he cries out ‘ _yes_ ’ and Logan is seeing stars. His body shakes and he’s coming, all over the leather seat of the bike and the shiny chrome decorations. His shoulders tense and his thigh twitches and kicks out involuntarily, Kendall surging forward as Logan sobs his name over and over again like Kendall was his god and he only _existed_ to serve him.

The orgasm works its way out of Logan’s body a minute later, but Logan was still shaking as Kendall pulled out and gave one last lick over his entrance. Logan’s mind felt hazy, feeling Kendall gently move his leg off the bike and he immediately sunk to his knees like he didn’t have a bone in his entire body. Kendall quickly pulled Logan back up to his feet, wrapping arms around his waist as he pulled Logan’s clothes on himself, the sticky feeling of cum and sweat settling between his thighs again and making Logan cringe in disgust but sigh in a strange satisfaction.

“Move over so I can clean my bike,” Kendall mumbled, reaching into his back pocket to pull out a bandana or some shop towel. Logan did so, sitting on his knees as he watched Kendall wipe Logan’s seed off the seat and the side of the bike. He didn’t say anything to Logan, Logan only staring up at him with wide eyes. “You feel like going home, or do you want to rest a bit?”

“. . .Maybe rest,” Logan murmured and Kendall chuckled. Logan looked down at his hands, twiddling his fingers together before he glanced back up at the blond. “S-So. . .what are we?”

“. . .What?”

“Like. . .are you and I a thing? Like. . .are we boyfriends? Cause we did this twice and I-” Kendall began to laugh and Logan pursed his lips tight, feeling his heart quiver.

“No, of course not. We’re just. . .fooling around.”

“. . .Fooling around?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not into all that kissing and hugging and gooey shit that girls all fawn about. And I don’t want a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a relationship. I’m just looking for a good time,” Kendall said and Logan balled his hands into fists.

“So I’m just something for you to _fuck_ , right?”

“Well since we haven’t fucked, I’m guessing the answer is no.”

“But I’m not your boyfriend.”

“Kitten, you don’t _have_ to be in a relationship to have sex, you know.”

“But you’re missing the point of sex if there’s no _emotion_ that you feel with your partner!”

“The _point_ is that I was horny and so were you, we both got off and now, we’re ready to go home and live our lives until the next time it happens.”

“How are you so sure that there’s going to be a next time?” Logan asked crossly and Kendall sighed.

“Cause unlike you, who just sits in their sexual frustration and lets it build and build until you’re wanking to people having sex, _I’m_ actually relieving myself. And you actually _like_ this kinky stuff we do, how much you want to bet that stiff you were hanging out at the mall would have licked your ass out?”

Logan crossed his legs in embarrassment and Kendall tucked the dirty rag into his back pocket. “Besides, I’m a Rebel and you’re a Soc. We’re not the same and I’d rather fuck around with you than date you.”

Logan looked away, chewing his lower lip as he tried to let the words settle in. Kendall didn’t _want_ anything from Logan other than sex, and Logan _wasn’t_ Carlos. Sex was something that was supposed to be _special_ and Kendall didn’t want special, he wanted quick and easy. Logan glanced back at Kendall, who was tucking himself back in his pants and zipping up the front. “You want another beer?” the blond asked and Logan frowned.

“I want to go home.”

“. . .Kitten, don’t start to get pissy because-”

“Can you _please_ just take me home?!” Logan shouted and Kendall paused before he shoved hands into the pockets of his jeans and shrugged.

“Whatever, come on,” he muttered and climbed onto his bike. Logan got up and climbed on as well, awkwardly putting his arms back around Kendall’s waist as the blond started the motor up and turned off down towards the path they took to get up here. Logan kept his mouth tightly closed, trying to keep himself from snuggling against Kendall’s back or to hold onto him tighter, only bitterly watching the trees moving past them as they moved down the hill and Kendall turned onto the street, the dim city lights showing the way and city noise all around.

* * *

 

Logan wasn’t sure what time it was when he finally was home, but figured he really didn’t care so long as he could get away from Kendall for the time being. He climbed off Kendall’s bike himself (and stumbled a bit), before he huffed and fixed his hair. He took his bag and his violin off the bike, holding his possessions close as he walked up the pathway to the front door without even a second word to Kendall.

“Hey!” the blond shouted and Logan stopped in his place, turning to look over his shoulder at the blond on his bike. “Look. . .I just. . .it was cool hanging out with you,” Kendall said and Logan paused.

“Was that supposed to be an apology?”

“I don’t know, I’m just saying something. . .goodnight, Logan.”

“. . .Goodnight, Kendall,” the brunet murmured, turning around and giving his head a small shake before he continued to walk up the pathway. Did that mean that Kendall maybe would want to hang out with him again? Or take the brunet out someplace for the entire day? He shuddered out a breath, trying not to think too much about this cause Kendall obviously wasn’t thinking about them being a ‘thing’. Logan raised his hand, ready to test the doorknob to see if it was locked or if he should use his key, before it disappeared under his touch. The door opened quick, Logan meeting the dark and angry gaze of his grandmother as a well-manicured hand shot out to grab the front of his clothing.

“ _Get inside now, **Hortense**_ ,” she hissed through her teeth, Logan turning around to see Kendall watch with surprised and worried eyes, the last thing that Logan saw before he was forcibly yanked inside.


	11. Chapter 11

“How _dare_ you disobey me after what I _specifically_ told you about those. . .those _hoodrats_!” Ethel screamed and Logan crossed his arms, giving a small huff.

“I’m fine, aren’t I? I just want to go to bed-”

“You’re not going _anywhere_ until you explain yourself, Hortense,” Ethel hissed through her clenched teeth. Logan glanced around, seeing his mother standing in the doorway of the kitchen and held onto the side. She was watching, rather afraid and rather worried, but not having quite the courage to step in and face her mother’s wrath. “Beau told me everything. How you allowed that disgusting delinquent grab at you and how you went along with him on his bike-”

“Because _Beau_ overreacted and ditched me at the mall! What else was I supposed to do?!”

“There is such thing as a _phone_ , Hortense! You could have called your mother or myself and we would have came and got you. But instead, you chose to go with _him_. And that’s not all Beau told me about,” she said, her eyes darkening. “He said you went to one of those disgusting little ‘parties’. Ha, they aren’t even parties, they’re _hellholes_ where you little sinners _fornicate_.”

“I did _not_ have sex with anyone.”

“You already lied twice, why not just lie some more?!”

“I’m telling the truth! I’m still a virgin and I didn’t do anything at that party! I didn’t drink, I didn’t smoke, I didn’t do any kind of drugs. I even _left early_ , so don’t try to even point the finger at me when Beau doesn’t know a thing about what he’s talking about!” Logan shouted in frustration and Ethel pursed her lips tight. “I’m sorry for disobeying you for going to that party and going with Kendall tonight. But I swear that I haven’t had sex with any Rebel,” Logan said with a huff and Ethel bit the inside of her cheek. Her head whirled in the direction of the kitchen, Laura shrinking back behind the wall the moment she caught her eye.

“Laura! Get out here this minute!” Ethel screamed and Logan’s mother quickly ran out, looking at Logan with worried eyes. Ethel shook a nagging finger at Logan, lips tight and in a clenched frown. “Do something about this boy before _I_ will. I know of a nice and quaint little boy’s school that’ll know how to turn you into a young God-fearing man, even if they’ll have to _beat_ the sin out of you themselves,” she hissed and turned to glare at her daughter. She didn’t give any more words, turning on her heel and showing herself out the door, slamming it shut nice and loud to get her point across. All was quiet in the household, Logan listening to a car start up before peeling away from the curb and into the streets. He looked up at his mother, his heart giving a quiver.

“. . .Mom-”

“Why did you do it?” she asked quietly and rubbed her arm. “I mean. . .I know Mother says I’m spineless, Logan, but-”

“No, no you don’t understand. I wasn’t doing it because I thought you’d let me get off the hook or that you’re easy to walk over. In fact, if you want to punish me, I’ll take it. I just. . .I don’t know why I went. . .I just wanted to get out someplace and _breathe_. Without Grandmother standing their criticizing every move I make,” Logan said hurt and gestured around the house. “It feels like she’s everywhere and I’m tired of feeling like a trapped bird with wings clipped. And I know you don’t like to either,” Logan said softly and stepped closer. “How long has it been since you went out to the park and enjoyed your time? Or the both of us having a nice little Sunday brunch that _doesn’t_ involve Grandmother correcting us how to eat or what utensil to use? This isn’t like _either_ of us and we’re miserable. . .Mom, I just want to go back home.”

“. . .We can’t, you know that-”

“Why can’t we? We can’t run away from Isaac’s death and it’ll make it easier for Dad to find us! I know it hurts to think about them, I know that we lost Isaac and Dad is gone. But you still have me and we’re still together. We need to get out of here and try to get better, Mom.”

Laura rubbed her face, Logan wondering if maybe he should start adding more drops of mood enhancer in her food, before she breathed in deeply and sighed.

“Y-You’ll be grounded. For a week.”

“Okay. I’ll be fine with that,” Logan said and Laura rubbed the back of her neck.

“There’s still some dinner in the microwave. Heat it up and eat before you go to bed.”

“Actually Mother, I’m really exhausted. I think I’m going to skip dinner for tonight,” Logan murmured and she looked at her son with concerned eyes.

“Is something wrong? That boy didn’t do anything, did he?” she asked and Logan shook his head, not wanting to tell her that he’s actually not sure what to feel about Kendall. If he should hate the boy for messing with his feelings and his body, or if he was starting to become more and more attracted to Kendall because Logan was starting to _crave_ the same release and freedom that Kendall had. It felt like a drug, Kendall giving Logan some sort of high that couldn’t be achieved by a violin or the finest of living. He didn’t necessarily made Logan feel full, but he made Logan feel more _alive_ instead of being just another one of his grandmother’s perfect little dolls she always needed to make sure was in line.

He kissed his mother’s cheek, deciding to dwell on Kendall and just what to do with the greaser later. Logan walked up the steps and into the bathroom, taking off his dirty clothes and began to clean his skin thoroughly with a wet wash cloth. Once he was sure he got rid of all the dried cum that was between his legs, he tossed his dirty clothes and the towel into the hamper, only hoping that this wouldn’t be such a common occurrence. Logan went to his bedroom quickly and closed the door shut, leaving him alone in the dark. He glanced out the window at Kendall’s window, the blond having his curtains pulled closed and Logan figuring the boy must have already went to sleep. He crawled into bed himself, pulling the covers close before he snuggled into the pillows. He dreamed of the fire that was on his lips when he smoked his first cigarette, the fire that built in his lungs when he breathed in Kendall’s scent that clung in his leather jacket, and the slowly budding and burning feeling that he might have wanted something more with Kendall.

And the fear that he still _does_.

* * *

 

 

Logan avoided the table of society members for the duration of the week, keeping his eyes away as he walked down the hall and pretended that they didn’t exist. Course, that didn’t stop them whispering about Logan when they thought he couldn’t hear them. Mumbling how he was a slut under their breath, how they _thought_ he would have been better than Carlos but it was already too late, and how poor _Ethel_ had to get stuck with a grandson like him. He felt absolutely _disgusted_ with the boys, not even bothering to go to lunch at all and spend the hour in the library studying for his classes or listening to violin music in the orchestra room. He knew he’d have to face Beau and the others on Sunday, Logan just hoping he’ll be able to think of a way to get through the brunch alive.

Ethel always made sure she was at the school on time to pick Logan up, not wanting to allow a single second of time that could be spent with Logan ‘fraternizing with the heathens’. Most of the time the Rebels weren’t even at the school, Logan wondering why they have put off meeting up with Carlos for so long or what time do they get Carlos and leave. And the few times they _were_ waiting outside, Kendall wasn’t there for Logan to even try and talk to. And once Ethel took Logan home, she’d stay and linger around the house just a little bit longer, watching Laura cook the dinner to see if she improved her skills enough to catch a husband or listen to Logan improve on his violin. He’d have to wait under her scrutinizing gaze til she grew bored with them, then she’d leave to her home promising to do the same exact thing tomorrow. Logan just sighed, eating dinner and dropping some mood enhancers in his mother’s food when she wasn’t looking, the two enjoying their food in silence.

Afterwards, Logan would go to bed and watch his open window. He’d try to sleep, but he would always watch to see if Kendall was going to do something. Open his window to have a smoke, try and catch Logan’s attention so they could talk, the boy absolutely _ached_ with such a need to talk to the greaser again. He’d watch the window, dark and still, til his eyes began to grow too heavy for him to stay awake. It was foolishly stupid of him, knowing Kendall wouldn’t do the same for him. Waiting up late at night just to steal a glance or to have a word, which was far too full of romance and emotion and _love_. Kendall didn’t love Logan, Kendall just _liked_ Logan. Or at the very least tolerated him. Logan just had to do the same.

Though he wasn’t sure if his heart would let him.

* * *

 

“Tell me again what was wrong with that young gentleman I asked to spare _some_ pity on you?” Ethel hissed to Logan’s mother over tea, Logan glaring from his small corner practicing violin. Laura bit her lower lip, trembling slightly as she held the teapot.

“He. . .he was a bit forceful with me-”

“ _You’re_ being too timid! For God’s sake, a man doesn’t like a _bore_.”

“Mother, I just wasn’t comfortable with how-”

“He could have been a _wonderful_ husband and you chased him away! What am I going to do with you?!”

“If the creep was trying to force himself on her, she doesn’t need him,” Logan spoke up, not meeting Ethel’s glare and focused to tuning his violin.

“You’re just a child, Hortense. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He gritted his teeth, placing his violin down and getting up to stomp up the stairs. He didn’t want to listen to this any longer, moving down the hallway to the bathroom to have an aspirin for his sudden headache. He opened the medicine cabinet, pushing aside little bottles of pills for sickness and coughing, before he heard a scoff. Or at least, it felt like he did. Logan paused, looking around before he met his reflection in the mirror. It didn’t look like him, something just a little bit off. The gleam in his eyes was dead and tired, frustration tearing at the corners.

“She’s right, you know,” his reflection said and Logan blinked, rubbing his face again. The voice was in his head, he could _hear_ it. Sounding so identical to his own voice but had a more mocking and disparaging tone.

Like Isaac’s.

He stared at the reflection, rubbing his face harder like he would see something different. “You don’t know anything about love or sex or romance. Who was the virgin? Who only indulged on fantasies instead of going out for the real thing? You never really lived a single day in your life and you have the _gall_ to hate the life that was fed to you on a silver spoon?” It sounded like Isaac’s cutting words, Logan frowning hard. Isaac did knew how to fight with his words if not his fists, and he always _did_ knew what got under Logan’s skin.

“Meanwhile, Kendall and Carlos actually _do_ get to live their life the way they want. Who fucking cares what anyone else thinks about them, they do what they please and make _themselves_ happy. Meanwhile, poor little Logie is too scared to go against dear Grandmother. So _vanilla_.”

He didn’t want to hurt his mother, he didn’t want Ethel breathing down his back and trying to chain him up more. But it was like he could see his reflection growing more tired and sicker, more angry and upset with the way everything was. Logan _hated_ it here, he hated feeling so closed in and trapped like an animal. At least in the city, his parents were both there and they accepted Logan for who he was. Allowed Logan and Isaac to breathe and be themselves, allowed them to be _happy_. And Logan only felt happy when he was with Kendall or the Rebels or Carlos, or at least he felt freer. He felt himself being drained, tired and pulling at the sides of his face. He didn’t want to do this anymore, he didn’t want to even come back home. He wished he could stay out with Kendall forever, inhaling the smoke that burned his lungs and tasted Kendall’s essence on his tongue. He wanted Kendall’s hands all over his body, touching and caressing and grabbing Logan in the places he’s only heard Isaac talk about when a girl managed to feel him up. He wanted to just escape, to breathe and to be on his own. Without thinking about his mother, or Ethel, or his father and Isaac. He was tired of being ‘good’, being ‘vanilla’.

Logan pulled his hands away from his face, feeling his nails scratch over his cheeks as he stared into the mirror. He didn’t hear the voice any longer, but he was still feeling drained and exhausted. He walked out of the bathroom, forgetting about the pills as he went into his bedroom and flopped down on his bed. He glanced out the window, Kendall’s window still dark and still closed to Logan’s eyes. He thought about stopping by the house at random, just to pop in and have conversation. But Logan didn’t know what was holding him back, either Kendall not wanting to have anything to do with him or get angry for Logan wanting to hang around him. . .or maybe that they would move past the touches and licking and Logan might lose his virginity to Kendall. . .

He should be upset, thinking about sex with Kendall is just hopeless. The blond would just toss him aside anyways once he did it, so why would Logan set himself up for heartbreak? Yet, he desired the feeling and the heat, the passion and the pleasure of holding Kendall close to him in such a way. Losing themselves in each other, mind and bodies. He curled up in the sheets, listening to Ethel get into her car and drive off outside, breathing in a sigh of relief that the woman was gone for the time being. His cell phone buzzed and Logan glanced up, grabbing it off of his nightstand and checked the screen.

**8:48pm**

**Hey! U want to go to a party with me tonight? :)** **\- Carlos**

Logan’s eyes widened, feeling his heart race in excitement at the thought of being with Kendall again. He sat up straight in his bed, getting ready to reply that he _definitely_ wants to go, but then he thought about his mother downstairs. Technically, he was still on punishment for sneaking out the last time, and he didn’t want to make it seem that Logan didn’t care about his mother’s law and make her feel more worse than she already does. Plus, he didn’t want to lose her trust. He didn’t want to lose her and make her be forced to turn into someone like Ethel, distrustful and always needing to have a leash on Logan like he was an animal.

**8:50pm**

**I cant I need to be here with my mom. Plus im grounded – Logan**

**8:51pm**

**Just say u need to go to a study group at james’ place. He’ll cover for us :)** **\- Carlos**

James would not like it if Logan was going to another party with Carlos, Logan worried about what the boy might say if they met up with each other at school again. Logan bit his lower lip, it _would_ be a plausible way out to go to the party. . .but Logan didn’t want to make a habit of deceiving his mother. He already was smuggling drugs into her food, now _lying_?

**8:52pm**

**Well? R u coming? – Carlos**

Logan clenched his eyes tight. It wasn’t going to be too late, everything will be alright if he just had a little fun, right? He could breathe, he could let loose and not choke it all down. He can do what Isaac did, party and drink and just _live_.

**8:52pm**

 

**Yeah im coming – Logan**

* * *

 

“Since when did you smoke?”

Logan coughed on his cigarette, choking in a little bit of air before he looked over at Carlos. He gave a small shrug, like Carlos shouldn’t have even been surprised.

“It’s not a habit or anything.”

“Is it something that Kendall introduced you to?”

Logan’s eyes went shy and Carlos hummed, turning right and heading moreso towards the downtown part of the city instead of the far outskirts where the warehouses were. “How could he have convinced someone like _you_ to smoke. . .no offense.”

“None taken. And I can make decisions for myself, I don’t _have_ to smoke cause he said so,” Logan said rather defensively and Carlos smiled.

“You’re just smoking cause he suggested it, huh? I started smoking from Dak, but you’ll never catch me smoking like a chimney or something,” Carlos said with a laugh and Logan only gave a nod, taking a small little drag. He hoped he would have some self control over this, he could already feel the little kick of nicotine buzzing in his fingers as he inhaled. Logan watched the city lights roll past them, haze of smoke filling his lungs and burning his nostrils. He rolled the window down just a bit so the smoke wouldn’t cloud up the inside of Carlos’ small car, cold air hitting his nose when he did.

“Where’s this party at?” Logan asked and Carlos hummed, turning right onto a dark and narrow street before he slowed to a stop in front of a building that looked rather abandoned. Logan didn’t like the lone flickering of the light over a steel door, feeling rather uneasy and took a longer drag of his cigarette than he intended. Carlos turned off the engine, checking his outfit really fast. The clothes were extremely tight on his body, the shirt pulling over his chest and skinny black pants hugging his hips and thighs nice and snug. Meanwhile, Logan just wore the same outfit he wore to the last party, figuring no one would remember since everyone was more concerned with getting _out_ of your clothes anyways.

The two boys got out of the car, Logan flicking away the butt of the cigarette to the ground and stomped out the ashes before he hurried behind Carlos. Carlos gave the door a couple of knocks, Logan beginning to rock on his heels in slight nerves. He only hoped that he’d find Kendall soon at the party, Carlos would probably ditch him again for Dak like last time. The door opened, just a bit for a small man to peek his head through the crack he made in the door. He looked over Carlos’ figure, eyes hungry with lust before he smiled.

“Come on in, party is just getting started,” he purred and Carlos smiled bright, reaching back to take Logan’s hand and pull him along. The music was even louder than the party at the warehouse, bumping and thumping like it was a rave. Lights were flashing wild, Logan could barely see through the smoke coming from the fog machines on the floor as people danced and grinded against each other. He clenched to Carlos’ hand tight, feeling uncomfortable amongst the swarm of people. It didn’t feel like a party that Kendall would go to at all, something just felt _wrong_.

“Where’s Kendall supposed to be?” Logan asked aloud and Carlos looked over at him.

“The Rebels aren’t coming to this party. He’s not here,” Carlos explained and Logan’s eyes widened. Carlos then quirked an eyebrow. “Did you only come just to hang out with Kendall?”

“N-No!”

“You have a _crush_ on him, don’t you?” Carlos asked with a teasing smile and Logan averted his gaze.

“I don’t,” he mumbled, though knowing the little twinge in his heart he was lying. Carlos hummed, beginning to pull away from Logan but Logan only clung harder. Carlos frowned.

“You can’t hold onto me the entire night.”

“Who am I going to talk to?”

“With the other people here?” Carlos asked, gesturing around like it was no brainer. Logan bit his lower lip, Carlos pulling away from him again and crossed his arms. “Look, just relax and have fun. If you _really_ need me, just come and find me. I won’t be far off, this place is smaller than the warehouse,” Carlos said with a reassuring smile that Logan only smiled back half-heartedly. Carlos waved and gave a wink, before he began to make his way through the dance crowd off where Logan couldn’t see. Logan immediately wrapped arms around himself, looking around as he tried to catch his breath and calm his nerves. It shouldn’t be that hard to just talk with someone, maybe even dance a bit. He could do this, he didn’t _need_ to be around Kendall to have fun. He could have fun and be free and let lose all on his own.

Logan glanced around, eyes scanning for someone to approach. Most of the people there were clearly not in Logan’s crowd, piercings in their face and tattoos that covered every inch of visible skin. He swallowed down a bit of disgust from seeing a girl with snake bites and gages bigger than Logan’s fist, her hair shaved except for a hot pink Mohawk. Just keep calm, just keep calm. They’re just people, people that weren’t like Logan at all. He was completely out of his element, and now he was only wishing that he didn’t agree to come in the first place. Logan backed up, intending to just stand by the wall and wait til Carlos wanted to go home, when he bumped into someone. He quickly turned, meeting the eyes of a taller boy with freckles and a broad torso.

“I-I’m so sorry!” Logan quickly apologized and the boy smiled.

“It’s okay dude, really. . .you’re cute.”

Logan blushed, not expecting _that_. “Oh. . .um. . .thank you.”

“Wanna drink?” he asked and gestured to the open cups of alcohol or punch or whatever on the table behind him.

“N-No, no thank you,” Logan said and the boy stepped closer. He already smelled a bit drunk, booze hanging in his loose black shirt and clung to his sweating skin.

“Wanna dance?” he breathed and pulled Logan up against him before he could even answer. Logan gave a squeak, the boy rocking them from side to side, shifting and rubbing their pelvises up against each other in a quick and sloppy friction. Logan moved uncomfortably in his grasp, wishing the words to protest would come out of his mouth. But Logan only made startled noises and gasps, to which urged the boy on more and more til he had Logan up against the wall rubbing against him. Logan writhed in his hold, pushing him away and quickly wrapped arms around himself while the boy looked confused.

“I-I don’t want to dance,” Logan stuttered, glancing off to the side to just keep from meeting the boy’s gaze. He spotted Carlos dancing with another boy, his arms around the boy’s slim neck and the boy’s arms wrapped nicely around Carlos’ waist.

“You came with him?” he heard the boy ask and Logan turned, seeing he was watching Carlos as well with that same hungry and lusty look the man at the door had.

“Uh. . .yeah,” Logan muttered and the boy smiled. He reached down and took Logan’s hand tight in his own, pulling Logan through the crowd towards Carlos and the other boy dancing. Logan gulped, not sure what was going on or if he should pull away and just make a run for it. The boy Carlos was dancing with noticed the two of them approaching, his smile growing bigger before he took Carlos’ hand as well. Soon, both boys were taking Carlos and Logan somewhere off and away from the dancefloor, Logan feeling his palms getting sweatier and his heart beating faster.

The four entered a small little room with a lone lightbulb illuminating the area, in the corner a lumpy mattress with sheets the shade of vomit. Logan turned, the boy immediately pushing his body into Logan’s as he captured his lips forcefully. Logan made a noise, eyes big and wide as the boy tried to push his tongue into Logan’s mouth, forcing the boy up against the wall to rub against again. Logan shoved the boy hard this time around, finally finding the strength to do so. He quickly wiped his mouth in fright, looking at the boy, then at Carlos and the other boy in the room.

Carlos could see the fear in Logan’s eyes, biting his lower lip. “Look, we’re not here for sex. We’re just here to dance and have fun,” Carlos said strongly and the other boy scoffed.

“Please, I know who you are. You’re the town slut, what difference should it make to you if you get fucked tonight along with your cute little friend?” he asked and Logan’s eyes widened. The boy then pushed himself on Logan again and Logan screamed, shoving him away harder while Carlos pushed the other boy aside.

“Get away from us, you creeps!” Carlos shouted, running over and grabbing Logan’s wrist to yank him out the doorway. Logan looked over his shoulder, heart beating in fear to see the boys were actually _following_ them, turning back to see Carlos trying to maneuver through the crowd of dancers towards the door out of the party. They almost made it, but the man they met at the door stepped in front and stopped them with a smile.

“Where are you going?” he asked and Carlos huffed.

“We’re leaving, this party isn’t all that anyways,” Carlos muttered and the man chuckled.

“Well I’m sure that we could get this party _really_ started if I take you to one of the side rooms,” he purred, stepping close and Carlos swatted the hand that was moving to grab him. He tugged Logan off to the side, both of them practically running and trying to get off the dance floor, Logan looking over his shoulder to see the boys following them, _chasing_ them. He was scared, he shouldn’t have came to this party. Obviously these boys didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, they were going to. . .Logan couldn’t even _stomach_ the thought. Carlos quickly ducked into an empty room and Logan kicked it shut behind them just as fast, locking the door for extra measure. He fell against the door, letting out a whimper he didn’t even realize he was holding in while Carlos breathed in deeply.

“I’m calling James,” Carlos muttered, Logan looking over his shoulder to see the Latino digging into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

“What are we going to do?” Logan said quietly, wishing he could stop being so scared. He felt so small, so _weak_. Isaac would have fought those boys off, Kendall would have thrown a punch and _made_ that boy get out of the way. And here was Logan, cuddling in close and hiding and couldn’t stop shaking.

“James?” he heard Carlos say and Logan looked up at the boy biting his thumb. “James, I really need you to come and get me. . .James, look I don’t want to answer questions right now. There’s creeps at this party that me and Logan are at and Dak isn’t here and. . .Christ, James does it _matter_ if Logan is with me or not?” Carlos asked annoyed and Logan blushed. “James, please, we’re both just really scared and we can’t leave this place without them trying to make a grab for us. . .it’s at this club called The Rave, just please hurry,” Carlos plead quietly, Logan looking down at the ground. He could see the lights streaming underneath the crack in the door, the occasional shadows moving past it and Logan could only hope it wasn’t those boys.

He glanced up, seeing Carlos moving to sit down beside Logan and take his hand gently in his own. He gave Logan a smile, confident and warm. “James is coming. He’s going to take us to his place, that way we could say we had a study date at James’ house and are going to sleep over, okay?”

“. . .Okay,” Logan said quietly and Carlos rested his forehead on Logan’s shoulder.

 

“It’s going to be okay. James will help,” Carlos said gently, his voice a bit frailer. Logan only closed his eyes, wishing that James could come soon and wishing that Kendall were here for Logan to hide in his arms.

* * *

 

The two boys sat there against the door for a good while, Logan wondering if maybe they should try to make another run for it, but always grew frightened when someone would shake the locked doorknob in frustration before moving on to another door. Carlos hummed a tune, sometimes singing so soft and low that Logan had to strain his ears to hear over the loud thumping music. Carlos’ voice was so gentle and sweet, like the coo of a dove, so romantic and kind.

The music was growing quieter as time passed, Logan wondering if maybe the party was starting to unwind, wondering just how will they find out if James was going to be here if they still haven’t left the room. Sleep was pulling at his eyes, urging him to rest but he fought to keep his eyes opened. His head began to ache, tired and exhausted from the night. He just wanted to go home, he didn’t want to wait any longer.

Carlos shifted in his spot next to him to look at his phone, reading a message on the screen. “It’s James. He’s here,” Carlos breathed, looking over to Logan with worried eyes. “Come on, we need to make a run for it just in case those creeps are still lurking around for a quickie,” he said and pulled Logan to his feet. Logan swallowed down a nervous gulp, gripping Carlos’ hand tight in his grasp as they opened the door and peered out into the dark hallway. The strobe lights were still moving over the black walls, though the fog machines have stopped spewing out their thick cloud of smoke. They moved through the crowd of dancers, a smaller crowd than it was at the beginning of the party. Through the deafening thud of the bass coming through the speakers, Logan could hear the faint sound of sexual moans from down the other hallways and in the other rooms. They briskly walked to the door, thankfully unguarded by the boy that stopped them before hand and slipped out the door into the alleyway. James was in his car, a rich and silver Buick Lacrosse with the lights off. Carlos quickly rushed Logan to the car, getting into the front passenger seat while Logan climbed into the back.

“What about your car?” Logan asked and Carlos huffed.

“I’ll tell Dak to come by and get it. He has the other key,” Carlos murmured, Logan glancing over at James. The brunet didn’t say anything, his lips tightly pursed together while he clenched to the steering wheel. Carlos looked over at James for only a second, before he turned away and curled in towards the door. “We’re staying at your place, okay?”

 

“. . .Okay,” James muttered, starting the engine and slowly pulling out the alley. Logan curled up into the side door himself, breathing in slightly at ease and tried to put his tired mind to rest for only a bit.

* * *

 

James’ house was something Logan expected to see in one of those magazines featuring houses for millionaires. It was large and immaculate, with a steel iron gate that opened up to allow James to drive up the cobblestone pathway and park underneath the large tree growing in the topiary garden. The place reeked of extreme money and wealth, Logan not even living to this kind of standard as the boys got out of the car and made their way towards the front double doors.

“My parents are sleeping, so try and keep quiet,” James said, unlocking the front door with his set of keys and stepped aside to allow Carlos and Logan to come in first. Logan glanced around, the main foyer dark except for the dim illuminating glow from the chandelier above them. The marble floor tile held their reflections in the dark, Logan watching his tired face in the flooring as they walked up the maroon staircase towards James’ bedroom. They tiptoed past a couple of closed doors, Logan figuring that one of them must hold the sleeping Mr. and Mrs. Diamond. James opened his bedroom door, ushering Carlos and Logan quickly inside before he closed the door shut behind him and flicked on the light.

James’ bedroom was large, even larger than Logan’s. Plus, there was a small bathroom that was connected to the wall on the right side, Logan looking around at the baby blue walls and the expensive décor in awe. “I’m sure I got some old clothes that will fit the both of you to sleep in.”

“I want to take a shower,” Carlos said and turned to James. “Do you mind?”

James just looked at him, his face blank and Carlos bit his lower lip. “I know. . .I know tonight would have been a really good night for you to say ‘I told you so’. . .thank you for not saying it,” Carlos said quietly and Logan saw James’ face finally soften into something more fragile. The worry was on his face, the fear that Carlos could have been in danger tonight and was so close to being hurt. Carlos walked forward, gently leaning up on his tip toes and wrapped his arms around James’ neck, giving a soft and platonic kiss to James’ lips. Logan’s eyes widened, seeing James’ face grow still as Carlos pulled away just as quick, smiling to the brunet boy before he moved to the connected bathroom and closed the door behind him.

“Why did you go to that party with him when I _said_ -” James started, but Logan raised his hands apologetically.

“I thought it was going to be like the first party we went to. . .I was hoping to see someone,” Logan muttered and James raised an eyebrow.

“Kendall?”

Logan looked down at the ground. “Logan, Kendall and those other Rebels are nothing but bad news. Carlos doesn’t understand it, but you at least need to see what kind of people they _really_ are,” James said sternly and Logan balled his hands into fists.

“James, you don’t understand. I. . .I just feel so much better when I’m around him. You don’t know what it feels like to just be _trapped_ , my grandmother is literally _smothering_ me and my mother and maybe I just can’t handle the pressure anymore,” Logan said with a shaky voice and James frowned.

“You don’t think I know how it feels to be forced to be someone else to make your parents happy? Logan, I’m hiding my sexuality from my parents. I’m _gay_.” James paused, like he was trying to make himself accept that fact and bit his lower lip. “I’m gay and I care about Carlos _so_ much. I know my parents don’t approve of me being around Carlos because of the image everyone perceives Carlos as. Everyone is perfectly fine talking about how _perfect_ the Diamond’s son is. Too bad he chooses to hang around with someone like Carlos, he could do better than Carlos, he should just _forget_ Carlos. But I _can’t_. I don’t want to leave his side, I want to be there and keep him safe and I just love him so _fucking much_. . .but he doesn’t want me.”

James choked out a hurt laugh. “I’m his ‘square’ friend. I’m the killjoy, the nag, whatever name those Rebels call me and he always laughs along with them cause he knows it’s true. And frankly, I don’t care. Carlos thinks this is all just a game for shits and giggles, getting drunk and high and having as much sex as you like without a care in the world. He doesn’t understand and it’s not like his ‘boyfriend’ is going to try and keep him safe. So _I’m_ going to do that for him. I’m going to look out for him, whether he likes it or not.”

“. . .Why don’t you tell him that you love him?” Logan asked and it was James’ turn to look down at the ground this time. “Don’t you think that maybe he’d change? James, maybe he really _does_ want a relationship. One with meaning and he just uses sex as a way to get a sort of temporary satisfaction.”

“. . .I’m nothing what he wants. He wants freedom, he wants excitement. And I’m not that. . .you both want something in a Rebel, don’t you?”

Logan shrugged. “Not like he wants the same thing. He’s not looking for a boyfriend, I would be wasting my time with him,” Logan muttered. Yet here he was, still stupidly chasing after him as if Kendall would maybe change his mind and want to have something more. Stupidly chasing hope that Kendall felt something _more_ with Logan other than the idea that Logan could be a nice fuck for a virgin, prim and proper boy. James sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing towards the bathroom’s closed door. Carlos was singing again, this time louder and more jovial even when the time was pushing closer towards two in the morning. It was like the events at the party never even happened, those two boys that tried to force themselves on Logan and Carlos were gone from the Latino boy’s mind, only replaced with the sweet tune in his head that floated from his lips.

“Come on, I’ll get you something to wear. It’s too late to be thinking about these things,” James said and Logan only gave a slow nod of his head.

* * *

 

He couldn’t sleep until it was around two thirty in the morning, Logan snuggling into the makeshift palette of blankets and pillows on James’ floor. He stared up in James’ bed, looking to see the two boys snuggling together amongst the sheets. James had Carlos in his arms, his back to James’ front and James’ chin tucked in the crook of Carlos’ neck. Extremely intimate and close, though Carlos wouldn’t even give a second thought to it. Logan watched them with heavy eyes, fluttering closed as he tried to sleep. He imagined he had Kendall curled up into his side, feeling the warmth that came from the blond’s body, inhaling the scent that clung to his skin and tasting the blond on his tongue from one lazy goodnight kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Logan was the talk of the brunch, subjected to side glares and whispered about in low breaths. He only bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to be bothered and only hoped everything would pass soon. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Beau watching him and drumming his fingertips over the surface of the table. Logan bet he was happy now, wondered if this was what Carlos felt all the time. Like he was some sort of monster, some freak of nature for being with a Rebel even though Logan _specifically_ said he wasn’t _with_ a Rebel. He had the right mind to just blurt out that Beau was gay and see how _he_ likes being persecuted, but he only bit down harder on his tongue. He wouldn’t stoop to Beau’s levels, Logan was better than trying to make someone feel bad for what they really are.

He just thought out of all the snobbish society members, Beau would have understood.

His violin performance was met with lukewarm applause, Logan hearing Tad mutter how it’s always the fags that are the artsy ones and Logan’s talent in music suddenly made sense. He wanted to scream, he wanted to leave, he wished that Kendall would come by riding on his motorcycle cause now without a doubt, Logan would take the blond up on his offer and leave. He wouldn’t care where he’d be taken, just as long as it was far away from here.

He watched the clock tick on the wall, waiting for his grandmother to finally call this meeting to a close. Maybe he should just get some water, or at least get out of everyone’s sight so he could breathe and not get irritated. He rose to his feet, keeping his head down and his eyes towards the ground as he moved towards the door. Right now, everyone was too busy listening to James play his violin to pay any attention to him. Not that they cared about him anyways. He entered the hallway, looking out the window in hopes of seeing the blond, but found no one outside. Logan stopped by the water fountain, bending down to take a long drink before he raised back up and leaned against the wall.

“Hey.”

Logan turned, seeing Beau walking down the hallway and the boy frowned. He turned back, looking out the window and almost pleading for Kendall to show up _now_. “Can I talk with you for a second?”

“What for? Here to be a hypocrite and say I’m nothing but a sinner while _you_ just sit there with your own dirty little secret?” Logan asked bitterly and Beau looked down at the ground.

“I’m. . .I’m sorry. For what I said and what I did and. . .I’m just sorry.”

Logan didn’t want to look over at Beau, no matter how sad and sorry he sounded. “Just. . .I got jealous.

“. . .Jealous? Jealous of what?” Logan questioned and Beau shrugged.

“Jealous. . .of him. How he was holding you like that. . .and you looked like you _wanted_ that,” Beau said and Logan felt the heat rise to his face, eyes slightly flickering over to look at Beau. “My mom and my dad, they don’t want me to be gay. And I. . .I don’t know, when I saw him holding you like that against him, I wanted that to be _me_ holding you like that. Touching your hand isn’t enough, I want to _hug_ you. I want to _feel_ you, Logan. . .I wanted to have kissed you.”

Logan was now looking Beau right in the eyes, though his were wider and more shocked. Beau licked his lips, his face growing rosy. “I never had the chance to make a move on a boy before, I never got to act out on my feelings so I didn’t know what to do. I was _scared_ , I didn’t want to move fast. . .but apparently, I wasn’t moving fast enough to hold your attention.”

“So instead of telling me how you felt, you just went and ranted about how you hate Rebels and Carlos and then attacked _me_.”

“I was angry, I was frustrated. It wasn’t the right thing to do, I know that now. I’m sorry, Logan. I really am sorry.”

Logan crossed his arms, not knowing what to do. If he should accept his apology and just move on, or if he should keep holding a grudge and see if Beau was only using an act to let Logan’s guard down. He didn’t want to be angry with Beau, he still felt genuinely sorry for the boy’s circumstances. Having to hide yourself and who you really are or face the persecution of others, Logan could barely stand being in the same room with all those people talking about him behind his back. He wondered how Carlos could do something like this every day, and figured that Beau would probably crash even faster than Logan was doing right now.

“I didn’t sleep with him,” Logan muttered and Beau nodded his head.

“I know, it was foolish of me to think something like that. I’m sorry I accused you, Logan. Honestly I am. . .I just want a second chance with you.” Beau stepped closer, his hands reaching out to hold Logan’s. They were warm and soft, gentle and sweet. “I want to try and see if maybe there could be something between us. . .you and me, we’re not so different. We both want to be who we really are. . .but we just have to hide it.”

But Logan _didn’t_ want to hide. He wanted to be out and proud and with a boyfriend that he could kiss and hug without having to give a damn. He wanted a love that he could brag about, he wanted someone to hold hands with in public and hold him even when people were looking. Beau squeezed Logan’s hands, making Logan look up into those blueblue eyes of Beau’s. “Tell me you’ll give me a second chance, Logan. I _really_ want to make us work. . .I really want us to try.”

“What about your parents? They wouldn’t want you to be out, or even _think_ about having a boyfriend. What if we both get in trouble?”

“They’ll never find out. No one will find out, we’ll just be extremely careful.”

Logan wanted recklessness. He wanted freedom, he didn’t want _caution_. “ _Please_ Logan. . .please just give me a chance. . .”

Logan looked down at their tightly grasped hands, before looking back at Beau’s face. He still was unsure about it in his mind, yet found his lips whispering a soft ‘ok’ that was possibly too low for even Beau to hear. Beau must have though, since he smiled so bright and squeezed Logan’s hands tighter. Beau stepped closer, squeezing Logan’s hands and slowly bent down til the tips of their noses brushed against each other. Logan’s breath hitched in his throat, feeling Beau gently kiss his lips timid and inexperienced. He held Logan like he was a porcelain doll, so fragile of being broken into pieces that couldn’t be fixed. It was so different from how Kendall held him, rough and passionate and his taste left something warm and sweet in Logan’s mouth instead of bitter and hot.

Beau pulled away, smiling hard while Logan’s cheeks continued to flush. “Tomorrow night, how about we go out for a ‘study date’. I know a really quiet and intimate little bistro downtown,” Beau proposed and Logan glanced down at the ground. Quiet and intimate might as well be ‘unseen and closeted’, Logan not sure if he wanted to go through with this. But at the same time, he liked how he fitted in Beau’s arms so close, since Kendall wouldn’t ever hold him this way without wanting something in return. A boyfriend. . .Beau _was_ promising Logan a romance, even though it had to be in secret. Logan glanced down at the floor again, the tips of their shoes gently pressed against each other.

“. . .Sure. . .sounds like fun.”

Beau squeezed him and kissed the corner of his eye, Logan only wishing his heart was fluttering with butterflies instead of beating a dull rhythm.

* * *

 

It was amazing how quickly someone could change. One moment, Tad was making sexual and horrid slurs towards Logan and the next, he was throwing his arm around Logan and pulling him close. Laughing along with the other society members that quickly accepted him back as Logan began to date Beau in secret. He figured the senior boy must have cleaned up Logan’s bad name, taking back his word about Logan sleeping and hanging out with the Rebels. Of course Logan couldn’t have done something like that, Logan was _perfect_. Logan couldn’t do anything queer or anything that would be looked down upon by society. Logan wasn’t like the scum of the town, like Carlos or Kendall or the other Rebels. Logan was clean and pure and _perfect_.

He felt even more tightly closed in than before.

Logan rubbed his face, turning on his side as he lied in his bed, trying to think about what to do. He just had another one of those ‘secret dates’ with Beau, telling Ethel that they were going to go to the library and Beau was tutoring him when they were really going to the park to hide by the bushes and kiss. He liked how Beau touched him, the soft and sweet kisses on his cheek and over his chin and touches of his fingers over his skin. But Logan couldn’t lose himself so much in his grasp and his touch, always bringing his mind to Kendall and comparing it how the blond touched him versus Beau. It wasn’t fair, Logan knew he wasn’t giving Beau the chance that he wanted, like he was only humoring the boy while he thought about what to do with Kendall.

He turned more into his pillows and sighed, he just wanted to go back home. To his _real_ home in the city, even when it wouldn’t ever be the same without Isaac and his father. His eye drifted over to his violin that was tucked away in its case, covered with homework and papers. How long has it been since he’s even practiced his violin? He’s been getting out of performing for the last couple of weeks because Ethel rather liked that the boys were hanging out with Logan, maybe because she believed he was becoming straight just from being around them. He wanted to vomit at the thought, but couldn’t bring himself to even pick the violin back up and continue to play. It just continued to remind him about how closed in he was, with only a simple little violin to keep him company. He rose up and gave a sigh, he should just practice anyways. It wasn’t like he was going to get any _better_ if he didn’t.

He pushed aside his papers and took his violin out of his case, moving to his open window and sat down on the bench. He tucked the violin under his chin, positing his fingers on the neck and getting ready to drag the bow over the strings when he heard a noise to his right.

“Just in time for the show,” he heard from afar and Logan turned, seeing Kendall leaning out his own window across the way, smiling at Logan with a cigarette dangling between his fingers. Logan’s eyes widened, feeling his heart up his chest and his lungs filled with excitement. “How are you, Kitten?”

“I-” Logan bit the tip of his tongue, almost saying that he _missed_ seeing Kendall. Course, the feeling was true, but he wouldn’t dare say something to the greaser, lest he come off as some sort of hopelessly romantic fool. He placed his violin in his lap. “I’m doing fine.”

“You don’t sound like you’re doing fine. Is Granny Mitchell forcing you to have a stick up your ass too?” he asked and then began to smile. “Course, that might be rather kinky for you.”

Logan blushed. “Don’t be vulgar. I’m just. . .I’m just not feeling quite well.”

“You’re sick?”

“No, not that. . .just bored.”

“Wanna go out tonight?” Kendall asked and Logan looked over at the boy with wide eyes. The blond shrugged. “I’m not doing anything either, we can go to the lookout point and just listen to music or something. . .I’ll bring my guitar and play you something.”

“You play?” Logan asked astonished and Kendall nodded his head.

“It isn’t something extravagant like a violin, but it’s still music,” Kendall said and Logan nodded his head.

“No, no. . .that sounds wonderful. I’ll be down in a little bit,” Logan said far too quickly for his tastes but he couldn’t hide his excitement any longer. He closed his window and pulled back the blinds, hurriedly placing his violin in its case before he looked at his clothes in his mirror. Slightly wrinkled from lying down in his bed, but he still looked presentable. Then again, Kendall wouldn’t care if Logan’s clothes were slightly wrinkled or if Logan wasn’t to the top tier of dress. He was satisfied with what he saw, and he never asked for any more. Logan felt his heart swell and closed his eyes, willing himself to stop getting so emotional over the boy and then shook his head. He grabbed his cell phone and tucked it away in his pocket, hurrying down the stairs and past the kitchen.

“I’m going out!” Logan called out to his mother, peeking his head inside the doorway to see her sitting at a table and eating a slice of pie. She looked up at him, wiping her lips with wide eyes. “I’m going to be going over to James’ place again for another study date,” Logan lied and she gave a slow nod of the head.

“Are you sleeping over again?”

He pursed his lips. “Maybe. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” he said and she gave a slow nod of her head, quickly silencing anymore comments with another forkful of blueberry pie. He bit his lip, not liking to see his mother having to spend another night by herself. He tried to force the guilt out of his mind by blowing a kiss, hoping he wouldn’t think about her much when he leaves. Thinking about her just being alone in this big empty house, no Simon or Isaac or Logan to keep her company.

Logan walked outside and saw Kendall coming out of his own home at the same time, tossing his guitar into the backseat of the old roadster parked in his driveway. He waved Logan over, the brunet boy hurrying across the lawn to Kendall’s car and the blond opened the door for him.

“Your chariot awaits,” he said in a ridiculous accent and Logan laughed, climbing inside and picked up a CD case that was on the floor inside. He turned it over in his hands, Kendall getting into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine. He began to pull out of the driveway and onto the street, hooking a right turn and headed towards the outskirts of the town. He gave a subtle glance over to Logan before looking ahead. “Want to listen to that, Kitten?”

“Who is it?”

“It’s a mixtape. . .I told you I was going to make you a CD, didn’t I?”

Logan paused, looking over at Kendall with wide eyes. “This is for me?”

Kendall nodded, then bit the inside of his cheek as he turned attention to the front. Logan could see Kendall’s cheeks growing red, almost like he was too flustered and embarrassed to admit he did something _sweet_ for Logan. “Well yeah. I mean, I didn’t know what kind of music you would like, so I just put a little bit of everything on there. The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Motley Crue-”

“Queen?” Logan asked and Kendall smiled.

“Yeah, Queen too.”

Logan smiled, turning the case over again in his hands. “You want to listen to it now?”

“. . .Hmm. . .no, not now. Later when I’m by myself, so I can think about you.” The words flowed so easily from Logan’s lips and he didn’t even have a second thought about it. Though, he could see Kendall’s cheeks growing redder and Logan only smiled to himself. He rather liked flustered Kendall, he liked knowing the boy didn’t always uphold that cool and calm exterior. Kendall shook his head and flicked on the radio to a station playing 60s music, turning the dial to ‘Incense and Peppermints’ while Logan made himself comfortable. “Have you ever tried to listen to classical music?” Logan asked and Kendall grunted.

“Not my type.”

“But you never tried it.”

“Music isn’t broccoli, Kitten. I don’t need to ‘try it’ to see if I’ll like it, I just know I don’t.”

“You like it when I play violin, don’t you?”

“Yeah but you’re different.”

“How so?”

Kendall shot Logan a look, one that said he didn’t really want to explain otherwise it might start to get embarrassing for him. Logan smiled harder and shrugged. “It’s all really beautiful how a symphony comes together, you know. Like. . .on their own, the instruments are only at half their potential. The woodwinds and the brass, the percussion and the strings. They sound amazing by themselves, but when you put them together and mix them, it’s _beautiful_. The highs and lows, the sheer finesse of it all. I’m not saying you’ll turn into a Bach or Beethoven freak just from one listen, but you could appreciate them a little bit more.”

“A greaser listening to symphonies. There’s something you don’t hear every day,” Kendall chuckled and Logan turned his CD – _his_ CD – over in his hands again. “Maybe. . .maybe I’ll look into it. Just a few songs though, I don’t want to plow through ‘100 Beethoven’s Greatest Hits’ or anything.”

“Strauss is very beautiful,” Logan suggested and Kendall hummed. The two sat in silence afterwards, listening to the radio and Kendall sometimes switching stations to different genres. Logan listened to the twangs and rhythms of the electric guitars, the steadfast beating of the drums, the smooth and quick tunes of a bass guitar being picked and plucked to create a melody. In a way, it felt like Logan was picking apart this music like he learned to pick apart the classical music and waltzes he grew up on. It was simpler, but it still held such a unique and amazing quality that Logan still marveled at. He thought about how Kendall would have sounded on his own instrument, his eyes flickering to look in the mirror at the guitar sliding back and forth on the backseat.

“How long have you been playing the guitar?” Logan asked and Kendall hummed.

“Maybe. . .nine years. I got it when I was ten. Not a prodigy like you or anything, but I can play.”

“What kind of music do you play?”

Kendall shrugged. “No heavy metal or anything. . .I guess. . .quiet songs.”

“Quiet songs?”

“Like. . .like songs that are just really intimate and close. Acoustic songs, songs that you’d play in a coffee shop or something, or songs you’d play to get a girl’s panties wet.”

Logan rolled his eyes at Kendall’s bluntness but nodded his head anyways. He glanced out the window at the town’s city lights, old buildings closing up shop for the evening. Kendall turned left and drove past the ‘DO NOT ENTER’ sign, heading up the bumpy and dirt path up the cliff. Logan bumped and jumped in his seat, swallowing down a nervous lump and clutched to his CD tighter. He hoped they wouldn’t accidentally get stuck, or worse lose control of the car and crash into something. But Kendall only pushed forward, smile on his lips as he narrowly dodged a tree stump and pushed through some bushes into the clearing. He drove up and up, until Logan could see the space and edge of the cliff they visited. Kendall pulled the car along and parked right in the middle, turning off the engine and turned to Logan.

“Well, get on the hood and get comfortable,” Kendall said and Logan nodded his head. He placed his CD down on the dashboard, climbing out of the car before he awkwardly climbed on top of the hood and lied against the front window. The stars were out tonight, looking like glitter against a black canvas. Each one twinkled bright, distracting Logan from the glow of the city beneath or the sound of Kendall rummaging for his guitar behind him. The blond came around a little bit afterwards, holding his guitar in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other.

“How could you still have beer here after so many weeks?” Logan asked and Kendall rolled his eyes.

“These are from my place. You wouldn’t think I’d be giving you some lukewarm beer to drink, did you?”

“I’m still surprised you’re giving a minor beer to drink anyways,” Logan muttered, but took the bottle out of Kendall’s hands anyways. Kendall sat on the hood of the car, giving his guitar a few lazy strums and hummed.

“What do you want to listen to?”

“. . .Do you know ‘You Take My Breath Away’?” Logan asked quietly and Kendall paused.

“You like that song?”

“. . .W-Well yeah, I heard it at the record store,” Logan explained and Kendall nodded his head.

“Yeah. . .yeah sure, I can play a little bit of it,” Kendall said and adjusted his guitar on his lap, slowly beginning to fingerpick the notes that were originally sounded on a piano. It was soft, quiet and slow, Logan watching Kendall’s thin fingers move over the strings as he strummed and up and down the neck of the guitar as he pressed for each note. Kendall was lost in the music already, his eyes closed as he played and let the melody fall from his fingertips. It reminded Logan of how he played his own violin, that there was no one else but music and sound and _emotion_.

“ _Look into my eyes and you’ll see, I’m the only one~_ ” Kendall sung softly, almost like a breath or a whisper that was so faint to Logan’s ears. “ _You’ve captured my love, stolen my heart, changed my life. . ._ ” His eyes were meeting Logan’s now, gentler and more kind than Logan has ever seen. “ _Every time you make a move, you destroy my mind. And the way you touch, I lose control and shiver deep inside. . .you take my breath away_.”

Logan was sitting up straight on the hood of the car, pulling his knees in tight to his chest as he listened to Kendall sing for _him_. Play his guitar for _Logan’s_ ears only. The night air blew over Logan’s skin, cool and gentle to the touch like a kiss. He shivered, hugging his legs tighter as Kendall continued to sing and play for him, eyes shutting closed to allow himself to be lost in the music and only coming back to reality when he looked into Logan’s eyes and held his gaze.

They both were lost in their own reality, with neither of them wishing to escape its hold.

* * *

 

Kendall was warm against Logan, his heart beating steady beneath Logan’s cheek. The brunet only snuggled more into the blond’s grasp, Kendall lazily rubbing his thumb over Logan’s shoulder as he smoked his cigarette. The music playing from Kendall’s radio in the car sounded faint in Logan’s ears, feeling rather tired but not yet ready to go back home. His fingertips went up to run idly against Kendall’s chest, his pointer finger dragging over one of his nipples beneath the black print shirt.

Logan looked up, the glow of Kendall’s cigarette illuminating his face in the night. “Have you ever done this before?” he asked quietly and Kendall hummed.

“What do you mean?” Kendall mumbled around his cigarette and Logan gently traced a little circle in Kendall’s shirt.

“Like. . .cuddled with someone like this.”

“We’re not _cuddling_ , Kitten. We’re just lying on the hood together,” Kendall corrected and Logan hummed. He tangled his legs with Kendall’s and moved more into Kendall’s arms than before, sighing and breathing in his scent.

“You must not have one single romantic bone in your body. Wouldn’t you want to find that one person that makes the world stop for you? Or makes your heart swell with so much adoration and love that it’s hard for you to even breathe when they’re around?”

“That kind of love is just a fantasy. It doesn’t exist, Kitten. Only in badly written romance novels and cheesy chick flicks.”

“It could, you just haven’t experienced it yet. I want to feel that love someday. Find someone who loves me so much, loves me more than I could ever love myself. I want someone to take my breath away from touching me, and hold me close to them like I’m all they’ll ever need.”

“There’s a whole lot of _you_ in that kind of love, isn’t there?” Kendall asked. “Love is a give and take thing, Kitten. You know, ‘the love you take is equal to the love you make’.”

“It will be a give and take.”

“Love makes you greedy.”

Logan huffed, looking up at the blond with stern eyes. Kendall glanced down at him, smile on his lips as he took the cigarette and flicked away a couple of ashes. “Ruffled your feathers, did I?”

“I just don’t understand how someone who only puts focus on sex instead of love could understand love any better than I do,” Logan explained and Kendall sat up, moving Logan off to the side of him.

“Well, there’s passion in love and passion in sex. And I understand that at least,” Kendall said and smashed the remnants of the cigarette in the car hood before he flicked it to the side. Kendall then leaned down and kissed Logan’s collarbone, the brunet emitting a quiet coo. Kendall dragged his tongue over Logan’s skin, kissing and mouthing at it as he ran his fingers up the sides of Logan’s torso. Logan’s hands went up to Kendall’s hair, holding the blond as Kendall’s fingers slipped underneath Logan’s shirt and held him by the flesh of his waist.

Logan bit his tongue from breathing Kendall’s name, the blond looking up at Logan as he licked over Logan’s collarbone. “Come on, breathe it out,” he mumbled against Logan’s skin, pulling back and wrapped fingers around the brim of Logan’s shirt. He pulled and tugged, lifting Logan’s shirt off of his body and tossing it to the side. Logan felt even colder now, goosebumps immediately appearing over his skin as Kendall pulled him close and nipped at his chest. Kendall rubbed his thumb over one of Logan’s nipples, hard to the touch and made Logan shiver. He thumbed at it, moving his head lower and lower til he wrapped lips around the sensitive bud.

Logan made a moan through his teeth, Kendall lying him down on the car’s hood as he swirled his tongue around Logan’s nipple. He scraped his teeth over it and tugged it between his teeth, Logan beginning to pant while Kendall tweaked and rubbed his thumb over his other nub. Logan’s legs were already spread from Kendall nudging them open with his knee, Kendall still twirling his tongue around as he snaked his hand down Logan’s stomach and over his groin. Kendall gave a hard squeeze, Logan gasping hard and arched his back as Kendall rubbed him through his pants. He tried to keep his voice quiet, Kendall swinging to throw a leg over Logan’s lap and straddle him.

“You cold, Kitten?” Kendall asked, running his hands over Logan’s torso and Logan shivered again. Kendall shed his jacket, pulling Logan’s arms into the sleeves himself before he reached down and took his own shirt off. Logan marveled at Kendall’s body in the pale moonlight, his skin peachy with excitement. Logan swallowed down a nervous breath, Kendall slowly rocking his hips against Logan’s and he could feel their bulges rubbing against each other painfully slow. He whimpered on each drag of Kendall’s erection over his own, fluttering eyes looking into Kendall’s darkened green ones. He then glanced at Kendall’s lips, looking pinker and fuller and completely kissable. He wanted to kiss Kendall _so badly_ , he just wanted to feel the boy’s mouth and tongue and teeth clashing with his own, lose himself in Kendall’s taste and his essence.

Kendall’s thin fingers moved down to quickly do away with Logan’s belt, popping open the front of Logan’s pants and undid the zipper. He didn’t break eye contact with Logan, moving his hand into his pants to fish out Logan’s erection, the brunet giving a moan when Kendall’s cold hand wrapped around his length and tugged it out through the slit in his briefs. Logan panted, Kendall starting to pump his wrist up and down, stroking Logan and thumbing at the brunet’s leaking slit before he dragged his fingers over the shaft. Logan arched his back into Kendall’s touch, the blond squeezing his knees tight around Logan’s hips to hold him still, stroking faster with a little smile playing over his lips.

“You like that, Kitten?” Kendall purred and Logan stifled a whine, rubbing a hand over his face as he breathed in deeply. The sensation of Kendall’s slowly growing warm palm squeezing his length disappeared in an instant, Logan’s eyes opening wide and going to look at the greaser in alarm.

“W-What are you doing?”

“You’re not saying you like it, so I figured I should stop,” Kendall said and Logan whined. “You want me to touch you again?”

“Y-Yes,” Logan breathed and Kendall hummed, leaning in closer til his hot breath was ghosting over Logan’s lips and his fingertips were barely grazing Logan’s cock.

“What was that? What do you want me to do?”

“T-Touch me. Touch me everywhere,” Logan said, bucking his hips up so more of Kendall’s hand could brush against it. He moaned, Kendall pressing his forehead against his as he rubbed his palm over Logan’s shaft, moving upwards so he was hovering over Logan. Kendall undid his belt buckle and zipper, tugging out his own length throbbing and thick and red. Logan felt his mouth water at the sight, Kendall giving himself a few strokes before he leaned back down and wrapped his hand around both of their lengths. They let out a moan in unison, Kendall rocking his hips and sliding over Logan’s erection painfully slow.

Logan was panting through his teeth, the sensation growing painful and feeling like he was ready to burst. Kendall was shaking over him, letting out shuddered breaths as he pumped his hips back and forth, his grasp growing tighter around them to gain more friction. Logan pulled his lower lip in between his teeth, moaning as he closed his eyes tight. He mumbled out a ‘please’ and Kendall kissed his jawline.

“‘Please what’, Kitten?” Kendall asked into Logan’s skin and Logan arched upwards.

“ _Please_ ,” he said again and Kendall chuckled.

“Do you want it? Want me to fuck you? Right here, on my car hood?”

Logan made a strangled noise, taking hold of Kendall’s sweating hair. He tried to spread his legs, Kendall still straddling him and holding the boy down. “Come on, Kitten. Use that vocabulary Granny Mitchell has paid so much for you to learn,” Kendall said and licked Logan’s cheek before he kissed it, pumping his hips and sliding his hand over the both of them til Logan could hear a slick wet sound. _So wet_.

“Y-Yes, yes fuck me,” Logan panted and Kendall smiled into his skin, rising up and climbed off of Logan and the car. Logan sat up, watching Kendall move to open his car door to get something, while Logan’s heart started to beat frantically. He quickly kicked off his shoes and pulled off his pants, getting only one leg out of his underwear when Kendall reappeared beside him with a small bottle of lube and a condom.

“Eager, aren’t you Kitten?” Kendall asked and Logan blushed red, giving another shiver and held the jacket closed. “Should have kept your clothes on, you’re going to be cold.”

“I’ll warm up in a bit,” Logan said without giving it much thought, Kendall smiling as he climbed back on the car hood and spread Logan’s legs open. Kendall hummed, running his fingertips around Logan’s ankles and up his calf.

“Don’t know if I want to use the lube first and get you stretched. . .or I just get you wet myself,” Kendall mumbled and Logan moaned. His hand went down, wrapping around his hard length and gave a light tug, Kendall watching him with hungry eyes. Kendall went down, pushing Logan’s legs upwards as he flattened his tongue against Logan’s entrance. Logan moaned, continuing to stroke himself while another hand tangled its way back into Kendall’s hair. The blond licked around him, sucking on the fleshy skin of Logan’s thigh before he trailed his tongue down to circle around the rim. Logan arched upwards, Kendall pressing the tip of his tongue into the tight heat and panted against Logan’s entrance hot and wet.

He licked a wet stripe over his entrance, circling the tip of his tongue around again when Logan fisted Kendall’s hair tighter. Kendall then slipped a finger up and rubbed around Logan’s sensitive entrance, feeling in the slick wetness made by his own saliva. He sunk in one finger, watching Logan closely for any sign that the boy might want to stop. Logan twitched at the intrusion, Kendall’s fingers were longer and bonier than his were. Kendall kissed the crest of his hipbone, slowly pulling the digit back and forth, crooking it at different angles when Logan made a noise of pleasure. Logan’s eyes flickered down, Kendall watching his facial expressions closely before he ducked down and began to lick around the rim of Logan’s entrance again.

Logan’s thighs were shaking, mostly from the cold night air, but also from the feeling and the sensation that was slowly crawling up his spine. He felt so hot, he felt so vulnerable and exposed, Kendall crooking in a second finger and began to scissor him. Each thrust was met with a whimper or a slight jolt that eased once Logan got used to the feeling. He was going to do it, he was actually going to lose his virginity on a hood of a car to a _boy_. A boy who may or may not even consider Logan to be nothing other than a quick lay. Did he want to do this? Did he still want to go through with this? Logan felt Kendall kiss the inner part of his thigh, licking and sucking and leaving bruises on his flesh as he pressed in a third finger. That was when Logan made a _real_ grunt of pain, Kendall stopping and glancing up at Logan quickly.

“Kitten? You okay?”

“Just. . .just a little nervous,” Logan said, feeling Kendall slowly beginning to withdraw his fingers. “N-No, don’t stop, don’t stop.”

“If you’re scared-”

“I’m not, _please_ don’t stop,” Logan plead and Kendall paused, before he went down and kissed along Logan’s shaft, continuing to pump and stretch Logan nice and wide. Logan shuddered at the feel of Kendall’s lips, the blond now tracing his tongue up and down Logan’s dick from the leaking red tip down to the sac. Kendall pressed his fingers upupup, til Logan felt his eyes pop from one of Kendall’s fingers gently rubbing against his prostate. He made a startled sound that was a cross between surprise and _Godyes **please!**_ , rocking onto Kendall’s fingers in an effort to just feel that _again_. Kendall crooked and flexed and spread his fingers, prodding against that little bud inside Logan to make him writhe and twist under his hold. He wasn’t sure if Kendall’s name fell from his lips in an embarrassingly loud sob when he felt Kendall lick along his perineum the same moment Kendall jabbed his fingers against his prostate, he wasn’t sure when his mind felt like it was going far from this state of mind into something needy and hot.

Kendall pulled his fingers away and rose up, Logan feeling his entrance clench around nothing and cool air ghosting over him. He watched as Kendall ripped the condom open with his teeth, pulling out the little bit of plastic and began to roll it on. It reminded Logan of the night he saw Kendall and the girl in his room, how aroused he was to see Kendall just rolling a condom on himself. He felt his cock give a little twitch in excitement, in anticipation about what was going to happen next. Kendall popped open the bottle of lube and poured a generous amount into the palm of his hand. He hissed when he gave his own erection a couple of tugs and slicked it up, Logan watching the flick of his wrist before Kendall moved closer and spread his legs open once again.

“You ready, Kitten?” Kendall asked, hitching one of Logan’s legs up and over his shoulder. Logan swallowed, it felt like he couldn’t even breathe and his heart was thumping far too hard against his chest. He could feel the head of Kendall’s cock nudging against his entrance, Kendall’s eyes watching him closely. “Relax, Kitten. . .do you want to do this?”

“. . .I want to,” Logan said quietly and Kendall nodded his head. He began to press more, Logan sucking in air between his teeth as Kendall began to stretch him open. A hand clawed at the side of Kendall’s car hood, Logan trying to keep himself steady as Kendall continued to press forward and Logan tried his hardest to not cry out in pain. Kendall stopped, looking over at Logan’s face before he raised a hand and moved it to Logan’s cheek. His thumb went against the side of Logan’s eye, Logan realizing that he was beginning to cry.

“Logan,” Kendall said, quiet but stern and Logan pulled his face away from Kendall’s touch.

“I _want_ to do this, I _want_ to,” Logan said, almost feeling like he was trying to talk himself into doing this. He could do this, he didn’t have to be _perfect_ and so _virginal_. He didn’t have to be vanilla and so naïve about sex, he wasn’t afraid of _sex_. . .what was he afraid of then? Why was he feeling like his heart was going to burst any second if Logan took the smallest of breaths? Why did his body ache and his skin shiver even under the heavy warmth of Kendall’s body and the slick leather of his jacket? Why was he scared? Why couldn’t he do this?

“. . .Kiss me please,” Logan said quietly and Kendall paused, stroking his thumb over Logan’s cheek slowly. He looked hesitant, leaning down til the tips of their noses brushed against each other and Kendall’s warm breath was over Logan’s chapped lips. Logan’s lips parted as Kendall kissed him, slow and gentle. It was different than from the first time they kissed, when Kendall was only playing with Logan just to get him riled up. Their teeth only grazed against each other’s bottom lips, tasting each other on their tongue the deeper they kissed, til Kendall stopped pressing and had his hips against Logan’s behind.

Kendall shuddered out a breath, forehead against Logan’s as he moaned. “God you’re so tight,” Kendall whispered and Logan only shuddered a moan in response. Kendall pulled up, adjusting Logan a little bit more and practically folding the boy in half. He pulled his hips back, Logan feeling the drag of Kendall against his inner walls til only the tip remained. Kendall then pressed forward, just as slow as the pull back and Logan scrunched his eyes tight. It _hurt_ so bad, Logan trying hard to keep another tear from slipping. He hissed through his teeth as Kendall pumped his hips back and forth, feeling a sharp pain and nothing but numbness over his legs.

“Does it hurt?” Kendall asked and Logan looked up.

“N-No, k-keep going. . .it’s supposed to hurt, right?” Logan asked with a weak smile and Kendall bit his lower lip. Kendall continued to thrust, one of Logan’s hands grabbing onto Kendall’s to hold on tight while the other still clung to the side of the car hood. Kendall’s palms were sweating, the blond tangling their fingers together as he kept thrusting faster and faster. The dulling ache in Logan’s backside was starting to fade, only focusing on the rock of Kendall’s hips and skin-on-skin slapping sound that went with each creak of the car beneath. Logan was biting down hard on his lower lip, to either stifle gasps of pleasure or pain, he wasn’t quite sure. Kendall pressed his forehead up against Logan’s once more, his hips beginning to piston faster and pant over Logan’s clenched lips quick and fast.

One of Logan’s hands went up to grab Kendall’s shoulder, clawing hard at his skin as he reeled his head back and moaned through his teeth. Kendall only gave him a peck to his lips, thrusting faster and faster til Logan choked out a pathetic sob. Kendall stopped, trying to catch his breath before he pulled out of Logan and flopped onto his back. He pulled Logan by his hips wordlessly, the brunet shakily throwing his leg over Kendall’s lap til he was positioned right above the blond’s erection. Kendall ran his hands up and down Logan’s lower back, Logan trying to catch his breath and felt the intrusion of Kendall pressing into him again.

“Relax and breathe,” Kendall said low and Logan closed his eyes, slowly settling down in Kendall’s lap and adjusting to the position. Kendall was penetrating him deeper, slight pain but felt so _good_ at the same time. Kendall’s hands moved to Logan’s hips. “I’m going to rock you up and down, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Kendall murmured and slowly pulled Logan’s hips up. Logan rested his hands on both sides of Kendall’s head, looking deep into his eyes as Logan slowly settled himself back down and both moaned. Logan’s head tucked down, closing his eyes tight as he squeezed his legs around Kendall’s hips. The ache was gone, his thighs quivering with pleasure, with pure _lust_ and sensuality at what they were doing. His mind felt like it was in a haze of sweat, sex and smoke. The feeling crept up his spine and back down again to his own dripping cock, red and hard from not being touched.

Some point, Kendall’s hands fell away from Logan’s hips, only Logan providing the momentum to bounce up and down wild on Kendall’s lap while the car shook underneath them. Kendall hissed out a grunt, trying to keep his eyes from rolling back in pleasure and only focus on Logan’s growing redder face. “ _Christ_ _Kitten_. Had I known you could jump on a dick like this, I would have called you ‘Bunny’ or ‘Thumper’.” Logan only responded with a cry when he felt his prostate being jabbed at, his thighs spreading wider on reflex as he tried to go and move faster for that feeling over and over and _over_ again. Kendall traced his fingertips against the back of Logan’s thighs, soft yet clenched tight. “You feel _so_ good, Kitten. Nice and tight and you’re just so fucking _beautiful_ like this-” One of Logan’s hands slipped off the window from getting too sweaty, momentarily slipping but Kendall quickly caught him.

Logan balanced himself, pushing his sweaty hair out of his face as he continued to bounce and moan with each movement. Kendall kept tickling his fingertips up and down Logan’s legs, smiling in complete bliss. “Do you like it? Do you like how I feel inside of you?” Kendall murmured with a rasp and Logan averted his gaze to cry out a sob, his entire body shaking with need and want and simply _craving_ release. Kendall hummed, “Now that’s not a good answer, Kitten? Tell me. Talk to me,” he said and wrapped a hand around Logan’s hard cock. The brunet’s eyes shot wide open, slamming one of his hands over his mouth to silence his cry of Kendall’s name and the blond made a ‘tsk tsk’ sound. He thumbed at the wet slit, his other hand gripping Logan tight by his ass as he began to pump and stroke Logan. Logan moaned and shuddered and sobbed into his palm, his head feeling like it was about to burst.

Kendall’s wrist flicked quick and rough, jerking and tugging before he gently thumbed at Logan’s slit to catch the wet beads. Logan could feel the orgasm bubbling in his lower stomach, trying so hard not to come. Trying _so_ hard to hold it in. Kendall seemed to know what he was doing, since his eyes grew darker with interest and he grinned. He braced his legs on the car and then bucked upwards into Logan, the brunet’s hand falling from his mouth as his vocal cords screeched out a wail. He fell forward, bracing his hands on the sides of Kendall’s head once more as the blond continued to thrust into him, his hand still stroking and jerking Logan off. He couldn’t hide it anymore, the wanton moans and pathetic sobs. Immodest and dirty and wet, crying out for Kendall in slurs of words that meant ‘yes’ or ‘harder’ or ‘ _moremoremore_ ’. The shame exited his pores with his sweat, trying to fuck back down when Kendall thrusted up, Kendall only moaning and grunting and chanting out yes the more Logan was losing himself in the ecstasy.

Logan felt his toes beginning to curl, a sob exiting his throat as his thighs shook, completely wet with sweat and shaking with each ticking second. “I’m coming, I’m c- _comingI’m- **Kendall!**_ ” Logan cried out til his voice went hoarse and Kendall’s wrist picked up in speed. He trembled and shook, crying out again before he felt like everything around him went black. The stars that were in the sky grew brighter, his body feeling one with the stars. The air was cool over his skin, the symphony of noises surrounding Logan closely. Kendall’s voice and the heavy pant of his breath, Logan’s own voice and the whimpers, the skin-on-skin, the creak of the car and the far away noises of Couer D’Couer that wouldn’t ever have the pleasure of seeing them like this.

He felt his eyes flutter, finding that his body had gone completely limp and he was slumped over Kendall with his face tucked in the crook of Kendall’s neck. The blond was smiling at him, trying to catch his breath for the moment. “You blacked out, did you know that, Kitten?”

“. . .I did?” Logan asked, voice sounding dazed and slightly high. Kendall ran fingertips through Logan’s hair and nodded.

“Though, still need to help me out before we can fully relax. You tired?”

Logan hummed a ‘yes’ and Kendall held Logan up, lying the brunet on his back with his head facing towards the front. Kendall threw one of Logan’s legs over his shoulder, sucking in a breath before he began to piston his hips again just as before. Logan closed his eyes, feeling himself trembling from being fucked like this, body oversensitive and limp. He shuddered out breaths and moans, his fingers quaking slightly. He glanced down at his stomach, his softened cock lying against his abdomen along with the smear of his cum over his skin. There was some of it that got on Kendall too, drying a bit and only looking like a white blotch on redred skin.

“You felt so _good_ on me when you were coming, Kitten. You squeezed nice and tight and you’re still squeezing. Might come any moment,” Kendall panted and thrust his hips faster, Logan whimpering and dragged one of his limp hands over his dick to fist and hold. He was still wet but not getting hard, body still trying to recover from the orgasm. Kendall leaned forward, thrusting deeper inside and Logan choked out a sob. “Where do you want it, Kitten? You want it all over you? Get you nice and dirty on your ass and your body and that pretty little face? Or maybe you want to taste it and I can come in your mouth. . .or maybe inside of you. . .”

Logan whimpered, imagining the feel of it being so slick and wet between his legs with Kendall’s seed. “Uh-huh,” he breathed, pushing his sweating hair out of his face and Kendall hummed.

“You want me to come in you?”

“U-Uh-huh.”

“Say it.”

“I want you to come in me.”

“Louder.”

“I want you to come in me,” Logan _begged_ and Kendall rubbed his hand over his abdomen, smearing Logan’s own semen over his skin and up his chest as far as it could go. He pulled out to quickly rip off the condom and toss it off to the side, pressing quick into Logan’s tight heat and Logan clenched the side of the car once more as Kendall began to thrust sloppy and quick. Logan’s back was beginning to arch his body, his pants and breaths coming out fast til he was sure he was running out of air to breathe. Kendall was grunting and growling through his teeth, going faster and faster and faster until he clenched onto one of Logan’s shoulders to hold the brunet _right there_ til he was coming in hot spurts. Logan sucked in a breath when he felt it, the warmth and the wetness filling him and he heard Kendall moan out Logan’s name in broken syllables mixed in with grunts. Kendall’s grip on his shoulder loosened when the orgasm started to work its way out of his system, Logan lying there and watching how Kendall’s eyes seemed to twinkle like the stars above them. Kendall slowly pulled out, moving off the car hood with a stagger and leaned against it.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kendall breathed and Logan slowly sat up, looking at the blond.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Just. . .that was amazing for you being a virgin.”

Logan blushed, turning to look off at the brush of trees and shrubbery. “Thanks. . .I guess.”

Kendall’s eyes were focused in between Logan’s legs, the brunet glancing down to see him dripping wet and Kendall’s seed puddling underneath him, along with little flecks of red blood mixed in. He gave a squeak and Kendall placed a hand on his knee.

“It’s alright, it happens. I’m clean at least so we don’t have to worry about you getting some disease. . .I got some wipes so you could clean up,” Kendall said, moving back to his car as Logan slowly propped himself on his knees and felt the cum rolling down the inner parts of his thighs. The grandson of the most uptight, perfectly proper woman in town, covered in his own and someone else’s semen and sweat. He couldn’t stop smiling, breathing in the scent of their tryst that was still lingering in the air before he turned to his side as Kendall handed him some wipes. “You okay?”

“Yeah, never been better,” Logan breathed, wiping himself clean as Kendall tucked himself in and zipped up the front of his jeans. He had a towel to clean off his car, Logan managing to get most of his body clean. It didn’t beat a shower, but it will have to do til he got home. Whenever the hell that was.

“Want a smoke?” Kendall asked and Logan hummed, watching the blond fish out his package of cigarettes and took one for himself before he offered the pack of cigarettes. Logan reached out and took one cigarette, sticking it between his lips before Kendall lit it for him. Logan sucked on the filter, taking the smoke in his mouth and held it in before he blew it upwards to the sky. “You want to go home?”

“Don’t know. I kinda like being out this late. Besides, I told my mom that I was going to stay out pretty much til morning.”

“With me or did you lie?”

“I lied,” Logan admitted, starting to feel guilty again. He took another drag to take his mind off of things, Kendall puffing out a smoke ring.

“I thought your mom would be cool with me. . .does she even know about me?”

Logan averted his eyes. “Well. . .I mean she. . .well I’m sure she would like you. You’re nothing like Grandmother says you are. You’re nice and you’re so interesting and well. . .I’m sure she would like to meet my boyfriend.”

Kendall paused, then looked at Logan confused. “Boyfriend? As in, you and me?”

Logan nodded his head hopefully and Kendall smoked the cigarette before he blew out a stream of smoke and grumbled. “I didn’t want it to be like that,” he muttered and Logan paused.

“What do you mean? We, I gave you my virginity-”

“That doesn’t mean we’re _boyfriends_. I wasn’t the boyfriend of the first person I slept with. Kitten, this is just fooling around.”

“. . .Just fooling around? _Just fooling around?_ How could you _even_ say that what we just did meant nothing more to you than just _fucking?!_ ”

“ _Look_ , we’re not the same and we wouldn’t work out. You’re prim and proper and I’m dirty and loud. I’m _not_ going to be your perfect little boyfriend to show off to Mommy and your little society friends and I’m not going to change myself. And you wouldn’t drop any of this to become a Rebel either, so why bother?”

“You’re not giving us a _chance_ to be together.”

“I don’t want to be _together_. It wouldn’t work. I’m not what you want.”

“Yes you _are_ ,” Logan cried and Kendall looked down, smoking while Logan tried to keep his emotions in check.

“What do you expect me to give you? What do you even _want_ from me?”

“I just want to be _accepted_ and _wanted_ ,” Logan choked out and Kendall glanced at him. “My grandmother doesn’t want me and my mother because we’re an embarrassment to her. My mother isn’t satisfied with just me, she wants Isaac and my dad and I just want to feel _whole_. When I’m with you I feel _free_ and I feel like I can do anything I want to and I _thought_ you wanted me too. . .why didn’t you just get rid of me after the party at the warehouse? What did you want from _me_? Sex? Are you satisfied?”

“Kitten, I wasn’t trying to get sex out of you-”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not some little lost pet for you to play around with.”

“Kitten-”

“Please just get me my clothes and take me home,” Logan said, crossing his legs in sudden awareness of how naked he was before Kendall. The blond watched him, then grabbed Logan’s shirt and underwear, handing the garments to the boy. Logan took them without giving much of a glance Kendall’s way, tugging on his underwear and his shirt before he picked his pants off the ground.

“. . .Logan, listen to me-”

“I’m tired, Kendall. Please just take me home.”

“Fucking _Christ_ , will you let me just explain?!” Kendall snapped and Logan clamped his lips shut. Kendall frowned hard and ran a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t using you for sex and I wasn’t using you to make myself feel better for fucking a Soc, let alone a descendent from Granny Mitchell. Just. . .I don’t know, you’re different.”

“. . .But not special.”

“No one’s special.”

Logan closed his eyes and moved off the hood of the car. He stumbled, feeling a terrible soreness in his backside and Kendall quickly went to catch him and hold him steady. Logan pushed him away when he regained his balance, holding Kendall’s jacket more closed to keep him warm. Kendall watched the boy closely, eyes holding a sense of regret that Logan didn’t want to see. “You should just lie down and get some rest in the car. The seats are comfy.”

“Why are you trying to keep me out here longer with you?”

“Cause you’re sore and you can’t walk. Why are you giving me the third degree? I’m just trying to help.”

“You’ll be helping by taking me home. I’m starting to get a headache,” Logan grumbled and Kendall balled his hands into fists. He sucked in a breath before he sighed and moved to the driver’s seat. Logan moved to the passenger’s seat, climbing inside and buckling up his seatbelt. On the floor of the car was the mixtape Kendall made him, Logan staring at it instead of the boy sitting beside him as the engine came on and they slowly began to make their way down the hill in silence.

Logan wasn’t sure what time they got to his home, but he figured that it must have been around midnight. The stars were looking slightly dimmer to Logan now, still tightly curled up in Kendall’s leather jacket that he should be shrugging off. Kendall parked in his own driveway, turning off the engine before he leaned back and gave a sigh. Both of them sat there in the dark, not exchanging any words or glances, yet not making any movements to leave the car. Logan looked down, slowly beginning to take off Kendall’s jacket and handed it to the blond.

“Here.”

“Thanks,” Kendall mumbled and took it to toss in the back. Kendall then reached down at Logan’s feet and picked up the mixtape. He handed it to Logan, the brunet staring at the CD with such heartbreak and yearning, before he looked at Kendall himself. The blond’s eyes held an apology but a promise at the same time. That he loved Logan, but didn’t _love_ Logan like Logan wanted to be loved. With kisses and hugs, flowers and chocolates and adorations. Logan took the mixtape and looked down at it, wondering about all the songs that Kendall had put on here that made him think about _Logan_. And he didn’t even realize until he stared at his reflection in the glass, that he was on the brink of beginning to cry.

He rubbed at his eyes and Kendall placed a hand on his shoulder, but Logan pulled away from his touch. “Thanks,” Logan said, trying to sound as distant as he could with a hurt sob exiting the same time. He held the CD close to his heart, climbing out of the car before he ran across the lawn and to the front porch of his own home. He took the spare key under the mat, unlocking the front door and gave a quick glance over at Kendall entering his own home. The blond was watching him closely, with an expression Logan couldn’t quite understand before he went inside his home. Logan did the same, closing the door and locking it shut.

His mother was asleep as he crept past her room down the hallway, moving to the bathroom first. He discarded his clothes, smelling the scent of smoke and sex on his skin when he did it. He turned on the shower til it was warm enough for him, before he stepped inside the tub and sat down to let the torrent of water cover him entirely. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his arms, allowing one choked sob to leave his mouth before he went silent.


	13. Chapter 13

Morning came for Logan far too soon, it seemed. His body was aching and sore, wondering if he was going to have a funny walk to explain to his mother when he went downstairs for breakfast. He turned on his side with a groan, looking out the window and at Kendall’s own closed window. He thought about last night, about Kendall not wanting to be his boyfriend, about not _feeling_ anything but a simple mere interest in Logan. He then glanced at the mixtape on his desk, untouched since last night. He didn’t know what to do with it, quite frankly. He didn’t know if he should give it back as a way of saying he hopes Kendall doesn’t come back into his life and his heart, or if he should give a listen and develop even stronger feelings for Kendall. He hated this, he didn’t _want_ to feel this way about Kendall so much. It made his heart ache every single time he thought about the blond and felt like his lungs were being filled with sand. Everything hurt, from his eyes that admired and adored Kendall from afar to his lips that wanted so badly to kiss him again and again down to his mind that always managed to trick him and make him believe they _will_ be together when really. . .they won’t.

Logan rubbed his eyes and sniffled, sitting up and hissing at the pain he felt in his lower back before he slowly rose up and shuffled out of his bedroom down the hall and down the stairs. He gritted his teeth at every movement, his thighs trembling and aching in pain. He walked with an odd gait, his legs mostly spread and finding that he could barely _stand_. He used the wall to balance himself, leaning up against it as he slowly walked into the kitchen where his mother had already set the table and fixed his plate.

She was sitting across from his empty seat, sipping on some coffee before she glanced up at him and waved him over. “Are you feeling alright, dearie?” she asked worriedly and Logan shrugged his shoulders, not sure if he was really feeling alright either physically or emotionally. He sat down and gave a grimace, trying to adjust himself on the seat as best as he could before he slumped against the back of the chair.

“This looks delicious, Mother,” Logan said with a weak smile, hoping the conversation would be directed somewhere else. Laura nodded her head, giving a small little hum as she took a bite out of her stack of pancakes. She swallowed her food, before she reached under her napkin and handed Logan a small little note. Logan took it, rather confused as to what was going on and she gave a small smile.

“A boy delivered it this morning,” she said and Logan rolled his eyes.

“Beau?”

“Actually, he said his name was Kendall,” she said and Logan’s grip almost crushed the note tight as his eyes widened.

“K-Kendall came over? _Here?_ ”

“Yes. He knocked and wanted to talk to you, but I told him you were still asleep from last night studying with James. I made him some coffee and asked if he wanted to wait til you woke up, and we talked a bit-”

“Y-You two _talked?_ ” Logan stumbled out and she nodded her head.

“He seems to be really nice and a real gentleman. Course, I know Mother wouldn’t think the same thing if she saw how he was dressed. He kind of reminded me of James Dean in ‘Rebel Without a Cause’,” she said and made a little giggle. “Your father always loved those movies, he wanted to be that big and tough bad boy who was strong and always got the girl in the end. Thought that maybe I was attracted to that kind of type.”

“Were you?”

“I loved your father because of who he _was_ , not who I wanted him to be or who he _thought_ he should be. You can’t fall in love with an idea, Logan. You may want to and try, but it’s not realistic,” she said gently and Logan turned the note over in his hands.

“Did he. . .did he say anything about me?” Logan asked and his mother took another sip of her coffee.

“Well, I asked how did he know you, and he said that you’ve been giving him my baking lately and got to talk a little bit afterwards. And you sometimes see each other at school, but he already graduated so he must be visiting friends. He said that you’ve been raised well.”

“Tsk, of course he’d talk about my upbringing instead of just me,” Logan said bitterly.

“He also said you’re very smart, you’re very kind, and you’re extremely loving,” she said with a smile and Logan’s cheeks flushed red.

“He. . .he did?”

“Yes, he compared you to a breath of fresh air even. I think he has a crush on you, actually.”

“M-Mother, he doesn’t. Honestly, he doesn’t.”

“How are you so sure?” she asked with a little pout and Logan bit his lower lip, wondering if he should come clean with her right then and there. That Kendall was more than just the simple boy next door, that Kendall and Logan had done multiple sex acts and one of them resulted in the loss of Logan’s virginity not even 24 hours ago. Logan looked down at the note and turned it over in his hands one more time.

“He just doesn’t. I’m not his type.”

“What’s his type?”

“People that _aren’t_ socialites with stuck up grandmothers,” Logan said with a frown and Laura gave a sad frown herself.

“Oh dearie-”

“I _want_ a boyfriend, Mom,” Logan blurted. “I want love and I want excitement and chivalry and _romance_ and. . .and he just can’t give it to me. He’s right, he _isn’t_ that guy to do those things for me and I can’t expect him to change for me just like I can’t change myself for him. . .I just hate being here, I want to go home.”

“This _is_ our home, Logan.”

“No, it’s not. Home is where I feel like I can actually _tell_ you what I really feel. Home is where I can be free and talk about boys or going to the movies or parties or hanging out and not feel like somewhere, Grandmother is condemning me to hell.”

“Logan-”

“This place will _never_ be home to me, Mom. And I thought that maybe Kendall could make it a little bit better, but he can’t. He could only do what he can, and that’s be vulgar and loud and dirty and not the Prince Charming I expected to help us. . .let’s just eat breakfast,” Logan said quietly and stuck his fork into a bit of scrambled eggs to eat. He didn’t meet his mother’s worried gaze, tucking the note away into his lap for the time being.

* * *

 

Logan helped clean the dishes as best as he could, before he decided he _really_ needed to have a soak so he could relax his muscles. He trudged up the stairs, grabbing a change of clothes and his music player to listen to some violin pieces to relax. He paused by his desk, seeing Kendall’s mixtape that he made for him and picked that up as well. Logan walked to the bathroom and closed the door shut with his foot. Logan placed his new clothes on the toilet seat, his music player by the tub and the CDs near the towels. Logan turned on the bath, taking off his clothes and filling the tub with a variety of bath salts and shampoos til the entire room smelled of lavender and silk and chocolates. Logan tested the water with his hand before he turned the faucet off, taking the mixtape and sticking it in the music player before he pressed play and climbed into the water.

As Logan settled down slowly, submerging himself til the water was touching his ears, did the music begin to play and a guitar twanged out chords along with the drums delivering a hard beat.

“ _I’ll never be your beast of burden. My back is broad, but it’s a hurtin’. All I want is for you to make love to me~_ ”

Logan closed his eyes to the word, listening to the music and the lyrics, allowing himself to be taken away like violin music always made his mind drift. Kendall constantly drifted in and out of his thoughts, sometimes so close that Logan could touch him and other times so far away that Logan was afraid he’d never keep up. The songs had an edge of alluring musicality to it, nothing like Ethel had made rock n’ roll made it out to be. And as the songs switched from the first track to the second, from the fourth to the fifth and the water was starting to grow cold, did Logan hear that familiar voice singing softly to him along with the opening notes on the piano.

“ _Look into my eyes and you’ll see I’m the only one~_ ” Freddie’s voice sang, Logan smiling so hard to himself that his cheeks began to hurt and his heart swell tighter and tighter in his chest. He imagined Kendall’s voice singing, the piano having an imaginary guitar chiming in to play with the notes til only the guitar and Kendall’s voice were the only thing that he was hearing. It felt so close and intimate, like Kendall was serenading him only a few feet away and holding his gaze like he never wanted to let go. And it was then that the feeling that Logan always felt swell in his chest, the feeling that always made Logan feel like he was choking on air and couldn’t stop drowning, finally had a name to it. Logan came to that realization with a little choked laugh.

He was truly, stupidly and _deeply_ in love with the bad boy next door.

* * *

 

Logan dragged the bow over the strings of his violin, playing a simple little tune for Sunday brunch that Ethel expected him to have memorized in full and played to perfection. Every so often, the melody would change to a song that was in Kendall’s mixtape, Logan getting distracted and playing along to the music that he was practically singing in his head. He’d give glances over at Kendall’s window, waiting for the opportune time when Kendall would be at his window and maybe they’d talk. About what, Logan wasn’t quite so sure. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do about Kendall or his feelings for him. Kendall wanted sex, Logan wanted romance. Kendall wanted rationality and realism, Logan wanted the fantastical kind of passionate love found only in movies and books and stupid little dreams. His violin playing slowed as he thought about himself and Kendall, and what could they be.

He _wanted_ Kendall. He didn’t want Beau, even though Beau _would_ be his knight in shining armor if he just asked of him. He wanted noise and dirt and rough passion that poured from his body from craving the person far too much and waiting too long. He just wanted to experience _all_ of Kendall, his thoughts and his emotions. The passion, the heat, and the quiet period after. Logan stopped playing his violin, placing the instrument on his desk for the time being as he tried to gather his thoughts. Before he could sit down on his bed, his cell phone started to ring on his desk. Logan got up with a groan and grabbed his phone, answering with a tired ‘Hello?’.

“ _Hey, it’s me_ ,” Beau answered and Logan rubbed his neck, heart feeling guilty as sudden realization came over him. He completely forgotten, _Beau_ was the one that was supposed to be holding Logan’s heart and Logan was supposed to be the one to love and want _him_. Yet, here Logan was, thinking about Kendall, wanting and desiring and _lusting_ after Kendall. Hell, giving his _virginity_ to Kendall, the one thing Logan wanted the _most_ to give to someone who desperately and unconditionally loved him back.

“H-Hey,” Logan stuttered and heard Beau give a nervous cough.

“ _So uh, I don’t know if Lady Mitchell has told you yet, but there is going to be a gala next Saturday. Kind of a little get together for the society members and their parents. We dance, there’s going to be a live dance and the best kind of catering you’ve ever seen_.”

“So why are you telling me this? I’m sure my Grandmother is going to _force_ me into a suit and go regardless if I knew about it or not,” Logan said, slight bitterness on the tip of his tongue and he heard Beau give another little nervous cough.

“ _Well. . .I was wondering if maybe. . .you’d like to be my date. I mean, in secret, of course. But maybe we could hang out and. . .find a room to spend some alone time in and stuff?_ ” Beau asked hopefully while Logan only sat there and watched Kendall’s window for any signs of movement. He didn’t want secrets, he hated these secrets that were starting to boil under the surface and feel like they were crushing Logan flat. He wanted to tell his mother everything, he wanted to tell Beau that he wasn’t in love with _him_ , he wanted to tell Ethel to shove it, he wanted to tell Kendall he _loved_ him.

“I. . .I have to. . .”

“ _I know having a secret relationship isn’t ideal, Logan. . .but I just wanted to say thank you for giving me a chance. You don’t know how. . .how **happy** I feel just being around you. I feel **whole** , I feel alive and I just feel **normal** around you. Like, like I’m not some freak because I like guys, you know?_ ”

“. . .I’m glad you feel that way,” Logan said quietly, wishing the boy would stop before he said something he was going to regret.

“ _Listen, I got to go and get some homework done. I’m totally swamped studying for tests and doing some last minute extra credit. But, I’ll see you at school tomorrow, okay?_ ”

“Okay, Beau. . .goodbye.”

“ _Bye Logan. . .I’m really glad I have you._ ”

That could almost have been taken as an ‘I love you’ without the words, Logan nodding his head and swallowing down his guilty breath. He hung up, knocking his knees together and bit the inside of his cheek, wishing he didn’t feel this way. Logan flopped backwards on his bed with a groan, looking upwards at the ceiling with a sigh. Why can’t he be happy with Beau? Why can’t he be content with being the perfect _secret_ lover for Beau? They could live a nice and comfortable life, Beau would marry a woman for his family that would understand he was gay and would never love her and be with Logan in secret. If they had children, Logan would always had to be thought of as their closest and dearest uncle instead of a _father_ like he really wanted to be. He wouldn’t have a husband, he would have a partner. . .it wouldn’t even really _be_ a partner. Logan was Beau’s dirty little secret, satisfying Beau for the time being while Logan grew restless and straying.

He turned his head to look at the note Kendall left behind, never opening it to read. Logan slowly moved to take it and unfolded it, his heart thumping mad as he read the first line.

_Kitten,_

_Your mom is really nice. She was a lot better than my expectation of her, I thought she was going to be some neurotic nutcase or something. But I’m glad that she isn’t anything like Granny Mitchell. Neither of you are. . .and I know that._

_I’m not going to be your perfect guy and I don’t expect you to become a rotten little delinquent. I just want us to remain friends at least, okay? It’ll be better for the both of us if we try not to chase an idea. There’s going to be a party next Saturday at billiards and game room on the outskirts of town. You’re invited courtesy of me and maybe we could. . .I don’t know, maybe we could talk._

_-Kendall_

Not chase an idea? What idea was Kendall even talking about? And Logan didn’t want to be just friends, he _needed_ to tell Kendall how he felt _now_. Not next Saturday at a party. . .a party that he wasn’t even sure he’ll be able to go to since it was the same exact night as the gala. He groaned and pulled the note over his face, kicking his feet up wildly before he flopped onto his stomach with a huff. He hated this, he _hated_ this. He pulled the note from his face and turned on his side, pushing play on the music player as ‘Beast of Burden’ started once again from the beginning. Logan wrapped himself up in the sheets and closed his eyes, hoping that all of his own burdens would disappear after a well rest.

* * *

 

When Logan awoke, it was around eight and dark outside. He could smell his mother’s cooking from downstairs, wondering if she had already called him for dinner. He swung his legs out of bed with a tired yawn, rubbing at his eyes as he shuffled away from his bed and towards the door. He gave one glance over his shoulder out his window and his eyes widened to see Kendall’s curtains were parted and the light was on. But that wasn’t what surprised him the most.

It was that Carlos was sitting on Kendall’s bed, Kendall pacing in front of him.

Logan stepped closer to the window, trying to keep hidden and only watched the two boys in the room across the way. What did Kendall want Carlos over for? _Just_ Carlos at that. He thought Kendall could barely _tolerate_ the boy, yet why was Carlos sitting in his bed and why did Kendall take a seat next to him. Logan watched with bated breath and a slowly beating heart that thudded as one of Kendall’s hands moved to hold Carlos by his hip and the other cupped his face. His lips begged for this to not be happening, that his eyes were fooling him as Kendall leaned in closer and closer and closer til he was kissing Carlos on the lips with that same softness he kissed him. That was _his_ kiss, those were supposed to be lips meant for only _him_. The same touch, the same caress, Kendall should be giving those to him and he was doing it to _Carlos?_ Logan gritted his teeth in anger and frustration, growing even more shocked when the hand that was holding Carlos’ hip moved in between Carlos’ legs to cup him.

“Logan!” his mother called out downstairs and Logan jumped in his spot, turning around to quickly run out of his bedroom and into the hallway where he slumped against the wall. “Logan! Dinner’s ready!”

“I’ll be down in a minute!” Logan croaked, wishing his heart would stop beating so fast and wishing he would stop shaking so damn much. He knew he wasn’t exclusive to just Kendall, it shouldn’t _hurt_ so much. Maybe because it was Carlos that he was doing it with. The boy Kendall said he would _never_ go after. Why now? Why after he slept with Logan? Did he wanted to see what _all_ society boys felt like? If Carlos would be as warm and tight on his dick or even better than Logan? Carlos was supposed to be his _friend_ , how could he have _done_ this? He stormed back into his room, only to find that the curtains have been pulled back and hiding the two away in the safety of Kendall’s room.

He wanted to scream, he wanted to break down crying and break that mixtape that made its home in his music player. He expected them to be friends after he did something like _this_? He balled his hands into tight fists, giving a growl in his throat that was mixed in with a sniffle and a hiccup. The fairy tale and sweet little romance Logan thought could happen was dead now.

It never existed in the first place.


	14. Chapter 14

Carlos was leaning against the wall, flirting with a tall boy with spiky black hair and frosted colored tips. He didn’t realize that Logan was even approaching him with a look of fire and _hate_ in his eyes, only turning away from the boy to give a little giggle at one of his jokes.

“We need to talk,” Logan spat and Carlos looked at Logan confused before he wrapped arms around the boy’s shoulders.

“I’m a little bit busy listening to Tony’s jokes, Logan. Let’s talk in Music,” he said to Logan with a smile before he took the boy’s hand and started to walk away. Logan growled, reaching out and grabbing Carlos roughly by the shoulder to yank him back. Carlos turned to look at Logan, a confused look in his eyes. “What’s with you?”

“You know _exactly_ what you did. I thought you were my friend, how _could_ you?!”

“I _don’t_ know what you’re talking about. You’re making a scene-”

“You _slept_ with Kendall last night. Does it ring any bells? Or is dropping your pants for _anyone_ so insignificant to you that you just don’t _bother_ to remember?” Logan hissed and Carlos frowned, stepping forward with balled fists.

“I didn’t have sex with Kendall.”

“Sure, and letting him put his hands in between your legs _totally_ means you’re just friends.”

“We _are_ just friends. I didn’t sleep with him! And even if I _did_ , it wouldn’t matter. Dak and I aren’t exclusive, and I could have sex with anyone I wish.”

“Including guys who you _know_ your friends like?! You said you weren’t even _interested_ in him!” Logan yelled, some people stopping in the halls and watching them, a small crowd beginning to form.

“I _don’t_ want Kendall. He called _me_ and kissed _me_.”

“And you _let_ him. You didn’t push him away or-”

“You don’t even know what you’re _talking_ about!”

“I know what I saw! Everyone was right about you. You’re nothing but a _slut_.”

“And what are you?” Carlos asked, stepping closer with darker eyes. “I know that you and Beau have a sort of _thing_ going on and I know that you and Kendall slept together. You think that you’re better than me? You’re _no better_ than me, you’re the _same_. A slut, harlot, tramp, however you’d like to call it,” Carlos hissed and Logan shoved Carlos roughly. Carlos stumbled back, then charged forward and shoved Logan back just as rough. Someone screamed out ‘Fight!’ and the students swarmed, the two boys falling to the ground kicking and punching. Logan wasn’t a fighter, he didn’t even _know_ how to fight. So Carlos was mainly the one that was winning, landing a few punches to the side of Logan’s cheek and kneed him in his stomach. Logan could feel hands that were on him, glancing up briefly to see James above them screaming at them and trying to pry Carlos off. Another teacher was trying to step in the fray, managing to help James get Carlos off of Logan and hold him back while Logan scrambled to his feet.

Carlos was still kicking and screaming, James restraining him while the teacher helped Logan up. “B-Both of you to the principal’s office! Right now!” he yelled, other students starting to disperse now that the fight was over. The teacher yanked Logan along, James only holding tight while Carlos cursed and screamed in Spanish and English. Logan averted everyone’s gaze as he was ushered down the hall, and the only time he did glance up, he caught Beau and the other society member’s watching them, giving him approving looks and grins that he did the right thing. Yet, deep in his stomach, Logan wasn’t sure anymore.

* * *

 

“I am so _disgusted_ ,” Ethel said in a hissing tone, looking out the window while she adjusted her gloves. Logan said nothing, only tenderly rubbing at his sore cheek and sometimes trying to click his jaw back into place. “A _Mitchell_ having to be called into the principal’s office after fighting at such a _fine_ school like Kensington. But no, not just fighting with anyone. You fought with that little _tramp_. Over what? Over a _boy_ , Hortense? Over one of those sleazy little dirtbags that smoke and drink and fornicate at those little ‘parties’ you call yourself a part of?”

Logan kept silent, not looking at her and only forcefully looking out the window. He was still angry at Carlos, angry at Kendall, and was steadily growing angry with himself. He never resorted to violence to try and get his point across. That was always Isaac’s forte, to talk with his fists when things weren’t going his way why Logan tried to rationalize. He tried to use _reason_ , to come to an understanding no matter what. But Logan couldn’t see reason in the way Carlos looked at that other boy, smiling at him and flirting with those eyes. It just wasn’t _fair_ , Carlos didn’t even want Kendall yet Kendall wanted _him?_ It didn’t make any sense, it wasn’t _right_.

“Hortense! Look at me when I am talking to you!” Ethel hissed and Logan turned, her eyes angry and pink lips turned into a hard frown. “Your mother and I are going to discuss long and hard about what kind of punishment you should receive for your insolent behavior. I already looked into nice boarding schools _far_ from little heathens like Carlos Garcia and sinners like that boy next door.” Ethel then frowned harder. “Was it him? Were you two fighting over that skinny little _stick_ of a boy? Absolutely appalling. Didn’t have much of a father either, but at least his mother wasn’t as weak as Laura is. But instead of rising up and becoming a respectable gentleman, he chose that path and is tempting you to do the same.”

“He doesn’t _want_ me to do the same.”

“You stayed _out_ with him, you let him put his _filthy hands_ all over you like you were his little _pet_ -”

“And I’d let him do it again!” Logan croaked and Ethel paused, her eyes growing wide as Logan laughed. “I’d let him grab me again and again because I _like_ it! I like how I feel in his arms and up against him. How he kisses me, with tongue and teeth and makes me feel so _good_ til I just need and _crave_ more of his touch all over my body and between my legs-”

_SLAP!_

Logan expected that, not even feeling sorry as he turned to glare at his grandmother.

“You _disgusting little **slut**_ ,” she hissed and Logan shook his head.

“I hate you.”

“The feeling is mutual. Has been ever since Laura came home crying telling me she was having _you_ and Isaac. Only God knows where she and I would be now if you would have just been sent home to Him when you were nothing but a little cluster of cells like I told her to,” Ethel said gravely and Logan turned away to look out the window. The sting on his cheek hurt even more, swallowing down a cry and kept his eyes focused on the moving scenery before him.

* * *

 

“Laura! _Laura, get in here this minute you **worthless** excuse of a mother!_ ” Ethel screamed at the top of her lungs, Logan’s mother running down the stairs in a matter of seconds with her hair wrapped up in a towel and a robe hastily thrown on her naked figure.

“W-What’s going on? Logan, why are you here so early?”

“Your _son_ was sent to the principal’s office on account of a fight with that little Mexican delinquent in my precious society. And do you know just _why_ they were fighting, Laura?” Ethel asked and Laura looked over at Logan, her eyes wide and confused that Logan _actually_ fought. Ethel took a menacing step forward, eyes dark and angry. “It was over that greaser boy next door. Hortense has been having _sexual relations_ with him under your _damn nose!_ ”

Laura’s eyes widened, looking to Logan with an expression of shock and confusion.

“W-Well that can’t be, Mother. Logan is a good boy-”

“He said he let that boy put his filthy hands all over his body and he _liked it_.”

“M-Mother, it isn’t sex. It’s just. . .just a bit of heavy petting is-”

“Oh of _course_ you’re trying to find an excuse for this disgusting sin. You were guilty of sex before marriage and _this_ was the end product!” Ethel accused and pointed a shameful finger at Logan. “It all boils down to how _stupid_ and how _naïve_ you really are, Laura. Your first sister had a _doctor_ for a husband, and your second sister had a _senator_. Your brothers had _beautiful_ wives who cooked and cleaned and _submitted_ , and _all_ of them raised well-behaved _true_ Mitchells. But not you. You went and screwed everything up. You got knocked up and not a single _sight_ of a ring. And instead of _trying_ to make your children grow up to be handsome and respected gentlemen, you raise a backwards whore and an arrogant troublemaker.”

“Isaac was a good boy and I know Logan is-”

“ _And_ you _still_ think that everything is fine?! Tell me, Laura. What were you doing when we got here?”

“T-Taking a shower.”

“Taking a shower? Or getting high?” Ethel questioned and Logan looked at the woman in shock.

“What are you talking about?” he asked and Ethel reached into the pocket of her purse, pulling out a small little bottle. One of the old bottles of mood enhancers Logan had been using, the boy staring at it with wide eyes.

“I found _this_ in the trashcan when I went to use the bathroom. Explain _this_ , Laura.”

“I-I don’t k-know what that is-”

“ _Stop stuttering!_ Where did you get these?! Did you stole them?! Or are you also having relations with that delinquent boy and he’s giving these to you as ‘favors’? Answer me before I beat it out of you!”

“ _Please_ stop screaming at me! I don’t know!” Laura cried and Ethel stormed forward, striking her across the face so hard that Logan saw little drops of blood fly. Laura screamed and began to sob, Ethel taking her purse and beginning to whack it against Laura’s head and shoulders. Logan ran, shoving his grandmother out of the way and stood in front to guard his mother.

“Get out of the way, Hortense! If she wants to act like a child and play dumb, then I’m going to _treat_ her like a child and discipline her!”

“Get out! Get out of this house right now!” Logan screamed and Ethel adjusted her purse strap.

“You better respect your elders, Hor-”

“You’re a _monster_. You’re not welcome in this house anymore! _Get out!_ ”

Ethel paused and then turned up her nose. She walked to the door, opened it, and let herself out before slamming the door shut behind her. Logan quickly fell to his knees beside his mother, checking the injury.

“. . .Looks like you bit your lip when she hit you. I’ll get some medicine and we’ll clean it up-”

“I didn’t know what she was talking about,” Laura cried and looked up at Logan with big chocolate, tearful eyes. “I didn’t know what that bottle was. I don’t understand.”

“. . .It was. . .it was mine,” Logan admitted and Laura placed a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. “I got it from Kendall. . .for you.”

“W-What?”

“. . .You were just so _unhappy_ and I wanted you to get better so he just thought that maybe if I give you some mood enhancers. . .you were getting better and I didn’t want to stop-”

“When could you have-”

“I slipped it in your food when you weren’t looking. Mom, please, I wasn’t trying to hurt you or anything. I just. . .I just wanted to help you and-”

“You’ve been _drugging_ me? And lying to me?” Laura asked, eyes getting waterier and Logan bit his lip.

“Mom-”

“Just. . .please just go to your room,” she said and touched her bleeding lip, not looking at Logan at all. Logan sat there watching, til he gave a slow nod of his head and rose to his feet. He slowly moved up the stairs, glancing back at his mother still sitting on the floor with her face moving into her hands. And it wasn’t til Logan was in the hallway upstairs and walking to his bedroom, that he heard her begin to sob.

* * *

 

It was Beau’s turn to tell a dirty joke at the lunch table today, his hand subtlety on Logan’s thigh and gave it a squeeze every so often. Logan only gave a small smile half of the time, pushing around his food with his fork. It’s been a couple of days since he’s seen Carlos or actually talked to the boy at all, and Logan didn’t know how to feel anymore. He felt absolutely disgusted with his behavior ever since he came to this town. First fragile and desperate to please, then growing hungry of the lifestyle that was the Rebels and craved more of it like a drug, to throwing fits and lying and fighting like he was Isaac. It felt like some wild roller coaster that he couldn’t get off of, getting sicker and more disoriented the longer it lasted.

Tad gave a low whistle and tilted his head, all the boys turning attention to see Carlos approaching their table with his head held high and an emotionless expression on his face. Tad made a comical face, crossing his legs really tight and moving his hand to cover his behind while everyone except James and Logan laughed. Carlos stopped a few inches away, looking over at Logan before he looked back at James.

“I need to talk to you. Alone,” Carlos said and Tad gave a laugh.

“Wow, Carlos. Are you _finally_ going to fuck James at _school?_ ”

“No, he wouldn’t be able to get him off fast enough,” Tyler chimed in and Beau laughed while Logan only kept his mouth pursed tight. He was still angry at Carlos, he _should_ be laughing and smiling and maybe even throwing his own jeer or taunt, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. The rest of the table started adding their two cents as James rose up and followed Carlos out, heckling and shouting and making obscene gestures with their hands about what Carlos is going to do. Logan felt the embarrassment and the shame, everyone watching the boys depart and not being shown one single bit of respect. And here he was, sitting with the same boys that would do the same to him if they found out he slept with a boy Rebel too.

He glanced down at the hand that was rubbing his thigh up and down, Beau making a comment about how he figured Carlos didn’t even get James to the bathroom quick enough and was probably sucking him off in the empty hallways right now. Logan felt a twinge of disgust and anger, though now it started to bloom for Beau. Beau the hypocrite, saying how disgusting Carlos was as he felt up Logan’s thigh with a smile. _All_ of them were terrible people, Logan growing angrier and feeling like he was going to explode. He took Beau’s hand, Beau looking over to him as Logan gently moved it away from his leg and began to sit up.

“I need to use the bathroom,” Logan said to Beau in a low whisper, not wanting the other boys to notice him and start to wonder where he was going. Beau nodded, smiling at Logan in a way that was clear adoration to Logan and to others just a simple normal smile. Logan gave a feeble and weak smile back, turning on his heels and briskly walking out of the cafeteria. He moved down the hall, glancing around for the two boys when he heard Carlos yell something in frustration. He paused around the corner, peering to see Carlos looking away from James with frustrated eyes while James was lecturing to the boy about something Logan didn’t hear.

“I don’t _need_ you to tell me a lesson, James. I just want you to talk to Logan for me and explain things since I doubt he’ll listen to me. Kendall and I didn’t have sex that night he saw us. Kendall _just_ kissed me and felt me up before he asked me to leave and that’s _it_.”

“But you were still okay with it, Carlos. _That’s the problem_.”

“No I wasn’t! I pushed him away when he began to touch me! He called me over to his place, started talking about Logan and that he was feeling confused and he didn’t understand what he thought about Logan and then he just. . .kissed me.”

“Why did you go over there?”

“He just called me and told me he wanted to talk.”

“You didn’t go over there for sex?”

Carlos looked taken aback. “ _No_ I didn’t. And even if Kendall _did_ wanted to go further than touching me or if he wanted sex, I wouldn’t have slept with him! I know how Logan feels about Kendall and I know he really likes him. I wouldn’t screw up his chances with him, not in a million years. . .don’t you think I have any self-control? Or _decency?_ Or do you believe your little friends when they spread those rumors about how I just fuck anything with or without a pulse?” Carlos hissed and James’ cheeks went red.

“Well you sleep with people during those orgies!”

“That’s what you _do_. But you’ve always been against me having fun anyways.”

“I’m not against you for having fun, I just want you _safe_. Carlos, the Rebels _don’t care_ about you. They’re just humoring you because you’re a good boy gone bad. They laugh at you and when it comes down to it, they _won’t_ be there for you and I will be.”

“ _No_ , _you guys_ laugh at me. All of the society members that think I’m nothing but trash because my mom slept around with other men. _They_ don’t care about me and they will _never_ be there for me. And you’re okay with hanging around their crowd, what does that say about you?”

“I’m not like them. Carlos, I _care_ about you. You’re putting yourself in danger by hanging out with these people! The night you were almost raped at that club, do you know how _scared_ I was that you got hurt? Where were the Rebels then? Where was _Dak_?”

“You’re not my dad, James. I don’t need you to protect me, I’m not a baby!”

“People are going to take advantage of you and you don’t _care_. I’m just trying to help you!”

“It’s my body and I’ll do what I want! I’m fine with Dak and I’m happier ‘pretending’ I’m a Rebel than trying to pretend I’m a socialite like you are.”

“Well if you’re happier being a slut than actually having respect for yourself and getting away from those people then fine!” James screamed and Carlos paused. James bit his lip, shaking his head with sorry eyes. “Carlos, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“Yes you did. You knew what you were saying.”

“Carlos-”

“Just leave me alone,” Carlos said in a shaky voice and began to run down the hallway towards the bathrooms. Logan pulled away and hid behind the wall, James running away in the complete opposite direction and passing him by, a look of hurt and regret on his face. Logan’s head darted back and forth, not sure who to go after and help, before he gritted his teeth and ran after Carlos towards the bathrooms.

He walked inside, the bathroom empty and the stalls open except for the farthest one that was for the handicapped on the right, Logan hearing someone sniffling.

“. . .Carlos?” Logan quietly called out and the sniffling stopped, the bathroom stall opening and Carlos poked his head out to see. His eyes were slightly red and watery, but tears have yet to fall. Carlos took a deep breath, trying to keep himself from getting upset and collecting himself while Logan stepped closer. “Are you okay?”

“. . .Y-Yeah, I’m okay. . .I’m just really tired,” Carlos said and wiped his eyes again.

“. . .Do you want to talk? About. . .about James-”

“Were you listening in on us?” Carlos asked and Logan looked down at the floor.

“I. . .I didn’t want to stay at the table and continue to hear the society guys talk about you, so I left. And I just overheard you two fighting. . .are you sure you’re okay?” Logan asked again and Carlos tilted his head from side to side, his mouth grimacing.

“I don’t know,” he whimpered and moved back into the stall, Logan following behind and locking it shut. Carlos paced around the small area of the stall, rubbing his face as he tried to keep from crying. “It doesn’t bother me when people like Ethel or Tad or the rest of the society call me those things. Call me a slut or a tramp, whatever makes themselves feel better about how fortunate their lives were compared to mine. They don’t know me and they don’t _want_ to know me. They rather just form their opinion on me based off of rumors and lies. . .But when James does it. . .i-it just gets to me.”

“He didn’t mean it, Carlos. He was just angry and it slipped out.”

“Yeah, it _slipped out_. Doesn’t that mean he’s always been thinking about saying that to me but tried to keep it in because I’m supposed to be his _best friend_? He hangs out with the society people all the time and all the time they tell him these things about the Rebels and about me. He doesn’t trust me to take care of myself and he thinks I’m helpless without him when I’m not. And he thinks I’m a slut, I _know_ he does, but he’s just t-trying to be nice. That’s the kind of guy he is, nice and sweet and a real gentlemen. Even to people like me that don’t deserve it. . .a-and I bet the reason he still hangs around them is because he doesn’t want to hang around _me_. He doesn’t want to be my friend or be associated with me but thinks he has to because he’s a ‘nice guy’. A-And I don’t want him to leave me, I r-really don’t,” Carlos cried and buried his face in his hands. He gave a few sniffles and coughed, before he rubbed his face and paced around again.

“I’m with Dak because he just lets me _breathe_. He’s goofy and funny and sloppy and. . .it’s just so refreshing to have someone like that. James is quiet, he’s serious, he’s perfection rolled up in the perfect package. Dak loves me like a puppy loves its master. It isn’t serious affection, I know he cares about me, but only so much that he wouldn’t worry where I go or who I’m with. James. . .James just cares about me _so_ much to the point of smothering me and I just get so _scared_.”

“Why? James just wants you to be okay,” Logan explained, wishing he could say that James really loved Carlos a whole lot more than he believed. Carlos nodded his head and crossed his arms.

“Just. . .that was how it was like for my mom and dad. Dad was always so clingy with her, he never gave her space or time to herself. He always had to be at her side. I know he loved her, but it was like he was cornering her and trapping her. . .I don’t think she wanted to be married. At least not when she was young. But they were going to have me out of wedlock and my dad proposed to her to make an ‘honest woman’ out of her or something. So, she agreed to marry him for me since she didn’t want to leave me.”

“. . .So what happened?”

“She wasn’t happy,” Carlos said softly. “She never wanted to get married to him, but she tried to stay with him for my sake. He was trying to groom her into the perfect housewife. One that cleaned and cooked and rubbed his feet when he came home from work, and nursed the baby, changed the baby, fed the baby and tended to the baby while he relaxed. She was _never_ that kind of person. So, she started to look for happiness somewhere else and started to meet other guys. Go to bars, hook up and sleep around til she found Mr. Right. People found out and started calling her a slut and embarrassed my dad so much about it. And she felt guilty for dragging him into the infidelity and me.

Kids started to bully me in school, calling me a ‘son of a bitch’ and a ‘slut’ cause my mom was one. They’d shove me around, they’d grab at me and smear mud all over my face calling it ‘makeup for the tramp’, they made me _miserable_ til James came around and stopped them. He protected me, he fought the bullies off himself before he walked me home. He always walked me home until I met Dak, he became my personal knight in shining armor without me ever asking.”

Logan smiled and Carlos glanced down, kicking his feet up slightly. “My parents’ marriage got worse and worse and my mother became miserable and depressed. I think she started to resent me too, cause if I never came along, she could have turned him down and never got married in the first place. . .this wasn’t the life she wanted, so she swallowed half a bottle of pills and left it,” Carlos said quietly and sniffled. “I tried _so_ hard to show people that I wasn’t like her. I picked up ukulele, I did singing, I was a good person but all everyone listened to was ‘Poor Mr. Garcia. Poor man, poor _him_. And now he’s stuck with that child that looks just like his mother, just another reminder about how she betrayed him. Carlos isn’t probably going to be any better. He has the same look in his eyes and the same flirty smile and the same way of talking to get a man hot and bothered. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, he’s just a slut like his mother’. I tried _so hard_ for people to like me and accept me and they just _laughed_ in my face. And I thought that maybe, things would start going my way when I got a date with Mercedes.”

“The girl in the society?” Logan asked and Carlos nodded his head.

“We were supposed to meet up and have some pizza together. I was waiting for her to show up, but she never came. And when I was just about to leave. . .they came.”

“They?”

“The society members. The boys. They dragged me into an alley and started to beat me up cause apparently Mercedes was Tad’s girl and I was trying to steal her away from him. I didn’t know and I tried to apologize, but they kept taunting me and harassing me and yelling at me. . .a-and then. . .h-he forced me around til I was up against the wall. . .p-pulled my pants and my underwear down and h-he-”

Logan quickly stepped to Carlos and pulled the boy into his arms, horrified and feeling the most immense sorrow. Carlos buried his face into Logan’s shoulder, not trying to hold it back this time and sobbed. His body shook and he coughed and hiccupped, Logan rubbing his back in slow circles trying to comfort the boy as best as he could. “H-He k-kept saying ‘I-I deserved it. I w-wanted it’. And then when he was done with me, the next boy just took his place and kept on going. F- _Four times_. And they all hurt _s-so bad_. I c-couldn’t even stand, they were holding me up when they were raping me and I was o-only _fourteen_. I-I hadn’t even h-had my first _kiss_. It hurt _so bad_.”

“It’s okay, Carlos. It’s going to be okay.”

“No, no it’s _not_ ,” Carlos choked out, pulling away from Logan. “I couldn’t tell _anyone_ because I was too scared that no one would believe me. Not even my own _father_ because Tad’s dad is the head Chief of Police and he’d blame me for seducing his son than his son physically and sexually assaulting a fourteen year old. He didn’t ask why I came home so late, he didn’t wonder why I spent so much time in the bathroom when I was drinking mouthwash and taking multiple showers and trying to get the blood out of my clothes. Even when I had a funny walk, he didn’t think anything about it. I shut him out, I didn’t want him to find out and all he thinks of me now is that I’m a miserable kid who needs a mother’s love and does _nothing_.

And even if I could have pressed charges, what punishment would they get? Everyone _loves_ Tad and the society boys. They’re _perfect_ , they can do _no wrong_ , I should be more like _them_. And they _knew_ what they did that night and I have to walk around school every day and have to look them in the eye knowing that they would never feel the punishment and pain I went though. They know they got away with it, and I know they would do it again if they had the chance,” Carlos said and swallowed down a large lump in his throat.

“Does James know?” Logan asked and Carlos shook his head.

“No one knows. . .except for you and Dak. He listened to me, he helped me understand that I need to start taking care of myself and not trying to live for anyone but _me_. I didn’t try to fight the stereotype anymore. Everyone was going to think of me as a slut no matter what. So I sleep around with whoever I want to, so that way I feel more in control of my body than that night. . .I hate this town so much. I just want to run away and never come back,” Carlos said with a sigh and wiped his eyes. “I want to go to New York, far away from here and where nobodies could dream about having their name in lights. Much better than here, I’d go _anywhere_ but here. . .thank you, Logan.”

Logan nodded. “Sure. . .I’m sorry, for what I said-”

“Just forget about it,” Carlos said with a small smile and Logan smiled back. The two walked out of the stall and out of the bathroom, Logan about to continue forward but Carlos grabbed his hand. “Listen, Kendall is a brute and doesn’t really know how to think with his heart. He’s just really scared, okay? He likes you, he _really_ does. He just has a funny way of showing it,” Carlos said and Logan gently pulled his hand away.

“So if he really liked me, why didn’t he tell me? Why did he invite you over so he could kiss you and feel you up, then leave?”

“I wish I knew. . .but just know I wouldn’t go around your back with Kendall to hurt you,” Carlos said and Logan nodded his head. Carlos smiled, then leaned in and gave Logan a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, chaste and platonic. He pulled back, smiling before he gave Logan a warm hug. “You’re a really good friend, Logan,” Carlos said quietly and Logan squeezed Carlos.

“And you’re a good person,” Logan said with a soft smile.

* * *

 

As the two boys hugged, they didn’t notice that just around the corner in two separate spots, they were being watched by two sets of eyes. One set belong to James, feeling his heart breaking at how Carlos gave Logan the softest kiss and held him so tight. A position that once belonged to _him_ , Carlos being able to hug and be comforted by him but now has sought out a replacement.

The other set belonged to Tad, who only looked upon the two with confusion and disgust. What was Logan doing with the likes of Carlos and showing that boy pity? Why did Logan let Carlos _kiss_ him? Was Logan gay? Were those rumors true? Questions buzzed in his mind, but he knew one thing for sure.

He had to tell the others.


	15. Chapter 15

Carlos ran into the awaiting arms of Dak after detention, Logan waiting for the boy after he served his own. He spotted Kendall on his own bike, the blond looking at Carlos and Dak kissing passionately before his eyes drifted up to Logan. Logan looked away, looking around for his chauffeur to come and hopefully come quick. He thought he had a list of all the things he wanted to yell at Kendall after seeing the blond with Carlos, but after hearing Carlos out, he wasn’t so sure what to say to Kendall now. It didn’t make any kind of sense why Kendall would kiss Carlos when he supposedly liked Logan. Unless he was just confused and didn’t even know _who_ to like more, delinquents or preppy little socialites who play violin and have a naïve outlook about love.

Logan tapped his foot, looking away before he spotted someone approaching him in the same manner he approached Carlos the day they fought. James was looking angry, his hands balled and his eyes dark. Carlos gently pulled away and looked, his eyes widening in fear as he quickly pulled away from Dak and stepped in front of Logan.

“Whatever you want to do to him, drop it,” Carlos said and James growled.

“Stay out of this. It’s between me and him,” James hissed and Logan stepped back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I didn’t do-”

“You kissed each other! I saw you two!” James accused and Carlos crossed his arms.

“It didn’t mean anything, Logan just comforted me and I-”

“Yeah, I can see how he _comforted_ you. That used to be a role for me but you always shut me out from trying to worry about you and keep you safe!”

“I don’t _want_ you to worry about me and keep me safe! I can do all of those things on my own!” Carlos yelled and James’ face went red.

“Why don’t you get it?! I don’t worry about you because I think it’s my job or I don’t think you can’t take care of yourself on your own! I do it because for the past six years I’ve been in _love_ with you. You sleep around and you fuck everyone and you’ve just been so _oblivious_ to how I feel about you. . .how I _always_ felt about you. I love you _so much_ , Carlos and if anything were to happen to you, I wouldn’t know how I would live with myself. . .I. . .” Carlos was shaking his head, shocked and no words coming from his gaping mouth. James looked down at the ground and then back up at Carlos, before he reached out his hand to hold Carlos’. Carlos pulled back, confused and scared, before he turned and began to run. Dak quickly began to chase after Carlos, calling his name while James stood there, face broken of emotion and eyes blank. The hand that was reaching out to hold Carlos’ gently was now balled into a tight fist and getting ready to punch Logan’s lights out.

Logan closed his eyes tight, expecting to get hit, but felt someone push him back. He opened his eyes, seeing that Kendall had stepped in front of him this time around and was raising his fists to fight.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re going through or why you want to take it out on Logan, but you’re going to have to fight me before you get to him,” Kendall said sharply and Logan watched with slight amazement, before he shook his head and began to frown.

“Don’t act like you’re the prince trying to save me,” Logan said and Kendall turned to look at the boy confused. “I know what you did, Kendall. I saw you two kissing and you felt him up. Just what are you trying to figure out that you couldn’t have just told me?”

“. . .Kitten-”

“Just. . .please, unless you’re willing to actually explain to me what you’re feeling and if you feel the same way, don’t see me or call me that again,” Logan said quietly, his chauffeur arriving. Logan took his violin case tight in his hand before he moved down the stairs and to the little black car. He gave one glance over his shoulder, James looking off to where Carlos ran away and Kendall watching Logan with frustrated and sad eyes, before he climbed inside and closed the door shut.

A little while later, Logan felt his phone buzz and he glanced down at the little message.

**4:15 pm**

**Don’t forget, gala tmrw :)** **c u there – Beau**

Logan _completely_ forgot, giving a groan and slumped in his seat.

* * *

 

Beau was adjusting his tie in the mirror Saturday afternoon, redoing the bowtie over and over again til it looked just right. He smiled, fixing the sleeves of his white dress suit before he smoothed out his hair. Hopefully, tonight would go perfectly as planned. He’ll meet Logan at the gala, where they could socialize and project themselves as being just friends. They could hang out with the guys, get a couple of drinks and eat, before they could find the time to get away and be alone. Beau began to smile, they could dance together, kiss and make out and hug til it was time for them to go. Beau would take Logan home and since Logan’s mother would surely be with the Lady, it’ll be just them.

And that’s when he’ll do it. That’s when he and Logan will make love for the first time.

He glanced at the clock, reaching down to stuff his pockets with some breath spray, some lube and condoms. He patted down his pockets, making sure that they items were secure, before he moved to get his shoes polished just a bit more. He crossed the hallway when the door rang and he paused, moving to the door and peering out through the hole. It was Tad, with the other society boys all dressed up for the gala later on and Beau opened the door.

“Hey? What’s up?” Beau asked and Tad stuck his hands into his pockets.

“Are your folks home?” Tad asked and Beau shook his head ‘no’.

“They’re out getting some last minute accessories. Why? Are we doing pictures or something?” Beau asked and the boys filed in. He noticed that James wasn’t amongst the crowd and neither was Logan, Beau feeling slightly disappointed but realized that it just made it all the better to see how Logan looked like at the gala. They all gathered in a circle, Tad’s eyes darting around to each one of them before he gave a hard frown.

“Yesterday, I saw Carlos kiss Logan,” Tad said and the guys’ eyes widened, Beau’s the most. Tad gave a small scowl. “I don’t know what’s up. Like, I don’t know if Logan is a fag or if Carlos just came on him. I mean, they _were_ standing in front of the bathroom, who _knows_ what they could have done in there.”

Beau thought about all the possibilities. Logan getting touched and petted all over by Carlos’ grubby hands. Carlos on his knees, sucking and licking Logan up and down til his lips were stretched and cherry red. Carlos begging for Logan to fuck him, bouncing on Logan’s lap high and fast or getting taken from behind or having Logan anyway that he wanted and it made Beau _sick_. He thought about that Rebel boy at the mall, feeling Logan up and touching him with Logan looking like he actually liked it. Now _Carlos_ was trying to step in on his territory? He gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists. Carlos had everyone in school basically, he wasn’t going to take _Logan_ for himself. He wasn’t going to lose Logan to the likes of someone like a _Rebel_ , no way no how.

“We need to show them who’s boss around this town,” Beau said and gave a little smile. “If they’re not going to respect us, they can _fear_ us. Let’s go down to their little hangout, mess things up a bit, and then head over to the gala,” Beau replied and Tad smiled, nodding his head and reaching out to wrap an arm around Beau.

“Smart idea, Beau,” Tad said and then gestured for the rest to follow him. “Let’s hurry up and go so we can get out of there. I don’t want to hang around the place too long and become a fag.”

Beau laughed, the fear in his heart always igniting whenever Tad said that word. That soon, he’d find out. And then the _rest_ will find out and he’d be shunned. Beau shook his head. No, no that won’t happen. No one will ever find out about it. He’s safe, he’s safe.

He adjusted his collar and swallowed. He was going to be safe.

* * *

 

Logan’s mother was only focused on tying Logan’s bowtie, sitting in complete silence while Logan only watched her with a sad expression of his own. He hasn’t talked to his mother in days either. She always made sure to send Logan up to his room while she prepared dinner, then when she called Logan down to eat she had the food right in front of her at all times. If she had to go get something to drink, she’d take her plate with her. Logan didn’t want his mother to be paranoid in her own home about if her son might drug her or _poison_ her, wishing he could just explain.

His mother finished tying his tie and Logan moved closer. She only moved back, focusing attention away from Logan and he gave a hurt sigh.

“Mom, we can’t do this forever. We need to talk,” he said and she didn’t respond, moving to the vanity mirror to begin putting on her jewelry. Logan moved to sit beside her, the woman trying hard not to look at her son and only focus on her reflection in the mirror. “Mom, _please_ just listen to me. You need to believe me when I said I didn’t mean to hurt you. I _never_ want to hurt you, I just wanted you to be happy and I thought I was doing the right thing. I know now I should have gave you a choice. I should have told you what was going on and gave you a choice if you wanted to take it or not. But you were getting better and I thought that it wasn’t important anymore to tell you. I’m _so_ sorry for lying to you like this and I know it’ll take a while for you to trust me. But I just wanted to help you, I just wanted you to be happy again.”

Laura stopped fiddling with her jewelry, looking down at her hands as a tear rolled down her cheek and Logan wrapped arms around her. She gave a cry into her hands and sniffled. “I want to go home but I just _can’t_. I just _can’t_ , Logan. I can’t go back there, it brings back too many bad memories,” she said and swallowed a sob. “I can’t do this on my own, Logan. I’m just so _scared_ of screwing up and I lose you like I lost Isaac. I don’t want to lose another of my babies, I would kill myself if I lost you too,” she cried and Logan hugged her tighter.

“We can do better. I’m okay, Mom. I’m going to be okay. We just need to get out of this town, it’s not good for either of us.”

“But what if I can’t be a good mother? What if I screw up?”

“You _won’t_. You’ve been the best mother I could ever have and I love you, Mom. You’ve always been a good mother, you loved me and Isaac unconditionally and we loved you just as much. Grandmother doesn’t understand and she never will. She just brings us down and makes us feel like we’re worthless when we’re better people than _her_ and her society members.” He thought about Beau, wondering if he took part in Carlos’ rape too, feeling even more disgusted and appalled than ever. He shouldn’t even go, he should be going to the Rebel party. That could be a good time to talk to Kendall like the note said, he just wanted to _talk_.

Laura rubbed her eyes and then her nose, finishing up putting in her earrings before she took out her makeup to place over the surface of the table.

“I know, Logan. I know. . .soon. . .I just don’t think I’m ready now,” she said and Logan nodded his head.

“Sure, of course,” he said and rose up from the bench. He left her alone, going to his bedroom to sit down on the bed. He glanced out the window, Kendall’s window dark and with the curtains pulled back. Would Kendall not want to see him again if he didn’t show up at the party? He wished he had the boy’s number so he could call him, making a mental note to ask Carlos for it when he sees him. He turned on his side and took his music player, pressing play and waiting a few moments before Kendall’s mixtape started at the beginning and began to play. They were probably listening to this kind of music now, while soon Logan would be listening to the string quartets and woodwinds and brass. He wished he could dance with Kendall, giving a sigh as he closed his eyes and waited for Ethel to come and pick them up.

* * *

 

“Can you guys even _walk_?” Jett asked with an eyeroll, Kendall and Dak giving a laugh as the two of them stumbled down the sidewalk, two beers in each hand. Dak gave a laugh, gulping down some of the booze he was holding before he shook his bottle at Jett.

“Don’t be such a scrubber! Course we’re fine! Happier than two fucking clams, aren’t we?!” Dak shouted to the empty neighborhood and Jett groaned, looking over at Lucy who was keeping quiet.

“The party is barely getting started and they already got shitfaced.”

“They had a couple of beers before too.”

“ _Pre_ -party beer taste slightly better,” Kendall purred and Dak hummed in agreement before he tossed back another swig of the bottle. “Just need to get somethin’ and we can go back.”

“Is that something more booze?” Jett asked and Kendall smiled.

“ _You_ are a prude. If you just loosened up that stick in your ass, you wouldn’t be such a scrubber. . .I miss Logan.”

“Oh _here_ we go,” Jett said annoyed and Lucy gave him a shove, looking back over at the blond friend that was now walking with a staggered step and sad eyes.

“He’ll be at the party, won’t he?”

“Didn’t see him yet. . .doesn’t want to come,” Kendall murmured sadly and they made a right.

“You don’t know that. He likes you. He _really_ likes you.”

“Watch, you’re gonna be in love,” Dak said dazed. “Like. . .like Romeo and Juliet. And I’ll be your Macaroon.”

“Mercutio. His name was _Mercutio_.”

“Ya got somethin’ in your throat, Jett. Ya should wash it down,” Dak laughed and shook the bottle at Jett. Kendall laughed too, licking his lips and tasting the bit of alcohol on his tongue before they rounded the corner. However, his eyes snapped to attention and widened, all of them taking in the sight of their hangout.

It was an old billiards place that wasn’t in use, but the building was covered in graffiti and the windows have been smashed in. Some of the bricks looked like they have been chipped away, the door hanging off its hinges just barely. Kendall blinked, then pushed away from Dak and stumbled in through the door. The couches were ripped up and smashed, completely destroyed. Their pool table had been turned over and the legs broken, all of the pool table sticks have been snapped in two. At the bar, all of the glasses had been thrown to the ground and broken, Kendall stumbling quickly to check the bar to find all of the alcohol had been stolen.

“Who the hell did this?” Lucy asked and Kendall checked around the side of the bar, seeing something shining on the floor. He reached down and picked it up amongst the shards of broken glass and inspected it. A solid gold cufflink, Kendall feeling anger boiling in his chest and threw the jewelry away from him.

“Who do you _think_? Those fucking stuffshirted _assholes_ were here and they trashed our place! And stole all of our liquor!” Kendall hissed and balled his hands into fists. No matter how annoyed or how irritated the Rebels got with the society kids, they _never_ went to their property and defaced it. Never smashed in the windows and kicked over the tables, or stole all of that fancy silverware so they could make a quick buck. Kendall gave a frustrated growl and stumbled forward, past Lucy and out the door to climb into his car he parked out front.

“Where are you going?” Lucy questioned and Kendall started the ignition.

“I’m going to fight them. They think they could just destroy our stuff and get away with it? Two could play at that game,” Kendall growled and Lucy moved to the driver’s side window.

“Kendall, you’re drunk and you’re not thinking straight. You’re just angry and I’m angry too, but this isn’t going to solve anything. It’s just going to get you in trouble and tossed in jail,” she said and Dak climbed into the car too.

“No, we’re going to defend our stuff! Who do they think they are?! They can’t do this to us, we’re not going to lie down and take any shit from the likes of them!”

“Dak, shut up. Kendall, give me the keys and get out of the car.”

“Tell everyone we’re going to be late,” he said, putting the car in drive and Lucy gave the door a punch.

“Damnit, just stop! Do you think _Logan_ would want you to do this?!”

“What if he’s with them?” Kendall asked to no one in particular, grip on the wheel tightening. “What if he’s with them drinking and laughing and _socializing_ like a good little boy instead of being with me?”

“Give me your knives,” Lucy said and Dak groaned.

“Awww we ain’t gonna do nothin’ bad. Just give ‘em a good scare,” Dak purred and Lucy held out her hands.

“Which means you’ll give them to me. Just do it. If you’re going to be idiots and smash up a place, at least you won’t be _killers_ ,” she spat, looking across the way at Jett. Kendall dug into his pocket, handing the girl his pocket knife before Dak begrudgingly did the same. Kendall then put his foot on the gas, quickly driving away and sloppily down the street towards the clubhouse.

* * *

 

“You look like you’re having a good time,” Beau said with a smile and handed Logan a glass of punch, to which the boy took and gave a sip. Logan glanced around, the decorations making it look like the dining hall was some sort of winter wonderland. The lights were glowing a beautiful honeysuckle gold color, with white lights dancing across the ceiling like snowflakes. The tables were decorated with a frosty blue cloth and a hand woven basket filled with mint leaves, sprigs of twigs and apples. He took another sip of his punch, Beau slowly rocking back and forth on his heels as he looked at Logan expectantly. “So. . .well um, I was figuring since the guys aren’t around. . .maybe we could go somewhere else. Just be you and me?”

Logan looked down, turning the cup in his hands.

“I think I should go and check on Carlos or James first. Then we can hang out,” Logan said and glanced up, barely missing Beau’s hard frown. Beau crossed his arms, looking at Logan stern.

“Do you have something going on with Carlos?”

“What? _No_ , I don’t. Are we _really_ going to do this again, Beau?” Logan asked with a frown and Beau sighed.

“I’m sorry. Just. . .you really are the greatest thing that’s happened to me in such a long time,” he said softly and Logan averted his gaze, wishing the boy would stop there before he said something even worse. Beau reached down and gently held Logan’s hand, rubbing the back of his thumb over it. “I mean it, Logan. I feel so happy and _normal_ around you. Like. . .like I don’t have anything to hide. . .I think I might be falling in love with you. . .”

Logan grimaced and pulled his hand away. “I need to go,” he said abruptly, turning and quickly walking out of the doors and into the main hallway. He rubbed his face, placing down his glass of punch on the drinking fountain as he tried to catch his breath and figure out what to do. Beau _can’t_ be falling in love with him. He needed to end this, he needed to just say that he wasn’t in love with Beau like Beau loved Logan. It wasn’t right to lead the boy on like this, not when he was always so scared about never finding someone he could love and would love him for himself. He walked down the hall, further away from the main dining hall and began to walk quicker when he heard doors opening behind him. He turned right down the hall and ducked away into one of the dark dress rooms, figuring this would be a good place to think and collect his thoughts.

“Who’s there?” a voice groggily asked and Logan yelped, quickly turning on the lights to find James sitting on the floor and leaning up against the armoire, a half drunken bottle of stolen champagne seated in his lap. Logan slowly walked closer, getting down to the floor and crawled over, smelling the alcohol on James and scrunched his nose.

“Are you okay?” Logan asked and James shook his head ‘no’, his mouth beginning to grimace as he held the bottle tighter.

“I din’t want to fight you,” James slurred and sniffled. “I don’t hate you either. He k-kisses lots of people, w-why are you different?”

“James. . .”

“He likes you. He likes you more than me,” James admitted with a sad smile. “The moment he met you, he liked you more.”

“That’s not true-”

“Yes it is. He invites you to the orgies and out dancing. You guys have fun with the Rebels and I’m just a sick in tha mud,” James slurred and brought the bottle to his lips but Logan took the bottle from his hands.

“Stop it. Stop, it’s not true. Carlos _loves_ you but he just doesn’t realize it yet. He’s just really scared about being trapped and-”

“It’s cause he’s free. . .I wanna be free too. That’s why he’s so beautiful to me, he’s like a bird. Free and goes wherever he wants. . .and I’m stuck in my cage with my wings clipped. I want to be with him, I really do. I want to go to parties and drink and have fun with him. . .b-but my parents. . .I don’t want them to hate me,” James cried. “I-I don’t want them to hate me cause everyone else will talk about them. I don’t want to make them m-mad, Logan. I d-don’t.”

“But they might love you, James.”

“T-They don’t l-like Carlos. T-They think he’s a b-bad influence. But I love him. I _love him_. I don’t want to lose him. I just want to kiss him. I love him so much,” James rambled and Logan reached out a hand to comfort him, but stopped at the sound of someone screaming and a window crashing. Logan looked over his shoulder, hearing another window crash and he jumped to his feet.

“I-I’ll be right back. Just wait here,” Logan said and James didn’t respond, only reaching out to get the bottle of champagne to drink. Logan bit his lip, leaving the dress room and quickly ran down the hall. He ran outside, eyes widening to see Kendall and Dak chucking rocks and stones into the window where the gala was being taken place. Another rock went sailing through the window, another scream sounding as Kendall and Dak laughed. “Stop it! What are you doing?! _Stop it!_ ” Logan screamed and Kendall dropped his stone, staggering over to Logan with the drunkest of smiles.

“Kitten, Kitty! Wind beneath my wings, light of my _life_!” Kendall announced and pulled Logan into his body. He stunk of beer, rum and whiskey, the alcohol making Logan’s head hurt and he struggled to pull away from him. Dak continued to chuck rocks while Kendall spun Logan around. “My sweet Kitty. You’re _here?_ After I asked you to come with me?”

“Kendall _stop it_.”

“What do you have to prove to them anymore, huh? You’re not pure, you’re not a squeaky clean virgin. . .you’re a hypocrite. I fucked you. I fucked you and you _loved_ it and you try to actually crawl back here and be a part of _them?_ What do you think you’ll gain? You think you’re happier with them?!”

“Let go of me! You’re drunk! Stop it!” Logan shouted and Kendall grabbed Logan’s face.

“You’re a rat! A dirty, lying rat! I could have _so many_ other people than you. I could have Carlos if I really wanted to!”

“So why don’t you?!”

“Cause I want you!” Kendall screamed in Logan’s face and yanked Logan in, slamming his lips hard on Logan’s mouth and kissed him. Logan squirmed in Kendall’s hold, alcohol on his tongue and in his breath as he bit and licked and sucked over Logan’s growing red and swollen lips. Kendall took Logan’s hand and guided it to his dick, his other hand going to try and wriggle into Logan’s pants and Logan twisted and turned.

“Get off of me! Let go! Stop it, Kendall _please!_ ”

“Hey! Get away from him!” Logan heard someone shout and Logan turned, Beau running with a fist raised. Kendall looked up and shoved Logan to the ground, raising his fists and punching Beau clear across the face. Beau stumbled back, swinging wildly while Kendall punched him in the stomach and across the face again. Beau fell to the ground, Kendall not letting up and straddling Beau. He yanked the boy up by his shirt and began to punch hard and fast, fist growing bloody as Logan staggered to his feet.

“ _Stop it, Kendall! Stop it!_ ” Logan screamed and raised a fist of his own to hit Kendall in the shoulder. Kendall swung back and punched Logan hard in the stomach, Logan falling back onto the ground. In that split second, Kendall’s eyes grew wide, crawling off of Beau and quickly to Logan.

“L-Logan? K-Kitten, ‘M sorry. I d-didn’t mean to-”

“Get away from me,” Logan said, slowly getting to his feet and Kendall stumbling to do the same.

“Kitten-”

“Don’t call me that again. Don’t _ever_ call me that again,” Logan said and stepped back from Kendall. “You’re crazy. You’re a _monster_. I don’t ever want to see you again. Don’t come by my house, don’t look in my window, don’t be there at school when I get out. Just _go away_.”

“K-Kitten, no. Y-You want me.”

“I thought I did, but you’re right. You’re _nothing_ that I want. Just get out of here, Kendall.”

“Logan, don’t-”

“ _Please_ just go,” Logan said and turned around, not wanting to look.

“I’m calling the police!” Ethel screamed from the doors and Dak hurriedly dragged Kendall away to the car. Logan closed his eyes, hearing Kendall begging and moaning ‘Kitten’ over and over again, trying so hard to not look back. The car engine started up and the car peeled off into the streets. Logan fell to his knees and put his face into his hands, sobbing out a shaky breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in.

* * *

 

“’M an idiot,” Kendall slurred, rubbing his eyes while Dak drove sloppily from side to side of the road.

“You’re not an idiot. He ain’t your time. You’ll find better boys. Boys that are cuter. And more of your taste,” Dak said and Kendall punched the dashboard.

“But I _want_ him! I invited Carlos over my place to see if I can actually do it. If after I had sex with Logan, I could easily go to having sex with someone else. I kissed Carlos. . .and I thought about Logan. I thought about how he would be so hurt if I was with someone else, but I tried to not think about it. I grabbed Carlos and he shoved me away, but I don’t think I could have gone any farther anyways. . .I’m in love with him.”

“With Carlos?”

“No you _idiot_. With Logan! With Kitten!. . .He was mine and I was his. . .I thought he wanted me to be his. But no, he can’t drop that perfect little diamond cut image Granny Mitchell made for him. And I can’t be like those society members, nothing but fake smiles and dirty money. They wouldn’t accept me or want me no matter how much I clean my act. . .but I want him so _badly_. It isn’t fair, it isn’t _fair_ ,” Kendall hissed through gritted teeth and punched the dashboard again with his fist. Dak swerved on the street, Kendall putting his head into his hands as he groaned in despair. Why was he so caught up in Logan when Logan couldn’t care less about him? Logan wanted perfection and Kendall just wasn’t _that_ guy. He was never that guy, he was _never_ perfect and wanted. If he was the perfect boy, then maybe his father wouldn’t have left them and started a new family. If Kendall was perfect, he’d actually have a future and a plan instead of just struggling to help his mom. Logan didn’t want him, he didn’t _need_ him, but Kendall _craved_ him.

He looked up from his hand slowly, seeing Dak swerve off of the road and down into the ditch, the car losing control and turning over onto its side before it hurled its way down the hill. Kendall’s body jolted and tossed around, banging against the sides til finally the car came to a halt when it crushed itself up against a tree. He didn’t hear Dak’s voice, barely being able to see his friend, but he could see a lot of blood through the broken windshield. Kendall blinked once, twice, before his eyes slowly began to droop closed. He felt so tired, he wanted to sleep and never wake up. He wanted to stay in the darkness, where the Logan in his head that was barely learning to smoke and listening to rock n’ roll for the first time invited him with warm arms and a soft kiss. It was better here.

It was better this way.


	16. Chapter 16

“Oh. . .oh _god, yes_ ,” Beau moaned quietly, pumping his hips back and forth while Logan only squirmed underneath Beau. The senior’s face was bruised really bad, his nose slightly swollen and the bleeding had stopped. It wasn’t a nice thing to look at, but Logan still ran his hand over Beau’s cheekbone and tried to smile. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? This is a good thing. Beau was going to love him and give him everything he wanted. Maybe one day, they can run away from Couer d’ Couer and actually _be_ together. That’s a good thing, right?

Beau fucked into Logan slow and steady, Logan’s legs wrapped firmly around his waist in the missionary position. It was romantic, wasn’t it? No lights on, just the moonlight that happened to ghost through Logan’s window illuminating their bodies. The house was empty except for the two of them, Ethel having to stay at the clubhouse and make sure all of the damage gets cleaned up and reported, with Laura being forced to learn how to do such a thing for when it’s her turn to take over the business. Beau drove him home, they got relaxed and here they were, Logan experiencing the vanilla sex he thought was ideal.

Beau continued to thrust, moaning at how good Logan felt and how it was so much different and _so much better_ than a girl. Beau was thicker than Kendall, so it should have felt even better. Yet, Logan was feeling nothing. No spark, no passion, barely any emotion. He was only managing to get off by stroking himself, giving a whimper when he felt necessary. He wished that he could enjoy this more, this was what he _wanted_. Wasn’t it? He wanted a boy like Beau, he wanted romance and love like this. . .he wanted to feel calloused hands holding his ankles. He wanted bottle green eyes that darkened and twinkled as he fucked Logan, Logan moaning at the thought of it. He wanted his tongue over his skin, latching around his nipples and dragging down til it swirled around the tip of his wet cock. He wanted growling in his ear, slurred words and dirty talk that got him hotter and wetter and just _desperate_ to come.

His moans grew louder, thinking about _Kendall’s_ tongue and _Kendall’s_ cock. How _good_ their first time together was, Logan riding him til his thighs were trembling and sore, coming so hard that he blacked out and managing to bring Kendall over the edge. It wasn’t Beau that was inside him anymore, it _was_ Kendall. Kendall mumbling how good Logan felt, how _tight_ Logan was around him and Logan whimpered.

“H- _Harder, please_ ,” Logan breathed.

“Y-You want me to go faster?”

“ _Please fuck me_ ,” Logan moaned to the Kendall in his mind, imagining Kendall licking up and down his neck, biting his pulse and thrusting faster and _harder_. “ _Kendall, please~_ ”

The thrusts stopped, Logan still stroking himself and trying to bring himself over. Logan’s eyes fluttered open, looking at not the peachy red face of Kendall smirking over him, but of the black and bruised face of Beau's. Logan’s eyes widened, Beau pulling out of him and rolled off of Logan while Logan quickly sat up. “B-Beau, I didn’t-I’m sorry I-”

“You slept with him. . .when?” Beau asked, voice low and Logan looked down at the sheets, ashamed.

“. . .A couple of nights ago. Beau, listen I’m sorry. I just wanted to help you and I felt bad and-”

“So you took _pity_ on me and dated me?” Beau asked, sounding angrier and Logan shook his head.

“No, no please. You don’t understand, I _did_ care about you-”

“I thought I would feel bad about it, but now, I really don’t. I’m _glad_ that we screwed up their place,” Beau growled, getting up from the bed and moved to grab his clothes. Logan raised an eyebrow.

“What did you say?”

“What makes him better than _me_? He has no future, no money, no good standing with the other citizens, and you _want_ him?! Especially after what he did to the clubhouse?!”

“What did you mean by you ‘screwed up their place’? Beau, what did you _do_?” Logan questioned and Beau pulled on his underwear. Logan bit his lower lip. “Did you do something to them? Was that why they came and started destroying everything? I thought _you_ were better than provoking people, of _course_ they would fight back!” Logan shouted and then gritted his teeth. He called Kendall a monster and yet, he allowed the _real_ monster to get into bed with him. The same boy that possibly raped Carlos years ago, ridiculed him and turned everyone against Logan once before, and made Logan actually feel _sorry_ for him. Logan covered his lower half with his blanket, looking away from Beau. “Hurry and leave before my mother gets here.”

“Don’t know, maybe I’ll stick around and tell the Lady how her grandson fucked a _male_ Rebel,” Beau threatened and Logan frowned.

“What is _wrong_ with you? The moment things don’t go your way, you think you can just threaten me and treat me like I don’t have feelings? What if I told _your_ parents that you’ve been seeing me _and_ you had sex with me?” Logan threatened and Beau turned, his eyes wide with fear. Logan didn’t want to play that card, knowing that was what Beau feared the most, but he wasn’t going to _take_ any more of this manipulation. “I’ll tell them, Beau. I’ll tell them that and how you and the other society members wrecked the Rebel’s hangout.”

“Logan, please don’t-”

“I thought that maybe you were different and you were actually _kind_ but misguided, but you’re just a liar. You’re a fake, a sham, a big _joke_. I’m not going to give you my sympathy any longer. . .we’re over. Spread all the rumors you want about me, I don’t care anymore. Just get out of my house and let me get cleaned up,” Logan said darkly and Beau stared before he frowned and gave a hurt growl. He pulled on his shirt and his pants, getting up and walking towards the hallway when he grabbed hold of the doorknob and looked over his shoulder.

“ _Slut_ ,” Beau hissed before he slammed Logan’s bedroom door shut, Logan sitting in his bed and wiping the sweat from his skin. He pulled the blankets over his body, turning onto his side to look out the window and at Kendall’s still closed window. It was like he could still hear his sad wails and miserable moans, begging Logan to just give him a chance to explain in his drunken stupor. He placed a hand to his stomach, still feeling slightly sore but not as bad. He sighed, watching the window and waiting. Hoping that Kendall could come back and they could finally have their talk.

Logan’s phone buzzed a couple of minutes later, reaching up to quickly answer the call.

“Hello?” he responded and was met immediately with sobbing. “H-Hello?”

“ _K-Kendall a-and D-Dak got h-hurt_ ,” he heard Carlos cry on the other line and Logan sat up in his bed.

“W-What?”

“ _T-They drove into a d-ditch and the c-car flipped and D-Dak got flung from the c-car and I don’t know if he’s alright-_ ”

“Carlos, just breathe, just breathe,” Logan said, though he was finding it hard to believe himself. They got into a _car crash_? “What about Kendall? Is he okay? What’s going on?”

“ _I don’t k-know. I don’t w-want to lose Dak. H-He was my friend_ ,” Carlos cried and Logan swung his legs out of bed, quickly grabbing his underwear.

“Are you at the hospital?”

“ _C-Couer d’Couer Medical_.”

“I’m coming, just hang on,” Logan said and hung up the phone before he put a hand to his mouth and let out a frightened sob. What if Kendall was seriously hurt? What if Kendall didn’t even _make it?_ He put his head into his hands, chanting ‘no’ over and over again before he rubbed his eyes and grabbed some jeans. He pulled on a T-shirt and a jacket, running down the stairs to slip on a pair of sandals. As he was toeing them on, Laura came in through the front door, looking exhausted and worn out. She paused when she saw Logan getting dressed, pushing her sweating hair out of her face.

“Logan? Where are you going? Why are you-”

“Mom, we need to go to the hospital _right now_ ,” Logan begged and Laura glanced at the clock.

“But dearie, it’s almost midnight. Why do we need-”

“ _Please Mom, it’s Kendall. He got into a car accident and I don’t know if he’s dead or hurt or something, **please**_ ,” Logan sobbed and her eyes widened. Her face went pale, Logan knowing ‘car accident’ was bringing to her mind Isaac’s own. She quickly wrapped arm around Logan and hurried him out the door, grabbing her keys hanging by the light. The two hurried over to the small car Laura had when they were in the city, but barely drove. They climbed in, started the engine and hurriedly pulled out of the driveway and onto the street towards Couer d’ Couer Medical.

“He’s going to be okay,” Laura said, edge in her voice. “I promise you, he’s going to be okay. We’re not going to lose him. We’re not going to lose _this_ one.”

“It’s all my fault, it’s _all_ my fault. If I would have just _listened_ to him and talked to him, I would have kept him from getting in that car. What if he’s dead? What if he’s dead and it’s all my fault? I love him, Mom. I don’t want him to die,” Logan cried and Laura reached a hand out to gently hold Logan’s, keeping her other hand firm on the wheel.

“It isn’t your fault, Logan. It will _never_ be your fault. Sometimes. . .sometimes, things just happen to people and it’s their time to go. And there’s nothing you could do to change that. . .and you accept that. But Kendall, he’s going to be okay. He’s going to still be here,” she said in a nurturing way that slightly made Logan feel better. He was still trembling, sucking in a breath and squeezed her hand.

“I. . .I slept with him.”

“. . .What?”

“Grandmother was right. I slept with him. The night I was grounded, I snuck out and went to a party where he was there. We talked and did things and he took me home. I rode out with him on his bike to all his favorite hangouts and I smoked and I drank and I had _fun_ and he brought me home still just as safe. And. . .a few nights ago when I told you I was going to James’ house to study, I was really going out with him to this lookout point of his. He played me guitar, we drank and looked at the stars. . .and we made love. Course, neither of us realized it, but I know we did. I’m sorry that I was keeping this from you, keeping _everything_ from you. I don’t want there to be anymore lies and secrets between us.”

Laura was silent, Logan looking away and twiddled his thumbs. “I know you want to get mad at me, or you want to think this is all your fault. But it’s not. It was _never_ your fault. I wanted to do this with Kendall and I actually felt _happy_. I felt free and I wanted to be like this forever. I wanted it to feel like it was when Dad and Isaac were still here. When we _all_ were happy. Not even violin makes me feel the same way like it used to. Kendall. . .he makes me happy, Mom. And I gave myself to him because he does.”

“. . .But you’re so young,” Laura said quietly and Logan looked down at his hands.

“I know. I also know that after we did it, I probably should have waited. We both should have, til we at least had our feelings about each other straightened out more.”

“Does he love you, Logan? Does he love you as much as you love him?”

“I think he does. But he just doesn’t think he can fit my _idea_ of love. So he gets frustrated and tries to turn me away when in reality, I just want him more. . .I just hope he’s okay,” Logan said worried and Laura squeezed his hand tighter.

“He will be, dearie. I just know it.”

* * *

 

Walking through the halls of a hospital brought back so many bad memories. The sterile scent, the countless people walking around with their faces covered by masks, no doors telling Logan or his mother where Isaac was or what happened to him. The constant waiting, the hoping and pleading and _begging_ that he would be alright and they could go to see him running through their minds and forcing them to wait for _so_ long only to have a lone doctor come out and say they did the best that they could do. That Logan wasn’t a brother anymore and Laura only had one child. The feeling was so hard, Logan forgetting how to breathe and how to feel anything but remorse and sadness.

And now he was feeling the same thing all over again.

He spotted Carlos and the Rebels sitting in waiting chairs, some of them comforting Carlos while the others were comforting a redhaired woman and Katie. Logan realized this must have been Kendall’s mother, having never met the woman in person. Her eyes were filled with dread, holding Katie and rocking her tight to her chest while everyone else rubbed her back and tried to say reassuring words. Carlos glanced up, his eyes red and puffy with tears before he got onto his feet and rushed over to wrap arms around Logan. Logan hugged and squeezed him tight, hearing Carlos beginning to cry again.

“What if h-he’s gone? W-What if-”

“Don’t say that. He’s going to be okay. They both are going to be okay, Carlos. Just be hopeful,” Logan said and guided the boy back to a seat. Laura moved to sit by Kendall’s mother, introducing herself and offering her comfort. Logan only rubbed Carlos’ shoulders, looking around for any doctors or anyone coming to help. Time continued to pass on by, Logan looking at the clock and starting to grow worried. Why was it taking so long? What was going on? He just hoped that Kendall was okay, he _had_ to be okay.

A doctor came from out of a room, walking towards them and Logan squeezed Carlos’ shoulder. Carlos rose to his feet, quickly rushing over to the doctor.

“Are they okay? Can we see them?” Carlos asked and the doctor rubbed his face, giving a heavy sigh.

“One of the patients. . .Dak Zevon. . .was dead on arrival to the hospital. It is believed that when he was thrown from the car, he came in contact with something like a tree or-” Carlos’ wail cut the man off, falling to his knees in despair. Logan quickly rushed over, other Rebels moving quickly to help Carlos up and into their arms.

“We need to get him home, he’s a mess,” Lucy muttered and turned to Logan. “If. . .if Kendall is okay. . .I. . .I should have tried _harder_ -” she bit her lip and sucked in a breath, putting her arm around Carlos and slowly helped the crying boy down the hall with the other Rebels following close behind like it was a funeral procession. The doctor then moved over to Logan, Kendall’s mother and Katie and Laura quickly getting up and moving in close. “Kendall Knight is currently in critical condition. He was pinned up against the tree and received a lot of injuries, one of those involving a severely compressed spine.”

“ _Oh my poor baby_ ,” Kendall’s mother cried and Logan felt his heart sank.

“It’s not a complete injury, Mrs. Knight. I’m sure that with some proper therapy and intensive care, he will walk again eventually.”

“How long?” Logan quietly asked and the doctor gave a small sigh, rubbing his face again.

“I don’t know just yet. . .it could be a few months. . .a few years. . .it depends on the treatment. But we’re going to do all we can. The family is welcome to spend the night with him, if you like,” the doctor said and Logan swallowed down a sad gulp. He turned around, looking at Kendall’s mother and his little sister, giving a small smile.

“Tell him. . .I hope. . .I hope he’s okay,” Logan said, his voice croaking and Katie stepped forward to hold Logan’s hand.

“He’s going to be okay,” Katie said softly, giving Logan a smile that reassured him and comforted him. Her little hand squeezed his own, before she released his hand and the Knights followed the doctor down the hall. Laura wrapped arms around Logan and hugged him, the boy letting out a shaky breath before he buried his face into his mother’s collarbone. Kendall had to be put in a wheelchair, Kendall couldn’t _walk_. And Dak was gone, leaving Carlos alone. Logan could have done something. He could have stopped them from getting in the car. He could have tried to get someone else to drive the boys home. . .he could have done _something_.

He couldn’t help but think about it the entire time, from the moment they left the hospital til they got home and Logan crawled into his bed at night, he could have kept Kendall from getting hurt like this.  

* * *

 

Three days after Dak’s death and Kendall’s accident, Logan felt like his entire body had gone numb from guilt and pain. He didn’t speak to anyone, neither did he even bother to deal with the table of society members. Sometimes he would see Beau giving him looks in the hall, like he wanted to say something to Logan or talk, but would purse his lips tight and frown and continue on doing what he was doing. But the greatest impact happened to Carlos. The boy wore black with his Kensington uniform for mourning, not speaking to James or even trying to make an attempt to interact with him. Logan watched James hurt and _desperately_ wish to comfort Carlos, but Carlos would only quickly shrug him off before making a retreat to the bathrooms or his next class.

On the fourth day, Logan was making his way down the hall, his violin case clutched tight in his fist while his bag was slung over his shoulder. Up ahead, he could see Carlos leaning against a wall, no cute boy on his arm or someone to flirt with. He was holding his books against his chest, his eyes sad and miserable. Logan bit his lip, slowly moving towards the boy and reached out a gentle hand. Carlos jumped in his spot and Logan pulled his hand back, looking upon the boy worried.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Carlos said quietly and Logan bit his lower lip.

“Are you okay? How are you holding up?” Logan asked and Carlos shrugged his shoulders, looking absolutely sick to his stomach.

“I miss him. I miss him _so_ much,” Carlos said and shuddered a breath. “I. . .I’ve been sleeping around. More than I have been when I was with him. . .I feel like I’m _missing_ something in me. Sex doesn’t even feel good anymore. . .but I can’t _stop_.”

“You need someone.”

“W-What?”

“Maybe that missing feeling you have is that you need someone. Someone that _really_ means something more to you. . .you need love, Carlos.”

Carlos gave a little laugh. “Love? Me? No one wants a whore who’s been with countless people.”

“I could think of one person that wants you,” Logan said quietly and Carlos looked down at the ground, squeezing his books tighter against his chest. “You need to talk to him, Carlos. You need to understand that he doesn’t want to keep you trapped. He loves you so _much_.”

“I. . .I don’t know,” Carlos said quietly, scared. Logan stepped closer.

“Do you love him?”

Carlos said nothing, squeezing his book tighter. “I just. . .I just need some time,” Carlos said, briskly walking away towards his next class and leaving Logan in the hall by himself.

* * *

 

Logan pulled and dragged his bow quick over the strings to the tune of ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’, trying to keep up with the lyrics and fast pace of the song. His fingertips hurt from running up and down the neck of the instrument, pressing on the strings to deliver the note or try and sustain the tune, before he made a mistake and gave a huff. He paused and stopped the music, moving over to his desk to write down that specific section and add his annotations.

Logan rose up and glanced over at Kendall’s window, wishing that the boy was sitting there right now and Logan could play him a song. He walked over to the window and sat on his windowsill bench, pulling his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. He glanced out the window, watching the sun slowly beginning to set over the horizon and the mountain range. To think that someone didn’t get to see this sunset, and won’t be able to see the next sunset after this one and the next sunset after that made Logan feel sick. He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against the window, only fluttering them back open when he heard a car engine outside. He peered down, seeing a car pulling into Kendall’s driveway that wasn’t the one usually parked there.

Logan watched as Kendall’s mother climbed out of the car and hurried to the back of the car to open the trunk, Katie hopping out of the backseat and running to the front porch to wait. Logan’s eyes widened, seeing that Kendall’s mother was pulling out a wheelchair, quickly setting it up and wheeling it over to the passenger door. Logan leaned in closer, his eyes widening as she opened the door and there he was. Kendall sitting in the passenger seat, alive and _okay_.

Logan jumped off of his windowsill bench, running out of his bedroom and down the stairs, running out of the front door and across the lawn that separated the Knight household from theirs. Kendall’s mother was getting Kendall out of the car and slowly into the chair, Logan slowing down as he tried to calm his excitement. Kendall’s mother looked up and saw him, giving a little smile and turned Kendall’s chair around so Kendall could see him.

“It’s your friend,” she said and Logan looked at Kendall with a smile that slowly started to fade when Kendall didn’t smile back. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk. The door is going to be left open, okay?” Kendall’s mother said and rubbed Kendall’s shoulder. She gave Logan a nod, before she grabbed the keys and moved to unlock the door, letting herself and Katie inside. Logan turned back to look at Kendall, the blond glaring at him hard and Logan swallowed.

“. . .I. . .I’m glad you’re okay-”

“What do you want from me?” Kendall asked and Logan paused.

“I. . .I just wanted to apologize for what I said at the gala. I-It wasn’t right and I didn’t-”

“You know what wasn’t right? Stupidly going to your little fancy schmancy gala drunk and disorderly, not because of your ritzy friends crashing our joint and stealing our stuff, but because you chose to be _there_ with them. And while you get to still lead your perfect life, play violin and find yourself a real prince charming, I’ll be stuck here. With no idea what the hell I’m going to do with my life and now possibly not ever walking again.” Kendall gave a hurt laugh. “And _I’m_ the monster.”

“Kendall, I didn’t know. I didn’t know what they did and. . .and I just got so angry with what you did with Carlos, it all just bottled up and I shouted what was on my mind. I’m sorry-”

“Logan, I have a favor to ask of you. Just. . .just stay away from me for now, okay?”

“Kendall, wait-”

“ _Get out of here!_ ” Kendal screamed, slightly lunging forward and losing his balance. Kendall immediately fell to the ground in a slump, Logan screaming and quickly bending down to try and help but Kendall swatted him away. “Get away from me! Just _please_ leave me alone! I don’t want your help! I don’t _need_ your help!” Kendall screamed and Logan stepped back, shocked. Kendall looked up at him, his eyes holding so much hurt and confusion. “No matter how badly and how stupidly we both think we could be together, we just _can’t_. We _don’t_ belong. And this proves it,” Kendall said, Kendall’s mother running out the front door with eyes wide and horrified. Logan looked at her approaching, then back down at Kendall on the ground, before he shook his head and turned to run. He didn’t stop running until he was inside his house, not even trying to look back.


	17. Chapter 17

“It’s going to be tomorrow. I know it’s really sudden and everything, but I’d really appreciate it if you could come,” Carlos said while Logan turned over the invitation, reading the address of the cemetery Dak was supposed to be buried at. “His parents aren’t having a lot of people over, so it’s mainly anyone that wants to show up and offer solace is welcome. I know you didn’t really know him well, but-”

“Of course I’ll come, Carlos,” Logan said softly and Carlos smiled, adjusting the black ribbon he stuck to his chest. Logan looked at it, giving a small hum. “I remember when my brother passed away, I couldn’t even think about coming to school or doing much of anything. We drifted apart when we got older, but I wish that we were closer than we were when he passed away,” Logan murmured and Carlos looked down at the ground guiltily.

“I wish I could have told Dak how I felt about him. Like, he kind of got the idea that I wasn’t really in love with him and he wasn’t really in love with me, but we still had sex and hung out and stuff. I wanted to tell him how I appreciated him being here for me. . .and now I can’t,” Carlos said sadly and Logan rubbed his shoulder.

“It’s okay. . .it’s okay. . .you can tell him at the funeral.”

Carlos sighed. “It won’t be the same,” he murmured and Logan glanced up, seeing James walking down the hallway and towards them. Carlos glanced up as well, before he quickly ducked his eyes away and crossed his arms. James stopped by Carlos, looking at the black ribbon pinned to Carlos’ chest, before he greeted the both of them with a quiet ‘Hello’.

“Hey,” Logan responded back while Carlos only kept his eyes down low. James bit his lower lip and then gestured to the invitation in Logan’s hands.

“What’s that?”

“It’s an invitation to Dak’s funeral,” Carlos piped up, looking at James slowly. “It’s going to be tomorrow and I was going to invite Logan to come.”

“Logan. . .right. . .” James said quietly and Logan looked between them, worried and nervous. “Could. . .could I come too?”

“You _want_ to come?” Carlos asked, rather surprised and James looked at the ground.

“I know I gave him a lot of crap when he was alive. And I didn’t really _try_ to get to know him even though I knew how important he was to you, so the least I could do is just. . .give some solace and pay some respects to him.”

Carlos slowly began to smile, James giving a small swallow. “Is that okay?”

“It’s wonderful,” Carlos said and handed James an invitation as well. “Make sure that you wear a nice suit. I liked that suit you wore for the recital last year,” Carlos commented and James smiled, blush on his face.

“I think I sort of grown out of it. I doubt my arms could fit into it.”

“Then stop working out so much, Diamond! Not _everyone_ has to be a big muscle head like you,” Carlos joked and James laughed, giving Carlos a playful nudge. Carlos nudged him back, Logan smiling at the two and leaned against the wall. It was the first time in a while that he’s seen either of them smile, getting even happier to know that they were smiling because of each other.

That is, until someone snatched the invitation out of James’ hand when he wasn’t looking.

All three of their heads turned to see Tad and the group of society members standing in front of them, Tad holding the invitation and reading it closely before he started to smirk. “A little funeral, how _sad_ ,” Tad mocked and James frowned.

“Give it here, Tad,” James ordered and the blond scoffed, slowly handing the invite back to James’ hands til he glanced over at Carlos’ still face. Without warning, Tad quickly tore the invitation in half and threw it at Carlos’ feet.

“He deserved it, you know,” Tad said with a smile and Carlos looked at him while Logan began to frown harder. “That greaser boy is going to pay for the life he was living. Drinking and fighting and sleeping with _you_ , he deserved to die. He was a horrible human being with no hope for him anyways. Such a shame that he was the _only_ one to have gone,” Tad said darkly and Carlos twisted his lips tightly, eyes getting big and watery as he balled his hands into fists.

“You’re _disgusting_ ,” Logan hissed and Tad looked over at him, the other society boys looking rather surprised. Beau was towards the back of the little group, his eyes watching closely with interest as Logan looked at all of their faces. “How could you say that to him? How could you even say something like that about _anyone?_ _No one_ deserves to die and what happened to Dak was a tragedy. Yet, you guys think it makes you seem _cool_ or _right_ to be so _disrespectful_ and cruel about it? _Especially after what you already done to Carlos-_ ” Carlos put a hand on Logan’s shoulder to quiet him, Tad’s eyes darkening as he gave a threatening step closer towards Logan.

“Tell me what we did to him,” he ordered more than asked in a low voice, already knowing what Logan was talking about. His eyes looked so dark and angry, Logan thinking this must have been the same exact look Carlos had seen right before the fists began to fly and the rapes began to start. Logan swallowed, feeling scared and Carlos kept squeezing Logan’s shoulder, even tighter now than he did before. James stepped in front of them and shoved Tad away.

“ _Get away_ from them,” James growled out and Tad adjusted his coat jacket.

“James, come on, stop _humoring him_ for _once_.”

“Come on, you two,” James said, throwing one arm around Carlos and the other around Logan, quickly leading them away from Tad and the society boys and towards the Music class. Logan was hearing Tad screaming something out at James, something along the lines of James being a ‘fag lover’ and other demeaning slurs just to make him come back. James only rubbed their shoulders, turning around the corner til Tad’s voice sounded faint from the distance. “I’ll get another invitation, right?”

“. . .Right,” Carlos said quietly, looking at James’ large hand on his shoulder holding him tight.

“. . .He didn’t deserve it. . .if you said he was a good person, then he was.”

“I know he didn’t deserve it, they’re just assholes,” Carlos said, giving a hurt laugh. He took James’ hand that was on his shoulder, giving a soft kiss to the back of it before he pulled on James’ arm til it was full around Carlos’ shoulders. Logan slipped away from James’ hold, smiling at the two as Carlos breathed in a soft sigh and James blushed. “Thank you for getting us away from them,” Carlos said and rubbed the back of his thumb over James’ hand.

“No problem. . .Logan, what were you talking about? The things that the society boys did to-”

“It’s nothing. You know, just the usual bullshit they put me through for the past couple of years,” Carlos answered, giving a smile James’ way while Logan stayed silent. “I don’t want to talk about them anymore, okay?”

“Okay. We can talk about how apparently, I need to stop becoming a musclehead.”

“You’re a _musician_. How many musicians have you seen that looked like bodybuilders,” Carlos playfully teased and James laughed, squeezing Carlos against him tight. Carlos looked up at him, eyes big and bright and _happy_ , looking like he has finally found the silver lining in the darkest of clouds.

* * *

 

Logan wore the same suit he wore to Isaac’s funeral, his mother wearing the same dress. They sat in the middle of the rows, underneath a large weeping willow that gave them all shade from the sun above. Towards the front, Logan could see Carlos sitting with James, their hands intertwined tightly and James giving his hand a squeeze every so often. And across the way in the second section of seats, Kendall was in his wheelchair and dressed in his black suit, looking solemn and grim.

“Have you talked to him?” his mother whispered in his ear when she caught Logan staring at Kendall for the fifth time. Logan sighed and shook his head ‘no’, folding his hands as he gave a sigh.

“He doesn’t _want_ to talk to me. . .we’re not going to be together, Mom. It’s best if we just drop it.”

“You love this boy, don’t you?”

“Well I-”

“Then unless you two talk, and I mean _really_ talk, how could you say there isn’t a hope for you two?” she asked and then looked towards Dak’s casket. She gave a small sigh. “So many things that could be left unsaid. And you could spend your whole life wondering if you could have, would have, or should have said something. . .would it be any different?”

“. . .Do you wish you could have said something to Isaac? Or Dad? Even before you knew you were having us?”

Laura took in a deep breath. “We were both really young and really scared. Simon’s parents weren’t so approving of him becoming a father so young either. We were both on our own, scared that we couldn’t do this, that you two would break us apart, that we’d be bad parents. . .but Simon always told me that he loved me. And one way or another, we were going to get through this. I wish that I could have been that rock of confidence that he needed, especially after Isaac’s death. If I would have been there and told him I still loved him, even after what happened, maybe he’d be here now instead of leaving us. And I do still love him.”

Logan looked over at Kendall, the blond having his head bowed as the pall-bearers went to get the casket. Carlos was one of them; most of the boys were Rebels and Dak’s father. Logan saw Kendall’s hands clench into tight fists, the blond boy gritting his teeth in anger and frustration that _he_ wasn’t one himself. Logan’s heart ached, wishing he could be there to hold one of those fists and tell him it was alright, but saw Kendall’s mother do the same thing and try to calm Kendall down. Logan looked down at his legs and bowed his head, the pall-bearers moving past him with the casket.

A _lifetime_ to say something that could mean the world and Kendall’s was almost cut too short. He squeezed his hand tight and closed his eyes, listening to the shuffle of people around him to stand and watch as the casket was carefully placed into the hearse to be driven over the hill to Dak’s final resting place.

Logan rose up, slowly moving along before he stopped and turned to see Kendall’s mother wheeling Kendall over the lawn. Logan turned to look at his mother.

“I’ll be with you in a moment,” Logan said hurriedly, squeezing her hand before he turned and began to rush after the two. He called out for Mrs. Knight, the woman turning around and seeing Logan approaching. He saw Kendall’s shoulders visibly tense, Logan twiddling his fingers. “C-Could I talk to Kendall? Just for a moment?” he asked and Kendall’s mother glanced down at her son. Kendall didn’t raise any objections, but he wasn’t turning around to look at Logan either. She moved her hands from the handles.

“Be quick, boys. We’re going to be going to Dak’s parents’ home in a bit.”

“We will be,” Kendall said and Logan gave a gulp. She nodded her head and walked away, Logan moving to begin pushing Kendall across the lawn. “I can move myself,” Kendall said, gripping the wheels of the chair and began to push himself. Logan moved his hands away, the two boys crossing the lawn in silence and only giving each other fleeting glances. Kendall paused by a fountain, turning his chair around and began to dig into the pocket of his coat for a cigarette. “Well, go on and talk about whatever it is you want to talk about, Logan.”

“. . .I love you,” Logan started, and that got Kendall to stop searching for a cigarette, looking up at the brunet with confused eyes. Logan looked down. “I. . .I wanted to tell you that for a long time. And if I went another day without telling you that, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“. . .Just what’s going on in that little head of yours to make you believe you’re in love with me?”

“I know you love me back too. But you’re just scared about disappointing me.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. . .when you told me about your dad,” Logan said and Kendall froze. “You’re scared about me not being happy with you, aren’t you?. . .You fell in love with the ‘idea’ too. You being perfect and handsome and that maybe with a bit of grooming, you’d be wanted by me and my mother and even Ethel. Or me just falling down your path and becoming just like you. Smoking and drinking and having sex without a care in the world about anyone. It’d be just you and me against anyone that didn’t care about us. . .it sounds perfect, doesn’t it?”

Kendall said nothing and Logan stepped closer. “It’s perfect, but it’s unrealistic. No matter how much I wish I could choose to not care. . .I still love my mother and wouldn’t dream about leaving her alone without my father or someone to care for her. I can’t drink a beer and I barely smoked that pack of cigarettes. I love the music you play for me, but my classical pieces my father made for me still hold a spot in my heart that can’t ever be replaced. And you. . .you still hate everything ‘squeaky-clean’ and ‘perfect’ and ‘posh’ about my background cause of how bad it’s treated you in the past. The society members, Ethel. . .your father making a ‘squeaky-clean’ family of his own. . .I wouldn’t want you to become like that anyways.”

“. . .So why then? Why do you love me if I can’t give you that perfect romance with flowers and chocolates and diamond rings that you want?”

“Cause you’re better than perfect. This. . .this relationship between us,” Logan said, getting down to his knees and taking Kendall’s hands into his own. “It’s better than perfect.”

Kendall raised an eyebrow. “What’s better than perfection? Godliness?”

“Imperfection.”

Kendall chuckled, moving one of his hands to his lap while the other gently played with Logan’s hair. “I think that tie of yours is tied too tight, Kitten.” He moved his hand from Logan’s hair to gently hold Logan’s cheek, Logan turning his face into Kendall’s warm hand and sighed deeply.

“There was a time when I thought that maybe, we could be perfect. Maybe we’d get a nice house in the suburbs, have perfect children, we’d both somehow get perfect jobs and have a perfect life and _everyone_ will love us. . .but perfection just doesn’t exist. Perfection isn’t real, it’s not _human_. You’re not perfect, Kendall. You’re imperfect. I’m not perfect either. I’m eager to please and barely starting to grow a spine of my own. You’re loud and crass and rough around the edges, but that’s what I _love_ about you. You and me and us and _this_ , _everything_ is so imperfect. We might clash, we might get annoyed with each other or disappointed, but that’s how love works. Love is the most imperfect system in the entire world but oh. . .” Logan kissed the palm of Kendall’s hand softly and rested his head on Kendall’s knee. “It’s _so_ wonderful.”

“C’mere you,” Kendall said and pulled Logan up and slowly into his lap. Logan tried to balance himself well, hoping he wasn’t crushing Kendall too much but Kendall wrapped arms around Logan’s waist. “So you’re fine with imperfection? You’re fine knowing that I won’t be the husband coming home in a suit and tie? Or that we may not live in a big fancy house in the cutesy little suburbs? Or that I won’t surprise you all the time with flowers or chocolates or give you all the adoration every second of your life, but know that whenever you look at me or whenever I touch you, my heart _burns_ and _beats_ for just you?”

Logan nodded his head and kissed Kendall’s forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Kendall said quietly and cupped Logan’s face, bringing him down to kiss him soundly. Logan closed his eyes, feeling butterflies in his chest and rise through his lungs, exhaling in shudders through his mouth as he kissed Kendall back with as much fervor. His hands went through Kendall’s blond locks, Kendall’s hands grabbed at the back of his thighs and yanked him in for more. Logan slowly rocked back down, breathing in Kendall’s name and breathing out ‘I love you’ in between each kiss and lick, brushing up against a bump in Kendall’s pants. Kendall shuddered out a moan and Logan paused, cheeks flushed as red as Kendall’s and their noses brushing against each other.

“What was that?”

“Just because I can’t walk doesn’t mean my dick doesn’t work. Found out about that during physical therapy,” Kendall breathed and Logan hummed, feeling Kendall give a soft kiss on his chin and slowly rock Logan over his erection. “This’ll be interesting, huh?”

“Mmhmm,” Logan murmured, kissing Kendall lazily, his tongue growing languid and his fingertips reveling in each and every part of Kendall’s chin and his cheekbones, his soft skin with the slight stubble, his dimples that seemed were perfectly etched from smiling too hard.

“We need to go, Kitten. Can’t keep them waiting,” he muttered, Logan glancing up to find that most of the people had already left save for the both of their mothers. The women were talking together, though occasionally glancing over at them and smiling, Logan feeling himself beginning to blush for an entirely different reason. “Come on, let’s go.”

Logan made a motion to get off but Kendall squeezed him tight. “Not so fast, you can stay right here,” he said with a cheeky little grin and gripped the wheels of his chair, beginning to push them over while Logan wrapped arms around Kendall’s shoulders.

“Are you sure I’m not too heavy for you? I don’t want you to overwork yourself-”

“Kitten, honestly, I may be crippled but I’m not helpless or anything. Just shut up and enjoy the ride.”

Logan frowned and Kendall chuckled. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Logan murmured, resting his cheek against the side of Kendall’s head and let Kendall slowly wheel themselves across the forest-green lawn.

* * *

 

They started officially dating after a couple of days. ‘Official’ meaning that now Logan and his mother were invited to have dinner over at the Knight’s home every once in the while and vice versa, especially when Mrs. Knight couldn’t make it home in time to cook the dinner and Kendall and Katie could use some company. ‘Official’ meaning that they went on more than the occasional date and late night tryst. They went to the movies, to the park, wherever they wanted to go and spend time together they went. Granted, it was a little bit harder to get around town now that Kendall couldn’t easily just climb onto his motorcycle and drive them around, and they got more stares around town than they would have if Kendall was walking. But Logan felt a sort of pride and fearlessness from being with Kendall now, feeling the ease of his hand or the kiss of his lips over his skin whenever Kendall glanced over his shoulder to look at him pushing. Like Logan wasn’t alone and no matter what was going on around them, no matter what people were saying about them, Kendall still loved him.

That was the biggest part of being ‘official’. They ‘officially’ said they were in love with each other. Through words and kisses, touches and caresses of the skin, and smiles and simple looks that spoke more than words could ever describe.

On one Thursday evening, Kendall was over the Mitchell household, wheeling around the kitchen while Logan was cleaning up after dinner. Laura was in the living room, going through another photo album. Though instead of looking at pictures and mourning the loss of Isaac and Simon, she was cutting and pasting new pictures made and taken by Logan. Pictures of Kendall and Logan together, playful little pictures of Katie showing off her dolls and her drawings, pictures of Carlos and James together smiling rather awkwardly as they were trying to find that line that separated friends and lovers. It was a refreshing change of pace, Logan only smiling to himself as he listened to Kendall ramble about something Jett did and how he was an _absolute_ scrubber.

He felt Kendall’s hands on his waist, turning to look over his shoulder and down at him.

“I’m washing dishes.”

“I can see that, I’m just admiring the view,” Kendall said and kissed Logan’s back before he drifted downwards. Logan squeaked, giving Kendall a little hit on the head to shoo him away.

“My mother is in the next room!” Logan whispered and Kendall waggled his eyebrows.

“That makes it all the more exciting, doesn’t it, Kitten?”

“Exciting? Yes. Possibly traumatizing and embarrassing if she caught us? _Definitely_.”

“Later then?” Kendall asked and pulled Logan into him. Logan gave a soft sigh, thinking about the night in bed together that will no doubt be filled with so many kisses and explorations of the body and all its little pleasure zones.

“Later.”

There was a knock at the door, Laura calling out that she’ll get it. Kendall pulled Logan back hard, Logan giving a squeak as he fell in Kendall’s lap and they rolled across the floor. Kendall laughed and so did Logan, taking soapy hands to pull Kendall’s head forward for a kiss.

“How _appalling_.”

Logan quickly broke away at the sound of Ethel’s voice, looking up at the woman glaring at the both of them in the doorway of the kitchen. Kendall’s arms wrapped around Logan’s waist and gave him a squeeze.

“If you don’t like what you see, we’re not stopping you from walking out the door,” Kendall said and Ethel stuck up her nose.

“I believe you’re in no position to talk. God punished you to that chair for your sins, you should have learned your lesson,” Ethel said and Logan rose from Kendall’s lap.

“Do _not_ talk to my boyfriend like that.”

“ _Boyfriend_?”

“ _Yes_. _Boyfriend_. We’re in _love_.”

“Do not confuse love with perverse lust.”

“Better perverse lust than the hate you keep spewing out of your mouth,” Kendall said and wheeled closer. “What do you think you’re gaining from coming here every single day to harass Logan and his mother? Their love? Their respect? Or maybe you’re so miserable about your own life, you just get a kick out of making theirs a living hell.”

“Who do you think you are talking to me like that?” Ethel hissed and Kendall frowned.

“I think I’m Logan’s boyfriend putting you in your place. And as long I’m around, you’re not going to talk to them like this,” Kendall said and Ethel crossed her arms.

“I may talk to them however I please, I am Logan’s grandmother and I know _more_ than some crippled little delinquent,” Ethel growled out and Kendall cocked his head to the side.

“No, what you really are is a cruel and manipulative bitch that attacks her own _family_ members. If you ask me, the only one that should have judgment cast on their actions is _you_.”

“Hortense, if you and this boy do not separate-”

“We’re going to be together and there’s nothing you can do about it,” Logan cut her off, Ethel’s head whirling around to catch Laura watching worriedly in the living room.

“How could you have let this happen?! You _always_ let them get away with anything! I bet these two could commit murder of the _highest degree_ and you wouldn’t do a thing!” Ethel screamed and Laura’s hands shook before she held them straight at her sides.

“He can do whatever he likes, Mother. He’s responsible and he’s growing into a young man that could make his own decisions. . .I would very much appreciate it if you would leave us be. The boys need to get to bed.”

“You’re letting them sleep in the _same bed?_ Oh, how could you have let it go so far?! I’m _so disappointed in you-_ ”

“ _I’m not going to listen to what you have to say about this anymore!_ ” Laura screamed and Ethel stepped back. “I’m _not_ a little girl anymore, Mother. And if you cannot accept my choices and my decisions in how to raise _my_ child whom I _love_ no matter what. . .t-then you can just leave!”

Ethel looked from Laura, to Kendall and Logan and back, before she gave a loud scoff and turned up her nose.

“I expect _all_ of you to have these little attitudes sorted out by Sunday-”

“We’re not going to come to Sunday brunch this week. Kendall has physical therapy and we’re coming with him,” Logan said sternly and Ethel’s nostrils flared. She turned, storming out the front door and slammed it shut, Laura falling to the couch and gave an exhausted sigh. Kendall wheeled over to her, Logan following closely behind.

“If she ever comes over here to start something with you, just give me a call and I’ll be over.”

“Thank you, but you don’t need to put yourself through all that trouble-”

“It’s no trouble. Just because I’m in a chair doesn’t mean I can’t fight,” Kendall said strongly and Laura smiled. She looked up to Logan and then rose from her feet, taking the photo album and placed it on the table.

“. . .Thank you, Kendall. . .I’m going to get ready for bed. Don’t stay up too late, boys.”

“We won’t. Goodnight Mother,” Logan said and kissed her cheek.

“Goodnight, Mrs. Mitchell.”

“You could call me Laura if you like. I know your mother lets Logan call her Jennifer,” Laura said with a smile and Kendall smiled back.

“Alright then,” he said with a grin and she bent down to give a kiss to the top of Kendall’s head. She turned, slowly walking up the stairs while Kendall pulled Logan down into his lap and looked over her shoulder. “That went well, didn’t it?” Kendall asked and Logan bit his lower lip.

“She wouldn’t give up so easy, I don’t think. She’ll keep coming back.”

“And I’ll keep coming around to set her straight, don’t you worry,” Kendall said and kissed Logan’s chin. “Is it later yet?” he asked in a light voice and Logan smiled, pulling Kendall’s head back to kiss him with a little pop.

“Yeah. . .later,” Logan said with a smile.

* * *

 

**8:45 pm**

**hey, im at a party, wanna come? :)** **\- Carlos**

**8:50 pm**

**sorry, have physical therapy tmrw with kendall. Need to be well rested – Logan**

Carlos bit his lower lip, he forgot Kendall had physical therapy on the weekends and Logan was practically attached to him at the hip. He didn’t blame them, in fact was _more_ than happy that they managed to come together after so long. Kendall was a good guy, underneath all of the profanities and smoke and naughty words. It always got him thinking about how they came together. . .that maybe he and James could do the same thing.

He didn’t know what to feel about James and his confession, honestly hoping that with some avoidance, maybe everything would go back to normal. It was wrong of him to treat James that way, knowing the boy had given him so much for so long and Carlos had yet to fully reciprocate it. But. . .Carlos was just so _scared_. But of what, he didn’t know. Love maybe? Carlos saw love as a sort of trap, that was his only experience with it from seeing how his mother and father were. He didn’t want that to happen to him and James, not when he cared and loved for him at least as a friend. James deserved so much better, someone that actually knew what love meant and was more excited for it than terribly scared about it like Carlos. What was there to do? What was there to _feel_?

Carlos glanced around him, looking at all of the strobe lights flashing and the dancing people before him. Bumping and grinding on each other, heads thrown back in ecstasy and the smell of strawberry glitter spray along with sweat and sex filled Carlos’ nose. His phone buzzed and he glanced down, seeing another text from Logan.

**9:02 pm**

**why don’t u ask james? – Logan**

Carlos gave a snort.

**9:04 pm**

**James wouldn’t be interested in coming, trust me – Carlos**

**9:05 pm**

**Im sure james would go to hell if he knew he could be with u – Logan**

Carlos blushed, yet knew Logan was telling the truth. James _adored_ Carlos and loved him so much, possibly even more than Dak and definitely longer than Dak too. He felt his heart give that aching feel, thinking that it was still mourning lingering in his chest. But these feelings always felt different than what he felt when he thought about Dak. When he thought about Dak on one hand, he felt grief and sadness, a sense of losing someone he thought didn’t hold his heart so close and let it soon too fast. But on the other hand, the feelings that he had now were something else. They longed not for Dak, but for something Carlos never knew. For comforting in a way that wasn’t physical or filled with passion, but intimacy and silence. It felt like something was missing and the feeling was positively _unbearable_ , like he would die if he didn’t realize what was it that he needed. What was it that he craved and _desired_ and would make himself feel _whole_? He felt it the most when he thought about or looked at James, and wondered if James felt the same way. If he was feeling half empty, if he longed for the intimate touch of a lover and the caressing touch over his skin in a way that made him shiver in anticipation. Did he crave love and _emotion_ and compassion just as badly as Carlos desperately wanted to know just what it _was_?

He needed to talk to James and sort everything out. But not at a place like here.

Carlos turned on his phone to text out a new message to James, asking him if he was busy and if they could meet up someplace. He hoped it wasn’t too late for James to be out, the boy should still be up at least on a Friday. He sent the message and began to rise to leave, but was pulled down by a playful hand.

“Hey! Where are you going, party is just getting started!” a boy chirped playfully and Carlos gave him a gentle smile. Lately, Carlos had been doing some blind dates that may or may not have turned out to be quick and cheap one night stands before Carlos left the stranger feeling even emptier than before. This boy in particular was the newest date and brought him to the club to dance along with a couple of his friends who Carlos last saw on the dance floor.

“I’m sorry, I really need to go-”

“Awww, come on~ Just have a drink, you were just sitting here the whole entire time,” the boy said with a pout and handed Carlos a cup of some punch. Carlos swished the contents around and bit his lower lip.

“I. . .I don’t know, I really should be going home-”

“ _Please?_ ” the boy plead and held Carlos’ hand. “Are you not having a good time? Do you want to go someplace else?. . .I’m boring you, huh?”

“N-No, that’s not it. This place is great and everything, but I’m just ready to go home,” Carlos said and the boy handed Carlos the drink, resting his chin on Carlos’ shoulder.

“Come on. Just a drink and a quick dance?” he asked and kissed Carlos’ neck gently. Carlos sighed, swishing the contents of the cup around again before he smiled. He tilted his head and gave the boy a kiss on the tip of his nose before he turned and drank, handing the boy the empty cup a few seconds later and rose to his feet.

“ _One_ dance and then I’m out of here, got it?”

“One dance is all I need,” the boy said with a grin and allowed Carlos to pull him to the dance floor. The two moved in with the crowd, Carlos throwing his arms around the boy’s shoulders while the boy pulled Carlos flushed against his hips. The boy was smiling at Carlos, humming along with the music and Carlos hummed along with him. They rocked and swayed to the beat, the thud of the bass sounding rather echoed in Carlos’ ears the longer they danced. It seemed like all around him, the colors were blurring and mixing together like watercolors on a canvas. Carlos hummed, feeling rather tired and rested his head on the boy’s chest. The boy squeezed his waist tight, saying something that sounded muffled and Carlos couldn’t quite understand.

“Hmm?”

“I said, you want to lie down?” the boy asked and Carlos shook his head ‘no’.

“I think I’ll just go home now-”

“No, no. You’ll crash with the way you are right now. There’s some rooms in the back you can just sleep in for a little while. Rest up, you know,” the boy said, slowly taking Carlos off the dance floor and guiding Carlos down a dark hallway and up a flight of stairs.

“I could sleep in my car, it’s okay,” Carlos mumbled, his legs feeling numb and the boy was practically dragging him down the hallway. He shushed Carlos, pulling him into a room with a lone lightbulb and various other boys standing around. Carlos could barely see any of their faces, only having a few moments to look before he was flopped down onto a bed.

“What took you so long?” one of them asked, sounding so far away and Carlos groaned.

“Does it matter? He’s here, isn’t he?”

“Half of us already went soft,” another voice spat and a hand moved to push his legs open but Carlos closed them back with a groan.

“N-No, go away,” he slurred and swiped his hand at them. They laughed, one of them grabbing his hand and pinned it up above Carlos’ head. Carlos’ eyes felt so heavy, barely seeing a face above him but felt the rocking of a hard length over his soft one.

“You’re pretty cute actually. I bet you could take a good cockbeating all night long, that’s what I want to do,” he purred, thumbing Carlos’ lower lip. Carlos whimpered, weakly trying to shove the boy off of him as they all began to crowd around him, his hands being pinned above him and restrained, his legs being spread as wide as possible. Everything seemed to grow darker, his head feeling so light and eyes feeling just so _tired_ , laughing and clothes being stripped and shed sounded in his ear, growing fainter with each. . .ticking. . .second. . .

. . . . . . . . . . . _ugh, God, he’s so tight_. . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . _smile for the camera, cutie_. . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . _alright, who’s next, this shit doesn’t last long_. . . . . . . .

. . . _he’s so **wet** and **tight** , ughh I’m gonna come, right here **right inside**_. . . . . . .

“. . .Dude, are you okay?”

There was a feeling of something on his face, Carlos coming to and realizing that it was a hand. His eyes drooped and fluttered open, forcing himself to look at someone he didn’t really know. It was a girl, with hot pink hair and a studded piercing in her nose. She gave a playful smile. “Had a little too much fun, did you?” she asked and Carlos blinked. What. . .what was going on? Where was he?. . .Why did he feel so _sticky and wet_? Carlos tried to sit up, but found that when he moved his arms and legs it hurt _so bad_. He choked out a sob that felt it was in his chest for such a long time, not knowing why it forced its way out now.

He glanced around the room, seeing that he was inside some bedroom of sorts with a lone lightbulb above him. He was in a bed, sheets frumpled and smelling of sweat and semen and _sex_ , Carlos looking down and realizing that on his legs and crusting on his spread thighs were _blotches and blotches_ of cum. Carlos’ heart began to beat fast, breath escaping his mouth too quick as he saw blood spots on the bed, some of the sheets still soping wet and pooling underneath him. His pants were on the floor and ripped, along with his underwear like someone just couldn’t get them off of him so they tore it off instead. His shirt was pulled open, buttons missing and all over his chest and his arms and his neck were bruises and hickeys. There was an awful taste in his mouth, the full realization of what had happened to him starting to dawn in his mind.

A croak escaped his mouth and he placed his hands to his lips to sob, the girl above him not smiling anymore and starting to understand as well. “Oh, oh my _god_. Who _did this?_ ” she asked and Carlos shook his head, tears falling. He couldn’t remember, he couldn’t remember _one single thing_. He was raped and he didn’t even know who did it, another scared sob exiting his mouth. He turned over onto his side, crying at the pain and feeling himself still dripping with someone’s seed. He didn’t even see a used condom anywhere, the girl trying to help him and grab him the only pieces of clothing in the room.

“W-We’re going to go to the police, okay? You’re going to get help. I’m getting help. I’m calling 9-1-1. Oh my god, oh my _god_ ,” she said worried, handing Carlos his clothes before she rushed out the door. Carlos slowly pulled his underwear on, the elastic band torn slightly, before he pulled on his pants only to find that the zipper was broken and the button was missing. He pulled on his shoes and forced himself to his feet, staggering forward and into the wall. Everything felt so numb, mind still in a haze and he saw his cell phone on the stand. He grabbed it, seeing that he had one message from James.

Carlos staggered out of the bedroom and limped down the hall, finding that the club had been mostly emptied out save for a couple of people still dancing or drinking. No one noticed him, limping with a funny walk and his clothes completely disheveled. He walked out the front door unnoticed, tears coming down his face at the sheer pain of it all and the fear of what happened to him. Raped twice in a lifetime, from people he knew and complete strangers. And worse of all he didn’t even know what they _did_ to him this time around. The horrifying part of Tad and the other society boys was at least Carlos _knew_ what they did. This time. . .oh god, he needed to throw up so badly. He sobbed another cry and climbed into his car, raising the phone to listen to James’ message.

_Message from 10:57 pm_

_Hey Carlos, it’s James. I’m sorry I’m calling back so late. I had a date tonight with someone my parents wanted to set me up with and. . .well I didn’t want to turn it down. I mean, I want to make them happy and w-well. . .ugh, I don’t know what I’m saying. Anyways, I had a date and I couldn’t have my phone out at the table. You’re probably in bed by now anyways since you’re not answering, so I’ll just talk to you when I can. Bye._

Carlos pulled the phone from his head and held it to his chest, trying to keep his breathing steady. James was on a date. With no doubt a beautiful and rich and _perfect_ girl. Carlos bet she was still a virgin, pure and innocent and full of life and opportunities for James. She could be his wife, the mother of her children, the cook and the maid and the lover that James could have always wanted. . .James didn’t need Carlos anymore. What would James do with Carlos anyways? Carlos, the ‘broken one too many times’ bird. The slut and the whore and the harlot of the town that anyone thought they could screw, whether Carlos wanted it or not.

Carlos was still aching, still feeling like he was going to vomit. He thought about calling Logan, but then remembered that Logan was most likely curled up in Kendall’s arms, getting their sleep before having to wake up early in the morning and spend the entire day together. Logan didn’t need to hear how Carlos got raped yet again, Logan didn’t need to concern himself about Carlos’ problems. He sniffled, dialing a number and placed the phone to the side of his head. He listed to the ringing tone for a couple of minutes, before he heard the voicemail.

_Hey, this is Dak. I’m not around right now, probably working on my bike or somethin’ else that involves me not having my phone. Just leave a message, ‘kay?_

Carlos hung up before the tone came on, screaming loud til his vocal chords _hurt_ and his body shook. He was _alone_ , he was alone and he was lost and scared. He hated this town, he hated this town _so much_. Everything here just hurt him far too much. The bullying, the teasing, his mother and father breaking apart before his eyes til she couldn’t take it anymore. Ethel and the society members that turned their noses at the likes of him, or choosing to teach him a lesson and rape him like Tad and the others did. And when Carlos finally had Dak, he lost him and was hurt _again_. He wanted to leave, he wanted to get out of this town, he wanted out of this _life_ that has been nothing but _misery_.

No one would miss him, not even if he were dead.


	18. Chapter 18

_Message from 10:10 am_

_Hey Carlos, it’s James. I don’t know if you’re at your house or not, I texted you earlier if you wanted to hang out and talk like you wanted, but you didn’t respond. Um, I didn’t know what that could have meant either, if you’re busy or maybe you didn’t see it. . .b-but I’m going to be over your place in a little bit. So just. . .uh. . .just respond back or something, okay? Bye._

James got to Carlos’ home at around 10:30 in the morning, parking in front of the simple beige and brown house situated in the perfect part of the suburbs. The lawn was a forest green, fresh and healthy grass with a large tree growing out in the front. The leaves were turning orange, if they already weren’t falling off, James getting out of his car and admiring the way a leaf fell before he moved his way up the stone path. James gave a knock to the door, rocking back and forth on his heels before the door opened. It was Officer Garcia on the other side, raising an eyebrow at the boy.

“James? What are you doing here?” he asked and James pointed a finger inside the house.

“I’m here to see Carlos? Is Carlos here?”

“He’s here, but he doesn’t want to see anyone. He came home extremely early in the morning and locked himself up in his room. I went to check on him a few minutes ago and he just screamed at me to go away.” The man bit his lower lip and glanced down at the ground. “I just don’t understand what goes on through his mind sometimes. He really gets me worried.”

James looked at the man confused, before he stepped inside the house and began to walk up the stairs. Carlos’ father followed behind him, the two treading up the stairs and walked down the hall to Carlos’ bedroom. The door was closed, James starting to feel worried and nervous. He placed his hand on the doorknob and gave it a shake, finding that the door was locked.

“Carlos?” James called out and heard no response. He shook the locked doorknob again and called Carlos’ name, starting to feel that something was _really_ wrong right now. He started to throw his body into the door, desperate to get the door _open_. He threw himself against the door again and again, screaming Carlos’ name before he gave one last charge against the door and knocked it down. James stumbled into Carlos’ room, Carlos’ father behind him and looking in shock. James’ eyes were on Carlos, the boy sprawled out on the floor with a half empty bottle of aspirin pills beside him.

“Carlos!” James screamed, quickly falling to his knees and pulled the boy’s limp body up into his arms. “Oh god, _Carlos! No no no!_ ” he cried and shook Carlos by his shoulders. “ _Wake up! Wake up! This isn’t funny! Stop it and wake up! **Please!**_ ”

“James stop! We need to get him to the hospital, come on!” Carlos’ father shouted, his voice coming out shaky and slightly croaking towards the end. James kissed the side of Carlos’ head, carrying the boy up into his arms and quickly ran out of the room with Carlos’ father following behind him. James looked down at Carlos in his arms, his face still holding color but starting to grow paler. James gave a sob, getting into the backseat with Carlos and pulled his body into his arms while Carlos’ father climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine quickly.

“Please Carlos, _please_ be okay. Why, _why_ did you do this?” James asked, bringing his hand to the side of his neck and felt around for a pulse. It was there, but it wasn’t that strong. His hand moved up to hold Carlos by his face and cupped his growing cold cheek, bending down to kiss all over his skin and his nose and his chapped lips, begging into Carlos’ skin how much he loved him, how he _always_ loved him and didn’t want to even think about a life without someone he cared for so dearly.

* * *

 

They made it to the hospital in about ten more minutes, Carlos feeling heavier in James’ arms than before. They ran into the emergency ward, screaming for help hysterically before Carlos was laid out onto a gurney and wheeled away to some place James couldn’t see him, couldn’t _help_ him. A nurse led Carlos’ father and him to the waiting area to sit there, to sit there and hope and wonder and _pray_ that Carlos was going to be alright. That they found him in time and they could still save him. James brought his hands to his face, sighing deep into his palms and also giving a worried cry at the thought that just down the hall, Carlos could be dead.

“What am I doing wrong?” he heard Carlos’ dad mumble beside him and James looked over at the man looking down at the ground, eyes empty and blank. “First his mother. . .now he wanted to leave me too. . .I don’t understand it, _what am I doing wrong?_ ”

“Mr. Garcia-”

“Every day, whenever I look at him, I know I made a mistake. She didn’t want him, I did. I wanted to be a dad and she wanted to wait. She didn’t want to get married either and I still coerced her into it. And then afterwards, I didn’t know _anything_. We were too young, I didn’t know anything about being a husband or a father and I just let them slip through my hands. . .this is all my fault, I killed them both.”

“No. No you didn’t. This _town_ -”

“ _But I could have done something!_ I just sat around and did _nothing_ , just hoped that maybe things would get better and not doing one damn thing to change it. Instead of just thinking that maybe Carlos would grow out of this, I should have just _talked_ to him. I should have just talked to him and tried to be there and listen instead of just waiting. Or trying to get someone else to talk to him by putting him in Ethel Mitchell’s society and hope that maybe he’d get happier. This is my fault, this is my _fault_.”

“He’s going to be okay,” James said strongly and turned to look down the hallway, his heart beating strongly. “He’s going to be okay, watch. We’re going to walk in there and he’ll be better. He’s not going to leave us. . .he _can’t_ leave us.”

Carlos’ father only buried his face into his hands, shaking his head back and forth as he mumbled something into his palms. James reached out and rubbed his back, looking around at other people in the hall and the ward. It held a sense of dread in the air, the tension thick and hard for James to even breathe. He watched the clock that only seemed to tick along slower and slower, time was taunting him with the wait and slowly driving him crazy. What if this wasn’t Carlos’ father’s fault at all, but his own? If he would have just tried to break away from the date and find Carlos, would he have been able to listen to what Carlos wanted to talk about?

He gave a dry swallow, what if Carlos was suicidal when he texted him that night? What if he wanted to talk to James about _that_ and James just pushed him aside. Over a _date_ he wasn’t even interested in, only wishing to please his parents. James buried his face into his hands, wanting to cry and just wishing they’d hear _something_ about Carlos already. How long have they been here? It felt like _days_ , and when James glanced up at the clock, he saw it has only been an hour.

A hand gently rested on his shoulder, James jumping and wildly turned around. He hoped to see a doctor offering happy news that Carlos was safe and breathing and ready to talk about whatever he wanted to talk about, but instead saw Logan looking down at him confused. Behind Logan, James saw that the blond Rebel boy was with him, rolling towards them in his wheelchair.

“James, what are you doing here?” Logan asked and then looked over at Carlos’ father, the man still grieving into his big hands. Logan turned back to James, James not being able to stop his lower lip trembling and the scared croak that came out of his mouth.

“C-Carlos t-tried to kill himself,” James cried and Logan’s eyes widened, quickly moving around to sit by James and pull the boy into his arms for a hug. “H-He tried to overdose, it’s been an hour and we _still_ don’t know what’s going on or if he’s okay!” James choked out and saw the blond boy wheel himself around, his frown hard.

“I’m calling the others,” he said and Logan moved to look at him.

“No Kendall, you’re going to get them worried. We already had this kind of scare with Dak and-”

“And I know that they’d get pissed if they knew Carlos was hurt and weren’t there for him,” Kendall snapped and James looked over at him. Why would the other Rebels want to concern themselves with Carlos? After Carlos’ boyfriend died, was Carlos even really a part of their group? Kendall dialed a number and put his phone to the side of his head, Logan taking James’ hand and made a nod towards Carlos’ father.

“Is he okay?” he asked and James shook his head.

“No. He thinks this is all his fault for not paying attention to Carlos or trying to talk to him,” James explained and Logan bit his lower lip, his cheeks growing red with a slight frustration like he wanted to say something. He bit his tongue and then his lower lip, before he squeezed James’ hand.

“You two _really_ need to talk to Carlos about something _extremely_ important.”

“What?”

“James. . .something happened to Carlos that hurt him _greatly_ and-”

“ _What?_ What is it?! Tell me! What happened?! Why didn’t he ever tell me? Oh god, is that why he tried to kill himself? Cause I never picked up on it? Oh god, oh _god_ -”

“James, James _calm down_.”

“I don’t want to lose him. I _can’t_ lose him. I should have told him the first moment I _knew_. I should have told him I loved him _long_ before this but I was too _scared_. And now Carlos could be dead and I didn’t even have a chance to talk to him like he wanted t-to,” James rattled and Kendall turned to look at him, hanging up his phone.

“They’re on their way right now. . .and this isn’t the time to get hysterical,” Kendall said to James. The brunet looked up at him, Kendall turning his chair around to face him. “It’s scary, I know. But you just can’t give up on hope like this. Carlos is going to be okay and _you’re_ going to be the first person to talk to him about whatever you need to tell him.”

James looked at the boy, before looking back at Logan and Logan nodded his head, giving James’ back a rub.

“We’ll wait with you, okay?”

“Okay. . .what are you two doing here anyways?” James asked and Kendall raised his hand.

“Physical therapy. Kitten is my lovely nurse helping me learn how to walk again,” Kendall said and Logan ducked his eyes, blushing slightly. Kendall smiled, before he moved his wheelchair over to Carlos’ father and began to talk to the man, James watching Kendall slightly amazed.

“. . .They’re different than what Ethel said they were like,” James murmured and Logan hummed, James seeing out of the corner of his eye Logan smiling.

“It’s what makes him amazing to me. . .they all have their little quirks that you get used to the longer you know them. . .Dak was a good listener for Carlos, but he wasn’t much of a lover for him.”

James looked down at his hands. “I should have been a good listener. I always berated him and nagged at him to be safe and to not go to those parties or be with Rebels. . .I’m so fucking _useless_ to him.”

“That’s not true. You gave him something he _desperately_ needs. You’re like. . .a safe haven to him, I believe.”

“What do you mean?”

“When Carlos _is_ scared or worried, he calls you first. Not Dak. And you comfort him and care for him. He says he doesn’t want you to take care of him, but I think he really does, James. He wants _someone’s_ care and love and compassion, and you _always_ give it to him. But I think he’s just so scared that he can’t love you back as much as you love him.”

“H-He can. I know he can. I just want him back, I just want him okay. He has to be okay, he _has to_ ,” James plead and Logan threw an arm around his shoulders. James looked back at the clock, his nerves making him tremble and his heart swelling too big for his lungs to breathe. All he could do was watch and wait, hope and wish.

* * *

 

Another hour had passed and more Rebels had come to wait with them in the emergency ward. Some surrounded Carlos’ father to offer comfort and hopeful words, while others surrounded James and tried to make him smile. Granted, some of the jokes they told him were crude and rather offensive, talking about his ‘proper’ upbringing. But he still gave a clenched smile and dry laugh, leaning into Logan’s touch on his back and looked at the comforting hand from a girl with red and black hair on his knee.

Half an hour passed later, the other people waiting around them beginning to thin and leave, making James all the more anxious to know what was going on. Why was it taking so long to see if Carlos was going to be okay? What else did they need to do and why weren’t they keeping them informed? James bobbed his leg up and down, shaking in his spot and chewing hard on his lower lip. The others were starting to get anxious around him too, glancing over their shoulders on the look for a doctor and some of them wondering if maybe they should just go looking for Carlos themselves.

“Someone’s coming,” the girl with red and black hair murmured quietly, James’ eyes almost popping out of his skull. He jumped from his seat and spun around, seeing a doctor approaching the large group of people. James quickly went around the chairs and the people, running up to him with wide and scared eyes.

“Is he okay? Is Carlos okay?” James asked and the doctor nodded his head.

“He’s alright. A little bit dazed and confused, but alright. He’s on suicide watch right now, and we’ll allow only a few visitors. We really want him to get his rest,” the doctor said and James felt the biggest weight lifted off of his shoulders. He looked over his shoulder, everyone watching him intently before he turned to the doctor.

“I’ll go first,” he breathed and the doctor nodded his head, gesturing out with his arm towards the hallway. James swallowed, taking those first few steps to see Carlos. To see _his_ Carlos.

* * *

 

The room was blank and empty, Carlos lying in a bed with no sheets. He was stripped of his clothes and dressed in a hospital gown, no shoes with laces or his pants that had a belt. His expression wore death that hung on his heavy eyelids and etched a prominent frown. James slowly walked into the room, Carlos’ head slowly turning around to see him. James let out a breath of relief, smiling and quickly running to fall beside Carlos’ bed and grab his hand. He kissed from Carlos’ fingertips to his wrist that wore the medical band tight on his skin, kissing over the back of his knuckles and rubbed Carlos’ hand against his cheek.

“You’re okay, you’re _okay_ ,” James said, like it was a fantasy too good to be true. Carlos hummed, turning his head and slowly pulling his hand away.

“I wish I was,” Carlos muttered and James looked up at him, rubbing his thumb over the back of Carlos’ hand.

“What do you mean?”

“. . .I don’t want to be here anymore, James,” Carlos said and gave a hurt laugh. “Why couldn’t you have just let me go? You could always find someone better than me. Someone rich and beautiful, someone your parents and everyone else actually _likes_.”

“But they’re not the ones that will be spending their entire lives with that ‘perfect person’. I love _you_ , how could I ever even dream about letting you go?” James asked and Carlos looked down, giving a hurt grimace.

“Because I’m just not _good enough_. I just wanted to have a _good life_ and all that I got was just _shit_ thrown in my face. My mom killed herself, I’m considered the slut of the town and everyone hates my guts without even knowing me, and I just can’t take it anymore. I _hate_ living here, I _hate_ this town. Too many bad things happened here, and it feels like if I stay here any longer they’re going to keep chasing me until I finally die and could be at _peace_.”

James squeezed Carlos’ hand. “I know that thinking about your mother and the society members hurt, Carlos, but you just _can’t_ give up,” James said and Carlos shook his head, sucking in a deep breath as he bit his tongue.

“I. . .last night I was. . .I went to a party with a guy and I _wanted_ to go home. But he just asked to have one drink with me and a dance and I did it. . .and then I don’t remember anything that happened to me after that. B-But when I woke up, my clothes were ripped off of my body and I had all these _bruises_ ,” Carlos said and raised his arm, some of them starting to fade while they others still looked painfully fresh and blackened. James looked upon Carlos in horror as Carlos choked out a cry. “He _raped me_ , I _know_ he did. B-But I can’t remember his face and it felt like there was more than one person there but I just don’t know _who_. . .this was the _second time_.”

“S-Second time?”

“. . .The first time. . .was when I was fifteen. . .by the society boys.”

It felt like James’ chest bust open, not even able to speak while Carlos hid his face in shame. The society boys. . . _raped Carlos?_ How? _When?_ How could they do something as horrific as _this_? James felt absolute _disgust_ , remembering all the times he tried to turn a blind eye to Tad’s taunting and the boys’ ridicule, believing that everything was just homophobic ignorance. But now to see that their contempt manifested in such a _violent_ way. . .James felt sick to even think those boys were his _friends_. James squeezed Carlos’ hands tight.

“We’re going to tell the police. They’re _not_ going to get away with this-”

“James, no-”

“ _No?_ Carlos, they _raped_ you. That’s a _crime_ and they’re not going to get away with this! Those _monsters_ , those. . . _those_. . .”

“James, please. Just forget about it-”

“No, I’m not going to forget about it. Carlos, you need to say something. We _need_ to do something-”

“No one will listen to me, James. No one doesn’t _care_ about me.”

“ _I care_. Logan cares and the Rebels care. _We_ care and _we’ll_ help you, Carlos. . .and your father cares. . .does he know?”

Carlos shook his head ‘no’ and James sighed. “How could this have happened to someone like you? You don’t deserve a life like this.”

“Not everyone is as perfect as you, James. . .so _perfect_. You’re handsome and smart. You have money and charisma and manners. A true gentleman that anyone would be so lucky to have as their husband. And there’s me. Screwed up one too many times and completely fucked in the head. . .you deserve so much better, James.”

“I deserve no one else _but_ you,” James said softly and rubbed his thumb over Carlos’ fingers. “Do you know why I admire you so much, Carlos? Why I love you?”

Carlos gave a gentle smile. “Why?” he asked in a rasp.

“Cause you’re brave. In spite of the nasty words, in spite of all the looks you were given. . .even walking in the presence of people who took advantage of you in a way that _no one_ should experience, you walked with your head held high. You carried yourself and never submitted to anyone, and I admired that about you so much. I wanted to _be_ like you were. Look at me, I fear what my parents would think if they found out I was gay. I’m scared about what Ethel thinks, I’m scared about what _Tad_ thinks, when in reality I should have been trying to work on making _myself_ happy. I should have been trying to show people the real me. . .the me that likes to play piano and hear you sing and _may_ be a total stick in the mud, but wouldn’t mind going out dancing with _you_. . .I love you, Carlos.”

Carlos smiled, taking in a deep breath and nodded his head. “I love you too,” he said quietly and James smiled, slowly leaning up and took Carlos by his shoulders gently. He leaned up as he pulled Carlos down, brushing his nose against Carlos’, their lips barely an inch apart. James looked over Carlos’ face, his skin and the hickey that was at the corner of his lips. He leaned forward and gently kissed the bruise, dragging his lips over Carlos’ mouth to kiss the boy slowly. James was more awkward in his kiss, clumsily holding Carlos’ narrow shoulders tight as Carlos tried to kiss him deeply. Two hands went though James’ hair as Carlos tugged on it, Carlos moving his head along with James’ tongue that licked and moved with shyness.

They pulled apart after what felt like hours, only breaking away to catch their breath. Their foreheads were up against each other, Carlos moving to hold James’ face and rub his thumb over his cheekbones. Carlos gave a little laugh and nuzzled the tips of their noses together. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. I probably put you through so much hell not noticing,” Carlos said and James gave a shrug.

“Well, we have the rest of our lives together to make up for you not noticing,” James said and Carlos laughed, kissing James firm on the lips before giving quick little pecks. James took Carlos’ hand, kissing the back of his wrist and along it, thinking about the bruises that were beginning to fade and the emotional ones that James wasn’t sure would ever disappear. He wanted to do something about them, he _wanted_ justice served. But his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone clapping their hands, a _few_ someones clapping their hands actually. James turned, seeing the Rebels, Kendall and Logan giving their applause and whistles to the new couple. James blushed, hearing Carlos laugh jovial and excited.

“Carlos’ dad wants to see him, we just came to get you,” Kendall said with a smile and James turned to Carlos. Carlos nodded, giving one more kiss before he gently shooed James away. James walked out of the room, his eyes only trained on Carlos before he looked down at Kendall in his chair. The blond crossed his arms, his eyes slightly stern. “Dak really cared about him, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So it’s up to you to make Carlos happy now and give him everything that Dak couldn’t. You got it?”

“Or we’re coming after you,” Lucy teased, while some of the other Rebels nodded their heads pretty seriously. James nodded his own, giving a soft sigh and smiled to himself.

There was nothing more that he wanted than to make Carlos happy. Like he said, they had a lifetime to make up for time lost.


	19. Chapter 19

“Hey, hey! Watch those hands!” Carlos said playfully and James laughed. He moved his hands from Carlos’ behind to only holding the boy by his waist, steadying Carlos as he decorated the sides of the walls with paper snowflake decorations. Logan only smiled at the two of them, giving a shake of his head as he continued to decorate the tree while Kendall handed him the decorations from the box.

“So did Granny Mitchell force you three to do this or are you doing this out of the ‘kindness’ in your hearts?” Kendall asked sarcastically and James hummed.

“Pretty sure Tad had something to do about it, but it’s not like it matters. The sooner we set up for the Christmas banquet, the sooner we can just leave and do our own thing.”

“You know, you’re more than welcome to come and have dinner with us, James,” Logan said and James gave a small shrug, looking down at the mountain of paper snowflakes sitting on the table behind him.

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t want to intrude. . .I don’t want to feel like I’m trying to replace Dak.”

“You’re not,” Carlos said quietly, glancing down at the boy still holding him by his waist. “You’re not replacing anyone, you’re just joining in on the fun. . .don’t think that you have to fill his shoes or be like him, okay? I love you just the way you are,” Carlos said with a gentle smile and James began to smile back. He leaned forward and kissed the small of Carlos’ back, the Latino boy giving a little squeal at the touch and James smiled.

“Okay then, I’ll come and stay for a bit.”

“Good, I doubt that even all the Rebels could eat all of my mother’s cooking,” Logan said with a sigh and took the ornament Kendall was handing him. He looked at Kendall in the reflection, the blond only watching him closely like Logan had to be the most interesting thing in the world. He smiled to himself, hanging the ornament up before he took the next one.

“Speaking of Christmas and things, the recital is coming up soon. I heard there’s going to be a scholarship award of $5,000, ugh who even _knows_ what I could do with that much money? I could be able to go to school in New York _far_ away from this hellhole,” Carlos said with a sigh and Logan glanced over at him.

“Are you going to do it?”

“Maybe. . .I thought about singing since a certain somebody has been nagging me about it for a while,” Carlos said with a small smile and James only kissed the small of his back again. “ _Course_ , I would like it if I had someone to perform with me. Like. . .a duet. James, are you busy?”

“I’m sure I have to check my schedule but for you, I’m always free.”

“Good,” Carlos said and jumped down from his stand to grab the snowflakes on the table and move them over to another pillar to decorate. “What about you, Logan? Are you going to perform? I’m sure Ethel would _love_ to have a grandson that won a $5,000 scholarship to some big fancy schmancy school,” Carlos said with a lazy roll of his tongue and Logan shook his head.

“We haven’t talked to her in a couple of weeks, and we haven’t been coming to Sunday brunch either. I doubt me winning a scholarship will make her change her mind about me being a sinning little heathen.”

“Well then don’t do it for her,” Kendall said with a scoff, rolling around to the side of the tree to hang one of the ornaments himself. “Do it because you love to perform and love to play music. If she doesn’t want to support you, you’re better off without her. Besides, you know that _I’ll_ be cheering you on at least, right in the front row,” Kendall said and Logan nodded his head, moving around to grab the garland.

It was hard to believe that he came so far than when they first moved here. Logan thought that honestly, he’d either be forced to be ‘friends’ with the society members sharing nothing but fake laughs and smiles. Or that he would be just alone and by himself, with no one to talk to or stumble into love with. He _definitely_ wouldn’t have expected the boy across from him, making funny faces at the cherub ornaments, to have his heart, or for Logan to have his. He still thought about Isaac and his father, wishing that they were in his life now when things started to feel like they were going nowhere but up. But now at least, he had Kendall and the others by his side to lean on when he needed someone, glad that _both_ he and his mother could have someone else to turn to other than the likes of Ethel.

Kendall rolled around the side of the tree and glanced up at it, tilting his head to the side to admire his work.

“Not bad, not bad I suppose,” Kendall said and Logan stepped back himself to look. The golden garland was wrapped around the branches, strewn with the gold and white lights that need to still be plugged in. There were many cherub and angelic little ornaments along with the golden orbs and creamy white spheres that hung from the branches all around. Kendall crossed his arms and hummed. “Needs more personality though.”

“Personality?”

“Yeah. This tree is too _boring_. It needs more lights and more ornaments that don’t make it look like the Sistine Chapel.”

“Good thing you don’t have to look at it tonight at the banquet, Michelangelo,” Logan said with a laugh and Kendall grinned.

“C’mere,” Kendall said and pulled Logan down into his lap, the two rolling backwards from the impact and Kendall’s chair bumped up against a table and knocked over some of the pinecones in the centerpiece. James turned around from the sound, giving a small scowl at the mess on the floor.

“Hey, guys come on-” Kendall reached down and chucked a pinecone playfully at James, the brunet barely ducking so it wouldn’t hit his head. Kendall stuck his tongue out and Carlos gave a little laugh, reaching down to grab a pinecone and throw it back at Kendall. “ _Guys, come on_ -” Kendall threw another pinecone and James ducked it again, Carlos grabbing James to pull him down behind one of the tables. Kendall wheeled Logan around one of the other tables, engaging in a pinecone war and throwing the pinecones at the boys hiding behind the table if not trying to duck and dodge the ones being thrown at him by Carlos. Logan jumped in as well, though his throws were gentler and barely reached them compared to Kendall’s that banged against the tables and ricocheted off the walls wild.

A couple of seconds later, and James was starting to join in as well, laughing with Carlos and shielding the boy with his body by pulling Carlos into his arms and taking any pinecones that might have went over the table and hit them. The floors were becoming a mess, the scent of broken pinecones growing stronger and stronger til it started to make Logan’s head slightly hurt. Kendall was about to throw another pinecone when he heard something behind him. The throwing of pinecones ceased as they all looked towards the door, seeing Beau surprisingly walk inside the dining hall with his jacket thrown over his shoulder.

Logan quickly stood to attention, Carlos and James slowly rising up and looking at Beau warily as the boy walked inside and looked at the mess. He then looked at Logan, a swallow that looked nervous going down his throat as he tried to find some words.

“What are you doing here?” Kendall asked sharply and Beau frowned.

“I’m here to help set up for the banquet tonight. What are _you_ doing here? You Rebels aren’t allowed anywhere _near_ this clubhouse,” Beau said and Kendall upturned his nose.

“It doesn’t matter, I was helping them when _you_ weren’t.”

“Yes, I’m sure that throwing around and breaking all the pinecones is _extremely_ helpful,” Beau said sarcastically and Kendall growled but Logan quickly held onto the handles of his chair.

“Don’t. We don’t need to start a fight here,” he said low enough for just Kendall to hear. The blond gave a frustrated grunt, glaring at Beau before he wheeled himself around the table to try and straighten up the centerpieces. Logan and James bent down to start picking up the broken pinecones, Carlos still looking at Beau with a wary expression. The laughter that was present was gone now, the boys now working in silence as Beau started to decorate the long buffet tables that will hold the banquet’s feast. Every so often, Logan would look over at Beau to find that he was watching them not with a scowl or a look of hated, but of complete sadness and simple longing. Logan tried to keep his heart from going soft, too tired of having to forgive Beau for something the boy had no intention of promising to never do again. His sad eyes were being wasted, so long as Logan didn’t look.

Logan finished cleaning up some of the pinecones and placed them back on the table, arranging them in a way that made it look like they were _supposed_ to be broken for an artistic look. He gave an approving nod to himself, before he dusted his hands off. “I’m going to get the wreaths to hang on the doors, okay?” he said to Kendall and the blond nodded. Logan nodded himself, walking past Beau and tried to ignore the gaze that followed him out the double doors. Logan moved to the closet and pulled out the holiday wreaths to hang on the doors. They were a bit heavy for him, Logan struggling to hold just three of them and he needed to hang them on _all_ the doors. He sighed, taking the wreaths that he could and decided to start with the front doors leading inside the clubhouse.

“. . .Do you need a hand?” he heard a voice gently call out and Logan turned, seeing Beau standing in the hallway with hands stuck deeply in his pockets. Logan paused, unsure of what to say. Beau’s eyes were begging for Logan to just hold on and _listen_ , a shy timidity surrounding him desperately wanting to be heard. Logan looked down at the wreaths still in the closet on the ground.

“I guess,” he murmured and Beau stepped forward, moving to pick up the rest of the wreaths like it was nothing at all. The brunet moved over to the front doors of the clubhouse, Logan moving to hang one of the wreaths on the powder room’s door.

“. . .So you’re dating him now?” Beau asked and Logan bit the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah. I am. We’re in love with each other,” Logan said strongly and glanced over his shoulder at Beau. He was adjusting the wreath on the door, his face looking grim and solemn.

“. . .Congratulations,” Beau muttered, neutral and devoid of all emotion. Logan turned back around, taking another wreath to begin to hang on the doors leading into the dining hall itself. Things were quiet between the two of them until Beau gave a hurt chuckle. “The thing is, I knew you weren’t in love with me. Even before you moaned his name when we were having sex. . .how you looked and acted and just felt. . . _distant_ to me. But you just didn’t want to hurt me, didn’t you?” Beau asked with a sad smile and Logan looked over at him, feeling the extreme guilt well up in his chest.

“. . .Beau, I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to go this far, I should have set you straight a long time before-”

“I just don’t _get it_ ,” Beau said, tone growing frustrated as he turned to look at Logan. “Carlos is the trash and slut of the town. Everyone talks bad about him and I admit, we were _more than_ cruel to him. . .yet he just has this way of holding himself up and now he has James. . .he _had_ someone that accepted him for who he was and he was happy. And Rebels are considered the scourge of the town. That guy might be in a wheelchair for the rest of his _life_. . .yet he has you. He has your love and your affection and you two are going to live happily ever after. . .why can’t I have that? Why can’t I have that _one person_ who accepts me and loves me for me?” Beau asked and Logan looked down at the ground, not even sure of what to say.

“. . .It’ll happen, Beau. I _promise_ you’ll find someone.”

“Why do they get to be happy? Why do they get to have the person that loves them and I’m _better_? I have money, I have respect, I have notoriety and privilege and yet whenever I look at myself in the mirror I feel like a _loser_.”

“Because none of that _matters_ when it comes to love,” Logan said strongly and made his first motion to move towards Beau. He walked over and leaned against the door, crossing his arms as he gave a look over the senior. “That isn’t what makes you happy. Being _yourself_ makes you happy. Beau, if you continue to try and hide what you really are, then you _will_ be miserable and angry with yourself. . .and take it out on others who don’t deserve it.”

 “. . .He told you, didn’t he?” Beau asked quietly and Logan felt a chill go up his spine at the thought when blue eyes met his brown ones. “He told you about what we did to him.”

“. . .Why? Why did you do it?” Logan asked, voice beginning to slightly shake and Beau ducked his head.

“I. . .I didn’t touch him. And I don’t know why we all did it. We were just roughing him up and fighting and I thought that was it. But then, Tad started pushing him against the wall and pulling down his clothes. . .and I don’t know. . .all the boys started to go along with it while I stood back and watched. I’m just as guilty, I _could_ have stopped it but I didn’t. . .I just got so _scared_ -”

“That they would do the same thing to you if they found out you were gay?”

Beau nodded his head and rubbed his face. “You were right about me. I _am_ a monster. I’m a horrible person and if anyone deserved to have died, it should have been me-”

“ _No one deserves to die_ ,” Logan said sharply and Beau gritted his teeth.

“But _I’m_ the one that no one will miss. I’m nothing but a disappointing embarrassment to my parents, just another spoke in Tad’s wheel of friends and I don’t really mean much to the Lady. . .I don’t mean much to you.”

“Beau-”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for _everything_ that I did because I was just jealous and angry and _hated_ myself. I just wanted someone to like me and I’ve been trying to dance back and forth between pleasing you and pleasing the society members. I can’t please you both, so I just drove myself mad from trying. And I know that this isn’t enough to make up for what I did to Carlos, or provoking your boyfriend, but I. . .I just wanted to say something. . .if you guys want me to, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the time setting up.”

“. . .I forgive you. . .you’ll have to apologize to Kendall and Carlos though too. _Especially_ Carlos.”

“Yeah, I know. . .I want to get out of this town. Go someplace where I wouldn’t be judged and find someone that loves me for me.”

“All of us want that,” Logan said with a sigh and leaned against the wall. “I never meant to hurt you like this, Beau. I hope you know that, I just wanted to be your friend.”

“I know. . .I hope I haven’t ruined chances of us being friends at least.”

“It’ll take some time to get back around. . .but possibly not,” Logan said softly and Beau nodded his head.

“. . .I hope you and him are happy together, honestly.”

Logan smiled. “Thanks. . .I hope you find someone that makes you happy too.”

Beau smiled back and took another wreath. “Come on, let’s hurry up and get these things set up,” he said with a little laugh and took the decorations down the hall, Logan following behind.

* * *

 

It was around an hour before people were supposed to start showing up for the banquet, and the dining hall was almost prepared and set except for the food which should be arriving in about another hour so it didn’t went cold. Beau had still stayed to his own corner of the dining hall to prepare and set up, while Carlos, James and Kendall continued to eye him across the way. They swapped out the chairs for ones with red velvet cushioning, hung snowflakes from the chandeliers and strung the bottom of the walls with Christmas lights. Kendall still thought it all looked too boring, Logan only chiding the boy with a little shake of the head.

“I’m _starved_. Isn’t this enough?” Kendall whined and Logan hummed.

“Maybe just a few more decorations and then we can go home to eat,” Logan murmured and Carlos jumped down from the table he was standing on to hang snowflakes from the chandelier above.

“Well _I’m_ done with decorating. It looks just fine, Logan. We don’t _need_ to go all out, we’re not professional decorators,” Carlos replied and Kendall wheeled himself around towards Logan. He gave his lap a pat and Logan smiled, sitting down and adjusting himself on Kendall’s lap so the blond could begin to push them both.

“Besides, the sooner you can leave, the sooner _you_ could start practicing for the recital. You’re going to win.”

“Nope, _I’m_ going to win,” Carlos said playfully and gave Logan a little hit on his shoulder. Logan laughed, moving up out of Kendall’s lap for a split second to open the door when the doors opened themselves. Ethel was standing there, Logan feeling like his blood had ran cold and he immediately stepped back. She stepped inside, eying Kendall with a dark glare.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was helping Logan set up around here.”

“He already has three helpers, he doesn’t need _you_ distracting him.”

“Oh, are you afraid I might have distracted him so much that we might have _fornicated_ in your little clubhouse?” Kendall asked mockingly and Ethel’s eyes grew livid.

“The four of you just _get out_. I’ll make sure that everything is up to par for _our_ banquet,” Ethel replied and Logan turned his nose away. He figured that she wouldn’t have wanted them to come anyways, moving around to push Kendall out the door.

“Doesn’t matter, Logan needs to get ready for the recital that _I’ll_ be cheering him on for in first row,” Kendall said and Ethel stepped in front of his chair, blocking their path with her arms crossed tight over her chest.

“Hortense isn’t allowed anywhere near the recital, _none of you_ are,” Ethel hissed and Logan’s eyes widened.

“W-What are you talking about?”

“Do you think _you two_ ,” she gestured to Carlos and Logan, “should deserve to participate after such _disgusting_ behavior? Never attending Sunday brunch, fraternizing with these _delinquents_. The recital is only allowed for _modest_ , responsible and _perfect_ young members of our society. Not for people like _you_.”

“You can’t do this, this isn’t fair!” Carlos exclaimed and Ethel turned to look at him.

“I’m sponsoring the event and providing the grand prize money, I have just as much say as to who gets to participate and who doesn’t.”

“So you think you could punish us for being ourselves and being with people who _love us_? Are you _that_ blinded by your own bigotry and hate and prejudice to not even see what kind of people _you_ allow to hang around? Your ‘perfect’ little society members?” Carlos asked and Ethel raised an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?” she asked and Carlos swallowed, his hands balled tight in his fist as James held his shoulder and gave it a rub. He exhaled a deep breath and looked her in the eye.

“When I was fourteen, the society boys attacked me. They assaulted me and they _raped_ me. And all this time, I’ve been keeping quiet cause I was scared that people like _you_ wouldn’t listen. You think that just because they grew up thinking the same ideas you do and have a Bible in their houses automatically makes them do no wrong? That they’re pure and innocence while _I’m_ the trash and the horrible little monster that terrorizes you all?”

“You’re lying to me now. Tad and the other boys wouldn’t _dare_ do such a thing. If spreading nasty little lies is your way of trying to get into the recital, you got another thing coming.”

“ _Why_ would he lie about them _raping_ him?” James questioned and Ethel turned to look at James with pitying eyes.

“You were such a good boy, James. And now he’s turned you down the wrong path-”

“He’s _not_ lying. They attacked him and assaulted him. Not only that, but they are also the ones responsible for destroying the Rebel’s hangout the night of the gala. They provoked Kendall and Dak to come,” Logan said and Ethel’s lips grew pursed tight in annoyance.

“Stop this nonsense right now and _leave_. _None_ of you are allowed to go to the recital or even come anywhere _near_ it. I’m not going to listen to-”

“They’re telling the truth.” Everyone turned, seeing Beau slowly step over to them, his head bowed in shame. “They’re _all_ telling the truth. . .the night of the gala, I suggested that we go over to their hangout and mess everything up because I was angry at Carlos. It was stupid and childish and I should have figured that they would come back to fight. We provoked them and it cost the clubhouse tons of money in damages and someone died leaving. If just kept my mouth shut, none of this would have happened. . .and Tad and the others did rape Carlos when he was fourteen. . .I-I should have told them to stop but I just got _scared_ and I-I didn’t think it would have gone that f-far-” Beau bit his lip and looked at Carlos, the Latino’s eyes looking still hurt at the thought. “Carlos, I’m _so sorry_. I should have done something instead of just _watching_. I should have done something, I should have-”

“Enough, Beau,” Ethel said, a hand over her chest as she tried to digest what she just heard. She looked at all the boys in the room before she cleared her throat and gave a frown. “None of you say a _word_ about this. Beau, you’re going to go and get help. Tell your parents that you need to see the doctor again and-”

“N-No,” Beau stuttered out. “I-I don’t want to go to be rehabilitated. I don’t want to be sent away again to get ‘fixed’. I-I’m gay. I’m gay and everything that I’ve done up to now was because I never came to terms with myself and was _happy_ about it. I don’t want to hide it anymore-”

“ _Be quiet_ -”

“Don’t talk to him like that,” Logan said sharply and Ethel looked at Logan, then at the other boys and back before she looked at Carlos.

“ _Don’t_ you _dare_ speak about what happened. Fine then, you two can perform in the recital. Just keep your mouth _shut_. You’re going to ruin many happy families.”

“Do you think I _care_ if their family finally realizes their sons are assholes? My mother _killed herself_ , after being criticized and hounded by the likes of _you_ and the other crones in this society! I’m not going to keep quiet about this anymore, I _have_ someone that believes me,” Carlos said and squeezed Logan and James’ hand. Ethel’s face was going red, angrily chewing on her lower lip.

“You must have done _something!_ Provoked them, dressed provocatively-”

“I did _nothing_ but stand on a corner and wait for a date that was never coming,” Carlos said harshly and Ethel stepped back. “What’s the matter? Can’t believe that you managed to raise a society of _perfect_ delinquents?”

“You two won’t win that scholarship money. You could join but you _won’t_ be awarded, I’ll make sure of that,” Ethel hissed, turning on her heel and stormed out of the dining hall. All was quiet, Carlos turning around and moving into James’ arms. He breathed deeply into James’ chest, trying to control himself while Logan’s knuckles were growing white from holding onto the handles of Kendall’s wheelchair too hard. Kendall glanced over his shoulder at Beau, the senior boy remaining just as quiet as they were.

“. . .Hey, posh boy,” Kendall called out and Beau looked up with cheeks red. “You really mean what you said?”

“. . .Yes, I do. . .I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. It’s my fault, everything was _my fault_. If I never said we should screw up your hangout, then maybe that other guy wouldn’t have died and you would be walking. A-And I should have stopped them from hurting Carlos more, _I’m sorry_ ,” Beau apologized and Carlos looked up from James’ chest. He moved away from his boyfriend and slowly approached Beau, eyes wary and soft. Beau kept his head down, ashamed and embarrassed while Carlos crossed his arms.

“. . .It’s going to take time for me to trust you. Or forgive you fully.”

“I know, and I understand that. I’m so sorry, Carlos. I’m _so sorry_.”

Carlos looked down and gave a small sigh before he rubbed the back of his neck. “I understand. . .it’s a start at least,” he said quietly, Beau looking up to meet Carlos’ small smile. “If she comes back looking for us, tell her we’re going to have our own banquet.”

“I think I won’t be sticking around either. . .I just need some time to think alone,” Beau said and Carlos gave a small nod. He reached out, a little bit nervous, but gave Beau’s arm a soft rub, before he turned around and moved to hold James’ hand. Logan began to push Kendall forward, giving one last look over at the senior boy standing amongst the empty tables and the empty chairs. He gave a small sigh before turning forward and walking out the doors, only hoping that this was going to be the beginning of a better life for all of them.

* * *

 

Kendall pulled himself into bed, giving a grunt and a sigh when he finally got onto the mattress with a little bit of help from Logan. “It’s a miracle either of us could even move after that dinner your mother made,” Kendall said with a grin and Logan smiled, knowing that they’d probably will be eating leftovers for the remainder of the year with all that food that was stuffed into the refrigerator. Kendall lied down opening his arms for Logan to slide in close to his side. “You know how Carlos was talking about New York and stuff? It got me thinking, why not us too?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, why don’t we go to New York too? It’s a brand new start, you’re from the city and I always wanted to _see_ the city, and there’s probably a bunch of orchestras and philharmonics you could join.”

“And what about you?” Logan asked and Kendall shrugged, looking down at his skinny and pale legs.

“I don’t really know what I can do now. . .I know the doctor said that I have a chance of walking and recovery. . .but it just seems like it’s taking forever to happen. . .what if he was wrong?”

“Don’t say that,” Logan said and Kendall rubbed Logan’s shoulder.

“But I got to think about it, Kitten. What if this is it for me? I can never walk again and now I have to think about what I _can_ do.”

“You could still be a mechanic, can’t you?”

“Doubt it.”

“What about going to school? Maybe you could get a nice job and I can split my scholarship money with you so you could go,” Logan offered and Kendall shook his head.

“School just isn’t for me, I want something like that for you. But I don’t want to sit around and do _nothing_. . .I need to get my life sorted out and figure out what I want to do,” Kendall said with a sigh and Logan reached over to hold his hand gently. Kendall hummed, Logan leaning up to kiss alongside Kendall’s jawline and down his throat, kissed around his collarbone and kissed his Adam’s apple.

“I love you, okay? I’m going to help you get through this,” Logan said and Kendall smiled, ruffling his fingers in Logan’s hair.

“I love you too, Kitten. . .come on, let’s go to sleep. All that eating worn me out,” he said with a chuckle and Logan pulled the bedsheets over to cover themselves. He curled up into Kendall’s side and rested his head moreso on Kendall’s chest, listening to the rhythmic ba-dump ba-dump sound that slowly lulled Logan to sleep like his own personal lullaby.


	20. Chapter 20

“They’re not going to let us in,” Lucy told Logan, eying the big and large men guarding the entrance into the concert hall where the recital was being held. It was a large and grand building, with golden lights that illuminated the hedge animals and statues of people playing various instruments. The skies were growing darker as nighttime approached, some of the Rebels standing close together in a huddle to keep warm from the wintertime air while Logan only glared at the guards.

“It must be something from Ethel. She didn’t want me and Carlos performing tonight, so she must be trying to take it out on you guys by not letting you see us,” Logan said with a huff and Lucy rubbed her nose.

“What’s her problem, it’s not like we’re going to start something with anyone,” she said defensively and Logan nodded his head, giving a small sigh as Lucy looked around and back at the other Rebels beside her. “What do you want us to do? We still want to see you guys and cheer you on.”

“I know, but I don’t know about another way for you guys to get in. Ethel is probably having guards block off all the entrances to make sure there is _no way_ you guys could get in. . .I need to warn Kendall about this,” Logan murmured, getting out his cell phone but Lucy raised her hand.

“He said he was still in physical therapy when we called him a couple of minutes ago,” she replied and Logan paused, lowering the hand that was holding his phone.

“What?”

“Yeah. . .he said he might not make it,” Lucy murmured quietly and Logan looked down at the ground. “B-But, he said that he’ll _try_ and hurry down here as fast as he could, and for us to save him a seat. But since we can’t even _get in_ , I don’t know how we’ll be able to save a seat now,” she said frustrated and Logan gave a frustrated sigh himself, not sure of what to do or what to say to make this all better. “I’m sorry, Logan.”

“It’s okay. . .I guess we’ll just. . .see you guys at my place for a little dinner afterwards.”

Lucy raised an eyebrow with a smile. “Like a victory dinner?”

Logan nodded his head. “One way or another, _one of us_ is going to win that scholarship. You can count on it.”

“Knock ‘em dead, Mitchell,” Lucy said, the other Rebels shouting out their good luck for Logan to hear and to also pass along to Carlos. Logan smiled at all of them, before he adjusted his coat on his person and turned towards the music hall. With a heavy breath, he walked forward and inside.

* * *

 

Backstage was partially empty, since it was only a total of ten performers competing for the scholarship amount. But there were still a lot of parents running around trying to find their children and give them any last minute hugs and wishes of good luck. Logan’s mother was already seated in the audience, along with Carlos’ father seated next to her to watch both of their sons performing. Logan smiled at her from behind the curtain, his mother not spotting him and only looking over the program, before Logan turned back around to walk over to James and Carlos.

“Are you guys ready?” Logan asked and Carlos bit his lip nervously.

“I don’t know really. . .I never sang in front of this many people. Usually it’s just James or the other Rebels that heard me singing. . .what if I’m not good enough?” Carlos said worriedly and Logan gave a little scoff, reaching out to clasp Carlos on the shoulder.

“You’re going to do _fine_ , Carlos. Just. . .when you sing, sing everything that you’re feeling and they’re going to love it.”

“I hope they do,” Carlos said and shook his head, balling his hands tight as he looked over at James. “I got you on stage with me at least, that’s the good thing,” he said with an uneasy smile that James smiled back at. James reached out and rubbed Carlos’ shoulder, pulling the boy into him with a laugh.

“Don’t be getting stage fright now. The Carlos Garcia _I_ fell in love with would want to dazzle everyone with his amazing talent. And if they don’t like it, then screw them,” he said and Carlos reached up to pinch James’ cheek.

“Watch that dirty mouth of yours, Diamond,” Carlos teased and pinched James’ nose as well. Logan gave a little laugh at them both, though feeling his heart slightly longing for Kendall to be here as well. He thought about calling the boy again, just to check and see how long Kendall is going to be in physical therapy before his mother could get him down here. And there was of course the problem that the guards weren’t letting _any_ Rebels inside, Logan peeking out into the hall to see most of the front row seats being filled.

He turned back and glanced at Carlos and James, who were in their own little world talking about the scholarship prize and running away to New York and how funny the other people that were here performing looked in their puffy white shirts and cummerbunds and cravats while they were in simple matching black suits. Logan only twiddled his thumbs together, looking up at the clock that was hanging above some switches for the curtains and the lights. The recital was to start at any minute now, eventually the lights will flash to signal for everyone to take their seats and that the show was going to begin. Logan was going to be performing seventh, Carlos and James third. And who knows about the talent that was coming before, in between and after them, possibly better or maybe worse.

The nerves and butterflies in his stomach wouldn’t go away, not even after he took in a few deep breaths and hummed the tune he was going to perform as a refresher of some sorts. Logan held his arms, glancing over to the rows and rows of instruments, his violin sitting in its case just waiting to be played for thousands of ears.

And not a single pair of them belonging to Kendall.

* * *

 

The first two performers were soloists, one a cellist and the other a vocalist singing a happy little song that she apparently wrote all on her own. Logan only listened to the people vaguely, moreso just practicing his own song. He paid attention when the girl came off stage and it was James and Carlos’ turn now, Logan quickly getting a spot by the opening of the curtain to be able to watch. The announcer introduced the two boys, meeting with a bit of a lackluster applause. In the audience, Logan could see some of the society members sitting with their parents, mumbling to themselves and not looking like they were going to give this performance _any_ of their attention. He felt his heart boil in anger, but then glanced down to his mother and Carlos’ father, Carlos’ father smiling warmly as his son moved to the microphone while James sat down at the piano and gave his fingers a stretch.

Carlos cleared his throat, looking around and took in a small breath. “This song is dedicated to a friend who has helped me along when I really needed someone to listen. It was his favorite, said that this was the only real emotional song he listened to amongst all of the mind-numbing rock he played. Also. . .this song is dedicated to someone’s who’s helping me find my way now, hopefully for a lifetime.”

Carlos sucked in a soft breath and rested his hands gently on his stomach as he began to sing. “ _If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song, oh oh~_ ” Carlos sang, James coming in with piano notes and chords that harmonized with Carlos’ voice so _perfectly_. Logan held his breath, watching in amazement as Carlos immediately lost himself in the words and James continued to play, in perfect synchronicity and melody. Logan watched the audience’s reactions, the stern and hard faces that were watching Carlos in the beginning slowly began to soften and watch him with amazement. The judges towards the back of the room were watching him closely, making their notes before they gave their fullest attention.

Carlos’ voice grew stronger, his voice grew louder til it echoed high above in the balconies and traveled forwards to the audience, James’ piano playing now feeling like a faint melody to back Carlos’ voice and amplify it. Carlos’ father was looking up at him with such amazement and happiness, his eyes sparkling like there were tears in them. Logan smiled warmly, seeing Carlos’ eyes brighten as the lights shined over him and he sung out every emotion, every feeling and every breath that flowed through his body and escaped from his parted lips. James was right, hearing Carlos sing was a complete experience.

He watched as he could see James glancing at Carlos every so often with a smile, Carlos singing up towards the sky or towards the audience with his eyes scrunched tight. The society members were sitting and watching him, their faces blank of emotion. There was neither disgust nor amazement, Logan not sure if it was just apathy, or if they finally were reduced to no words to describe how they felt about Carlos. He didn’t see Beau amongst the crowd however, wondering if the boy was taking longer time trying to think everything through about how he wanted to live his life.

James struck the final chord and Carlos sung the last few words in the softest of purrs, letting his hands fall to his sides as he let out something that was a small breathy cry. He put the back of his hand to his mouth, looking over at James as the brunet got up from the piano bench and moved to stand by him. He guided Carlos towards the front of the stage, both of the boys taking their bows to an audience that clapped far louder than they did when they first walked on. James stepped back and gestured to Carlos, and it seemed the applause had gotten louder, some people even standing onto their feet. Logan’s mother rose to her feet with a bright smile, Carlos’ father standing and blowing kisses to his son with teary eyes while Carlos looked around at all of the people cheering for the likes of _him_. For his talent, for his heart, for who he _really_ was.

Carlos turned and reached out to take James’ hand, the two slowly beginning to walk off the stage before James paused. Logan watched surprised as James turned Carlos around to face him before he leaned down and gave Carlos a soft kiss to his lips. The applause slightly faltered, no doubt in surprise and shock that James Diamond, such a prestigious and proper and _perfect_ boy could possibly be gay. And not only that, but in _love_ with Carlos Garcia. They parted just a few seconds later, still holding each other’s hands nice and tight as they continued to walk off the stage and disappeared behind the curtains to a rather stunned Logan.

“What a way to end a performance,” Logan commented and James squeezed Carlos’ hand tighter.

“I don’t want them to think I’m just a friend doing a favor. . .I want everyone to know that I love him,” James said and Carlos looked over his shoulder.

“Including your parents?” he asked and James nodded his head slowly. “I hope you knew what you were doing,” he said with a sigh and brought James’ hand up to kiss. He then looked over at Logan with a little smile. “That’s going to be a hard performance to follow, Logan. You ready?”

“I don’t go on for a while. . .I still haven’t seen Kendall anywhere,” Logan said worriedly and the two boys looked at each other before Carlos reached out and placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay. . .maybe you can give him a special encore just for him after the recital,” James suggested and Logan shrugged. It wouldn’t be the same, but that was how it was going to have to be if Kendall didn’t come soon. He gave a sigh, the three boys moving over so a harpist could come out onto the stage and perform, welcoming the applause as they moved away and sat around in a circle.

“You were really good, Carlos. Dak would have loved it,” Logan said gently and Carlos chuckled a bit.

“He wouldn’t have come. I don’t think he would have. This kind of scene isn’t his style, I doubt he would dress up in a ‘monkey suit’ for me,” Carlos said with a sigh and rested his head on James’ shoulder. “What are you going to perform? A little classical piece?”

“It’s a surprise,” Logan said with a finger raised to his lips and Carlos gave a pout. James smiled and placed his hand on Carlos’ knee.

“Well then, that makes it all the more exciting and anticipating, doesn’t it?” he asked and Logan nodded his head. “Come on, Carlos. Let’s get a quick snack and let Logan practice.”

“Don’t disappear for too long,” Logan said with a sly smile and James blushed, Carlos grabbing James’ arm and held it close, sticking his tongue out at Logan with a wink.

“Don’t you worry your head, Mr. Mitchell. We’re good boys,” he said playfully before he and James walked down towards the stairwell that led to the main hallways. Logan leaned back in his chair, picking up his violin and turned it around between his fingers before he took the bow and raised the violin up to get in just a few more practice sessions before it was time.

* * *

 

Kendall gritted his teeth, huffing and grunting as he slowly made his way to a seat, his mother trailing close behind him with her hands on his waist to steady him.

“Sweetie, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s just a bit exhausting,” Kendall said and wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his suit. The damn thing was far too hot and stuffy for him, wishing he could have come in a tank top or a shirt that breathed. But how Lucy warned him ahead of time that they weren’t letting in anyone that _looked_ like a Rebel, Kendall had to change into this monkey suit. Besides, he had to ditch the wheelchair at home in order to get past them as well, overhearing how they have yet to see some ‘delinquent in a wheelchair’ trying to get in and that this was a waste of their time. To think that Ethel would go _so_ far to make Logan unhappy, he only made a disgusted scowl.

He huffed, hobbling on his crutches and barely getting far without feeling like he was about to fall. It felt like pins and needles, the pain excruciating but Kendall just tried to grit his teeth through it. There were a couple of seats next to a man Kendall could see they could take. They were farther away from the stage however, no way Logan would be able to see him from this distance. But it’ll have to do. Besides, Kendall was pretty sure he’d drop if he continued to hobble around trying to find a better seat.

Kendall gave the man a tap, looking down into nervous chocolate eyes.

“Are these seats taken?”

“N-No, g-go right ahead,” the man stuttered and Kendall nodded his head, slowly falling into the seat with his mother taking the seat next to him. Kendall adjusted his tie and loosened it, moving his crutches so they were lying on the floor before he rubbed his face and watched the current performer on the stage. It was a person playing the piano, not James or Carlos or Logan. He only hoped he would be able to see _both_ of their performances, but doubted it at the same time. He looked over at the man sitting next to him, twiddling his finger nervously with his eyes darting around like he was trying to find someone.

“Do you know who performed? Like, what did I miss?” Kendall asked. His mother shushed him, but the man gave a little smile.

“I-It’s alright. Um. . .there was a cellist and a vocalist. Then there was a duet by this boy and I think his lover.”

That was _definitely_ Carlos and James, Kendall giving a small sigh.

“Were they good?”

“They were _phenomenal_. Especially the one that was singing, you could feel the emotion practically pouring from every pore of his body. Most of the row were in tears at his performance,” the man said ecstatically and Kendall smiled. He didn’t ever remember seeing the man’s face around town, and this town was far too small to not have some sort of familiarity for who everyone was.

“There wasn’t a boy that played violin that went up yet, has there? Brunet boy?”

“N-No, not yet,” he said and Kendall breathed a sigh of relief before he slouched in his spot to watch the pianist rise from the bench and take their bows. Kendall clapped, not even sure just who the hell the person was, before the announcer came onto the stage and ushered them away to present the next performer.

“Now, performing on the violin, please give a warm applause to Logan Mitchell!” the announcer introduced and Kendall’ eyes immediately brightened, heart jumping in his chest when he saw Logan walking out onto the stage with his violin tucked under his arms and giving the audience a nervous smile. Kendall began to clap and cheer and whistle loud, drawing eyes from rather irritated listeners at just how noisy he was being. To which, he scrunched his nose at them, his mother patting his hand to get him to calm down. The man beside him was watching Logan with amazement and awe, like he almost wanted to cry as Logan drew close to the microphone and got his violin ready in his hands.

Logan cleared his throat, before he spoke. “When I first heard about the recital when I got here, I was sure that I was going to play a classical piece or a famous composer. However. . .things changed, I learned a new style of music, and I figured I could combine them together to play you this song that I completely fell in love with,” Logan introduced, before he glanced over his shoulder at the accompanying pianist who had taken their seat at the piano.

Logan raised the bow and pulled it over his strings in a way that made Kendall instantly know just what tune it was, only further verifying it by hearing the opening sombrous melody played on the piano. Kendall felt his heart swell, listening to the violin play where in the original song there were words. But the sound was just as sweet and soft, as filled with love and adoration and sheer _bliss_ that could make a chill go up Kendall’s spine and take residence in his heart. He found himself softly mouthing along to the music, saying the words as Logan played them with his own little flair. He made it his own, the finesse and perfection of a classical piece with the emotion and power of classic rock.

Kendall glanced around at everyone watching Logan with approving nods of their heads or watching with intrigued eyes. This was what Logan deserved, the attention and people coming from all around to listen to him play. Because as Logan pulled his bow back and forth over the stings with such fervor and feeling, the biggest smile on his face the more he allowed himself to drift and fall into the music, Kendall couldn’t see Logan having any other life other than performing. He noticed, that this was really the first time he’s seen him actually _play_. There may have been times that he had eavesdropped on Logan practicing, the boy so still and trying to only focus on the fingering and technicalities of the music instead of actually _moving_ and _feeling_ it. Now, it was different. Logan bowed and ebbed and moved like the music he was playing from his instrument was a woman that desired to dance with him. He moved and stepped, not even missing a note or trill of the strings as he did so. There was such a _presence_ with Logan performing, Kendall could watch all day.

“He’s gotten so well,” the man murmured quietly beside him and Kendall glanced over at him to see the man biting his lower lip, looking like he wanted to cry.

“You’ve heard him play before?” Kendall asked, rather curious. The man looked over at him and nodded his head, giving a smile that made little dimple indentations in his soft cheeks.

“Yes. So many many times. . .I missed hearing him play.”

“. . .I’m Kendall Knight,” Kendall introduced and held out his hand for the man to shake. “I’m Logan’s boyfriend.”

The man looked rather surprised, before he glanced up at Logan still performing, losing himself like no one was even watching him play and that it was only meant for his ears. He then turned to Kendall and gently grasped his hand.

“Simon. . .I’m Logan’s father.”

* * *

 

All of the performers moved onto the stage after the last performance, Carlos and James walking out hand in hand while Logan came out still holding onto his violin and rather trembling just a bit in nerves from performing. He was met with modest and loud applause, nothing compared to Carlos’ standing ovation. His eyes scanned the crowd in search for Kendall, hard to pick out one face amongst a crowd. The announcer gestured to all of the performers, all receiving a round of applause before the announcer took center stage.

“And now, this fine recital has come to an end. We have had some amazing performances and all of these bright young people will surely go far in their lives. But, for two of them, we will be awarding a special scholarship to give them a little push,” he said and took the first envelope handed to him by one of the assistants. “The winner of our $1,000 scholarship prize is. . .Logan Mitchell!” the announcer shouted and Logan’s eyes almost popped out of his head, turning and looking around just to make sure that there weren’t even any more Logan Mitchells on the stage to accept it. Carlos nudged him forward, Logan awkwardly stepping over to the announcer to shake his hand and stand beside him. He was handed a small envelope that was supposed to represent the scholarship money, Logan looking down at his mother blowing a kiss to him and smiling hard. Logan raised the envelope and waved it, the audience clapping and cheering loud. The announcer then calmed down the audience, holding another envelope just a little bit larger than the one that Logan was given, eager smile on his face. “And now for our _grand_ prize winner. The winner of the $5,000 scholarship award goes to. . .Carlos Garcia!” the announcer shouted.

Logan turned around, looking at Carlos’ stunned and rather confused face while James placed hands on Carlos’ shoulders and gave him a playful shake. Carlos was pushed forward by James, the announcer shaking Carlos’ hand before handing him the envelope and moved him to stand on the other side. “Let’s give it up for our two prize winners and two amazing performers! Let’s hope we see them somewhere on Broadway real soon!” he said with a dazzling smile and rubbed both of their shoulders. Carlos pulled away and rushed over to hug Logan tight, Logan trying to keep a good hold on his violin and the envelope as he hugged Carlos back.

“We did it! We won! We won!” Carlos shouted loudly, James coming up from behind and enveloping the two boys in a large hug. Carlos turned James’ face towards him to kiss him hard, Logan laughing and burying his face down into where Carlos’ shoulder and James’ arm met. He glanced up seeing his mother applauding and cheering loud, her eyes so much brighter than Logan had seen them in so many months. She was finally happy again.

_Logan_ was finally happy again.

* * *

 

“How pissed do you think she is?” Carlos asked slyly, watching Ethel slamming her hands on the judge’s table and most likely yelling how she didn’t want the money she was giving to be awarded to the likes of Logan and Carlos. Logan only shrugged, not sure he even cared what his grandmother was ranting and raving on about. One of the judges were calling for security, the woman possibly getting too unruly for their liking, before he decided to focus attention on something else.

James and his parents were talking, the Diamonds being actually a little bit shorter and smaller than their tall and large son. Carlos followed his trail of vision, giving a soft sigh.

“Should I go over there and talk to them too?” Carlos asked and Logan shrugged.

“If you want to. . .or do you think that he could handle this himself?” Logan asked and Carlos bit his lower lip.

“. . .Maybe I’ll just. . .” Carlos shook his head and took in a deep breath, walking over towards the Diamonds anyways. Logan gave a small smile and shook his head, watching as Carlos approached and put a gentle arm around James’ arms. He couldn’t hear how the conversation was going, but he only supposed that it was going well since he could see Mrs. Diamond smiling at Carlos and reaching her hands out to cup his face and hold it with grace.

A hand was on his shoulder and he turned, seeing his mother standing behind him with a smile on her lips.

“Congratulations, dearie,” Laura said proudly and hugged him, Logan smiling and hugged her back.

“Thanks. . .come on, I want to hurry up and get home so I can surprise Kendall.”

“No need to.” Both of them turned at the voice, Logan’s eyes widening in amazement to see that Kendall was there _standing_ , with the aid of crutches and his mother’s hand on his lower back. He was dressed in the most finest of black tuxedos complete with a little black bowtie, his hair combed back nice and neat. Logan gave a surprised and happy little squeal, rushing forward to hug the blond boy but Kendall quickly held a hand out. “Not so fast, Kitten. I’m just leaning on these crutches and will _not_ be able to stay up if you knock me down,” Kendall said and Logan slowed down just a bit, but still hugged Kendall firm and tight. He balanced up on his tiptoes to kiss Kendall’s chin and barely catching his lower lip, Kendall smiling into the little kiss as Logan pulled away and dragged his hands over the front of Kendall’s suit.

“I thought that you said you wouldn’t get into a monkey suit.”

“Trust me, I _didn’t_ want to. But apparently, your crazy grandmother was on a hunt for Rebels,” Kendall said and Logan glanced over at the judges’ table. Ethel was being promptly escorted away, screaming and shouting nonsense that Logan could barely understand, but making quite the unladylike scene. He shook his head, turning back to look at Kendall and play with his bowtie.

“When did you get here?”

“A little bit in the middle of the recital, I guess. I missed Carlos and James’ performance, but I just made it in time to see you perform,” Kendall said and smiled. “You were amazing.”

“Did you know what song I was playing?” Logan asked softly and Kendall chuckled, kissing Logan’s hair.

“ _You take my breath away_ ,” he hummed and Logan sighed with a smile, kissing Kendall’s throat and Adam’s apple.

“That you do,” Logan said playfully and Kendall beamed. “Come on, let’s go get Carlos and James and-”

“Not so fast,” Kendall said and cleared his throat. “I had met someone that I’m pretty sure you’ll be interested in seeing,” he said with a smile and Logan raised an eyebrow. Kendall hobbled over to the side and gave a nod of his head, gesturing over to something and Logan turned. In one split second, Logan felt like all of the air went out of his lungs and his body went completely numb. There, standing there trembling and nervously scared, was his _father_. No words were able to come from his lips, watching the look in his father’s shy and worried eyes, scared for approval.

Logan finally managed to choke out ‘ _Dad_ ’ and he broke out into a run, throwing out his arms and fell into the man’s grasp with a loud sob. His dad still smelled of violin strings and applewood, his hold warm and comforting and purely _home_. He looked up, his father’s chocolate eyes filled with tears and his stubble scratchy as he bent down to kiss Logan on his head and his cheek. Logan turned to look over his shoulder, his mother standing their stunned with her eyes wide in shock like she couldn’t even believe that the man she’s been in love with for _years_ was standing right here. Logan slowly pulled away, his father looking at Laura with such a warmness and longing, though his feet were like they were permanently stuck to his spot.

“H-How did you find us? When did you get here?” Logan asked and Simon looked down at his son, giving a little smile as he reached into his pocket and took out a small folded up piece of paper.

“Y-Your mother. . .she left me this letter at our home,” Simon stuttered out and Logan looked at the woman surprised, not even _knowing_ that she had done such a thing. “I. . .I found out that you two were going to be with grandmother. . .but I got scared about facing y-you after what happened. . .I-Isaac, he-”

“It’s not your fault,” Laura said quietly and Simon looked up at her. Logan’s mother slowly walked closer, shaking her head with teary eyes. “It’s _not_ your fault. Simon, I missed you _so_ much.”

“I missed you too. I missed you both,” he said and pulled her in along with Logan, hugging the both of them tight. It felt like they were a family again, like they were _whole_. But there was still the thought that Isaac wasn’t here with them, Logan looking up towards the night sky and wondering if he could see them now, finally reunited after so long. Logan heard his mother begin to cry and he rubbed her back, slowly moving out of his father’s grasp so it was only his parents that were embracing and holding each other tight. He turned to Kendall, the blond watching the three of them with a small smile on his face and he moved over to him.

“I guess you were right about him,” Kendall said and Logan nodded his head, smiling.

“I wish that the same thing would have happened for you. . .”

“It’s alright. I got someone else in my life that’s not searching anywhere else,” Kendall said with a grin and Logan grinned back, seeing his parents slowly pull apart just a bit, his father’s arms still tightly wrapped around his mother’s waist.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so cowardly and leaving the both of you in such a time of need. . .do you still-”

“I do. I _do_ love you,” Laura said and kissed Simon firm on the mouth. Kendall gave Logan a small little nudge.

“Let’s leave the couple alone to catch up, yeah?” Kendall asked and Logan nodded his head. They began to move away from Logan’s parents, Kendall slowly hobbling along on his crutches while Logan guided him with his hand on the small of his back. They moved over to one of the statues that were bathed in a golden light, Kendall pausing to lean against the metal and heave a sigh. “I’m never going to take walking for granted ever again,” he said and looked over at Logan. “You never really know what you’re missing until you lose it, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. . .so. . .New York is nice, is it?”

Kendall smiled. “I know the lights are brighter there. And the noise is louder there. And there may be assholes there too, but at least they’re not of the obnoxious hypocrite variety here.”

“. . .Do you think we could make it?” Logan asked and looked over at his mother and father, still embracing and holding each other tightly.

“Do you?” Kendall asked and Logan moved to lean against the statue. Kendall dug into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and pulled one out with his teeth. He raised them to Logan, the brunet taking one stick and placed it in his mouth. Kendall grabbed his lighter and flicked it on, raising the flame to light his cigarette before he reached out and lit Logan’s. The smoke filled his lungs, that bitter and strangely addictive flavor on his tongue and filled his mouth. He watched the hollow of Kendall’s cheeks as he sucked it in to hold, Logan doing the same and felt the fire burning down deep into his chest before they both exhaled a stream of smoke from parted lips. The smoke hung on Logan’s tongue, his lips still warm as Kendall leaned down to kiss him softly and lazily with little bits of smoke still fuming from his mouth. Kendall pulled away, his forehead against Logan’s, his eyes brighter than any flame and warmed Logan to the core.

“I do.”

* * *

 

_Six years later_

* * *

 

The window was letting in a cool breeze, sounds of the car horns blaring down below on the streets as Logan gave an easy breath. He moved his hands along the sides of Kendall’s face, rubbing his thumbs across the scruff and over Kendall’s kiss-swollen lips. Kendall took Logan’s thumb in his mouth, giving a light bite and suck on it as he rubbed his hands up Logan’s shaking thighs. His cum had already dried on the back of Logan’s legs, if it wasn’t still dripping wet and slowly pooling underneath them. Kendall continued to slowly rock Logan on his cock, giving moans lighter than the morning air.

Logan rolled his body, squeezing his thighs tight as he ducked his head down til his chin was against his chest, biting his lower lip hard til he couldn’t even try to hold back the gasp and whimper. He was so close, _so close_. He moved one of his hands to his dripping cock and wrapped his fingers around it, giving a hiss at the feel as he shuddered out a moan and choked out a sob. Kendall pulled his lower lip in between, rocking Logan faster and faster and Logan could feel the orgasm bubbling in his lower stomach quicker and quicker. He could feel it, just a little bit faster, little bit h- _harder_ -

“K- _Kendall!_ ” Logan cried out and Kendall’s hands gripped him tight by his ass, holding the brunet _right there_ as Logan stroked and clenched and choked out a slur of sobs and pants that ended in one long drawl of Kendall’s name nice and loud. He came in quick spurts, spilling over his fist and onto Kendall’s chest. Kendall sighed, rubbing his hands up and down Logan’s thighs as Logan slowly came down from his high and milked out the last few drops from his softening length. Logan slowly moved off of Kendall’s lap and rolled to his side, Kendall taking the blankets they were lying on to wipe his stomach clean.

“Well, guess I have to wash these sheets too,” Logan said with a sigh and Kendall chuckled.

“You wash the clothes and I’ll get breakfast started.”

“Not yet,” Logan murmured and pulled Kendall close to his body, skin flushed and sweaty. “Let’s just relax for a moment and talk,” Logan said quietly and Kendall propped his head up.

“What do you want to talk about?” Kendall asked and Logan shrugged, lazily reaching his hand up to tangle in Kendall’s sweating locks.

“Are you going to come to Carlos’ show? James asked me about it last Tuesday. Or do you think you’ll be busy at the shop?” Logan asked and Kendall shrugged.

“Maybe. I’m sure I can get one of the boys to just run things while I’m away. It’s not _rocket science_ to run an auto shop. Swear, sometimes the guys there could be real frickin’ scatterbrains,” Kendall said, turning over onto his side and reached into the bedside drawer for a pack of cigarettes.

“Kendall. . .” Logan said warily and the blond glanced to their closed bedroom door.

“The door is closed. It’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t think all of New York would appreciate a naked 26 year old going onto his balcony to smoke.”

“The vents?”

“It’ll be _fine_ , Logan,” Kendall said and slipped a cigarette in between his lips. “I promise, I’ll cut down. It just gets a little bit hard to break a habit, you know?”

“I know,” Logan said and watched as the blond lit his cigarette. Logan hummed, dragging a finger up and down the center of Kendall’s chest as Kendall puffed smoke rings. He glanced past Kendall at the photos on the windowsill bench. There was one of Kendall and Logan attending Logan’s mother and father’s wedding, the man proposing to her a few weeks after finding them all in Couer d’Couer. Most of the guests in attendance were the Rebels and close friends of Logan’s, Ethel nowhere to be found and thankfully, hasn’t shown up in their lives since they all left that little town.

The next picture was of Logan and Kendall _themselves_ getting married, in the nicest of gardens and dressed in matching black and white tuxedos. It was the second time Kendall had to be stuck in a ‘monkey-suit’, but the blond made this one an exception with the biggest of smiles. James and Carlos were jumping into the photo shot, Carlos’ eyes big and wide as he pulled on James’ tie to get him into the photo. Logan smiled at the picture, snuggling his cheek into Kendall’s chest with a sigh. Things have changed so much in the past six years, Logan barely believing that this was happening to him. A new life with someone he loved in a brand new city filled with new opportunities. Philharmonics and orchestras to perform in, bands and performances and chances for Logan to strike it big. He sighed and closed his eyes, knowing he couldn’t ask for anything else better than this.

_SCREEEEEECH!_

“Oh god, she’s at it again,” Kendall groaned and Logan gave Kendall a little hit on his chest. “Tell me _why_ do you think she’ll be a good violinist? Not _everyone_ can be a prodigy like you are, Kitten.”

“It’s a hobby. She doesn’t have to do it if she doesn’t want to.”

_SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!_

“She needs a quieter hobby,” Kendall grumbled, slowly rising up but Logan placed a hand on his chest.

“No, I’ll go check on her. Just relax, okay?” Logan asked and Kendall smiled. The brunet leaned down and kissed his lips softly, gently pulling on Kendall’s lower lip before slid out of bed and grabbed a robe to put on. He hastily pulled on pajama pants as well before he opened the door and walked down the hall to the living room where the screeching was the loudest. There, sitting amongst toys and crayon drawings, was a little girl with short and curly brown hair, dragging the bow over the violin strings painfully loud and scratchy. Logan winced, stepping closer to her, the little girl barely even noticing he was there.

“Sweetie?” Logan called and she turned to look over her shoulder, big aquamarine eyes she inherited from the surrogate staring up at him. She smiled, little gap in her teeth and squirmed to get onto her feet. She smoothed out her nightgown, holding her instrument in her tight little fist.

“Morning Papa,” she said and Logan pointed a finger at the violin.

“You’re practicing?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“It’s early, sweetie. Aren’t you hungry for breakfast?”

She looked down at her bare toes wriggling before she rubbed her tummy, looking back up at Logan and shrugged.

“Could you play, Papa?” she asked and raised her violin up to Logan.

“Sara, I don’t think-”

“ _Please_ ~” she begged with those big doe eyes that made Logan want to pick her up in her arm and kiss all over her round, cherub face. Logan rubbed the back of his neck, before he sighed and sat down. Sara plopped down in front of him, handing the violin to her papa with an eager grin. The instrument was small in his hands, Logan knowing this would be difficult to master as he tuned the strings just a bit before he raised the violin up to his chin and slowly pulled the bow over the strings to play.

His fingers danced up and down the neck, playing a slow and romantic song of longing someone and the happiness that occurred when they finally found them. It was a sweet melody that made Logan sigh deep and close his eyes, slowly losing himself in the music like he always manages to. The music grew louder and stronger, more finesse and skill that came with years of experience coming out through the tune and the chords and the quick notes that Logan breezed through. He heard a noise, opening his eyes to see Sara getting onto her feet to run behind him. Logan stopped, turning to see that Kendall was leaning in the doorway, Sara running up with her arms extended upwards in eager want and excitement.

“Daddy! Daddy! Up! Up!”

“Darling, you know about my back,” Kendall said with a sigh and Sara gave a little pout. Kendall walked into the living room. “I heard you playing and figured that I wanted to hear the performance before making breakfast,” Kendall said and Sara ran back to Kendall, hugging one of his legs tight. Kendall rubbed her head, the little girl giggling loud as Kendall slowly bent down and picked her up into his arms. He gave a small little groan, moving to sit down in the living room chair, Logan moving to sit down on the couch next to it.

“What would you want to listen to?”

Kendall rested his chin atop Sara’s head, the little girl giving a little giggle as Kendall tilted his head from side to side and hummed a little tune that Logan recognized immediately. He smiled and so did Kendall, Logan raising the instrument up once more and slowly pulled the bow over the strings to play the melody. Logan watched as Kendall slowly rocked their daughter from side to side, not being able to fight the smile on his face. It reminded him of when he was little and watching his father play violin with him, always dreaming that someday he’d grow up to be just like his father. With a family that he loved and loved him just as much, _doing_ something that he loved and enjoyed all of his life. This was all he could have ever wanted, this was all that he could have ever _needed._

This was home.

**The End**


End file.
